Thursday, April 30, 2009

Slide show



Sometimes its just fun to watch the photos and lately, the birds have provided me with lots of entertainment. Pretty soon the feeding will cease as the warmer weather allows Nature to provide the food these feather friends need. However, I did plant sunflowers and hopefully that will bring them back and I can use some of those seeds too.

Enjoy


ALERT! This just hit my desk-- It was this kid who started it all:



Polish Sausage


Well, later on today I shall depart the area and spend the next few days in Washington, D.C. Now what has me a tad leary is the idea that folks are being advised not to hang out in crowds. Ya, and I'm headed where? Maybe I should get and wear a mask?


Everyone is in a hurry to scream 'racism' these days!

'In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?' The clerk looks at him and says, 'Are you Polish?'

The guy (clearly offended) says, 'Well, yes I am.

But let me ask you something.

If I had asked for Italian sausage,Would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog. Would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?'

'If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?'

The clerk says, 'Well, no, I probably wouldn't!' With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says,

'Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?'

The clerk replied, 'Because you're in Home Depot'

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Turn the facuet off!


Can ya see them? Oh come on, surely you can see them -- look closer! Hell, if necessary click on the photo and it will get bigger.




Yes, dandelions, my favorite flower and don't say there are weeds, even weeds have feelings (smile).


Okay,so you prefer the tulips, I hear ya. This one is pretty cool and more are joining it -- well, I am assuming more are joining it, the rain is keeping me inside, duh?




Can ya believe it, this is the last week of April – hurrah. On Thursday I shall once again, depart the area and head first to Syracuse, then on to Maryland and eventually tour around Washington, D.C. It has been many years since I trek around the nation’s capital and my daughter said, “Yes, they have electric lights now.” And I kindly inquired, “can one still sit on Lincoln’s lap” and she replied, “You do know he’s dead, right?” It’s always a joy to know I raised kids with a sense of humor!!!

Oh ya, I also bought a new car, well, not brand new but new in the sense that I’m now driving a 2007 vs. a 1999 jeep! Hey, this 2007 has some serious kick ass pick up – hope I can handle this and not wipe out as I “gun it” in heavy traffic? Ya, like that would happen, NOT!

Oh poop, I meant to pick up some potting soil, some seeds and begin my starter kits – damn, the mind just wandered right off that idea when I was in town doing other errands – ye gads. I kind of like my mini-greenhouses and for whatever its worth, they do work. Hey, if all else fails I can always put plants all ready growing or better yet, graze in my daughter’s garden or my brother’s – if all that fails, the Amish definitely have some great fresh veggies at a decent price. Well, let’s hope they stand within reason, seems like the economy goes south and fools up the prices on everything, including manure and dirt--– what the hell!!

Well, its continues to rain and you know what, this makes for a lovely nap weather, so I'm gonna plunk down in my favorite chair, turn the telly and promptly have me a little ole nap. You enjoy your day, okay?




Keep smiling

Monday, April 27, 2009

Geek Puns


1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi



2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton



3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope



4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond



5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram



6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong



7. 16.5 feet of silver in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling



8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon



9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz



10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower



11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line



12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake



13. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone



14. 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles



15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle



16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbird



17. 52 cards = 1 decacards



18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton



19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen



20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche



21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin



22. 10 rations = 1 decoration



23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration



24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram



25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms



26. 4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital= 1 IV League



27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision



And now you qualify as a geek -- happy?

Monday and 80 Degrees



Yes, it is Monday and don't blink, but the temp is supposedly headed toward 80 - hurrah!



So everyone who can will get outside, do more lawn work and for some, work on the garden, getting it ready at least, too early to plant.

As for me, I began the morning with going to Curves -- man I need that workout after a Florida vacation. Then I came home a decided the clear plastic mats in my car needed a good washing, so out they came and then small patio tables got scrubbed and hell, I was on a flippin roll. In between all this, Moose and I played Frisbee. I could not see him stuck in a house so he came to Grandma's and together we are busy, busy nut cases.



Planted sunflower seeds -- this outta be interesting, damn birds love these so what the hell, raise my own, right? In the meantime, my tulips are just about ready to pop open and once again, I'm shocked and pleased they have survived and so far the critters are staying away.



Well, time to get back outside -- I ain't gonna miss this sunshine or nice weather by hanging around in this bloody damn house. Take care and you know, keep smiling!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Fun Stuff


Urinals too High

A group of 1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses.


When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one holding onto their wee wees to direct the flow.


As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 3rd grade."

"No, ma'am, " he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the seventh."

~~~~~~~

THE DOT

Finally ......................... someone has cleared up the dot ----for centuries; Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab or a motel in the United States. If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with technical advice.

Hope this made you smile!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Trip Home


Everyone has airplane stories, lost luggage, screw ups and so on and this is just another story along those lines with a few added twists or so I think!!!

We departed Tampa as scheduled and would arrive in JFK around noon on Tuesday. It’s hard to leave 78 degree weather and know you’re coming back to high 50s or low 40s but hey, this is where I live, so you grin and accept it.

Now we arrive at JFK, a bit foggy and overcast but a nice landing and the pilot and crew thank us for flying with them and wish us a nice day. We stroll into the lounge knowing we have approximately four hours to kill as our flight to Syracuse won’t depart until 5 and it’s just noon.

Whoa! My sister notices the “arrival and departure” monitor and our flight for Syracuse has been cancelled. What the hell? Why? What’s happening here? So we head to one of those JUST ASK counters and wait our turn. When our turn happens we are looked upon and treated like some horrible disease and we haven’t even pitched a fit yet!

“Yes, your flight has been cancelled and is now scheduled to leave at 6 tomorrow morning.”

Excuse me, why is the flight cancelled?

“Weather, it’s foggy.”

We landed in foggy weather, what’s the real story here?

“Lady, there was a horrible rain storm here last night and it’s just bad and flights are not landing at Syracuse.”

You mean your airline is not landing, not all airlines, right?

“Look, the best I can do is put you on high priority standby for the 10 pm flight but its currently booked solid. However you do have confirmed seats for the 6 a.m. flight tomorrow morning.”

So where is your airline putting us up for the night for this inconvenience?

“We don’t control the weather and we are not putting you up in a hotel nor are we giving you a food voucher.”

So you expect us to hang around here all night, in this lounge and take the 6 a.m. flight and there is absolutely no compensation for this inconvenience? Wait, how about checking with another airline?

“We do not do business with other airlines. Now please, I have told you everything I can, you have confirmed seats on the 6 a.m. flight, now move along, I need to help the folks behind you!

Needless to say we were not happy campers. We needed to sit down, get some food, a drink and think. Our minds were whirling with all sorts of thoughts, top of the list was to strangle the bitch who treated us like last week's garbage, then went to “don’t planes have radar and when in hell did rain stop flights?”

Well, one thing was damn certain; we were NOT spending this night in this damn airport. Nope, a call was made to my niece, asked her to get with Greyhound and if there was a bus headed to Syracuse, book us two seats. Yes, we would get a taxi to Port Authority and find the bus station.

That taxi ride cost us $60 and although we both love NYC we’d much prefer to stroll about and see the sights, not ride in a taxi cab. Then we get to Port Authority, get our tickets and the bus will depart at 4:45 p.m., so we have a couple hours to kill here – Bus stations haven’t improved much over the years but you somehow manage to find a seat or stand around until boarding…life is good!

I cannot begin to tell you how long it has been since I rode a bus – suffice to say it has been many, many years. So when we did board I was somewhat surprised – pleasantly and discovered I could plug in my cell phone charger and if I had my laptop, I could have plugged that in too…I doubt I would of have Internet service but one young man was playing a movie on his laptop, using head phones and quite content. As for the seats, they were quite comfortable and the bus was not crowded.

NYC during rush hour is amazing and it’s a time when you are damn
glad you are not driving, but our bus driver was crawling along like everyone else and we watched from our seats and sure enough, the ole sun was shining and it was a beautiful afternoon and this is why planes can’t fly – are you blind as well as nuts?

Finally we reach some toll booth and the driver says; “Folks I’m sorry but unless someone can loan me two dollars, I’ll need to turn this bus around and go back because I have no money.” You got to be kidding me? You would turn this bus around and go back into the city for two lousy dollars. No way, everyone was digging for dollar bills and within short order, he had the money, paid the toll and we were on our way!

As we got closer to Binghamton, our first stop, it was getting dark and now raining, one traveler thought she saw snow but no one else would confirm that sighting (thank goodness). Quick stop, then on our way and next stop Cortland and again, just a quick stop. At 9:45 we pulled in the Syracuse bus station and damn happy to be home. A 10- minute taxi ride and we were at my sister's house and damn glad to be done traveling!

We were hungry; having been gone over a week, there was damn little food in Good Baby’s house, so we tried to order a pizza. Would you believe the big ole citay does not deliver after 10 pm? So we look through the fridge, found eggs and bread, so we can make egg sandwiches and as we had beer and scotch, we were once again happy campers. Still highly pissed at Jet Blue tho – friggin airline just lost two customers for damn sure!


The next morning, that would be Wednesday; we went to breakfast and then out to the airport to get our suitcases. Well, honey, there were piles of suitcases on the flight that never left JFK until 6 a.m. and as my sister moved suitcases to get her’s some clown yelled; “excuse me, there is a system here, we don’t stack suitcases on top of each other, be careful!” Oh shit, this guy said the wrong thing, Sissy gave him the look that makes your heart stop and said, “My suitcase is on the bottom so you system sucks and you’d best stand far from me or I’ll stack you!” He crawled back into his hole and left her alone.

The forecast for Wednesday was rain but later in the day, so I put my stuff in my jeep and headed north – lovely drive, sunny and nice. Watertown was where I ran into some wet stuff but nothing all that exciting. I was damn glad to get home, unpack, shower, put on clean clothes, get some lunch and started looking the mail and promptly fell asleep in my chair. Life is good!

Now my next trip will begin April 30th and I’m headed to Washington, DC but no flying this time –a lovely drive. And you think retirement is boring – not my retirement – it’s full of adventures!
Hey, keep smiling, okay?

Friday, April 24, 2009

Bacon In The Sun


Let me first share with you that an underwater camera is well worth the price. Now, these are relatively inexpensive and as they use print film, you will have 27 shots and need to pay for processing. However, think about this, you don’t have to worry about sand, salt or water, which can and does ruin cameras. Plus as this underwater camera is good up to 50-feet, you can take it with you into the water, toss it to someone else and if they fail to catch it, no problem. And yes, the photos are good quality too. I bought mine at Rite Aid and if bought on Tuesday, you get a 20% senior discount.



After our deep sea fishing adventure, we needed something a bit more relaxing and less taxing. I for one did not need anymore strain, pull or twist to my back and salt water is good for many things, including bruises. So the “Three Babies” headed to the beach and while we lathered up good with sun block and had our crazy hats, we spent the majority of our time in the water.




Now, we were having so much fun, splashing, laughing and using this camera we are positive other swimmers were wondering what in hell those old ladies were on because nobody should be having this much fun or laughing this hard! I mentioned that wanted an underwater shot of me and sure enough the Bossy Baby was quick to suggest she hold me under to insure a good shot. Hey, even the Good Baby wanted in on this action and as result, there are absolutely no photos of me underwater! That might have been a good thing come to think of it!




However, I do have a hair do that screams “Little Richard get outta town, White Mama is here and my do is nicer than yours ever was! Don't believe me, take a look at this photo -- oh come on, laugh, it really is a horrible photo but funnier than hell!




Yes, "bacon in the sun" was grand fun and we definitely laughed a great deal. I feel sorry, truly I feel sorry for those who cannot laugh at themselves and let the roar of giggles out -- such a horrible waste -- so if you can, laugh each day and howl with giggles whenever you get the chance.



When the Bossy and Good Babies went to play golf and I am not a golfer I arranged to spend time with my Vietnam roommate and once again, we caught up on each other's lives and remembered our Nam days too. When she suggested the we all considering going on a cruise next April, it was something even the sisters were eager to check and do. Of course, the cruise lines probably should be notified and be prepared because this group of gals like the laugh, have a good time and we do not like negativity in any form!


Okay, one more Florida story, tomorrow and that's the one about the trip home...trust me, you're gonna love it -- until then, enjoy the photos and keep smiling!

Drafting Guys Over 60


Drafting Guys over 60
----this is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier----


I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.


For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.


Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical s-of-a-b.... '

If captured, we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.


Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.


An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.


These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

How about recruiting Women over 50 !!!

You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!

Brain Teaser

THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST FIVE RIDDLES I HAVE SEEN.....THE ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM BUT DON'T CHEAT AND LOOK AHEAD! RIDDLE #5 IS AMAZING. IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMER'S FOR YEARS!!

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away ?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!

Answers:

1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That one was easy, right?

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).

3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.

4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!

5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

So how'd ya do? Ya, that number 5 was a awkward. Hell, I even missed # 3 but got the other ones -- holy sheet!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Deep Sea Fishing

Vacations are just fantastic and even us retired folks, plan and look forward to vacations – meaning, we get away from where we are residing and go somewhere else and raise hell, okay? As you all know, for me it was Florida and for 7 days my sisters and I would cram as much laughter as we could and continue filling the memory tree with more interesting chapters!

We landed in Tampa and drove to New Port Richy just “after” a tornado had hit and left the area. Good timing, eh? Upon arrival at big sister’s house we quickly ditched the winter/spring attire and donned shorts (they would be our faves for the next few days, along with tank tops, crocs, sandals , hats and of course sun block). Once in comfy attire it was sit outside and drink beer and relax. This was Tuesday and Wednesday morning we’d get up early, pack insulated cooler and bag with food, drinks and long sleeved shirts and depart for Tarpon Springs so as to board the deep sea fishing boat by 7:30 a.m.

Now I’m gonna race a head a little bit here just to help you understand what happens as this adventure continues. First off, none of us had been deep sea fishing before so this was a new adventure for each. Many of us have been on cruises, boats and we all swim, so we are not afraid of or have issues with water or watercraft, okay. As we are not overly prone to motion sickness, it never cross our minds to take “Dramamine,” (which if used needs to be taken the night before and the morning of a motion-sensor outing).

As mentioned, a tornado had blown through the day we landed and Wednesday it was not exactly “hot” weather but for us winter-logged northerners, it was still better than the 30 and 40 temps we had been dealing with but at the same time, on the open sea it did get a tad chilly! This 85 foot fishing boat was a beauty, enclosed snack bar, large double rest rooms (remember this part), bait, tackle and poles furnished, [when you select your pole, carry it on board and tie it to the rail until it is time to fish…remember this part too] and the boat is fast and comfortable. One of the perks is you get to keep your catch and they’ll even clean them for you for a minimal fee. Man, this was some deal and the price, well, that was very reasonable as well.
As we left the channel and headed out to sea, the waves were getting bigger and the boat was rocking pretty damn well. One sister decided this was nothing more than a strong rocking chair and she adjusted nicely to this motion. Even the men, who assumed the “manly” posture, were soon realizing this dipping, rolling and rocking was not exactly a smooth ride and they too would try like hell to keep things down.

Bossy Baby was the first to get sick and I mean she got sick! She literally camped out in the female bathroom forcing every other female to use the men’s bathroom. I was getting a tad green and not sure if I could prevent myself from getting sick and sure as hell, I was puking over the side too. Then it was decided we both should use a Dramamine and that would help (help me to toss up even more stuff). Bossy baby was really in bad shape, she had managed to mangle her eye glasses and yet, she had managed to unlock the door so I could give her the pill and water bottle.

Then the waves hit again, the boat rolled and rocked and I went flying, literally bouncing around like a rag doll, hitting the door, rails, everything and there was nothing to grab hold of and some ass was yelling “hang on Lady!” Finally I grabbed the hold where the caught fish was being put and hung on to dear life. Another swell and I’d of been in that fish hold or over the bloody side! My only thought was “do not fall, just do not fall; you’ll break your hip.” This somewhat violence performance was referred to by my sister as a “whirly gig” and she wanted to laugh and most likely did once that damn bathroom door finally slammed shut again! Both sisters believe if the boat had twisted just a tad differently, I’d mostly like have gone overboard but hey, someone would have thrown me a life jacket!

Once I had my grip on the catch hold and no longer moving, I wasn’t sure I could move as I felt my back twist and snap and wondered just how much damaged I had done. I would learn later that I had a huge bruise on my right side and both ass cheeks were black and blue and one leg – I looked like I had done battle with a baseball bat and the bat one! Even Vietnam wasn’t this friggin violent and I was there during the TET Offensive!


My sister and I, with help were finally back inside and in our booth seat and she was stretch out and moaning and shivering and saying she was cold and wanted a blanket and I was telling her, repeatedly “ I do not knit.” As for me, I sat in the booth unsure if I could even move but I was no longer puking and the boat wasn’t rocking as much as before. Then some ass wipe wanted something to eat and the cook fired up the stove and the smell of cooked food nearly sent me back to the puke station! Nothing left to toss over board, so all was good!


In the meantime, the other sister who watched, listened and ask how this or that worked was within a few minutes fishing. Deep sea fishing poles are not like the regular fishing poles, these suckers have a very long handle and you have to figure out which underarm you wish to tuck this pole. Staff is there to help you haul in your catch, attach new hooks or lines if needed and even bait your hook if necessary.

These are long damn poles and she would sport some clever bruise in the armpit where the rod would rub and bang as she hauled in groupers. The fishing sister was asked by someone how her friends were doing and she replied, “those are my sisters, don’t mess with them, they are asleep and quiet, leave them to hell alone, I’m fishing!”

WAIT! Before you get the idea that it was only us that got sick, let me inform you that quite a few men were also seasick and they too suffer the joys of deep sea puking and they too would join us inside the boat for moans and groans! The 5 and 6 foot waves made this a very rough sea but the fish were biting and those who could, caught fish. The Good Baby managed to catch six but only five were keepers – she was having a blast and said, “Deep sea fishing is the teats.”

Once on land, the fish were cleaned and we headed home. The next day, the Good Baby was going to visit her son, daughter-in-law and of course, her granddaughter, so we did what was truly sisterly love, we cooked up her fish and ate them! She may have been the Good Baby on this outing but we definitely enjoyed those damn expensive fish!

All in all folks, we laughed and had a good time, it wasn't fun getting sick but you know what, we'd go deep sea fishing again, and those poles, next time they'd actually get used and not stay tied to the rail!


Tune in tomorrow for the “bacon in the sun” story and find out how the underwater camera worked!

GRANDMA STILL DRIVES!!!

Yes, I am back and I have some lovely stories to share but give me a few days to recover. I have some lovely bruises to confirm deep sea fishing did indeed happen, a tired body to confirm the flight home was bloody damn interesting (planes, taxis and bus just to give you a heads up) and finally the drive back from Syracuse where is was just me and memories of the past ten days and laughing to myself while other drivers wondered who in hell was in the car with me! Ah life, it's just amazing.

Grandma's letter. She is 88 years old and still drives her own car. She writes:


Dear Grand-daughter,


The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.


Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I’d never have noticed.


I found that lots of people love Jesus!While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God--Go Go Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'


What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.


I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.....


My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!


A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.


I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.


Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!


Will write again soon,


Love, Grandma

Monday, April 13, 2009

Downy Woodpecker

Look what showed up at my bird feeder, aka suet, on Easter morning?






This downy woodpecker was hungry and was having himself a lovely feast.

It was hard to wait to get the red on his head but patience is its own reward.




Also, yellow finches are showing up now but so far I haven't captured them on film... okay, one more woodpecker photo ---


It is amazing how much they like suet -- hell, I'm amazed at all the critters that find this the meal of the week, and that includes the bloody squirrels!

Well, folks, I have about an hour and then, I'm off, first to Syracuse and a few errands there and a quiet night with my sister -- we have a lovely weekend and laughed so much it was unreal. If you really want to have fun, get yourself the Mad Gab game and play it -- you will having achy sides for sure. Plus the good all weekend was just wonderful too. Oh hell, yes so was the beer -- when is beer not good? (Ya, I can think of a few cans that didn't agree with me). Anyway, a quiet evening will be nice and then, early tomorrow we shall don on wings and flap our way to Florida.



I know, I know, you all want to come with me but hey, find your own wings! Maybe I can bring back the warmer temps? Hey, at least the weather forecast for this week shows sunshine...not exactly shorts weather but hey, little steps, first let's get acclimated to sun, then we can work on higher, warmer temps, right?





Now this critter can damn well stay on that side of the fence, I don't want him in my yard, thank you very much.




Be good, and keep smiling...see ya on the flip side!!!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter Y'All


Yup, Easter has finally arrived and for whatever it is worth, the sun is shining...okay, it's a flippin 25 degrees BUT the sun, remember this the sun is shining!!!

Plus, the wind, well, the wind is blowing, not howling, blowing, so it's not that bad a day. According the weather clowns, our high today shall be 34 degrees! Yes, Martha it is April, deal with it!!!

One more day and then, I'm off to the land of warmth, salt water, fresh seafood and sandy beaches...did I mention "warmth?" I'm gonna say this for the last freakin time I am so over this cold weather sheet!

I know the kids are on school vacations and you haven't a clue what in heck to do with them, right? Can't afford the normal Easter vacation, so its stay at home and try to behave and have fun. Well, if the weather stays nice, there is always yard work and hey, if these kids wanted to earn a little extra cash, they could hire their raking talents to others...but if they do, don't get the idea you'll be a millionaire by the end of the week. Keep your prices decent and you'll get plenty of work, paid a decent wage and get plenty of exercise as well.

Okay, you all have a lovely day, stay happy and as always, keep smiling!!!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Just Had to Share These


Proof the World Is Nuts

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.(Like THAT makes sense.)

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?)

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick?)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than 'going blind!')

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else inthe world that even comes close to this?)


In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.(Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England but only in tropical fish stores.(But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.(Makes one shudder at the thought.)


In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.(I presume this was such a huge problem that they had to pass this law?)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'(Is this a great country or what? Well, not as great as Guam!)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.. (Who volunteers for these tests?)

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.(From drinking little bottles of???) (Did our government pay for this research??)

Butterflies taste with their feet.(Ah, geez.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.(I know some people like that.)

Starfish don't have brains.(I know some people like that, too.)

And, the best for last? Turtles can breathe through their butts.(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

Yup, the world is nuts -- aren't you glad you came back and read this (you do know this was sent from a male friend, right?) -- made ya smile, didn't it? Oh give it up, you don't have to believe everything you read 0r perhaps you do.

HAPPY KEESTER TO Y'ALL!

Some days it just pays to hang in there and never give up. This squirrel was determined to get this suet, no matter how awkward the positions he found himself. Oh ya, he got it all -- the little pig!




ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY

 Don't put all of your eggs in one basket
 Walk softly and carry a big carrot
 Everyone needs a friend who is all ears
 There's no such thing as too much candy
 All work and no play can make you a basket case
 A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention
 Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day
 Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits
 Some body parts should be floppy
 Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans
 Good things come in small sugarcoated packages
 The grass is always greener in someone else's basket
 An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare
 To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell
 The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.

Have a grand weekend and keep smiling! In case I don't get back to blog before I depart for Florida, yes I will attempt to bring the warm weather back with me.

Friday, April 10, 2009

*Pine Trees Know Easter! *



I had never heard this story before but, believe me, I plan to watch the pine trees this spring to see the crosses.

Last April on a Sunday we took one of our "nowhere" drives, my
Husband was quietly driving a back road. I was occupied in the front passenger seat watching the scenery.

I noticed out of the corner of my eye that my husband was straining to look out my window. This startled me, since his eyes should have been on the road in front of him. I asked him what he was looking at out the windows, and he quietly replied,” Nothing” His eyes went back to the road in front of him.

After a few minutes, I looked over at my husband and noticed a tear. I asked him what was wrong. This time he told me, "I was just thinking about Pop and a story he had once told me"

Of course, because it had to do with his Pop I wanted to know the story, so I asked him to share it with me. He said, "When I was about 8 years old, Pop and I were out fishing and that's when he told me that the Pine trees know when it is Easter.."

I had no idea what he meant by that, so I pressed him for more information. He continued on... "The Pine trees start their new growth in the weeks before Easter -- if you look at the tops of the Pine trees two weeks before, you will see the yellow shoots. As the days get closer to Easter Sunday, the tallest shoot will branch off and form a cross. By the time Easter Sunday comes around, you will see that most of the Pine trees will have small yellow crosses on all of the tallest shoots."

I turned to look out the window and I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a week before Easter, and you could see all of the trees with the tall yellow shoots stretching to Heaven. The tallest ones shone in the sunlight like rows of tiny golden crosses.


***MAY GOD TRULY BLESS YOU THIS EASTER SEASON***

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Maxine Strikes Again.....:)


I think this just about sums it up!!!!

Leave it to Maxine to come up with a solution For the mess that America is in economically now

I bought a bird feeder-- I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it was, as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.


But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue. Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, and the table ... everywhere! Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.


And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.


After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.Soon, the back yard was like it used to be.... quiet, serene..And no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now let's see.

Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care and free education, and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.Then the illegal’s came by the tens of thousands.

Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's second grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to 'press one ' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'Old Glory' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the governmentto take down the bird feeder. If you agree, pass it on; if not, continue cleaning up the poop

Bad day at Hallmark

It's kind of fun to capture raindrops in a tulip leaf or is that snow drops? Hard to know this time of year. However, so far my tulips are thriving. Did have a critter show up two nights ago, had a little feast, went and got some smelly spray and no more critters. I gotta tell ya, that spray smells like skunk -- even I don't want to go near the flowers - yikes!



Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day???


//////

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
~~~~
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

~~~~
Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"

~~~~
I've always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.
~~~~~

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

///////
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go.....
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

****
Happy birthday!
You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!

****************
So, it is Thursday, the weather is starting to warm up and I bet alot of folks are gonna be on the road today. Gotta get those shopping trips in before the weekend and oh ya, the kids school break starts tomorrow too. Well, whatever you do,have fun and for goodness sakes, keep smiling!!!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Kohl's Shopping Trip

Clutching their Kohl's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit....no flies, no smell.

"What business could that poor kitty have had here?" murmured Ellen. "Come on, Ellen, let's just go."
But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, 'I'll just put my things in your bag, and then I'll use this tissue.' She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the former feline into her own Kohl's bag and cover it..

They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell. They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to K & W Cafeteria.

After they went through the serving line and they sat down at a window table. They had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Kohl's bag still on the trunk. BUT not for long! As they ate, they noticed a woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car. She looked quickly this way and that, and then took the Kohl's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their line of vision.

Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement. It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond.'Can you imagine?' finally sputtered Ellen.'The nerve of that woman!'

Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the female thief. Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her gaze, Kay recognized the woman in the red gingham shirt with The Kohl's bag hanging from her arm.

She was brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier. Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After leaving the register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat. After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted the bag into herlap to survey her treasure. Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag.

Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered the Heimlich maneuver.

A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived. In a matter of minutes, the woman with the red gingham shirt emerged from the crowd, still gasping, and securely strapped on a gurney..

Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings. The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar was as she disappeared behind the ambulance doors.................the Kohl's Bag perched on her stomach!!

God does take care of those who do bad things! (AND once in a while....He allows us to witness it!)

MINORITIES



Here’s one of Maxine’s best ----

We need to show more sympathy for these people. They travel miles in the heat. They risk their lives crossing a border. They don't get paid enough wages. They do jobs that others won't do or are afraid to do. They live in crowded conditions among a people who speak a different language. They rarely see their families, and they face adversity all day every day.

I'm not talking about illegal Mexicans I’m talking about our troops!

Doesn't it seem strange that many Democrats and Republicans are willing to lavish all kinds of social benefits on illegal’s, but don't support our troops, and are even threatening to de fund them?

Please pass this on; this is worth the short time it takes to read it.


No trees were killed to send this message; however, vast quantity of electrons was terribly inconvenienced!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Happy Easter

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.The driver,a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD .The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highwaysees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! he explains,"I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."

The blonde says,"Don't worry."She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny ,bends down,and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up,waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops,turns around and waves again,he hops down the road another 10 feet,turns and waves,hops another ten feet,turns and waves,and repeats this again and again and again and again,until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands,"What is in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says..(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)

(You know you're gonna be sorry)

(Last chance)

(OK, here it is)

It says,"Hair Spray Restores life to dead hair,and adds permanent wave."

Happy Easter!!!

NOW THIS IS FUNNY



Yes, a little rain must fall sometime and we definitely have had our share. But sometimes, you can catch a droplet and its magical -- duh!

Now on to THIS IS FUNNY:


A Little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When The postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $ 5.00 bill.

The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.


The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:


Dear God:

Thank you very much for sending the money.

However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington D.C. and those assholes took $95.00 in taxes

Here We go Ah-Gin

Even the birds are confused and while that is not exactly earth shaking, have you looked out your window this morning? Go ahead, take a look -- whatcha see?
Unless its different in your area, it's snowing here -- that's right, snowing! Not alot but snowing nonetheless. If this was March, I would say it's sugaring snow but this is flippin April and what -- it's an April snow?!

Oh I could dig out the winter coat, bundle up and go for my usual walk but you know what? I think today is gonna be an inside workout day and that means that freakin Yoga tape! I don't mind this, every now and then, but honestly I get antsy with it. I'm suppose to stretch and hold various positions and I just want to move on, not wait until the next move is now possible. How long do these damn muscles need to stretch anyway? They have been laying around lazy for years, time to in gear is my motto...ye gads.

Well, I may come back with more insights, it is really early and I got nothing at the moment. Oh sure, act like this never happens to you, go ahead, act that way -- liar!

The reason so many people never get anywhere in life is because when opportunity knocks, they are out in the backyard looking for fourleaf clovers.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Wet Monday


Yes, it is Monday.

Yes it is raining.

Yes I am sick of this wet stuff too.

What you like this shit -- good for you Sunshine, you keep right on smiling -- idiot!

I'm sorry but I just can't get motivated this morning -- this dreary weather has even me in a funky mood,which is not good. So what I did was haul stuff out that I might or might not take to Florida. This also meant trying on things -- what fits, what does not and how bad does this or that look! I have to remind myself that I don't need to bring the entire closet, we are staying with our sister and she does have a washer and dryer...hurrah!

We're having a rather sicky feeling about this canoe trip. Seems you need to reserve the canoes ahead of time, which is fine. But that is no guarantee you will have a canoe when you show up! Hello, this doesn't sound like a reputable group to us. So, we are looking at other possibilities. We know we'll do the gambling cruise, that is a blast. We are in for deep sea fishing -- this will be fun and imagine, fresh fish for dinner ( pray we don't hook a marlin). And we'll definitely hit beaches so we can walk along them, splash about in the ocean and as I bought an underwater camera, I definitely plan to use it --- just gotta convince one of the sisters to come under with me and snap a few shots of me too!

Well, time for a nap -- nothing else to do and its the weather for naps!!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

April-Rain-Snow-Flowers

Wow, April 5th and snow! Look as hard as this is to accept keep in mind that we have seen kids bundled up for Easter Sunday – those lovely Easter outfits covered with heavy coats and boots. However, it still irritates and after cold days of winter, we still have this flippin cold sheet!

My brother-in-law informed me earlier it is 80+ degrees in Florida and yes they have sun but in his words it is HOT! Hey, I don’t necessary want hot but warm would be nice! I also noticed the snowbirds are not anxious to return north either. Use to be they headed back to us in late March but no more, they are holding off until almost the end of April. Now that is just plain rude!

On the news front, we got all sorts of stories. I love the Michelle Obama – Queen Elizabeth crap. Ye gads, Queenie touched her first folks, and it was a brief hand on the Queen’s shoulder, it wasn’t like she hugged her for crying out loud. And the Queen didn’t seem to mind, no blistering look like she gave George when he winked at her. Instead she said, “now that we have met, let’s keep in touch.” Personally I found it refreshing and lovely…you go Michelle, we’ll back you 100 percent.

Hey, lost your job, English ain’t so hot, well for crying out loud, don’t go shooting up someplace like that crazy Vietnamese man did – holy dog shit!

Did we just switch centuries of what? All of a sudden we got more and more fools with guns, shooting things up and boot hill is once again active and filling up. And we got folks saying; “s/he was a nice normal kid, sweet, caring, giving and no signs of mental disorder or prone to violence.” Well, honey something has flipped the switch and we got way too many clowns thinking the way to solve whatever is bugging them is to shoot, kill and get killed. Where in hell is the sheriff?

So, the snow has melted, only a few flakes left, but the temp ain’t rising very high and the wind, well, it’s whipping about like it has a mission. I don’t even want to look ahead to see what the weather is gonna be like the next few days – why deliberately depressed myself?

Take care and yes, keep smiling!