Secrets of a long Marriage

The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage




At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda DA money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?'

Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."

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I just could not resist adding this photo -- it just cracks me up.  Oh come on, you damn well know you are laughing or at the very least, smiling!!

The shoes do it for me.  I told my dau, "if when I reach this age and start to even think about wearing shoes like this, shoot me!"

Yes, it has been a delightful and beautiful Saturday in upstate NY --- started out cold but as the day move along, it did warm up a bit and was perfect.  Was kinda hoping we'd hike Lampson Falls today but we hit a few garage sales and the huge Craft Fair in the village Park, which was great.

Now my dau-in-law has me really interested. Seems she got her Mom and then, she and her dau, went grocery shopping for some kind of special choc powder to make homemade hot chocolate and then, having done the shopping, she made if for her girl and they were sipping it all afternoon.  Oh the memories -- screw that, I want the recipe, don't you?

The Deaf Wife

The Deaf Wife Problem




Dave feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.



Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.



The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.



"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."



That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."



Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"



No response.



So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Peg, what's for dinner?"



Still no response.



Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"



Again he gets no response.



So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"



Again there is no response.



So he walks right up behind her. "Peg, what's for dinner?"



(I just love this)



"For God’s sake, Dave, for the FIFTH time, its CHICKEN!"

50th Anniversay

 I just love a story with a Happy Ending!



50th Anniversary......


A couple were celebrating 50 years together.. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.




"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one .... 'Sorry I'm
running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you

know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."




"Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that we're

all together today."





Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad.

I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have

time to shop for you."




"It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."





Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy anniversary! I'm

sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy

packing so I didn't have time to get you anything.."




After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something

your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see,

we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to

college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved

each other very much, but we just never found the time to get

married."



The three children gasped and all said, "You mean we're bastards?"



"Yep," said the father. "And cheap ones too."

Lots of folks are celebrating anniversaries this month and I wish to congratulate each and everyone. As for me, well, on the 9th I can proudly claim we survived 42 years together and still going strong...one of these days, we're gonna wake up and say; "who the hell are you again?"

Went to the movies last night, The American was playing and Machete, we chose the American -- mistake!  It was one of those movies where you honestly did not get the point and even at the end, it still was senseless and one of those; "I'm a bad guy, mercenary and now I want out and what do you think happens?"  Ya, we should have seen Machete.

The Awesome Power of Cookies

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.


He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.


With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.


There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.


Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.


"Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral.

09-09-09

Whew, that was fun to write -- doesn't happen too often but when it does, hell, write it.

Okay, this is gonna be short --why? Well, today is my anniversary. Ya, imagine someone actually has put up with me for 41 years -- amazing, eh?

Yes, thank you for all your "happy anniversary" wishes, very nice of you.

Now as to what do we have planned...not telling ya a damn thing, so thar!

Hey, you all have a good day -- nice weather out there and with any luck, I may actually get some fishing in this week -- maybe even today!!!

An optimist is someone who believes the housefly is desperately looking for a way out!

The Hypnotist

A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches I've been having all these years?

Well, they're gone.''No more headaches?' the husband asks,'What happened?'

His wife replies, 'Margie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to stand in front of a mirror, Stare at myself and repeat,' I do not have a headache '' I do not have a headache '' I do not have a headache 'Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone.

'Well, that is wonderful' proclaims the husband.

His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?

Reluctantly, the husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, 'WOW! - That was wonderful!

The husband says, 'Don't move! I will be right back.He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning 'OH MY GOD' she proclaims.Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'With that, he goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying.'She's not my wife ''She's not my wife ''She's not my wife ''She's not my wife '

His funeral service will be held on Saturday