Just read

Making Firewood

2012-01-27T09:27:00.004-05:00

Now this is one determined two year old, of course, Meme egging him on has some merit as well. But loved his expressions...ain't he gonna be a fun teenager?

Well, it is Friday and schools are closed due to icy roads and once again, our poor trees are covered in ice and bending again. I doubt some of these birch trees will ever pop back up-- and many, sadly have just flat ass snapped. Even maple trees can't stand this ice-weight on their branches. And of course, icy power lines and trees, means not only slick roads but, for many, loss of power.

As for me I am fighting off a damn head cold, hate this stuffy business and a nice, long hot shower, then vicks on the chest seems to be working. Someone once said, "rub vicks on your feet too." Well, I didn't go that far!!! But before I could even shower, I had to watch the tennis match. I was so hoping Andy Murray would topple Novak but alas, he prevailed. So the final for the Australian open will be Novak and Rafa.

Oh my goodness, now it is raining, temp is hovering around 33 degrees, no wind but man it is damp out there and slick. Have a good Friday and enjoy the video.

New Texas Priest

2012-01-25T07:56:00.002-05:00

A new priest, born and raised in Texas, comes to serve in a city parish and is
nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his
sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step
out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with
one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.'"

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand, and repeats all the
suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee
and saying, 'No shit, what happened next?'"

Ponder this

2012-01-24T09:24:00.000-05:00

You can always count on Maxine to put things into perspective

I bought a bird feeder. I hung
It on my back porch and filled
It with seed. What a beauty of
A bird feeder it was, as I filled it
lovingly with seed. Within a
Week we had hundreds of birds

Taking advantage of the
continuous flow of free and
Easily accessible food.
But then the birds started
Building nests in the boards
Of the patio, above the table,
And next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was
Everywhere: on the patio tile,
The chairs, the table ..
Everywhere!

Then some of the birds
Turned mean. They would
Dive bomb me and try to
Peck me even though I had
Fed them out of my own
Pocket.

And others birds were
Boisterous and loud. They
Sat on the feeder and
Squawked and screamed at
All hours of the day and night
And demanded that I fill it
When it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even
Sit on my own back porch
Anymore. So I took down the
Bird feeder and in three days
The birds were gone. I cleaned
Up their mess and took down
The many nests they had built
All over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like
It used to be .... Quiet, serene....
And no one demanding their
Rights to a free meal.

Now let's see.
Our government gives out
Free food, subsidized housing,
Free medical care and free
Education, and allows anyone
Born here to be an automatic
Citizen.

Then the illegal's came by the
Tens of thousands. Suddenly
Our taxes went up to pay for
Free services; small apartments
Are housing 5 families; you
Have to wait 6 hours to be seen
By an emergency room doctor;
Your child's second grade class is
Behind other schools because
Over half the class doesn't speak
English.

Corn Flakes now come in a
Bilingual box; I have to
'press one ' to hear my bank
Talk to me in English, and
People waving flags other
Than 'Old Glory' are
Squawking and screaming
In the streets, demanding
More rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe
it's time for the government
To take down the bird feeder.

If you agree, pass it on; if not,
Just continue cleaning up the poop

Bewildered Cowboy

2012-01-23T07:05:00.000-05:00

While hiking down along the border this morning, I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River . He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying.

Along with him was a Mexican who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back. If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown.

Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff 's Office and Homeland Security.

It is now 4 PM, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded. I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.

&&&%&&&&&

Well, it is Monday morning and dark outside so I have no real "look" at the weather conditions. However, my temp gauge is claiming 12 degrees but the high today,supposedly will be 39 (with some rain -- huh?). Normally I kinda like rain, nothing makes for better sleeping sounds than rain falling on the roof but in winter, forget it. Rain means ice and ice means slippery roads and walks and that means, fall on your ass or walk like you are 100 years old. Ice also makes everyone look the same age just because of how we walk!

Yes, thank you I had a lovely weekend. Attempted to go swimming at the campus pool (again, supposedly it was free public swim time) only to learn it is next weekend...shit! Fun proving my swim suit still fit but also reminded me, "buy a new suit this season!"

Had fun hanging out with my grandson for an hour or so, then my dau and I headed to town to drive store clerks crazy as we did our shopping. It was a fun outing but frustrating for her. Seems like every time she goes on line to get a script filled, it never is ready because they have to wait until she reminds them they needed to add the grape flavoring. WTH?

Yes of course I watched the football games, first the Patriots kick ass and finally the Giants got their act together and now, these two are headed for the Super Bowl. As my nephew says, I could care less who wins, I'll be wearing my Bronco jersey, eating good eats and drinking beer." Gotta love his attitude!

So Monday, bring it on -- I may have two sick kids to watch -- grandson and his Mommy -- oh how fun is that -- slap both their asses in bed and tell them to sleep and rest. And now for a little insight into how grandchildren perceive their grandparents:

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

Layman's Ten Commandments.

2012-01-21T07:36:00.000-05:00

Someone wrote these beautiful words… try to understand the deep meaning of it…these are like the ten commandments to follow in life all the time…

1] Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.

2] So a Car's WINDSHIELD is so large & the Rear view Mirror is so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, Look Ahead and Move on.

3] Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.

4] All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.

5] Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!

6] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!

7] When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.

8] A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"

9] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

10] WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES, it takes away today's PEACE.

Snowshoeing

2012-01-18T10:08:00.000-05:00

Yes, we finally got enough snow for me to engage in a winter activity that I just love -- snow shoeing.

First, I had to endure three miserable days of rain, slush, ice, snow, wind and below zero temps, not to mention a wind chill that had squirrels hiding more than nuts!

Then a heat wave hit, 23 degrees and damnit, I was gonna don my snowshoes and trek about, if only in my own yard, like a pro. Oh ya, great weather, light snow falling, no wind and it was just wonderful. Only one small problem, this idiot forgot to check her equipment and as I was so thrilled to be out and about, decided to extend my hike and quickly discovered (as I nearly fell on my face) that one shoe was completely undone. The damn strap was not secure and eventually it managed to "wiggle" free and how in hell I managed to keep my boot in the strap at all was amazing. But when you feel yourself "tripping" with snowshoes, you know something ain't right. Plus, you look pretty silly too. Oh well, as folks watched me, from the cosy warmth of their front windows, I definitely entertained them, with my quick step and no-fall performance. But the slow, dragging shoe back home walk was anything but fun.

Once in garage I fixed this problem and chewed myself out (mentally) for not checking this before...damn ole fool. Then I debated whether to continue snow shoeing or give it up for the day? I gave it up...if you exert too much on the first outing, you could hurt yourself and that would delay further outings, so this was good...30 minute workout and a nice sweat going, I was content.

Okay, now I am like many of you folks, wanna lose some weight but ain't gonna go crazy with this diet and that diet. Walking is kinda out of the picture what with the icy sidewalks and below zero temps and driving to some gym to walk around is not exactly my idea of fun. Ya, snowshoeing is what I do when the weather permits and I also fire up the Wii fitness program and do that number and let's not forget the lovely Zumba dance. Hey, I got no rhythm, so I just bounce around, work up a sweat and keep things flexible and moving. Some days I get carried away, thinking I'm much younger and pay for it with a sore muscle and aching bones (walk much slower on those days too).
And like many I read all these weight losing ideas and healthy eating plans. Who in hell has time for all that shit anyway? The latest was weight saving tips aroundthe world...oh ya, this was gonna be interesting. I won't list all but some cracked me up:

Eat slower -- Americans tend to eat way too fast, so slow down, enjoy your meal.
Spicey food is good for you -- helps burn calories (also cuts down on what you eat cause your mouth is on fire!)
Eat more rice and beans (don't go out afterwards and only hang around friends, they'll be the only ones who can stand you).
Eat at home (what a novel idea).
Forget ordering supersized meals, they no longer exits (did MacDonald's know this)
Yes, for chrissake, EAT BREAKFAST. Every country makes this claim and has their own idea of what that should consisit of -- just eat something.
Swap the gas pedal for the bike pedal (now in the winter this might be a bit awkward but what the hell Norway does it, so can we, right).
Crunch more pickles -- well, ain't that amazing...

So, there is your healthy list for 2012 -- basically, it remains the same in my book, move your ass and cut back on calories. Eat more fruits and vegetables and exercise. Weight will drop slowly but the biggest accomplishment will be the reality that you have changed your eating habits and now, you will feel better, keep the pounds off, and clothes will finally be baggy.

Retirement

2012-01-16T08:12:00.000-05:00

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for a senior who still works and refuses to retire?Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. Or move back in there . . .

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break spiked !

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he worked with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

And, my very favorite....

QUESTION: What do you do all week?

Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

SERENITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied..'Two years older than me'

'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..

She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

A nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.I'm half blind,can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation;hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.I';ve lost all my friends. But, thank God,I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.

Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing

Farm Kid Joins the Marines

2012-01-14T07:10:00.000-05:00

West Virginia FARM KID in Marines (NOW AT San Diego MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING )

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

Reunion

2012-01-12T16:49:00.000-05:00

OH ME !!!

Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since High School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the required ritualized kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine. Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She too shares the wine.

Jan explains that after leaving high school and graduating from Princeton in Classics, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of New York's

leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq ft co-op on Fifth Avenue, where Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Phoenix .

Sue relates that she graduated from Harvard Med School and became a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading Wall Street investment banker. They live in Southampton on Long Island and have a second home in Naples, Florida.

Mary explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Jim. They run a tropical bird park in Colorado and grow their own vegetables. Jim can stand five parrots, side by side, on his penis.

Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Jan blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at WalMart. They live in a small apartment in Brooklyn and have a travel trailer parked at a nearby storage facility.

Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains that she and Clive are both nurses' aides in a retirement home. They live in Jersey City and take vacation camping trips to Alabama.

Mary admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.

Eggies

2012-01-09T08:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, I admit it...sometimes those damn TV commericals get to me and I actually break down and buy some of that crap. And to be fair, some times its worth it but other times,well, it's more a challenge and waste of money. Ya, like you haven't done this too -- give me a break!

For weeks I have been watching (like I have a choice when those damn commericals hit) "never peel a hard boiled egg again," and look at all the fun things you can do with these eggies: crack, boil, twist and eat! Make delicious deviled eggs, great for Chef salads and tasty eggs Benedict. Ok now here is the real story. First ya gotta wash these suckers, that is a given, right?

Then you gotta spray a paper towel with cooking spray and spread into the top and bottom eggie (not allowed to spray directly). Then, crack an egg and put in the eggie, screw on top and once you get all this done, put in a pan with tap water, make sure the eggies float and bring to boil. Once boiling hard, reduce to a low boil and cook per instructions...i.e.: soft, medium or hard boil. Oh ya there is some give on the egg size as well.

Then use a slotted spoon, remove from water, wait 3-4 minutes (this is the lovely cooling process), twist off top, middle ring and slid egg onto your plate. Hello, the cooking times suck and as for sliding out the egg, no way, I had to use a knife to loosen the sucker onto my plate. And I was going for a medium soft egg...not this running glob that looked ugly as sin. So, would I recommend this sucker? Let me get back to you...at this point, I could have fried an egg faster and if I boil eggs correctly, peeling them is just part of being a cook and it ain't that bad, however, I will try again and see if I can't improve on this new toy. Hey, it was on sale, so I felt safe giving it a whirl.

And how is your Monday going?

Love Story

2012-01-06T08:02:00.000-05:00

Norwegian Love Story

Ole & Lena lived by a lake in Nordern Minnesota . It vas early vinter and da lake had froze over.

Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store to get him some smokes. She asked him for some money, but he
told her, “Nah, yust put it on our tab.”

So Lena valked across, got the smokes at da general store, den walked back home across the lake. Ven she got home and gave Ole his smokes,she asked him, “Ole, you alvays tell me not to run up da tab at da store. Why didn’t you yust give me some money?”

Ole replied, “Vell, I didn’t vant to send you out dere vit some money ven I vasn’t sure how tick the ice vas yet.”

Kind of brings a tear to your eye

Making a Baby, Hope for the Best

2012-01-05T09:08:00.000-05:00

Making a baby. This is hilarious!

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to....'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted

&&&&&&&&

Like me, I too am attempting to get into some kind of weight loss routine. I was doing quite nicely with this Wii Fit program and while it was fun and I was getting more flexible, I was also losing a pound here and there or maintaining my weight. I wasn't being over careful with my meals but I was consuming alot of sweets over the holidays -- duh! Anyway, I found this Nike training app for my iphone and decided to give that try. Holy shit, talk about a workout...that was unreal. Then when I showered and cooled down, I weighed myself and had gained a pound. Holy shit, that was not the game plan. Nike helped me gain muscle and that is not what I wanted at all!!! Back to Wii Fit, thank you very much and yes, a very sore body too boot!

Gotta love the effort, right? I'd love to get outside and walk but icy sidewalks and crampons just don't make me feel comfortable. If we get a tad more snow, I will don my snowshoes and truly get a workout and as I like trekking about with these on, in the woods or even the field across the street, this will definitely see this ole lady sweating up a storm! So for all of you into a weight loss program, go slow and my biggest suggestion is learn to change your eating habits and if you do that, you will drop weight. It won't happen quickly but once off, it will stay off. Amen

Eight Thoughts to Ponder

2012-01-02T17:54:00.000-05:00

Number 8 Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6 Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .

Number 5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought

Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

- - - and as someone recently said to me:

"Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long."

One Armed Man

2012-01-02T08:06:00.000-05:00

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play golf. One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide.

He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels.

He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all. He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.

He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms.

He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again. He asked, 'Why are you so happy anyway?'

He said, 'I'm NOT happy. My balls itch.

*****************************************************************

And the new year begins! Hey, the temp is 39 degrees, its been raining like crazy and most of our snow has or is disappearing. This is some weird weather pattern and I've yet to don my snowshoes and trek thru the woods, damn!

Not sure what this day will bring but one thing for sure, it's the start of serious weight loss. No more excuses or delays and I plan to do this easy and simple. If i can lose 1 pound or 2 each week, that would be wonderful but I'm not gonna starve or deny myself the foods my body needs either. However, I will cut back on the sweets, which I have enjoyed a great deal over the holidays.

So all you folks who have to day OFF, enjoy it and let the new year begin!

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T07:33:00.000-05:00

Since the holidays are fast approaching, and you may be attending festivities where alcohol might be served, I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years. A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice bourbon.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home. I arrived back safely and without incident, which was a real surprise since I had never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.

What a Year

2011-12-30T08:06:00.000-05:00

It's been one hell of a year and the photo above is my grandson, who is two, helping to make home-made laundry soap. You see, my daughter decided this was not only cheaper but nicer soap to use,so she made a batch and gave me (and others) a small sample. Well, it worked so well, I decided to have my own bucket of home-made soap. Long story-short, using this is approximately 7 cents per load and your clothes are not only brighter but softer too. And for the record my sister has been making her own laundry soap for years -- why didn't I catch that bug years ago?

Well, let's get crazy and admit, during the holiday season we tend to look back and relish all those memories,from early childhood to our present day. We also realize that (1) we are getting older and (2) many good people have passed and that sucks big time.

2011 started out rough for me -- I learned I had colon cancer and like most, just was in a state of denial and shock. Then I had surgery and all the cancer was gone along with a huge section of my large intestine. Now I not only had to recover from this major surgical operation but I would spend considerable time (for the rest of my life I suppose) learning what I can and cannot eat if I wish to live comfortably. Also, big meals are no longer possible and it's like I am "grazing" all damn day but it works better and I don't feel so -what is the word -- uncomfortable!

By the end of 2011 I had more tests done, EUS (endoscopic ultrasound) where they went down my throat and look around in my pancreas and then, another lovely colonoscopy and got a clean bill of health -- hurrah. While I was going through this, my son was also going through his testing and he too remains in remission. The Lord is definitely keeping tabs on us.

Our oldest grandchild graduated from High School and we were in Minnesota to witness that achievement ..good job. He has elected to spend a year or two working, saving money, etc before he heads to college. He assure us he will go to college but just not right now.

My sisters all came to my home so we could have our annual sister's get-together and we had a blast -- here are a few photos to prove it:

We had a blast and there are many photos that I just can't post at this time. Now, 2012 will see us in Florida. First, the road trip to Florida will be a hoot (we had a blast last time) and once there, we plan to hit a few more islands, pig out on fresh seafood and once again, just flat out enjoy each other's company and laugh like crazy. Us girls are the only children left out of seven and we just keep making memories.

So to each and everyone of you, have a Happy New Year!

Male Strippers

2011-12-26T07:08:00.000-05:00

Male Strippers

Last night, my Red Hat friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club .

One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill.She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.

In another attempt to impress the rest of us,my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunatel y, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.

Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do?

The woman in me took over!

I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt,grabbed the eighty bucks,and left!!!

Didn't see that coming, did ya?

Merry Christmas

2011-12-19T06:26:00.000-05:00

MY THANKS TO ALL OF YOU ...As we progress through to the end of 2011, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN,

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW

I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore, and Uzbekistan .

THANKS TO YOU

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE

I can't ever pick up a 10 cent coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . .

Oh, and by the way..... A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…

What's In the Box?

2011-12-18T10:15:00.000-05:00

A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up four cans and took them to the check-out counter.

The girl at the cash register said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat.”

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food. The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food. Again the cashier said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without proof that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the management wants proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog.”

So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dog food.

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, “No, you might have a snake in there.”

The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out. She said to the little old lady, “That smells like shit.”

The little old lady said, “It is. I want to buy three rolls of toilet paper.”

So…………………………………. Don’t mess with old people!

Onions & Christmas Trees

2011-12-15T06:28:00.001-05:00

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?

The father, surprised, answers,'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs: In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?.

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers,'Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration.'

&&&&&&

The other night my granddaughter called me and needed help with a Science Project. "I need to name 22 things that come from plants." Okay, this is easy, if its not meat or fish, it came from a plant. And we began naming things, coconut, green beans, kiwi, potatoes, bananas, etc. Then she said, "that's it Grandma, got enough, thank you. Love you bye."

About twenty minutes later she called me back; "Grandma, a big box came today and there is nothing inside it for me, what is that?" Oh honey, there are two boxes coming and trust me, there are things for you in that box for sure. "But Gramma, there was nothing for me in this box?" Well, I don't think it was my box because I don't think Grandpa sorted things out to exclude you, be patient another box is due Wednesday. She wasn't overly convinced but she accepted the answer, said good bye and hung up. My daughter upon hearing this tale said, "Oh maybe it was my box that arrived and if so, there was nothing in it for her because I had stuff, online, sent directly to her." Great, now I have a better answer. Don't ya love the holiday season!!

Today I get a pedicure and my first ever facial and yes, I am stoked. Now, what does wear to such a performance? Come on, its chilly here, raining so I ain't gonna be wearing crocs and as for my face, well, that just goes with me whenever so I am not too worried!!! Yes, of course, idiot, I will wear clothes, ye gads!!!

I started the job I detest the most, wrapping gifts and I think I have used two roles of scotch tape. In fact, I am seriously thinking duct tape would be good and it comes in various colors too. I really admire those folks who measure out the wrapping paper, very carefully fold edges and end up with this neat looking package and even slap a bow on it to make it even nicer. Hell, I slap a bow on to hide the hole I made while attempting to make the ends cover the entire gift! Come on, a bag, tissue paper and a tag and I'm golden!!!

You know you're getting old when: Your head makes promises your body can't possibly keep.

The Black Bra

2011-12-13T15:27:00.000-05:00

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door

Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes..

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:

The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,

(you are going to love this.....)

"What's for dinner, Zorro?"

Holiday Eating Tips

2011-12-13T06:02:00.000-05:00

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a Merry Christmas & a great holiday season!!

Funny---$5.37

2011-12-12T06:02:00.000-05:00

It could happen to any of us... This is so funny; I hope you enjoy it.

$5.37! That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to get some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind!"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus:

The car seat in the back seat. Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach
growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits. Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He
was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey. The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

P.S. Save the earth...... It's the only planet with chocolate!!!!!

*&^&**&^&^&*

Hope you all had a good weekend, I surely did and nothing is more fun that baking and making decorations with a grandchild. And I don't care what age that kid is either. Two year old are tons of fun. He loved baking those cake tops,well, he liked the decorating and tasting part best (smart kid). Then later his Mommy and I went downtown to enjoy Norwood's Festival and, we were standing with everyone else, cold and wishing Santa would hurry up and wham, the parade began and there was Santa! Not sure about the turnout but it sure looked like many did show up and everyone had a good time. The cold weather was a bit biting so we didn't hang around long but sufficient to know this was well organized and enjoyable.

Sunday night I gotta tell ya, I was a tad weary of football games, my eyeballs needed something else to watch for awhile. So I dug out ole home movies that I had converted onto a VHS tape. Come on, watching Christmas 1996 was great fun and my parents were still alive and very active then too. Even my older brother and his wife were on this tape and it was such a wonderful memory lane jolt I may just watch it again. I need to find the tape of the Minnesota Christmases so I can watch that too. I really miss the Minnesota kids --wish we all lived closer but hey, its the holidays we make do and its not like we don't see each other, we do.

So today I'm not real sure what's on my ticket, some baking for sure, maybe a trip to Massena to pick up a few gifts but before all that begins, once I can see daylight, I shall get in my morning walk -- its around 32 degrees, so the thermals are on and I shall bundle up to stay warm. My biggest concern is the road conditions...are they slick and if so, I need to don my skid protectors. Sorry but I am no fan of falling on the hard ground and spraining or breaking some body part. After all, this year I definitely am gonna snow shoe and perhaps, once again, try my luck with cross country skiing.

Heart Warming Story about the Elderly

2011-12-09T05:18:00.000-05:00

When we get older we think differently, don't we?

This is a touching story. Just when you have lost faith in human kindness, someone who teaches at Kean Elementary in Wooster, Ohio, forwards the following letter: The letter was sent to the Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today.

Dear Kean Elementary:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she
would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched me and I knew this was God's way of answering my prayers.

She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass. Thank you for that opportunity.
Sincerely, Agnes Baker

Santa & Grandma

2011-12-07T07:08:00.001-05:00

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid.

I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.
Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" she snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping.

For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for.

I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church.

I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!
I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that.

"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."

The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it.

Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."

I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma.

Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were -- ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.

I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95.

May you always have LOVE to share, HEALTH to spare and FRIENDS that care...
And may you always believe in the magic of Santa Claus!

**********************

An old married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the

remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel

and the porn channel.

The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:

"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel.

You already know how to fish"

An Irish Pope

2011-12-05T08:14:00.000-05:00

There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy.

Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.

Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a wee cut above Timothy Murphy in all respects.

Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the next Pope.

In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.

The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!

Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because even with all of Timothy's gifts, Antonio knew he was just a bit better qualified. With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, "Why Timothy?"

After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man
and rose to reply. "We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called POPE SE-COLA!

&&&&&&&&

Well, another Monday morning is upon us, how delightful. I was gonna take my morning walk but the downpour has convinced me inside exercises will be needed today. Guess that means housework, laundry and dusting, shit!

Good football games yesterday tho -- I fell asleep during one but managed to wake to see the end, which is always a good sign. More football tonight, yay!!!

Hey, you all have a good day today, okay? Keep smiling!!!

Bad Mood Remover

2011-12-04T16:00:00.000-05:00

You can't read this and stay in a bad mood!

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?

They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It (I love that one!)

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quattro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.

2. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers .

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?! The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
(Hey, wait a minute, that's not funny)

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!

A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang, Whack!

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile!

The Lone Ranger and Tonto--a True Story

2011-12-03T06:24:00.001-05:00

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky. What you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time-wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What's it tell you, Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffalo shit. It mean someone stole tent."

***************

Well, its Saturday morning, a bit chilly outside but no snow. Now, we did have a five minute snow storm yesterday,kinda pretty but nothing stuck and it was all over before you get a camera ready! Oh have no fear, we'll get the white stuff in quick order and then, haul out the snow shoes and hike in the woods. Now this is one hell of a workout and quite fun too.

Once again, we are inviting our dau and grandson to join us for breakfast and then, on to grocery shopping. Only this time I will bring a spare car key cuz I ain't gonna see us locked out of the car again...that performance is not worth repeating at least not for a long, long time.

Next week is a tad busy, what with doctor appointments and all but at some point, we really gotta get busy and get stuff wrapped and ready to mail to the Minnesota crew or it'll be late and nobody wants late Christmas gifts,right? As for shopping, again I down to stock stuffers and perhaps a few things for good ole Dad but who knows, I could be done and that is fine with me too.

Have a lovely day and wishing the Warroad Squirt A team good luck on their weekend hockey game and trip...go team.

Just Watch its Amazing

2011-12-01T16:23:00.000-05:00

Chew Gum

2011-12-01T08:29:00.003-05:00

SLU prof says chew gum before big test and it could help
Wednesday, November 30, 2011 - 5:11 pm

CANTON -- Research by a St. Lawrence University psychology professor suggests that if you’re a student and have an important test coming up, you might do better if you chew some gum.

St. Lawrence University Assistant Professor of Psychology Serge Onyper conducted a study that showed that students who chewed gum for five minutes before taking a test did better on the test than non-gum-chewing students. “Mastication-induced arousal” is credited for the boost, which lasted for about the first 20 minutes or so of testing. Results of the study were published in the journal Appetite.

A “battery of cognitive tasks” was given to the study participants, who chewed gum either prior to or throughout testing. Their performance was then compared with subjects who did not chew gum.

Many studies have shown that any type of physical activity can produce a performance boost. This study points indicates that even mild physical activity might bring on such a boost.

Chewing gum seems to have given the subjects multiple advantages, but only when chewed for five minutes before testing, not for the duration of the test. Benefits persisted for the first 15 to 20 minutes of testing only. Onyper notes that a possible reason the benefits didn’t continue throughout testing may be due to “a sharing of resources by cognitive and masticatory processes.”

In other words, you can’t chew gum and think productively at the same time.

Onyper was the lead researcher on a study presented earlier this year showing that students who took classes starting earlier in the morning tended to get higher grades, even though they may have gotten less sleep.

So now you know what to pack when your kid has an exam! As a former teacher, I outlawed gum in my classroom -- I detested the gum--smacking chewing performance of those who found making loud noises so attractive!!! But this was a 100 years ago, who knows what happens now!!!

Well, I have tried the molded cookie sheets and to date, have not found recipe that works in them, someone suggested cake batter and all I could think was; "that's gonna be small pieces of cake." So now I'm thinking they might be candy molds? Whatever,this is one challenge I can't beat so forget..those pans will be in the yard sale next spring for damn sure.

Hubby nicely shared his cold with me, now I have the sucker and last night I took some NyQuil early and man, that stuff kicked in fast and I was struggling to stay awake. Clint was over here with us, helping Papa set up the train under the Christmas tree and the train just doesn't go fast enough for him, he wants to push it around the track. It's battery operated and cute as hell but again, not speedy enough for him.

Oh hell no, no tree up or inside decorations out, outside lights are done but inside haven't even started on them. I will get to them but so far I've been busy with other stuff. We just use a fiber optic tree these days, it works and we like it so that is that but I do have various holiday items around the house to make it look like Christmas.

My friend pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told me
"That's us in 10 years".

I said "That's a mirror, dip-shit!

The Cowboy

2011-11-29T07:56:00.000-05:00

The Gay Cowboy...

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return

Two o'clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
(P.S. - I didn't see it coming, either)

I never knew....

2011-11-26T06:45:00.000-05:00

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica where do they go?
Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Then, they kick him in the ice hole.

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T06:38:00.000-05:00

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.

He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'

The boy replied, 'What turkey?'

The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'

The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!'

The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.

If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?'

The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his behind and let him go!'

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.

May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

************

It is early Wednesday morning, how early -- no daylight yet! Yet I can see, from street lights, etc, that we got us a "dusting" last night and it's still kinda slushy-rain out there;however the temp is hovering around 35 degrees and slowly climbing. I just don't want this to get nasty because the Syracuse group won't wanna travel in this crap and I wanna see my sister, niece and nephew.

Really miss the Minnesota family and I mean, miss them. We rarely have shared Thanksgiving together as it is just to dang far but one of these days, maybe they can trek here and have this holiday with us.

Friday Auntie and I shall watch Clint so Kel and Meg can do that Black Friday madness, us ole gals ain't into that scene. We'll probably hit two stores with Clint and call it good...come back here and play games and wait for him to take a nap, which may see us doing the same.

My daughter made this made to honor her adopted Aunt and we are wishing her positive thoughts and prayers as she continues to fight brain cancer.

Turkey Day, Shopping, Time Out Chair

2011-11-21T11:14:00.000-05:00

Okay, we all have our memories of Thanksgiving, including the wish to one day sit at the big table and no longer be stuck at the kid's table, right? Well, I gotta tell ya, when I finally reached the age when I could be at the big table I was totally irked because (1) the little table got served first, (2) once seated at the big table, it was pretty crowded and you could hardly move and heaven forbid if you had to get out and (3) grown ups have this knack of keeping at least one serving dish constantly moving from person to person, it never ever hits the table.

Sunday we invited out daughter and grandson to join us for lunch and then grocery shopping, and as she needed items too, this was a good plan. Well, enroute to the store the boy fell asleep so we decided Dad and Dau would shop and I would sit in the car with the sleeping boy, when he woke up, we'd go get some lunch or as we intended to hit two grocery stores, he could be awake that outing, right? Come on two years old, grocery store, shopping cart, what's not to like!!!

Five minutes after they walked into Hannaford's he woke up,so I got him out, locked the car and went looking for the shoppers. Oh shit, Grandpa had left the keys in the ignition and now we were locked out...lovely. So call triple A and wait an hour, during which time, we kept buying stuff, checking out, coming back in and by now even Hannaford had to wonder what in hell was wrong with us. Oh well, car unlocked, groceries in the car, now let's get lunch. Oh crap, the two places we wished to go were closed -- screw it, we're gonna go home and make sandwiches. On the trip back, the boy fell asleep again and this time, he wasn't gonna wake up for a good two hours. And this my friends is what is known as memories!!!

Now the other day our grandson informed us the time out chair was broke. He uses this chair to reach the sink in the bathroom so he can wash his hands and brush his teeth. Grandpa puts him in this chair if he misbehaves but Meme tends to use a box in his kitchen play room as his time out area (my sister says, "can you see him at school, when they tell him he's in time out...where in hell is my box?). So as this chair has a crack it needs repair and Papa and Clint are gonna fix it. Now, before you get to goofy about this, this chair has been in our family for years and I mean years, my son is 42 and he remembers sitting in the time out chair. The photos below show you how this repair went:

Happy Thanksgiving to all and remember your blessing and be sure to thank those serving in our military.

Biblical Tale

2011-11-16T06:42:00.000-05:00

The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when youcannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'
And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased..

And Dog was happy.
And the Cat . . . didn't give a shit one way or the other.

Some Days.......

2011-11-15T06:38:00.002-05:00

Ever have one of those days when for awhile, everything is going just right? I mean, you get things done, which amaze you that it was that simple to do, you run errands and while you're getting a tad tired, you still feel you want to do more? Ya, it was that kind of day yesterday.

Weather was absolutely beautiful, in the mid-60s and even the breeze was half way warm, I still needed a light coat tho --my internal thermostat is off whack since my surgery. I had blood work done early, and I gotta laugh, the band aid put on my arm to stop any bleeding was HUGE. Hell, it was bigger than some surgical cover-ups! Cracked me up! Then I went to get some food, fasting is the pits, and finally over to Hanaford's for the lovely 49 cents a pound turkeys. Only one per customer but hell, at that price, shop a couple days in a row, eh? Now, I only wanted a 12-pound turkey, already have a 24 pounder for my dau to cook on turkey day. Ended up with a 16-pound sucker and for reasons I still am puzzled about, that sucker was heavy and just damn awkward to pick up and put in the cart. Even worse was getting it into my freezer once I got home (I did it but it was just awkward).

Gonna try this idea for baking the turkey, you ready for this? No-baste, no-bother turkey. Clean, wash and dry turkey, stuff cavity with 2 stalks of celery, 1 carrot and one medium-size sweet onion half. Now you preheat the oven to 500. You rub butter, salt and pepper inside the cavity and outside. Put on roasting rack and add 2 cups of boiling water (ya cover the sucker too). When oven temp returns to 500, cook for one hour. Then, this is where it gets wild, turn off the oven and do not open door until oven cools (4 to 6 hours). Remove turkey from roasting pan; reserve pan juices and that's it, a nice moist turkey, let set, then carve and serve or refrigerate if you want to eat it later. How simple is this?

I love Thanksgiving, its my favorite holiday and all the cooking and preparing is just part of the fun. For the past few years my dau has been preparing this meal and that is fine, I still get to contribute, which makes it even more fun. However, we like to have our own turkey to nibble on the next day, hence the 16 pound extra turkey! Ya, like you didn't have that figured out, eh?

By the way, remember when you had to sit at the little table? I often wonder if people still do this because now, I don't see any "kid's table," everyone gathers round the dining room table and squeezes for space. Tell ya what, once seated, you're stuck because getting up for any reason, would mean five other people would also need to move and that ain't gonna happen without some nasty comments, like; "damn, woman, didn't you go before you climbed in there?" Or "whatta mean, you gotta get another beer, ask someone, they'll get you one, sit down you dumb jerk!"

Here's an interesting tidbit to make your day: What is the food most often stolen to taken from a grocery store? Cheese, can you believe it? Rates right up there with learning Brad Pitt plans to stop acting in three years (got enough money I guess) and instead, he wants to direct and/or write movies...how quaint!

Ya, ya, back to the lovely day and how it quickly changes. I was returning the crib I had borrowed to my sister-in-law (who is currently in Germany) and hoped her grandson would be there to help me unload it. He wasn't but no big deal, I figured I'd back up closer to the back door to make this a tad easier. Shit and double shit, I ran into her garage (didn't do any damage to it,) but smashed my tailight. Now I gotta get this sucker replaced and it was a lovely day until this incident!

Health Message

2011-11-12T13:33:00.000-05:00

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's ass. It's the tortoise life for me!

1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

I'm retired. Go around me!

Thank You

2011-11-11T08:55:00.000-05:00

Today should be a day that needs to be celebrated every day as we thank all our Veterans, current, past and those who gave all for this great nation.

In 1967, I went to Vietnam and I gotta tell ya, yes I was scared and at the same time, felt it was the right thing to do and I needed to be there. I saw things I never wish to see again and lost some truly amazing people but I also made some great friends and to this day, we are able to thank God we are still here and proud of our service.

I don't necessarily like remembering the various battles, the TET Offensive or the horrors of children discarded like trash or the way females were considered inferior and useless, so they were treated bad too. But I also recall the beauty of that land, the people and the art. There is something sad when all you hear is about destruction and no hope because we fought to give hope a chance and I'd like to think, in some small way, I did provide hope for some.

To all you serve and continue to serve, both stateside and overseas THANK YOU!

Funny Holy Humor

2011-11-06T19:37:00.000-05:00

GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up.."

DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23 . She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.

BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past) For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls." This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?" Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!"

SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother. "I don't need to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do "his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook.

THE BIBLE
Did you know that.. When you carry the Bible, Satan has a headache. When you open it, he collapses. When he sees you reading it, he faints. Let's read the Bible every day so he keeps on fainting. Maybe one day he'll have a stroke and never wake up.

How the Fight Started

2011-11-03T08:11:00.000-04:00

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started..

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting
to me that I should get it fixed But, somehow I always had
something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she
thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible.."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.

Apple

2011-11-02T10:46:00.000-04:00

It all began with an iPhone...

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started...

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!

November

2011-11-02T07:46:00.002-04:00

Ah, November is here and after Halloween, we must do something with all those apples, so the best method is having a two year old peel them:

He really thought this was quite fun...loved how he told me to "just eat it" as he shoved it into my mouth. Needless to say, two fun days with my grandson but today he is back to daycare. However, I will pick him up for his Mommy around 3 so she can attend some meeting.

_______________________________________________________________

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.

Observations On Growing Older

~Your Kids are becoming you...and you don't like them!

~Going Out is good.. Coming Home is better!

~You Forget names .... But it's OK because other people forgot they Even knew you!!!

~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything .... Especially Golf.

~Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.

~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.

~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It's Called " Pre-sleep".

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" Switch..

~You tend to use more 4 letter words .. "what?".... "when?"... ???

~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

~You notice everything sold in stores is "sleeveless" !!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody Whispers.

~Now that your husband has retired .. You'd give anything if he'd find a job!

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet .... 2 of which you will never wear.

~~~But Old is good in some things: Old songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!

It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived !

Last Day in October 2011

2011-10-31T07:36:00.001-04:00

Yes, happy Halloween. I thought I had lost (probably would be a good idea) this costume but once found, it was perfect for my grandson's 2nd birthday party in combination with Halloween

Gotta tell ya, this party is becoming quite a treat for everyone as usually everyone dresses up and its fun to see who comes as what and the variety of costumes. It was a grand party and now he is a whopping TWO! (Does this mean the terrible twos are upon us?). Now we sweat out when the white stuff will hit us, none so far and that is fine...we can wait our turn.

However, this year I truly look forward to snow shoeing and I may even try cross country skiing again (not having much luck with this activity, downhill was so much easier and quicker to learn). Last year I had surgery and all these activities were forbidden, so it will be fun to resume them. And with Clint being older, he and I can have even more fun outside in the white stuff...gotta remind myself to get him a bigger sled tho.

So today, tomorrow and late Wednesday Clint will spend time with his grandparents. I wonder how he will like going grocery shopping with Papa? Better yet, will he enjoy Taco Bell? Whatever, it will be a fun Monday for all of us...got some additional goodies for his play kitchen, which will keep him content for hours. Amazing how much he likes this item and the fun he has pretending to cook, wash, clean, etc. He is something but make no mistake he is all BOY. At times, its like witnessing a small bull in a china shop, he is not exactly gentle when he handles certain toys...oh well, it shall be fun and as we were also into the potty training stage, this too shall be interesting.

So you all have a good day, okay? Yes, another flippin Monday-- deal with it!!!

Elmo-Clint...soooo cute.

Yay, its Friday

2011-10-28T07:47:00.001-04:00

I saw this on Facebook and found it quite amusing, so I thought I'd share it...man, wouldn't it be fun to offer this when asked for a stool sample?

Well, its Friday, the last one for October and what is this crap, Sunday we set the clocks back an hour -- really, is it that time of year again...damn.

What is even more amazing is looking at the temp this morning, 23 degrees -- what the hell is this all about...oh, its the near end of Autumn and start of Winter, is that the story...shut your ass!!!

My darling kids are insisting I send a Wish List and if I don't they threaten to send my ugly underwear, ole suppositories and anything else they can find laying about the house that needs a new home. The problem, I can't think of a damn thing I want other than photos of the grandkids...that is a wish all year and even more so during the Holiday season. But I'd best come with something or I'll get this crap and trust, me I don't want any of it!!!

HUSBANDS

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' OHIO STATE !'And they say blondes are dumb....

---------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...... '.
------------ --------- -------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower.. 'Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ----

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

--------- --------- --------- ----
Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
--------- --------- --------- -------
Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

--------- --------- --------- -------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end to wipe..
------------ --------- --------- --------- ----

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
------------ --------- --------- --------- -------

While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world.........
......then He made the earth round.

Fable of the Porcupine

2011-10-21T06:56:00.002-04:00

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.

The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.
After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others.. This way they were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities. The moral of the story is:

Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life!

It all started a few weeks ago, visiting my daughter's friend, Natasha and her family in Buffalo, Clint discovered this play kitchen and man, that was that, he loved it and it kept him busy the entire time. So, Meme saw one in a yard sale, it was free, and picked it up, cleaned it up and then, bought some items and he was golden. Since that free purchase, Meme has also purchased a "new" play kitchen so he has two and talk about fun, ye gads, he's in the playroom forever!!! (BTW, play room is his bedroom and where his crib once occupied space, now its the play room.)

In the meantime, for reasons still unclear to me, our Wednesday lunch outing was great fun, we went over to Malone and I even saw a former co-worker and that was fun surprising him. The day was great and although the weather was getting colder, it was still a fun outing. That night something went wrong, I had a tummy ache and then the diarrhea all damn night. I mean, this was unreal. Every time I'd lay down and think this was done, it would happen again and again. Needless to say I spent most of Thursday in bed, sleeping and hoping I was empty because, quite frankly, my ass was sore. Around 5:30 I elected to take some food and it stayed down...hope to hell this was just a one day bug because this inactivity and sleepy day crap is not my style at all!

I am hearing from many that some kind of bug is going around and many kids and adults are down with this sucker. Have no idea what other folks are taking, as for me, some Pepto Bismol was all I took and that provided great relief. Today I am experiencing some back pain but that could be caused from no activity and stiffness. I plan to cure that soon, vacuum and dusting, meaning bending and squatting should loosen those stiff muscles. Aw the weekend...how delightful.

Oh one more photo to complete the start of your weekend...come on, its funny:

How many did you want?

Rules of the Clothesline

2011-10-11T07:12:00.000-04:00

You have to be a certain age to appreciate this. I can hear my mother now ...

My mother would have loved this! Do you remember? Be sure to read to the end...the poem is so true.

THE BASIC RULES FOR CLOTHESLINES: (if you don't know what clotheslines are, better skip this)

1. You had to wash the clothesline before hanging any clothes - walk the entire lengths of each line with a damp cloth around the lines.

2. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order, and always hang "whites" with "whites," and hang them first.

3. You never hung a shirt by the shoulders - always by the tail!. What would the neighbours think?

4 . Wash day on a Monday! . .. . Never hang clothes on the weekend, or Sunday, for Heaven's sake!

5. Hang the sheets and towels on the outside lines so you could hide your "unmentionables" in the middle (perverts & busybodies, y'know!)

6. It didn't matter if it was sub zero weather ... clothes would "freeze-dry."

7. Always gather the clothespins when taking down dry clothes! Pins left on the lines were "tacky!"

8. If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins with the next washed item.

9. Clothes off the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket, and ready to be ironed.

10. IRONED?! Well, that's a whole other subject!

A POEM

A clothesline was a news forecast
To neighbors passing by,
There were no secrets you could keep
When clothes were hung to dry.

It also was a friendly link
For neighbors always knew
If company had stopped on by
To spend a night or two.

For then you'd see the "fancy sheets"
And towels upon the line;
You'd see the "company table cloths"
With intricate designs.

The line announced a baby's birth
From folks who lived inside -
As brand new infant clothes were hung,
So carefully with pride!

The ages of the children could
So readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed,
You'd know how much they'd grown!

It also told when illness struck,
As extra sheets were hung;
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too,
Haphazardly were strung.

It also said, "Gone on vacation now"
When lines hung limp and bare.
It told, "We're back!" when full lines sagged
With not an inch to spare!

New folks in town were scorned upon
If wash was dingy and gray,
As neighbors carefully raised their brows,
And looked the other way .. .. .

But clotheslines now are of the past,
For dryers make work much less.
Now what goes on inside a home
Is anybody's guess!

I really miss that way of life.
It was a friendly sign
When neighbors knew each other best
By what hung on the line.

The Green Thing

2011-10-04T07:48:00.001-04:00

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."
The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."
She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right. We didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right. We didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus, and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.

Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

HEALTH MESSAGE

Persimmons

2011-10-02T17:46:00.000-04:00

A small church had a very attractive big-breasted organist and her breast were so large that they bounced and juggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation.

The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So, one of the ladies approached her about the problem, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size. She warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up, and you won't be able to talk properly for a while.

The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and made an announcement:

"Dew to thir cumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday.

&%&&&&^^^^

Yes it is now October -- hello. I know, September went by way too fast,right? Plus, since we hit the first day of Autumn, the temps have slowly but steadily dropped and dammit, I gave up and attempted to turn the heat on last night. I mean, come on, rain, wind and low temp, this house was damp and some heat would be a welcome relief. However, I had a small problem: MY HEATER WOULD NOT CLICK ON!

Sunday morning my son-in-law came over, spent about five minutes on the heater and hurrah, I got heat. Man, does it feel good to have that damp feeling removed and the house warm. I do not want a "hot" or overly "warm" house, as I prefer it a little cooler but damp is not my idea of comfort. Usually we set the temp at 68 for the winter and that's where it stays. If company enters and stays and acts cold (some will flat out say, "damn girl, its like a friggin meat locker in here)--we'll crank up the heat. But as soon as they leave, its back to 68. We are not those clowns who crank the heat up and down all winter, no way. It's really gotta be extremely cold for us to think 68 is not warm enough.

Oh remember me telling ya about Sensa --what? you don't remember? Its that stuff you sprinkle on your food and you'll lose weight. Actually after a couple weeks, this stuff actually does tell your brain you are full and to stop eating. However, in my case, it also caused me some major stomach aches and through a process of elimination (I mean, come on, tummy aches from beer is not possible) I elected to stop using it. Now I am sending the stuff back and praying like crazy that my account is closed. Sometimes these companies are not good about honoring your request to stop, no more, I'm done, this is it, close my account and stop asking! Look, its really a case of this not working well with my doctor ordered meds...that's the real story. But I did lose 4 pounds--or it could of been the case of diarrhea that caused this loss??? Laugh, that was a joke!!

So, this is Sunday, football games have entertained me most of the afternoon, and I'm sure there's more for this evening...yes, I am a football fan but I think my Steelers loss today---dammit! Oh well, its early in the season and all is good. Yes, its cold outside, windy, rainy and miserable but I did manage to get out for awhile -- not too long tho -- not exactly hiking weather.

Worms in Church

2011-09-23T08:45:00.000-04:00

Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol...Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke...Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup...Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil...Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation, What did you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, 'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service!

This pretty much is what our weekend forecast is supposedly gonna be like, lots of rain..ugh. This is also the weekend I head to Buffalo and again, the weather doesn't look all that friendly. However, rain or not I shall have a good time and between my sister and I, we shall find plenty of places to keep Clint entertained and places to run off his excess energy!

The Talking Clock

2011-09-22T07:25:00.000-04:00

After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's up with the big brass gong?" one of his guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly a voice on the other side of the wall screamed ...

"You asshole! It's three-fifteen in the morning!"

%$&&&&&

Do ya realize that tomorrow, Friday, Sep 23rd, is the first day of Autumn? And the leaves are starting to change and I doubt this is due to stress as was the case earlier when folks notice leaf colors.

My sis-in-law and I headed to Clayton yesterday (we attempt to do lunch every Wednesday and find different places to check out). It was a lovely drive and we also had a mission in place, find the River Rat Cheese outlet, which we did and yes, we bought cheese!

Clayton is a quaint little village and it had been years since I had visited but off tourist season is the best, you got the streets and shops pretty much to yourself and the weather was delightful. We hoped to sit outside at Bella's Cafe, overlooking the St. Lawrence River but it was a tad chilly, so we opted to eat inside. Good food, good service and good prices. Then we walked around (walked off lunch) and checked out various shops...didn't buy anything but both of us repeatedly said, "I'm coming back here."

The weather outlook is for rain today and its a tad overcast but damn, I really want to get in a morning walk, so I'd best get off this computer and just go before the rains hit, eh? Have a lovely day.

Simple Truths

2011-09-20T11:35:00.000-04:00

SIMPLE TRUTH 1

Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".
Moral of the story:
"Hard work is never appreciated”

No Underwear - Makes Sense to Me

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said,

'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'

Motocross

2011-09-19T08:44:00.000-04:00

Okay, I’m gonna admit it, straight out…I don’t know much about this sport but this much I can tell ya, I LIKE IT! Hell I was even spelling it wrong, thinking it was "motor-cross," ya, live and learn.

My son-in-law was a serious rider for many years and then, took a ten year break but now he is back into it and man, is his little boy ever happy about that, because he’s a motorcycle fanatic.

So Sunday was my first time ever watching the races and I gotta tell ya, it was great fun. Weather was perfect and everyone was so darn nice. Now, I do know that next time I wanna bring a lawn chair. Oh the bleachers are fine but my back needs support too. Also, with that heat/sun beating down on you, one of those pop-umbrella tents would be perfect also (possible Christmas gift for sure). Food wise there was a wood-burning stone oven that was making and selling pizzas and damn, they were absolutely delicious. However, if I attended many of these (hint, hint) and had my chair, tent, water bottle, then I’d be more inclined to haul an ice chest and add some fruit and chips to the mix.

Ya as this photo indicates, it was a fun day and Dan did great and I was mighty impressed. A ten year absence and he took 2nd place overall for the day…not bad, eh?

So while the NY kids were doing their thing, the Minnesota group also had some fun this weekend as this photo indicates. Now I’m not sure if they went to get apples, pumpkins or just to sit on a hay bale in the middle of a corn field but regardless, they are smiling and happy as hell…good times.

Yes, folks, my weekend was fantastic, waking up to 41 degrees is a bit unpleasant but you know what, turn off the damn ac, open some windows and air this place out. In short order I fear the heat will be needed and as much as I would like to hold out until November, I’m not sure that’s gonna happen.

Well, the windows are open, kinda breezy but it’s gonna smell a lot fresher and later, I shall close them and hubby will never know the difference. You see, he’s not against fresh-air, per se, but he thinks opening windows means allowing humidity inside – hello, its 41 degrees, there is no humidity!!!

And so another week begins, was gonna do lunch with a friend but she had to cancel, so now I guess I gotta fix my own lunch,damn! As the house is airing, perhaps I should run to the stores and get stuff for my upcoming trip this weekend..can Buffalo really entertain us or not?

Secrets of a long Marriage

2011-09-17T18:18:00.001-04:00

The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda DA money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?'

Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."

&&&^%(((((($#@

I just could not resist adding this photo -- it just cracks me up. Oh come on, you damn well know you are laughing or at the very least, smiling!!

The shoes do it for me. I told my dau, "if when I reach this age and start to even think about wearing shoes like this, shoot me!"

Yes, it has been a delightful and beautiful Saturday in upstate NY --- started out cold but as the day move along, it did warm up a bit and was perfect. Was kinda hoping we'd hike Lampson Falls today but we hit a few garage sales and the huge Craft Fair in the village Park, which was great.

Now my dau-in-law has me really interested. Seems she got her Mom and then, she and her dau, went grocery shopping for some kind of special choc powder to make homemade hot chocolate and then, having done the shopping, she made if for her girl and they were sipping it all afternoon. Oh the memories -- screw that, I want the recipe, don't you?

Giving Up Wine

2011-09-15T09:02:00.000-04:00

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'
'No, I had to stop drinking years ago,' the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked..

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman... I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well,' I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

Yes, this is me on the NJ shore (rocks actually) a year ago -- man I'd like to go back,have another photo taken just so you could see I no longer weigh this much and after surgery this year, I dropped two pant sizes. I am still trying to lose weight but it's a long, drawn out process. Being skinny is not the objective --in fact, too skinny is bad also, I just want to drop another twenty pounds and then, I shall be content. That is my goal -- drop twenty by Christmas. No pressure, giving myself plenty of time.

So here it is Thursday,its like 52 degrees and I'm wearing shorts and wondering why in hell I am cold and better yet, why don't I get my sweatpants and socks so I can be warm? Dumb!!! And yes, it is raining too. The weather forecast says we're in for "cooler" weather the rest of the week -- hello, its Thursday!!! Way too early for cold weather.

A Kiss is A Kiss

2011-09-14T09:19:00.000-04:00

A tough looking group of bikers were out riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So she does... And it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

Oh come on, you know you laughed when you read this -- too damn funny, right? BTW on my walk this morning I looked up (I do this now and then) and what to my wondering eyes should appear but geese/or ducks in that infamous V-formation. All I could think was "this better be a practice run cause its way to early to be heading south!" My second thought was --"these are really dumb ass geese/ducks if they are headed south this early!"

Apples, Pumpkins & Runners

2011-09-13T10:13:00.002-04:00

Wow, it has been a busy weekend and lots of fun things to share. First off, the header photo. This is my grandkids in Minnesota, the girl took 10th place in her track group and the boy took 3rd in his group. Congrats to both, well done.

Now, the US Tennis Open is over and while my guy (Nadal)did not win, it was an amazing men's final. The women's final was unreal. Once again Serena Williams seems to believe she can say, do and act as she wants and nobody can stop her. Well, this time (as it was two years ago) she learned that was not the case. Ya,get the rule book out and read the sucker. However, to her credit, for the first time ever (in my book) she actually praised her opponent and said she played an amazing match. Normally Serena does not praise anyone but herself, if she wins she's was the greatest player on the court, if she loses, anyone could have beat her on that particular day. I mean, confidence is great but over-confidence is arrogance that just irks me. She is an amazing athletic but honey-child,you could lose a few pounds to make you LOOK like a fit athletic.

Okay, enough about them...how about an almost two year old apple picking and selecting a pumpkin? Last year, in NJ he wasn't having any part of this stuff but this year, he was truly into it. But first, I'm borrowing a photo from his Mom on his latest achievements:

After mastering shaving on himself, he decided to help Dada and shaved him too! Notice how patient Dada is during this entire process -- oh sure, that's a real razor...just no blade!

Apple pickin was great fun and once he got the hang of it,he was picking like crazy. Then decided to "taste" this apple, it was good, so now he preferred eating to picking.

Yup, he help select "his" pumpkin too. Last year, in NJ I plopped him the pumpkin bin and he bawl like a banshee, he wanted no part of this pumpkin business. What a difference a year makes...he had a blast and so did we.

Then on Monday he wasn't feeling too good, snotty nose and small cough, so he was gonna stay with Meme (his Auntie Beth figures he faked his Mama out so he could be with me) -- anyway, we had a good time. He helped me fold clothes, then he helped me make quick bread, as the photo indicates, he was a busy boy and while he liked licking the whisk, the actual bread was A-Ok in his book too.

And that was my Monday. Today I may head into Town an drive local merchants crazy and in the process, empty my wallet as my car needs gas -- ouch! Later on this month I shall head to Buffalo and take my grandson to see Niagara Falls too. Oh ya, the school season has begun, folks are slowing down and kids are, well, are back in school!!!

"Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement."

THINK ABOUT IT

2011-09-07T08:25:00.001-04:00

Okay, time to let our minds say what they are really thinking instead of wondering if our thoughts and/or opinions will offend. Well, of course thoughts are gonna offend someone, that’s a given but as long as we very clearly state this is MY opinion, or MY thought; we should be safe, right?

Now for the life of me I wonder why in hell Chaz Bono thinks America needs to see him dance? He wants to put his fat ass on Dancing With The Stars and supposedly he’s all ready lost weight just from moving his fat ass in simple dance steps! I do the Zumba dance and while I can’t say for sure I have lost any weight, I can say the stuff has moved around and my dancing –well, let’s just say, I’m having fun and as this is done in the privacy of my home, who cares what in hell I look like! I know America doesn’t want to see me dance!!!

Okay, here are the Minnesota grand kids, you know the drill, first day of school photos...they just wanted this over and anxious, yes anxious to get to school.

Now, waiting in line to sharpen your pencil is certainly a fun way to begin the year -- are you kidding me!!! Oh well, Ella waited patiently but she doesn't look overly thrilled.

Now these be some "smokin hot boots!"

I love all the first day back to school photos and comments. I think my granddaughter had the best line tho – when asked what she thought of her first day, what was the best part, she cheerfully replied: RECESS & GYM!!! Now that is an honest kid, right? My grandson on the other hand, said “math, it was so fun!” Gotta love’em, right?

Stop with the photos my grandson tell his mother, you're embarrassing me. Honey, that is our job, get use to it!!!

Also on the first day of school, the village finally decided to “pave” the lower half of our street. Keep in mind, this portion had been under the “watch out I’m a hole cone” for months until someone decided it was time to fix the damn hole and then, screw it, let’s rip up the road and then, we’ll think about it and eventually pave it! So all the equipment and half the work force showed up to pave yesterday but they didn’t get the entire job done. Hell no, at 6:30 this morning I heard beep, beep, beep and saw lights flashing, they were back and with even more cars and men to finish the job. This is not an entire street mind ya, just a small section and it’s taking this much effort! And you wonder why road work is so expensive!!

So on this Wednesday, Hump Day, let your mind speak and have some laughs. You’d be surprised, even shocked, at how many folks are thinking the same damn thing!

25 Ways to Tell You're Grown Up

2011-09-05T09:42:00.001-04:00

But first yes, September has arrived, did ya think it would not?

It means the college kids are back, joy, joy and the school kids will soon return to class --thrill, thrill. It also means, we need to slow down and look for kids and remember those big yellow things are called school buses, and you do not pass them and you must stop when they stop, okay? Let's have a nice school year, okay?

You ready for this -- well, sit back and enjoy.

Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them!
Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 a.m. is when you get up,not when you go to bed.
You hear your favorite song in an elevator
You watch the weather channel
Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook-up" and "break up."
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
You're the one calling the police because those &&^*^kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
You don't know what time taco Bell closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
You feed your dog science diet instead of McDonald's leftovers,.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
You take naps.
Dinner and a move is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 am would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
You go to the drug store for ibupforen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time
"I just can't drink, the way I use to" replaces "I'm never gonna drink that much again."
90% of the time you spend in fornt of a computer is for real work.
You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking, "Oh shit, what the hell happened?"
You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.

How ya like my new hat? Ya, a tad small, even I agree. Oh come on, you wouldn't do something like this to entertain your grandchild? Get a life, have some fun, laugh at yourself and well, just laugh...

Oh just so you know, I have decided all this excessive eating must end, so I am back to doing Weight Watchers, funny how if I write down what I eat, I eat less...oh hell no, I don't attend those meetings or weigh-ins, are you nuts. I can and do monitor myself. Now, the goal is to drop twenty pounds by Christmas...ya, lots of luck, eh? Sure join me, we can do this.

Have a lovely week folks.

One Word or Two?

2011-08-18T06:57:00.000-04:00

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other
for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.

'I would like it infrequently' she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over
towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?'

The Deaf Wife

2011-08-16T19:13:00.002-04:00

The Deaf Wife Problem

Dave feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Peg, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Peg, what's for dinner?"

(I just love this)

"For God’s sake, Dave, for the FIFTH time, its CHICKEN!"

Spur of the Moment

2011-08-15T09:38:00.003-04:00

Hey,nothing beats those last minute decisions to do something totally unexpected, right? Saturday, my daughter and I were somewhat bored so when she suggested we go to Water Safari,it took all of two seconds to agree,then we sprang into action. Clint was a bit mystified at first but later, he was game for everything Water Safari had to offer. Check on his first solo water slide...I think he thought his Mommy was gonna slide down with him, but nope this would be solo and his arms and legs are spread wide -- the landing is something else, he cried a little bit (shock I suspect) but he wanted to go again:

Now watch his back-ass-ward slide...the landing gets no points but he loved it...a little upset about his landing but hey, it's just water -- he kept going back to do it over and over. By now, even Mimi was no longer asking "who is catching him?"::

As the day wore on we tried many different water areas -- keep in mind, he is 22 months so we were not about to do anything silly here. He loved it all...the tidal wave was really cool--he loves the waves and likes to jump when they approach...so brave:

He had a blast and so did we...he was so much fun to watch and he loves the water. You will notice, I am sure, that altho he kinda shrieked when a wave hit, he kept going out further...brave little fella. As long as he can touch the bottom, all is good. We were getting exhausted, correction, Mimi was getting exhausted but it was so much fun. It's a bit of a drive to Water Safari but hey, we managed and drove back without hitting any deer so that is good. Food is expensive at the Park tho, paid $2.75 for one corn dog -- damn it was good but that is pricey in my book. No wonder people bring ice chests full of drinks and food.

I do have one gripe tho -- the ladies changing room (when you enter or leave the park) is up this damn hill, pushing a stroller and later, tried bodies hiking up this to change was just unreal...but the men, get this crap, their changing room/bathroom is on the lower level, no climbing for them...obviously this was designed by a man!!!

The only thing that would have made this day even more fun was if the Minnesota kids had been with us. Yes, they have been here, twice,but Saturday the weather was perfect, not to hot nor too cold and it was just a great day. A bit crowded but everyone was gracious and happy.

So our spur of the moment decision to visit and play at the Water Safari Park was perfect and we definitely had a great Saturday...good idea Kel, thanks for allowing me to tag along too. I didn't do the slides but I did get wet and I was, after all, taking tons of photos...
Water Safari Park is truly a fun place for the entire family ---long drive but hell, what isn't a long drive these days. We had a blast and the weather was great. Hope you have a great weekend too. Now the one challenge still remaining is my inflatable kayak...still gotta try this out, right? Oh ya, photos for dang sure, if it happens (yes,it will happen).

Harlequin Novel, Updated...2011 Version

2011-08-12T15:41:00.000-04:00

He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room.

Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.
He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear.

"Just relax."

Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves, slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat.

I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure. When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage.

And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply.

Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine to my panties.

Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking 'No' for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say . . .

"Okay ma'am, you can board your flight now."

What you thought it was gonna be something else, didn't you???

The Weenie Test

2011-08-11T07:22:00.001-04:00

Three 3rd Graders: an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Black kid, are on the playground at recess. The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says.

"Okay." They all agree.

The Irish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.

"That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out, and proudly shows that his is at least an inch longer.

Not to be outdone, the Black kid whips his out. It is by far, not only the biggest, but the fattest.

That night, eating dinner at home, the Black kid's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test, and read out loud from a new book, and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called 'Let's see who has the largest weenie."

"What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother.

"Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies, and I had the biggest! The other kids say it's because I'm Black. Is that true?

"No, Leroy. It's because you're eighteen!"

&&&&&&&

So, let me update you on my so called fitness madness. As many of you know, surgery kept me from snow shoeing this past winter and many other forms of exercise. I wasn't the most patient and resumed exercising a bit too early and managed to pull an abdominal muscle, so I was back to square one. Anyway, I did get back to walking, three days a week and doing about 2.5 miles each time. It's not a speed walk mind you,but a nice pace that allows me to enjoy the walk and keeps me outside.

Anyway, having heard alot about Zumba dancing, I decided to purchase the Wii Zumba Dance program. Please keep in mind, I have three left feet and damn little rhythm, I mean, I like to think I do but I don't (ya, like none of you have this same issue???). Anyway, I hook it up and we do these tutorials. Boring as hell, but at the same time, helpful. Mirror the instructor and as she turns green this indicates you are doing things correctly and burning up energy - huh? I want to burn calories and lose weight not burn up energy!!!

Eventually I got sick of the tutorial and started the actual dance program. First I learned I was taking way too big steps and yes, they expect me to move my legs, ass, arms and somehow do all this to a rather catchy tune too. The real trick is to just relax, let yourself go and have fun...of course, in the privacy of your own home this is possible. I cannot imagine doing this in front of other people!!! But does it work? Tell ya, what it is fun, that is important and I do believe it will tone and help me to lose weight or at the very least maintain my stamina and energy level. I do not wish to become a slug...slugs are no fun.

So with any luck toward the end of the month I shall head to Buffalo, see Niagara Falls, hang out with my daughter, grandson and friends, then back to Syracuse and take in the State Fair. That should pretty much end my traveling for the summer I think. Still hoping to try out my inflatable kayak before the summer ends too.

Yup, life is good and I remain on this side of the dirt...keep smiling!!

This is the new seat belt law...gotta love it.

Catholic Beer

2011-08-07T07:53:00.001-04:00

CATHOLIC SHAMPOO

TWO NUNS WERE SHOPPING AT A 7-11 STORE. AS THEY PASSED BY THE BEER COOLER, ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER, " WOULDN'T A NICE COOL BEER OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING?"

THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED, "INDEED IT WOULD, SISTER, BUT I WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER, SINCE I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A SCENE AT THE CHECKOUT STAND."

"I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM" THE OTHER NUN REPLIED, AND SHE PICKED UP A SIX-PACK AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT.

THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED WITH A SIX-PACK OF BEER. "WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR" THE NUN SAID, "BACK AT OUR NUNNERY, WE CALL IT CATHOLIC SHAMPOO.

WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED UNDER THE COUNTER. PULLED OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS, AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE BEER.

HE THEN LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE, SMILED, AND SAID: "THE CURLERS ARE ON THE HOUSE."

&&&&&&&

Went to the county fair this past week and man, many things have changed and I usually enjoy change and understand change is needed. It was somewhat hard to see the youth building with so few club booths and exhibits tho. In my day, that building was cramed with youth work and we had to work hard to make room for all the club booths.

Even the animal barns had fewer animals this year and while folks "spread out" and had lots more room than they ever had in the past, it didn't take much to see fewer animals at the fair this year too. And, at least for me, the fact the midway and food joints didn't even open until 1:00 pm was really odd and I don't remember it being like that just 5 years ago either. Oh well, all in all, it is our county fair and it was fun seeing former kids now adults, showing off their own children and many adult volunteers more than ready to greet and chat for awhile. It definitely was a fun time to swap stories and catch up. Even some staff were still on-board and I had a chance to chat with them too. Now its up for grabs "Do I attend the State Fair or not?" Most likely I will and with my sister, which is always a fun outing.

Saturday my daughter ran in the 5K Waddington Homecoming event & we got to watch Clint. I gotta tell ya, he is something else. He is talking up a storm these days and while most words I can understand, some are just unknown. Best of all, he will repeat them, over and over, very patiently expecting me to somehow understand them but it never happens. Finally I just say "I guess,"and he is content and moves on to another word or game. He is a pistol for dang sure!!!

So that has been my weekend, oh, Saturday night Hubby and I had date night, went to the movie and saw Cowboys and Alien. Okay, we have seen worse, much worse and on a scale of 1 to ten, with ten being totally lousy, I would give this movie a 6 may a 7. It was for the most part entertaining and fun to see Harrison Ford as not quite the good guy for a change. He was a good guy but not the main good guy! Ya, that made a lot of sense, eh? Oh hell, go see the damn movie for yourself.

The Green Thing

2011-08-04T08:23:00.000-04:00

The Green Thing

In the line at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized to him and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment."

He was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.

But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana.

In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.

When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.

We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.

We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a young person.

The Green Thing

Bright Little Girl on Airplane

2011-07-30T07:51:00.001-04:00

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming, universal health care, or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don't know shit?"
And then she went back to reading her book.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Had a great week with my sisters and we did things at a pace we could handle, which was slow and easy. Weather was nice but the week prior, at our great-niece's wedding, it was 101 degrees in Syracuse and man, that was one HOT wedding!

After we survived the wedding, we all headed north where it was cooler and hung out on my deck, sipping cool drinks and then, taking day trips and laughing as much as possible. On one day trip was a visit to our parents graves in Russell. Well, every few miles we would see a sign that read, "Road Closes in 5 miles, local traffic only," but I kept driving, sure this was a mistake. But as we got closer and the marker was saying fewer miles, this ole farm dog strolls onto the road, mind you we are going slow (roads are twisty and full of potholes), the dog stops, as do we, has a itch, scratches, looks at us (we are roaring with giggles), then slowly moves off the road as if to remind us, this is his road but we can pass now. It was pretty funny.

Later we hit a road sign and nearly lost our pants. Egg's for sale, mayle syrup, and vegatales! When we posted or shared the photo folks would ask, "who got the egg?"

Actually a woman in a red convertible stopped, was laughing and said to us, "you know they just corrected that sign the other day?" We just roared -- gotta love our education system and no, this was not an Amish sign, they know how to spell!!

Singer Castle on the St Lawrence is something else. Sorry but whilst the boat ride was wonderful the tour itself was boring as hell. We much preferred Boldt Castle but once done with Singer, we just wanted off the tour boat, find a place to eat and get a cold drink. We were one hot bunch of gals on that boat too.

WE always take an annual sister get-together photo and we try hard to mix it up with different items. One year is was these horrible floppy hats, the next it was hoodies,this year is was homemade tote bags and fedoras -- who knows what we'll wear next year.

So now everyone has returned to their respective homes (or are in route) and up next, for us locals is the county fair in Gouverneur then the State Fair in Syracuse. At some point the summer will end but for now, its just delightful. Oh and before too many days escape, I do plan to try out my kayak. Ya, photos of that will be interesting too.

OLD IS WHEN----"getting lucky, means you find your car in the parking lot!"

Kids Definitely Say the Darnest Things

2011-07-20T14:35:00.000-04:00

Children Writing About the Ocean...

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6 )

2 ) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson . She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.(Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes
my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

&&&&&&&

Here is the Duchess of Poolbury and the hat is compliments of my grandson, who decided his hat looked better on me!!! Gotta love that kid.

Yes, summer has arrived and its so much fun playing in the pool with my grandson. He likes the bigger pool but even more so if Mimi gets in with him...he doesn't give you much time to change, he wants you in the water NOW!!!

Hope you all are having a good summer, that you can escape the heat when its unbearable and eating lots of fresh veggies...hey, support the local farmers, buy from them not some damn grocery store!!! Have a good one and yes, keep smiling damnit!

Sage Advice

2011-07-11T11:23:00.000-04:00

Old Farmer's Advice from the South

“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”

“Keep skunks, lawyers, and bankers at a distance.”

“Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”

“A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.”

“Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.”

“Meanness don't just happen overnight.”

“Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.”

“Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.”

“It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.”

“You cannot unsay a cruel word.”

“Every path has a few puddles.”

“When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.”

“The best sermons are lived, not preached.”

“Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.”

“Don't judge folks by their relatives.

“Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.”

“Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.”

“Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.”

“Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.”

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.”

“Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

“The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.”

“Always drink upstream from the herd.”

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.”

“Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.”

“Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.”
“If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.”

“Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.”

Innocence of Childhood

2011-07-07T10:22:00.000-04:00

'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?'

Mom replies, 'No, because she is in heat.'

'What's that mean?' asked the child.

Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'

The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.'

Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.'

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?'

The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'

If you ain't laffin'... You ain't livin'

4th of July

2011-07-01T07:06:00.000-04:00

Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence ?

Five signers were captured by the British as traitors,and tortured before they died.

Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured.

Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.

They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

What kind of men were they?

Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners;

men of means, well educated, but they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.

Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.

Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.

Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.

At the battle of Yorktown , Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.

Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.

John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished.

So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these patriots. It's not much to ask for the price they paid.

Remember: freedom is never free!

I hope you will show your support by sending this to as many people as you can, please. It's time we get the word out that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of July has more to it than beer, picnics and baseball games.

Temper Control for Grandparents

2011-06-28T06:55:00.000-04:00

Temper control for Grandparents

A woman in a supermarket is watching a grandfather and his badly-behaved 3-year-old grandson.

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, the grandfather is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the grandfather calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and the grandfather says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax, buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. This little shit's name is Kevin."

Sage Advice

2011-06-26T10:22:00.000-04:00

Old Farmer's Advice from the South

“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”

“Keep skunks, lawyers, and bankers at a distance.”

“Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”

“A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.”

“Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.”

“Meanness don't just happen overnight.”

“Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.”

“Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.”

“It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.”

“You cannot unsay a cruel word.”

“Every path has a few puddles.”

“When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.”

“The best sermons are lived, not preached.”

“Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.”

“Don't judge folks by their relatives.

“Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.”

“Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.”

“Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.”

“Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.”

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.”

“Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

“The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.”

“Always drink upstream from the herd.”

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.”

“Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.”

“Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.”

“If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.”

“Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.”

Beware of Older Men

2011-06-26T06:51:00.002-04:00

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday.

She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.

Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?�

'About 32,' is the reply.

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'

The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.

She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'

Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.

It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.

Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her.

She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.

He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.

He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?'

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'

The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?'

'I promise I won't,' she says.

'I was behind you at McDonalds.'

Buying a Mature Woman's Bathing Suit

2011-06-23T15:47:00.000-04:00

The Bathing Suit (by a middle-age woman unknown)
When I was a child in the 1950s, the bathing suit for the mature figure
was-boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job.

Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.

The mature woman has a choice, she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent rubber bands.

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe,by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would be protected from shark attacks . Any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer fatal whiplash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place I gasped in horror, my boobs had disappeared! Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.

The bathing suit fitted all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdoh wearing undersized cling wrap.

As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.

I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring.

I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan 's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having rough day. I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning. I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.

Finally, I found a suit that fitted, it was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.

When I got it home, I found a label that read, "Material might become transparent in water."

So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!

You'd better be laughing or rolling on the floor by this time. Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain, with or without a bathing suit!

Paraprosdokian

2011-06-21T06:29:00.000-04:00

I had to look up paraprosdokian.

Here is the definition: "It is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part." Paraprosdokians are frequently used in a humorous situation. "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
Ok, so now enjoy!

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive more than once.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Words of Wisdom

"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

Tractor Ride

2011-06-16T08:31:00.001-04:00

Regardless of the age, boys like tractors and "big" toys, like back hoes, bull dozers, dump trucks, etc. My 18 month old grandson is just learning how to drive his tractor...hasn't got the steering down, way to interested in watching the wheels go around. Take a look...kinda cute:

Ride in the big tractor

Vacuuming the garage

This is one busy little boy and loves being outside. He also likes to use the water hose...unfortunately, he hasn't quite got the full purpose and tends to hose grammie, the deck and misses the plants and his little garden. But hey he will learn.

He really is a big helper at the grocery store and very careful, courteous and good natured about pushing his small shopping cart. What a kid!! Wish my other grandkids lived closer, had a great time with them earlier in the month but miss they so much.

How to Kill Mosquitoes

2011-06-10T12:33:00.001-04:00

You may be aware of this, but I thought it was worth looking at again “How to Kill Mosquitoes - NOT A JOKE “ I can't wait to try this in the summer!

I was at a deck party awhile back, and the bugs were having a ball biting everyone. A man at the party sprayed the lawn and deck floor with Listerine, and the little demons disappeared. The next year I filled a 4-ounce spray bottle and used it around my seat whenever I saw mosquitoes. And voila! That worked as well. It worked at a picnic where we sprayed the area around the food table, the children's swing area, and the standing water nearby. During the summer, I don't leave home without it....Pass it on.

OUR FRIEND'S COMMENTS: I tried this on my deck and around all of my doors. It works - in fact, it killed them instantly. I bought my bottle from Target and it cost me $1.89. It really doesn't take much, and it is a big bottle, too; so it is not as expensive to use as the can of Bug-spray you buy that doesn't last 30 minutes. So, try this, please. It will last a couple of days. Don't spray directly on a wood door (like your front door), but spray around the frame. Spray around the window frames, and even inside the dog house. EARTH FRIENDLY TOO!!!

Update: I did spray this around my deck and yes, the skeeters died, but even more interesting was my grandson who decided he wanted to "taste" this spray bottle. Take a look and tell me, does he like Listerine or not?

He make me laugh so hard!

Wrinkled Butt

2011-06-10T09:36:00.000-04:00

How the world works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off while

Slicing salami at work,

He blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day

For 40 years and die of lung cancer,

Your family blames the

Tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes

Into a tree while driving home drunk,

He blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are

Brats without manners,

You blame television.

If your friend is shot by a

Deranged madman,

You blame the gun manufacturer ..

And if a crazed person breaks

Into the cockpit and

Tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,

And the passengers

Kill him instead,

The mother of the crazed deceased

Blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to

Understand the world

As it is anymore.

So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED BUTT

Is parked in front of this computer,

I want all of you to

Blame Bill Gates.

Now you all have a nice day...it is Friday, the weekend is ahead and life remains good!!!

Alex's Nightcrawler Business

2011-06-09T08:11:00.001-04:00

Night crawlers are a form of earthworm. Prized primarily for use as fishing bait, night crawlers are generally known as either Canadian or European.

The worms are collected by headlamp-wearing hunters. The worms come out from the ground only at night (or when the ground is deeply saturated following a decent rain fall).

Minnesota is known as the state with ten thousand Lakes, hell no I have not counted them but there are many, okay? And fishing is a passion like Hockey for these folks. And of course, in order to fish you need bait, right? The bait of choice is night crawlers. So my grandson has become quite the entrepreneur. And as he catches them mostly at night, after a heavy rain, he is one busy young man. He also informed me; "grandma they are fast, you gotta be quick!" This usually means either his Father or Grandfather goes with him at night to shine the flashlight which allows him to use both hands.

Once caught, they need to be counted and placed in containers that have worm food (or something akin to worm food). A dozen per container is the game plan. Then, kept in a cool place (preferable not Mom's refrigerator) until they can be sold. This enterprising young man, sells them for $2 a dozen (which is a good price) and he has a contract with the local sport's shop for ten dozen per week. Now if it does not rain, he merely soaks the yard and waits! He is not akin to digging for them either...but its much more fun to have them pop up at night and he grabs them!

He also mows lawn to earn money as we wants a certain hockey stick next year and that is anything but cheap. He is just one busy young man and has figured out, on his own, ways to earn money and he is ten years old. But his real passion is hockey and we were fortunate to watch him play in an invitational tournament in Fargo while visiting last week.

Ready for Action

Good luck with your business Alex and have a great summer but also remember to read books...that is important too.

Left Nest, went West and Came Back

2011-06-08T08:17:00.001-04:00

Left the nest on May 24th and headed West. The photo to your left is not our car but a neat idea!!!

Before you ask and shake your heads, yes we drove and while gas prices were interesting, most places were cheaper than here. For example, the lowest we found was $3.59 and the highest $4.14, mostly we were able to pump in the 3 dollar range...which ain't too shabby!!!

It amazes me that no matter where you travel, there is a repeat of names for streets, counties, roads, etc. I mean, come on, we half expect each town to have a Main street, right? But when the same names show up in different states, it makes you wonder "what, they couldn't find their own damn name?" However, we only saw one Cobbledick Road -- interesting!!!

It was in either Michigan or shortly after we crossed into Wisconsin, that a Moose was literally running along side our car. Oh honey,you know we let it run wherever it wanted -- ever see what a Moose can do to a car -- total wipe out!!! It was just after we got in Minnesota that we began seeing rest stops that had outdoor toilets. One really got our attention as it had a huge pipe sticking out the top to which my darling husband said, "now that is some exhaust system!" We suspect its a heater as it does get cold Minnesota and even shitters need some heat!!!

Speaking of weather -- once we left NY it got nice here and we drove in rain and chilly stuff until we got to our son's place and then, we brought them one day of sunshine. Most of the time it was rainy and chilly. As we needed sweatshirts and/or coats, the locals were quick to assure us it was not that cold (bull -- 45 is cold in my book).

The real purpose of our visit was to witness and help celebrate our oldest grandson's graduation from High School.

Here is a photo board his Mother made and we all got to enjoy at his graduation party as well as a DVD with songs and photos of him from day ONE.

The party was wonderful,his parents did a bang up job and whilst it was chilly, they had plenty of food and even a portable heater under the tent for us clowns who found the weather cold. As for Kyle, he was gracious, attentive and very appreciative of everything. Greeting his guest, spending time at each table, willing to endure the numerous photo requests and just beaming with a huge smile. Perhaps the most exciting thing is his excitement about attending college in the Fall.

Okay, not to bore you too much I shall end here with the fact that we are back from our trip, thanks kids for a wonderful time, to Jim and Luella thanks for the great dinner on Monday and to make the end of trip complete. Came home to discover our hot water heater has bit the dust and needs to be replaced - hello vacation world! The next blog will contain more pictures of the "night crawler Seller and hockey tournament in Fargo. For now, here's a photo of the youngest grandchild, happy to see his grandma.

I miss you Grandma!

Having seen photos of me and having lost weight, it is clear I need new clothes. My tops are literally hanging off me and I look like a slob...or someone with no attire sense at all. So along with getting potty soil and plants (for my flower pots) I seriously need to buy clothes that fit....ya think!!!

Minnesota and Cold

2011-06-01T11:09:00.001-04:00

Ya, its now the first of June but northern Minnesota did not get the memo and the damn rain and chilly weather continues. It is 46 degrees--holy crap.

However we were here to witness our oldest grandson's graduation from HS and it was wonderful. The party, that his parents planned, was awesome and he was most gracious about greeting people and thanking them for coming to his party...he was truly sweet about this and it was duly noted.

The grad and his Mom...both were happy and proud.

The photo on the right is Alex and Nick, while everyone else was celebrating the accomplishments of the graduate, these two were getting night-crawlers. Which Alex would sell the next day and then, he was about to start his own summer business. He would collect night-crawlers and sell them to the local bait shop. Monday night he (with help of his Grandpa Cass and Daddy) managed to collect 19 dozen.

With all this rain, the foolish worms come up and you merely grab'em and he's damn fast and the worms don't stand much chance of ducking back into the ground.

Now Miss Ella and I, were are content to play pictureka and go to the local stores looking for "girlie"stuff. When we head to Fargo I have been advised she loves some store, Claire's, and this supposedly really brings out the girl in the girl. Lemme tell ya, she is a doll and so much fun.

Ella & Kyle

More updates as they occur. Yes, good trip and fun hanging with my son and daughter-in-law. Keep smiling folks.

Dirt n Water

2011-05-22T06:46:00.001-04:00

Grandkids can be so much fun. But when they get hold of a water hose, watch out!

http://youtu.be/JVtnOAHVC6c (ya click on this for viewing, thanks)

We love dirt and Water!!!

Yes, we had a good time....afterwards it was definitely tubby time. He really like the BIG tub. What a kid.

Stay off your Bicycle

2011-05-19T18:53:00.000-04:00

My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover.
At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."

Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist said, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."

Ya, go ahead and tell me you did not laugh, you're laughing your ass off right now, admit it? And if you need to ask what's a Schnauzer, forget it and get a life!!!

Well, the rain went away this afternoon, hells bells the sun even came out and the temp went up -- 75 degrees -- is that insane? So, I planted some Daisy flowers someone had planted in a pot and we'll see how they do in my so called flower garden (the space around my deck!).

Whatever else is happening, I am so tickled that the hummingbird is back -- he shows up a couple times a day and so far so good. Wish he would bring his friends but hey, little steps (or wings) at a time, eh?

Getting lists made and starting to "think" of the items I need to pack and wish to take to Minnesota. Ya, gonna head out soon and witness my oldest grandson's High School graduation -- its gonna be a blast.

Have a good one!!!

Investment Strategy

2011-05-18T07:24:00.001-04:00

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today!

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for the recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

It is called the 401-Keg.
And as a bonus...
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you damned proud to be an American!

&&&&&&&

Yes, of course the damp weather continues -- now listen, when we do get dry weather and warmer temps, the first one to bitch is gonna get beaten badly, so keep your mouth shut!!!

However, with all this rain, the birds continue to sing and yesterday, in honor of my grandson spending the day with me (well, it just worked out this way) the hummingbirds returned and I was able to get some really cool photos. Today, they are back and I am hoping to get some videos...ya, wish me luck.

http://youtu.be/4vV2OoT8sYg

Ya, try this link for the video -- who knows, it might actually work.

Married 4 Times

2011-05-15T06:40:00.000-04:00

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

&&&&&&&

Ya, its Sunday and it has rained all night and most of Saturday, so yes, its been damp, dreary and yet the birds keep on singing! Supposedly we are in for a few more of these wet, dreary days -- how lovely.

In the meantime, we can sit back and read about all the failed marriages and how this one cheated on that one and how they think they have found someone to replace Charlie on Two and A Half Men.

Have a lovely day!

Who Should I Marry

2011-05-09T06:57:00.000-04:00

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. (Love this one, how true it is)
-- Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is .......

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

Policemen say the darnest Things

2011-05-04T18:35:00.000-04:00

These Are Actual Comments Made By South Carolina Troopers That Were Taken Off Their Car Videos:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS…

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Pet Fish

2011-05-01T16:03:00.000-04:00

Pet Fish

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish was approached recently by a game warden in Central Mississippi as he started to drive his boat away from a lake.

The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"

"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers.
These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish??"

"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."

"What a line of bull....you're under arrest."

The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment Man. I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"

"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"

The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"

"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.

The warden asked, "When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH," replied the warden!

"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.

You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.

Wisdom

2011-04-25T09:25:00.000-04:00

A guy is 76 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat one day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'

He looked around and couldn't see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.'

Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

With age comes wisdom.

When I Die Sell My Stuff

2011-04-25T06:57:00.000-04:00

The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is...

Dianne and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.

"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff.."
Dianne looked at me and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

%%%%%%%%

Love my talented daughter's Bunny cakes! I was suppose to help her but after shopping (grocery) and playing with my grandson, I was pooped and went home. However as you can see, she did not need my help!

Yes, we had a lovely meal and great fun. Now I can get serious about dropping ten more pounds. Hide the damn jelly beans and keep those candies outta sight.

Plus, Monday looks like the sun will bless us and the temp, currently is 40 degrees, so I can definitely get in my morning walk -- hurrah! Like I said, I gotta get serious about this weight business and its not just weight, fitness is also important now that I am able to walk a bit further and my energy level has increased a bit. Still am unable to lift anything over 5 pounds but that will happen in due course as well.

Have a lovely day. Oh hell, just smile and pretend its a lovely day!!

God's Wife

2011-04-22T07:13:00.000-04:00

Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott. Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen..

On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school.
Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement..

'Guess what, Mom,' he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to
me.....'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.'

***********************

An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering With cold. A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'

'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,'was the boy's reply.

The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel.. He quickly brought them to her.

She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.

By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks..

Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes..
She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him..
She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now.'

As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her....

'Are you God's wife?'

Environment 1955 vs 2011

2011-04-18T06:35:00.000-04:00

In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized to her and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."

That's right, they didn't have the green thing in her day. Back then, they returned their milk bottles, Coke bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, using the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But they didn't have the green thing back her day.

In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time they had to go two blocks. But she's right. They didn't have the green thing in her day.

Back then, they washed the baby's diapers because they didn't have the throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts.... "wind and solar power" really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right, they didn't have the green thing back in her day.

Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a pizza dish, not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand because they didn't have electric machines to do everything for you. When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used wadded up newspaper to cushion it, not styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, they didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power. They exercised by working so they didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right, they didn't have the green thing back then.

They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty, instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They refilled pens with ink, instead of buying a new pen, and they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But they didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar and kids rode their bikes to school or rode the school bus, instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint. But that old lady is right. They didn't have the green thing back in her day.

Pass this on if you remember those recycling days!

HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN FROM IRELAND

2011-04-12T08:56:00.000-04:00

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big
garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would
that get me into heaven ?"

"NO !" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the grass,and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

Again, the answer was "NO !"

By now I was starting to smile. "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get into heaven ?"

Again, they all answered "NO !"

I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, Then how can I get into heaven ?"

A six year-old boy shouted out: "YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD..."

It's a curious race, the Irish. Have a great day.

New High School Exit Exam

2011-04-08T10:24:00.001-04:00

Ok, Let's try this.........

New High School Exit Exam, you only need 4 correct out of 10 questions to
pass.
(Passing requires only 4 correct answers) 40% !

______________________________________

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.

Check your answers below ....
___________________________

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs (canis)

7) Albert

8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson ( or red or pink)

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)

_________________________________

What do you mean, you failed?

Join the crowd..........

Senior Health Care -- the Solution

2011-04-06T06:38:00.002-04:00

Senior Health Care Solution

So you're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you, what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot two Congressmen and two illegal immigrants or a combination thereof!

Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They’re all covered. And, as an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now.

And who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.

Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.

Is this a great country or what?

$2.99 Special

2011-04-05T09:04:00.000-04:00

If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal with seniors this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior yet........God willing, someday you will be......

The $2.99 Special

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you three dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.

'YES!!' stated the waitress.

'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.

'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.

'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!

WE'VE been around the block more than once!

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Looky what I found along side my deck the other day? Does this mean spring has finally arrived or this flower is being brave?

Ya, the rain is coming down here too, no wind tho but lemme ask ya, with all the damn flooding, did we really need this rain? Need or not we got it, right?

I usually take morning walks, now that my energy and strength has returned, okay short walks but walks nonetheless. Well, I don't mind a light mist ( I ain't gonna melt) but these damn downpours just don't make walking all that pleasant. And my mission is to find blooming pussy willows and I haven't found them yet either..damn!!!

Our son's latest Mayo Clinic report is great -- he remains in remission, praise the Lord.

Not sure what is on my agenda today---walking is not on it but I'm thinking a trip to Wally world isn't completely out of the questions...surely I can find something to buy or hell, just walk the football field layout and consider that my walk for the day, eh?

Have a good one folks...life is damn good.

Jumping On The Bed

2011-04-01T07:10:00.000-04:00

Gotta love women~

I was at home happily jumping on my bed and squealing with delight.

Roger watches me for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?, What's the matter with you?"

I continue to bounce on the bed and say, "I don't care, I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says

I have the breasts of a 25 year-old".

Roger said, "What did he say about your 62 year old ass?"

"Your name never came up," I replied.

(Men . . . They just never know when to shut up, do they?)....I love it.

^^%***&^*&&&&

Hello April, you finally arrived and with a 35 degree temp and what appears to be rain...light mist but rain nonetheless. And we are supposedly under a winter Advisory until sometime Saturday. So April, the real question is are you gonna bring some warmer temps and can we honestly expect to see flowers too? I know, I know, tulips are pushing up and trying damn hard to make their presence known but are you gonna cooperate? We have had enough cold weather, so please April, a little warmth would be so welcomed!!!

Good luck to Alex today and tomorrow as he plays in yet another Hockey tournament. This kid is so popular and so good, he keeps getting selected for these teams and altho it may mean driving long distances, his parents see no problem with this. Also, this go around they'll get to visit Tammy and on Monday Dean shall head down to the Mayo Clinic for his check-up -- pray for continued remission.

Riddle of the Day

2011-03-29T09:11:00.000-04:00

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Bush is one.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.

Cher claims that she took on 3.

We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

What is it?

Answer below

The answer is: 'A Last Name.'

You didn't think I'd send you a dirty joke, did you?

Cold

2011-03-28T14:18:00.000-04:00

COLD IS A RELATIVE THING

65 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Upstate New York plant gardens.

60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Upstate New York sunbathe.

50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Upstate New York drive with the windows down.

40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Upstate New York throw on a flannel shirt.

35 above zero:
New York city landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Upstate New York have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 above Zero:
People in Miami all die.
Upstate New Yorkers close the windows.

Zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Upstate New York get out their winter coats.

10 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Upstate New York are selling cookies door to door.

20 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Upstate New York let the dogs sleep indoors.

30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Upstate New Yorkers get upset because they can't start the snow-mobile.

40 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Upstate New York start saying...'cold enough fer ya?'

50 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
New York public schools will open 2 hours late

Monday

2011-03-28T08:48:00.000-04:00

Yes, another Monday morning...life is good, right? A lovely 20 degrees with a breeze but its not as brutal as it has been...and trust me, that sunshine is deceiving with a brutal wind.

And yes I did take my morning walk -- just around the block with a small extension to the diner to get the morning paper. As my normal, everyday paper does not publish on Monday, I hike down and get the Watertown Times. A few days ago, I decided I was up to the task of extending my walk and baby, I paid for that decision. I was not ready and at one point I was hoping someone would stop and ask me if I'd like a ride!!! But I made it and it felt good but later that evening, I was just exhausted and I'm not sure the walk caused it or the case of diarrhea that hit big time!

Hope you are having a lovely start to the week. I get a new freezer today and that will be exciting. We had chest freezers in the past and said, "no more, that is not gonna happen again," so this go around its an upright, thank you very much.

Yes it is a Christmas Cactus and yes, it is blooming now -- so be it.