Homeless Funeral

A Homeless Man's Funeral, True & Very Sad

A Homeless Man's Funeral

 

       As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man.  He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.  As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, Being a typical male, I didn't stop for directions.

 

       I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

 

       I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

 

       And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep.

 

       They wept, I wept, we all wept together.

 

       When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car.

 

       Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

 

       Apparently I'm still lost.

 

       It's a man thing.

   

The Fence Test

Which side of the fence? 
If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test! 

If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. 
If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. 

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. 
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. 

If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. 
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect. 

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. 
A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him. 

If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. 
Democrats demand that those they don't like be shut down. 

If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. 
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. 

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his. 

If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. 
A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended".

&&&^%$$%

Don't ya just love this time of year -- okay, nobody is ready to see summer end or cold weather return but cool temps are certainly welcomed and hey, low to no humidity is delightful...not to mention, cool temps usually means the mosquitoes have decided to go to a warmer climate.

But the fun, at least for those of us not having to do this work, is witnessing everyone hauling things back into garages, storage sheds or in some cases, homes because such items are no longer practical now that the leaves are changing and within a few months, the white stuff will return.  As for me, hubby has declared October will see us cleaning the patio off -- oh goodies, by then I shan't be able to help at all -- good plan.  However, I have emptied, dried, deflated and put away the pool, rolled up the carpet under the pool and put away various pots and garden tools.  However, I also know that I need to buy some "tubs" or "storage containers" to replace the ones that are falling apart in the shed at the moment and causing major concern.  Yet I also know, once I get these tubs/storage cans, I need to sort thru shit and toss stuff out.  Always a fun process and if Hubby is around, my pack-rat will think we should keep certain things a big longer (his stuff for damn sure, not mine).

Here's a photo of us 44 years ago, yup we just celebrated 44 years of marriage.  Hey, come on, we got married while in Vietnam, and we have managed to stay together, have two kids and see four grandchildren entertain  us and become the joy of our lives.

This month hold some challenges for me but I shall meet them head on and do whatever is necessary to insure I am here, on this side of the dirt, for quite a few more years.

Take care everyone, slow down and remember school is back in session, kids are crossing roads, school buses demand our attention and for crying out loud, keep smiling.

Why Mitt is not Likeable

                          Why Mitt Romney is Unlikable!
> 
> One of the BEST things I've seen to date!!! 
> Now, THIS is what we need to be circulating!
> A lot is being said in the media about Mitt Romney not being "likable"
> or that he doesn't "relate well" to people. Frankly, we struggled to
> understand why. So after much research, we have come up with a Top Ten
> List to explain this "unlikablility."
> Top Ten Reasons To Dislike Mitt Romney:

> 1. Drop-dead, collar-ad handsome with gracious, statesmanlike aura.
> Looks like every central casting's #1 choice for Commander-in-Chief.
> 2. Been married to ONE woman his entire life, and has been 
> faithful to
> her, including through her bouts with breast cancer and MS.
> 3. No scandals or skeletons in his closet. (How boring is that?)
> 4. Can't speak in a fake, southern, "black preacher voice" when
> necessary.
> 5. Highly intelligent. Graduated cum laude from both Harvard Law
> School and Harvard Business School, and by the way, his academic
> records are NOT sealed.
> 6. Doesn't smoke or drink alcohol, and has never done drugs, not even
> in the counter-culture age when he went to college. Too square for
> today's America?
> 7. Represents an America of "yesterday", where people believed in God,
> went to Church, didn't screw around, worked hard, and became a
> SUCCESS!
> 8. Has a family of five great sons....and none of them have police
> records or are in drug rehab. But of course, they were raised by a
> stay-at-home mom, and that "choice" deserves America's scorn.
> 9. Oh yes.....he's a MORMON. We need to be very afraid of that very
> strange religion that teaches its members to be clean-living,
> patriotic, fiscally conservative, charitable, self-reliant, and
> honest.
> 10. And one more point.....pundits say because of his wealth, he can't
> relate to ordinary Americans. I guess that's because he made that
> money HIMSELF.....as opposed to marrying it or inheriting it from Dad.
> Apparently, he didn't understand that actually working at a job and
> earning your own money made you un-relatable to Americans.
> My goodness, it's a strange world, isn't it? 

Sitting in a Pew

In church, while reverently preparing for the service, I heard a sweet little old lady, sitting next to me in the pew, quietly whispering a prayer. It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share it with you.

She said,  "Dear Lord, this has been a tough two or three years ... You have taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite musician Michael Jackson, my favorite salesman Billy Mays, my favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor, my favorite singer Whitney Houston, and, now, my favorite announcer Dick Clark.

I just wanted you to know that my favorite politician is Barack Obama.

Amen."  

Blonde MALE Jokes

 A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
------------------------------------

Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. 
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
------------------------------------

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex. 
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
------------------------------------
 

A blonde man  is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" 
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
------------------------------

A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. 
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
------------------------------------

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. 
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------------------------------

A blond man shouts frantically into the phone 
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
------------------------------------

A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. 
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
------------------------------------

A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. 
His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"

He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.

"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.

"Here boy!" he replies.
------------------------------------

A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him

hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
------------------------------------

(This one actually makes sense.) 

An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

Ten Mothers In History

Ten Mothers In History

1. Michelangelo's Mother:  Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?                                 
2. Paul Revere's Mother:   I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew.                                
3. Mona Lisa's Mother:     After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give  us?                                   
4. George Washington's Mother:     The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye.                                          
5. Mary's Mother:  I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you.                                            
6. Columbus's Mother:  I don't care what you've discovered, you  still could have written.                                                   
7. Napoleon's Mother:  All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me.                                            
8. Thomas Edison's Mother:     Of course I'm proud  that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed.                                              
9. Abraham Lincoln's Mother:   Again with the stovepipe hat?  Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?                                    
10. Albert Einstein's Mother:   But it's your senior picture.  Can't you do something about your hair?  Styling gel, mousse, something...?          
11. ......An extra laugh for posterity:     Jonah's Mother:     That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years.

Gotta Love'em

Last night on a plane back home from Dallas to Tyler , I was sitting with
a friend I've known for many years, talking about church and a whole lot
of political things. Being a US Congressman, Louie visits alot of
different churches in the area throughout the year and he told me of
what happened in a local church on this past Easter that made me roll
with laughter, to the point of tears.

The pastor of this Baptist church had called all of the little children
to the front of the church, dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had
them sit around him.
He said "Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful.
Today we're going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what
the resurrection is?" One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor
said "Please tell us what the resurrection is". The boy, proud that he
knew the answer, said in a clear loud voice "When you get one lasting
more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!" It took a solid 10
minutes before the pastor could speak and there was so much laughter
going on that his sermon was probably forgotten - but that boy's voice
won't be.

Three Black Men

At  the National Art Gallery in Dublin , a husband and wife were staring at
   a portrait that had them completely confused.
 
  The painting depicted  3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
 
  Two of the figures  had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink
   penis.
 
  The curator of the gallery realized that they were having  trouble
  interpreting the painting and offered his personal  assessment. 
 
  He went on for over half an hour explaining how it  depicted the sexual
  emasculation of African Americans in a  predominately white, patriarchal
  society.
 
  
  'In  fact', he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink
   penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced
  by gay men in contemporary society'.
 
  After the curator  left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, 'Would
  you like to  know what the painting is really about?'
 
  'Now why would you claim to  be more of an expert than the curator of the
  gallery?', asked the  couple.
 
  'Because I am the artist who painted the picture,' he  replied.
 
  'In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.  They're just
  three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home  for lunch.' 

Hot & Cold Sex

After an examination, the doctor said to his patient: 'You appear to be in good health.  Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do.' said the old man.  "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I'm usually hot and sweaty."

When the doctor examined his wife a short time later he said, 'Everything appears to be fine.  Are there any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?'  The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband mentioned an unusual problem.  He claimed that he was usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time.  Do you have any idea about why?'

"Oh, that crazy old coot'' she replied.  "That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August."

&&&&&&

Oh come on, you know damn well you laughed or at least smiled when you read the above story about hot and cold sex!

As for me all is going smoothly, surgery recovery is a tad slower than I would like but hey, two surgeries in less than one month does wear the body out.  And don't let anyone fool you, the older you get the longer it takes to recover.  However, you do recover you just do things slower than before but things get done.  I am still restricted on what I can lift or haul, nothing over 5 pounds and I need to be somewhat careful with my arm movements...too much repetitive motion is not good at this point.

Having said all that, my game plan tonight is to grill up some lovely pork chops and chicken and my first ever attempt at scalloped potatoes with ham.  Kel is bringing asparagus so we are golden.

Hopefully this coming weekend, my dau, grandson and I shall head down to Syracuse and spend the weekend with my sister.  Now if her daughter shows up, it will be a super-duper weekend.  We could send the girls out shopping and us sisters could just hang out and swap stories.

My Kind of Teacher

My kind of teacher (I'm still laughing!) This one is dedicated to all my friends who ever taught school, parented children or served their country. A former Sergeant, having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.  Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was before trying any pranks.   Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. There was dead silence.  He had no trouble with discipline that year. &&&&&&&& Now here's a cupcake full of kids. The only grand child missing is Kyle and at 19 he has a job and works so no trip to NY for him this year...miss him big time. However, having the younger grand kids, son, dau-in-law, son-in-law and dau here for a week was absolutely wonderful.  We began this adventure by camping in cabins at Old Forge and the next day, it was Water Safari all day and it was just plain ass fun. Here is a photo of the entire crew -- now, you gotta realize getting everyone to sit still, smile and look at the camera is a trick very few can master and this is the best shot: Sadly the Minnesota crew headed back today and my house is so damn quiet I'm thinking of talking to myself.  Wait, I all ready do that -- okay, talk louder or turn on some music, eh?  Clint is still sleeping but once he wakes up he will want to see his cousins and will be irked that they are no longer here.  He had a blast with them and of course,being the youngest, they loved him too. Hope everyone is having a great summer?

God is PERFECT

A King, who did not believe in the goodness 

of God, had a slave who, in every and all

circumstances, said: "My King, do not be

discouraged, because everything God does is

perfect, no mistakes!"



One day the king and his slave went hunting,

and along the way a wild animal attacked the

king. His slave managed to kill the animal,

but could not prevent his majesty from

losing a finger.



Furious and without showing his gratitude

for being saved, the nobleman said "Is God

good? If He was good, I would not have been

attacked and lost my finger."



The slave replied: "My king, despite all

these things, I can only tell you that God

is good, and he knows "why" of all these

things. What God does is perfect. He is

never wrong!"



Outraged by the response, the king ordered

the arrest of his slave.



Later, he left for another hunt and was

captured by an army of men who made human sacrifices.



On the altar, ready to sacrifice the

nobleman, the savages found that the victim

was missing one of his fingers, so he was

released. According to them, he was not

complete so he could not be offered to the

gods.



Upon his return to the palace, he authorized

the release of his slave. Then, he received

him very affectionately.



"My dear servant, God was really good to me!

I was almost killed by the wild men, but for

lack of a single finger, I was let go! But

I have a question: if God is so good, why

did he allow me to put you in jail?"



"My King, if I had gone with you on this

hunt, I would have been sacrificed for

you, because I have no missing finger;

therefore remember, everything God does is

perfect. He is never wrong."



Often we complain about life, and negative

things that happen to us, forgetting that

nothing is random and that everything has a

purpose.



Every morning, offer your day to God, don't

be in a rush.



Ask God to inspire your thoughts, guide your

actions, and ease your feelings. And do not

be afraid. God is never wrong!



You know why this message is for you? I do

not know, but God knows, because he never

makes mistakes.......



What you do with this message is up to you.

May God put in your heart the desire to send

it to someone.



God knows why He chose you to receive

this message. 

Please, bless someone with it.

To My Real Friends

Friendship ~ None of that Sissy Shit.

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? 

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cute little smiley faces on this ~ Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1.. When you are sad ~ I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2.... When you are blue ~ I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile ~ I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4. When you are scared ~ I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.

5. When you are worried ~ I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6.. When you are confused ~ I will try to use only little words.
7. When you are sick ~ Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall ~ I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you up.

9 This is my oath ~ I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask ~ because you are my friend.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you
can feel the true warmth. 

   Now you can share this with others or just keep reading it and enjoying its message...it's your call.

    Had a lovely one hour walk this morning, humid as hell out there but no bugs so that was nice.  I like morning walks, so peaceful and usually the ones walking are just doing that, walking, not looking to stop, visit and form some friendship.  Not that we are against that idea but you need to set time aside for you and your activities and walking is it for me....when I walk with someone we usually end up talking and that, for some strange reason, slows down my walking pace..odd, eh?

    Two more days and back to the hospital for more surgery..such a lovely way to spend the summer.  Hopefully this will be the end of surgery for a long time...enuff is enuff.

Bran Flakes

The couple was 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.


They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
'What are the greens fees?' grumbled the old man.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy'
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?' he asked.
That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick.
This is Heaven!'


The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again, all you do here is enjoy yourself.'

The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your f....ing bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!'

 

It's so Hot That----

You know it's hot when:

.....the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.   .....the trees are whistling for the dogs.   .....the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance   .....hot water comes from both taps.   .....you can make sun tea instantly.   .....you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.   .....the temperature drops below 90 F and you feel a little chilly.   .....you discover that in July it only takes two fingers to steer your car (one on each hand).   .....you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.   .....you actually burn your hand opening the car door.   .....you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 5:30 A.M.   .....your biggest motorcycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death"?   .....you realize that asphalt has a liquid stage.   .....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter.   .....the cows are giving evaporated milk.   .....farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs. IT'S SO DRY that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving rain checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water!

Ya gotta love pool time.  My doctor said I could swim, if in a pool, no river swimming at this time (think he feared infection)...I mean, I still have staples and hopefully they will be removed this Wednesday. Anyway, it was so nice of Lisa to allow us to use her swimming pool.

But even more exciting was trying out my new underwater camera,trust me I am not about to post photos of me underwater, I look like some alien or floppy whale or something along those lines.  Hubby insists I look just fine but.....

Here's Maddy underwater, she is so darn cute!

Well, Tuesday started off with thunder-bumpers and then, heavy downpour, now the sun is shining and looks like we'll have a nice day.  Ya, dry out patio cushions again...ye gads!!!

So looking forward to having the Minnesota Rourk's visit us next month...I miss my grandkids, dau-in-law and son.  Just saw him two weeks ago but I miss them all and it'll be fun to have them here and we hope to rent cabins at Old Forge and spend lots of time at Water Safari -- oh good times.

A few Things

A Few Thoughts About Aging

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I  was having an affair  

                       She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?  

                      And that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'! 

 Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very  elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' 

'98,' she replied: 'Two years older than me.'

'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.

She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?' 

 Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 

'And what do you think is the best thing  about being 104?' the reporter asked. 

She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' 

 I've sure gotten old!

 I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,

new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes, 

I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, 

 take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. 

Have bouts with dementia. 

 Have poor circulation; 

 hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. 

 Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. 

 Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, 

 I still have my driver's license. 

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of  

shape, so I got my doctor's permission to 

join a fitness club and start exercising. 

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. 

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and  

perspired for an hour. But, 

by the time I got my leotards on, 

the class was over. 

 An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and 

told her preacher she had two final requests. 

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, 

she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 

'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 

'Why Wal-Mart?' 

'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a  

week' 

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 

Know how to prevent sagging? 

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. 

It's scary when you start making the same noises 

as your coffee maker. 

These days about half the stuff 

in my shopping cart says, 

'For fast relief.' 

 THE SENILITY PRAYER : 

Grant me the senility to forget the people 

 I never liked anyway, 

 the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and 

 the eyesight to tell the difference. 

Dating in 1960

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960 and Fred had a date
with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. "Have a
seat in the living room.  Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced
tea?"

"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.
"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.
"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt
shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..."

"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.

"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends,
that's all they do!"

"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.

"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if  we
let her!"
"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate
plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture
wearing a pink blouse and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in
a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house
and slammed the front door behind her.

""The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother.
""The  damned dance  is called the TWIST!"

This Is US

THIS IS US!!! 

Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or
imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we
have done and do not blame others.

HOWEVER,
upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took

The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement or
God out of government and school.
And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance
from personal relationships and interactions with others!!

And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country.

Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they
stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!

YES,

I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

I'm the life of the party..... Even if it lasts until 8 p.m.

I'm very good at opening childproof caps..... With a hammer.

I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.

I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.

I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.

I'm beginning to realize that
aging is not for wimps.

Yes,

I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!

Spread the laughter

Share the cheer

Let's be happy

While we're here...

 And,

MAY GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

And,

MAY AMERICA BLESS GOD!!!

Watch Your Mail

Watch Your Mailbox!

Just wanted to let you know -  today I received my 2012 Social Security Stimulus Package. It contained two tomato seeds, cornbread mix, a prayer rug,

a machine to blow smoke up my ass, 2 discount coupons to KFC, an "Obama Hope & Change" bumper sticker, and a "Blame it on Bush" poster for the

front yard. The directions were in Spanish.   Watch for yours soon !

That's my niece walking with the US FLAG..proud soldier. Sex at 75 I just went to the mailbox and took out a leaflet, informing me that I can have sex at 75! I'm so happy, because I live at number 71... So it's not too far to walk home afterwards. And it’s the same side of the street ... So I don’t have to cross the road!

 Hi Folks,

Hope your 4th of July was wonderful and that you made it to at least one parade.  Norwood certainly has a good parade each year and it gets bigger and better each year.

I had had surgery on the 28th and wasn't sure I'd be up to walking down, hanging around and enjoying the parade but I was there.  It was very warm and good thing it ended when it did because I was getting tired and knew I still had to walk back home.  Not that far but my energy levels ain't up to full speed yet.  

What was fun was seeing my grandson enjoying his first Norwood 4th of July parade.  He and his parents are usually out of town on this holiday so it was a new experience for him and like any kid, he too, collected candy and was a happy camper.