Men

A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, and again the camera flashed. He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area for the third time, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result.

The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt. Men . . . .

AFTER 4TH – HUH?

Certainly hope you all had a great 4th of July and for the most part the rains did hold off – a few droplets or sprinkles but no mean ole downpours, right? Yes, it was damp and chilly – the wind didn’t make things warm by any stretch of the imagination but hey, overall it wasn’t that bad a day, right?

Yes, I did attend the parade in Norwood yesterday and it was fantastic – lots of great floats, marching bands, youth and civic organizations and what have you. I was even impressed with folks who paid the proper respect to the US Flag as it passed by – thank you for that! Sadly I did not go over to the Firemen’s field – I fully intended to do that but well, I got busy with other stuff and never walked over there. Yes, walked is the key word – parking is always an issue and traffic is horrendous so walking is good and come on, it’s not that bloody far – I walk further than that on my morning walks!

Now we have Sunday and holy sheet, the sun is shining – that yellow thing in the sky and that yellow look that is sunshine – just in case you weren’t sure! Of course, if it stays out and warms up, many folks will be mowing lawns today – heaven forbid we let them grow too high – that would be a huge mistake!

Well today is the men’s Wimbledon final – Roger Federer vs. Andy Roddick. Andy has never beat Roger and Roger is chasing after a record 15 grand slam titles. Now this should be a great match because Andy has gotten much better and is no longer a one-dimensional player. He has an amazing serve but he’s also learned some patience and is willing to come to the net.

So, who knows, he may deny Roger his quest of another Wimbledon championship and end his long draught of no grand slam titles. He is way over due and although I like both players, I am rooting for Andy – go American, okay!

Whatever, I will get outside today too – I want that sun to soak into my body too…not horribly hot, long rays but a little bit of sunshine would be damn nice.

So, enjoy your Sunday and keep smiling!

Happy 4th of July

I was hoping to add photos and/or graphics but this program is having a meltdown or something -- in essence, it does not wish to cooperate and that is that. Lately this has been happening a lot and I notice Bob said, "enuff of this crap," and moved to another blog site. I may be following him soon!!!

Try this site and then tell me you aren't happy to live in this great country:

http://sagebrushpatriot.com/America.htm

Yes, it has been raining but it looks to be clearing and perhaps we'll have a nice, dry day after all. A tad chilly but hey, chilly vs wet -- what do you prefer?

Looking for something to do, come watch the Norwood Parade at 1 and then, head over to the Firemen's Field to enjoy the fun there too. Meet up with ole friends, swap some lies and laugh until you cry but most of all please be thankful and celebrate our Independence with a sense of thanks to all the men and women who served and currently serve to keep our freedoms free!

Aggressive Birds

Ya, I know, why in hell do we buy bird seed this time of year? Well, we like to spoil our feathered friends and we also want to keep them coming to your back yard, so we feed them. See, that was simple!

Having said that let me quickly add I do NOT feed that as much or as often as I do when the cold weather is here and finding food (any food) is difficult. BUT, you just knew there was gonna be a “but” didn’t you?

It seems some of these bloody birds are just not greedy but damn aggressive too. In this case those damn Grackles and why I capitalized the first letter is beyond me because I do not find these creatures all that appealing and in fact, annoying and bloody damn hogs! Plus in their quest to insure they get more than their fair share of the food in the feeders, they pounce on them and it’s like the “how many can be fit into the telephone booth” number and eventually, the poor feeder just flat out collapses and breaks!

Okay, some breakage can be “possible” wind damage as we have had some pretty high winds but come on; these grackles are almost like crows who resemble small turkeys so there is a weight issue here! And as they are possessive, greedy, aggressive and mean, the poor little golden finches (whom I call peeks) can hardly get any food. This is one good reason to hang those sock-like feeders for them. Even the grackles can’t get into these because it does mean hanging on and they can’t – stupid grackles!!!

Yes, it’s Friday, almost every business or office is closed today and most folks are enjoying a 3-day weekend – hurrah! Every village is offering something and I happen to think Norwood is stopping all that chatter about “when I was a kid, we did this and had that,” etc. They have spent countless hours developing a very good 4th of July celebration, starting tonight on the Village Green with the annual Block Dance. Tomorrow a huge parade, over 15 floats, various marching bands, fire departments, youth and church groups and so on. Then over to the firemen’s field for more fun, games, oxen-driven carts for kid rides, etc. So, come to Norwood and have some fun and hey, behave responsibly. One request, pick up after yourself – don’t ask volunteers to “police” the area because you are too damn lazy to put your trash in a trash can, or put your cans in a recycle bin…let’s be a bit grown up here, okay? Thank you!

Well, it hasn’t started to rain too much yet and today I have decided to grill with the charcoal grill, food just seems to taste better. So I am heading outside to fire that sucker up and in the process, grabbing a beer to sip as I wait for the proper temp. Hey, you all have a great day and let’s truly celebrate our Independence tomorrow…oh, you might want to stop and give a silent pray of thanks to those men and women who allow us to maintain and enjoy this independence and freedoms today too…what a novel concept!!!

P.S.: I’m thinking paint gun to keep these Grackles in line, whatcha think???

Aggressive Birds

Ya, I know, why in hell do we buy bird seed this time of year? Well, we like to spoil our feathered friends and we also want to keep them coming to your back yard, so we feed them. See, that was simple!

Having said that let me quickly add I do NOT feed that as much or as often as I do when the cold weather is here and finding food (any food) is difficult. BUT, you just knew there was gonna be a “but” didn’t you?

It seems some of these bloody birds are just not greedy but damn aggressive too. In this case those damn Grackles and why I capitalized the first letter is beyond me because I do not find these creatures all that appealing and in fact, annoying and bloody damn hogs! Plus in their quest to insure they get more than their fair share of the food in the feeders, they pounce on them and it’s like the “how many can be fit into the telephone booth” number and eventually, the poor feeder just flat out collapses and breaks!

Okay, some breakage can be “possible” wind damage as we have had some pretty high winds but come on; these grackles are almost like crows who resemble small turkeys so there is a weight issue here! And as they are possessive, greedy, aggressive and mean, the poor little golden finches (whom I call peeps) can hardly get any food. This is one good reason to hang those sock-like feeders for them. Even the grackles can’t get into these because it does mean hanging on and they can’t – stupid grackles!!!

Yes, it’s Friday, almost every business or office is closed today and most folks are enjoying a 3-day weekend – hurrah! Every village is offering something and I happen to think Norwood is stopping all that chatter about “when I was a kid, we did this and had that,” etc. They have spent countless hours developing a very good 4th of July celebration, starting tonight on the Village Green with the annual Block Dance. Tomorrow a huge parade, over 15 floats, various marching bands, fire departments, youth and church groups and so on. Then over to the firemen’s field for more fun, games, oxen-driven carts for kid rides, etc. So, come to Norwood and have some fun and hey, behave responsibly. One request, pick up after yourself – don’t ask volunteers to “police” the area because you are too damn lazy to put your trash in a trash can, or put your cans in a recycle bin…let’s be a bit grown up here, okay? Thank you!

Well, it hasn’t started to rain too much yet and today I have decided to grill with the charcoal grill, food just seems to taste better. So I am heading outside to fire that sucker up and in the process, grabbing a beer to sip as I wait for the proper temp. Hey, you all have a great day and let’s truly celebrate our Independence tomorrow…oh, you might want to stop and give a silent pray of thanks to those men and women who allow us to maintain and enjoy this independence and freedoms today too…what a novel concept!!!

P.S.: I’m thinking paint gun to keep these Grackles in line, whatcha think???

A Book

A child was told to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought many chuckles and at least one good laugh. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching??? I thought this one was too good not to pass on..

Through the eyes of a child "Children's Bible in a Nutshell"

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.

Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed upon the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, and then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Have a fun and relaxing weekend!