Fable of the Porcupine

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.

The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.
After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others.. This way they were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities. The moral of the story is:

Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life!
 

It all started a few weeks ago, visiting my daughter's friend, Natasha and her family in Buffalo, Clint discovered this play kitchen and man, that was that, he loved it and it kept him busy the entire time.  So, Meme saw one in a yard sale, it was free, and picked it up, cleaned it up and then, bought some items and he was golden.  Since that free purchase, Meme has also purchased a "new" play kitchen so he has two and talk about fun, ye gads, he's in the playroom forever!!! (BTW, play room is his bedroom and where his crib once occupied space, now its the play room.)

In the meantime, for reasons still unclear to me, our Wednesday lunch outing was great fun, we went over to Malone and I even saw a former co-worker and that was fun surprising him.  The day was great and although the weather was getting colder, it was still a fun outing.  That night something went wrong, I had a tummy ache and then the diarrhea all damn night.  I mean, this was unreal. Every time I'd lay down and think this was done, it would happen again and again.  Needless to say I spent most of Thursday in bed, sleeping and hoping I was empty because, quite frankly, my ass was sore.  Around 5:30 I elected to take some food and it stayed down...hope to hell this was just a one day bug because this inactivity and sleepy day crap is not my style at all!

I am hearing from many that some kind of bug is going around and many kids and adults are down with this sucker.  Have no idea what other folks are taking, as for me, some Pepto Bismol was all I took and that provided great relief.  Today I am experiencing some back pain but that could be caused from no activity and stiffness.  I plan to cure that soon, vacuum and dusting, meaning bending and squatting should loosen those stiff muscles.  Aw the weekend...how delightful.

Oh one more photo to complete the start of your weekend...come on, its funny:

How many did you want?

Persimmons

A small church had a very attractive big-breasted organist and her breast were so large that they bounced and juggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation.

The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So, one of the ladies approached her about the problem, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size. She warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up, and you won't be able to talk properly for a while.

The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and made an announcement:

"Dew to thir cumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday.
 

&%&&&&^^^^

 

Yes it is now October -- hello.  I know, September went by way too fast,right?  Plus, since we hit the first day of Autumn, the temps have slowly but steadily dropped and dammit, I gave up and attempted to turn the heat on last night.  I mean, come on, rain, wind and low temp, this house was damp and some heat would be a welcome relief.  However, I had a small problem: MY HEATER WOULD NOT CLICK ON!

 

Sunday morning my son-in-law came over, spent about five minutes on the heater and hurrah, I got heat.  Man, does it feel good to have that damp feeling removed and the house warm.  I do not want a "hot" or overly "warm" house, as I prefer it a little cooler but damp is not my idea of comfort.  Usually we set the temp at 68 for the winter and that's where it stays.  If company enters and stays and acts cold (some will flat out say, "damn girl, its like a friggin meat locker in here)--we'll crank up the heat. But as soon as they leave, its back to 68. We are not those clowns who crank the heat up and down all winter, no way.  It's really gotta be extremely cold for us to think 68 is not warm enough.

 

Oh remember me telling ya about Sensa --what? you don't remember?  Its that stuff you sprinkle on your food and you'll lose weight. Actually after a couple weeks, this stuff actually does tell your brain you are full and to stop eating.  However, in my case, it also caused me some major stomach aches and through a process of elimination (I mean, come on, tummy aches from beer is not possible) I elected to stop using it.  Now I am sending the stuff back and praying like crazy that my account is closed.  Sometimes these companies are not good about honoring your request to stop, no more, I'm done, this is it, close my account and stop asking!  Look, its really a case of this not working well with my doctor ordered meds...that's the real story.  But I did lose 4 pounds--or it could of been the case of diarrhea that caused this loss??? Laugh, that was a joke!!

 

So, this is Sunday, football games have entertained me most of the afternoon, and I'm sure there's more for this evening...yes, I am a football fan but I think my Steelers loss today---dammit!  Oh well, its early in the season and all is good.  Yes, its cold outside, windy, rainy and miserable but I did manage to get out for awhile -- not too long tho -- not exactly hiking weather.

The Pharmacist's Monday Morning

The Pharmacist's Monday Morning




Upon arriving home, Gene was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, Gene drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.

"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was
about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."

"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were  waiting for me to open up.
I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time
the darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing.

When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was  tell her."

&&&&&&&&

So how is your Friday going so far?  Oh way to early to tell, eh?  Ya, I understand. 

Bit misty out there but come on people, its 50 degrees and stuff is melting.  Of course with this mist and if temps drop, we'll have a real mess but for now its kinda cool.

As I felt good this morning, I got up and went into town to visit the gals at Curves, they were so good to me when I was in the hospital and sent me the cutest damn get well card. Anyway, it was great seeing them and of course everyone commented on how well I looked and baby, you have lost some weight -- and it shows!

And now we get a 3-day weekend....hopefully you all will find things to do that also allows you time to relax and get some much needed rest.



Pregnant at 71

PREGNANT AT 71


> A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.

> After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.

> An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.  After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

> The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.

> "What the hell is the matter with you?!" the older doctor demanded.” Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

> The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

And you thought doctors had no sense of humor, shame on you.

Well, it is Super Bowl Sunday and yes, I have on my game shirt -- Steeler fan all the way.  Later I shall fix my traditional chicken wings but this year they shall be rather plain as I am not allowed spicy foods yet...damn bowel resection sure takes the fun out of eating (at least for a while).  So, it shall be salt, pepper, olive oil and baked wings for me this year.  No biggie.  Hey, the game doesn't even kick off until 6 something, so plenty of time to do things and get a nap too.

Hubby decided to crank up the snow blower and do his best to move snow off the deck and sidewalks.  Even he admitted he over did it and he'll pay the price for that number.  Well, it does beat shoveling, which he does in small burst, which is fine but he stayed out there way to long and did way too much this time..ole fool.

So, have a nice Sunday, enjoy the game and keep smiling.

Beer & Colonoscopy

Dr Visit for a colonoscopy ?


I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam.

His new blond nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room

And told me to get undressed and have a seat

Until the doctor could see me .

She said that he would only be a few minutes.



After putting on the gown that she gave me

I sat down

While waiting I observed

That there were three items on a stand

Next to the exam table:



A Tube of K-Y jelly,

A rubber glove

And a beer .


When the doctor finally came in I said,

"Look Doc, I'm a little confused This is my first exam .. I know what the K-Y is for

And I know what the glove is for, But can you tell me what the BEER is for?


At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door
He flung the door open and yelled to his new nurse .. . . .. . .

Darn it Evelyn !!!

I said a BUTT LIGHT

Update on My Surgery

Dear Family and Friends,

Most of you know I went in for a small surgical procedure for a butt lift. I did not have the most pleasant of experiences. I wanted to show you how it turned out. Please, refrain from getting this procedure.

You will regret it!

Maxine's View On Health Care

Let me get this straight......

we're trying to pass a health care plan written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it, to be signed by a president that also hasn't read it and who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's broke.

What the hell could possibly go wrong????

Bitches 'til the End!

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order."

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. "Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini." After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis.

They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, "I've been diagnosed with AIDS."

The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat. After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, "Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?"

"Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone. "And THAT, my friends, is what is called, "Putting Your Affairs In Order."

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY...Women are like phones:They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected

HOW IS NORMA?

HOW IS NORMA? .......... This is hilarious !!

A sweet grandmother telephones St. Joseph 'sHospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear.What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said,0K "Norma Findlay , Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone andsaid, "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her bloodwork just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried.God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me squat."

The Human Body

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy measuring their thumbs.

And you thought this was gonna be about Tiger, didn't ya? Nope, I don't text him, I was not one of his alleged mistresses and frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!!!

Onions vs. Flu

Now here's one .......An ole remedy ???

Very interesting and worth trying. Flu In 1919 when the flu killed 40 million people there was this Doctor that visited the many farmers to see if he could help them combat the flu. Many of the farmers and their family had contracted it and many died.

The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise, everyone was very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that was different the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion in a dish in the rooms of the home, (probably only two rooms back then).

The doctor couldn't believe it and asked if he could have one of the onions and place it under the microscope.. She gave him one and when he did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion. It obviously absorbed the bacteria, therefore, keeping the family healthy.

Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser in AZ. She said that several years ago many of her employees were coming down with the flu and so were many of her customers. The next year she placed several bowls with onions around in her shop. To her surprise, none of her staff got sick. It must work.. (And no, she is not in the onion business.)

The moral of the story is, buy some onions and place them in bowls around your home. If you work at a desk, place one or two in your office or under your desk or even on top somewhere.

Try it and see what happens. We did it last year and we never got the flu. If this helps you and your loved ones from getting sick, all the better. If you do get the flu, it just might be a mild case..

Whatever, what have you to lose? Just a few bucks on onions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello October

Sweet Mama, this is one hell of a way to start October -- 39 degrees and chilly!

When you find it necessary to wear a coat, then you know the colder weather has definitely arrived. Unfortunately, when this happens brain cells die too. This is the time of year more and more fools decide throwing trash out of car windows is acceptable and what, the white stuff will cover it and make it go away too? Idiots!

Today was the annual (I am guessing this is annual thing, what in hell do I know) blood work for the VA Clinic. Not only did they want blood but a urine sample too. This is one time I wish I was a man because, trust me, aiming for that little container is not easy and any woman who says she does not hit her hand, is lying!

Ya, and next week I shall get the results and no I am not worried--I consider myself to be quite healthy thank you very much and while I have a few aches and pains, I take that as part of being an adult and aging nicely.

I will admit that I am not all that familiar with the Massena Hospital and I swear everyone was scheduled for blood work this morning but hey, they had us in and out of there in quick order -- good show! And guess what, I heard no cries from anyone -- amazing!

Then as I had to "fast"for this number I came home and ate -- damn I was hungry. Was gonna go for a walk but its raining and well, forget it. I will depart again to check on the granddog (aka let him out to whiz) but for the most part, I think I'll just do inside chores. What in hell does that mean?

That means take the summer clothes and switch them for the winter clothes and now the closet is ready for your winter attire and the summer stuff is getting a well deserved rest. Or crank up the heat and never leave your home but enjoy the summer attire all through the winter months. What the hell, it's your choice!

Happiness isn't something you experience; its something you remember!

Mid Life Experience

I can almost feel myself losing weight ----by forwarding this to you! You'll understand at the end.

I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be....Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60, 70 (or maybe even just pushing your luck), you'll probably relate.

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans..

We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, 'Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too'

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: 'For this I have stretch marks?'

In mid-life your memory starts to go.. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin ..

Mid-life means that you become more reflective . . . You start pondering the 'big' questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile.

Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired..

That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it! If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately. (That's why I had to pass this on - I didn't want to risk deleting this.)

$%$&**(^$%

You just knew I would make some comment on the 62 year old man who slapped a two year kid in Wal-Mart, didn't ya? Oh sure, he warned the kid to shut but did anyone think he would actually do something then, slapped her not once but a couple of times -- ye gads! Ya, and the Potsdam Wal-Mart's claim to fame is "our sewer systems is the pits, therefore, we call out the honey-wagon and haul this sheet away!"

Oh ya, life is full of ups and downs, literally! And the darlings are back in school and the stores are once again "safe" to visit and shop -- just watch out of those "folks" who love to stop and gossip for hours -- get a damn life people!

Hey, you all have a great day -- sun is shining and its beautiful out there -- hey, I think I may go fishing -- what the hell, license is good until the end of the month, right?

Cash for Codgers

Oh hell, just read it and laugh -- what else can ya do? We got so much news hitting us these days, who knows what to think -- personally I found this humorous and like you, I too need a laugh each day!

Fox News Alert - This just in from Washington.

Members of the Administration are expected to make this major announcement at a joint news conference later this week. I have obtained an advanced copy of the proposal which is named.... "CASH FOR CODGERS" and it works like this...

Couples wishing to access health care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be required to turn in one old person. The amount the government grants them will be fixed according to a sliding scale.

Older and more prescription dependent codgers will garner the highest amounts. Special "Bonuses" will be paid for those submitting codgers in targeted groups, such as smokers, alcohol drinkers, persons 10 pounds over their government prescribed weight, and any member of the Republican Party.

Smaller bonuses will be given for codgers who consume beef, soda, fried foods, potato chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy products, bacon, Brussel sprouts, or Girl Scout Cookies.

All codgers will be rendered totally useless via toxic injection. This will insure that they are not secretly resold or their body parts harvested to keep other codgers in repair.

You tell ME

Be sure you lock your doors and windows at home!

A man was found dead in his home over the weekend.

Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub.

The tub had been filled with milk, sugar, and cornflakes.

A banana was Sticking out of his ass.

Police suspect a cereal killer.

OMG

A funeral for the Cardiologist

A Cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter

When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral.......I'm a Gynecologist.'

The Proctologist fainted.

About Drinking Water

ABOUT DRINKING WATER

The following will probably amaze and startle you.

One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University study.

Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.

Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?

(No kidding, all of the above is true...)

Of course, too much water may have strange side effects.

The choice is entirely up to you -- can you imagine what size bra this is???

Health Care Changes.....:)

TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO A CHEAPER HEALTH CARE PLAN:

(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.

(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

(6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is "an apple a day..."

(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges,"is not a typographical error.

(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."

(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED A VERY CHEAP HEALTH CARE PLAN:

(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and Duct tape

CDC UPDATE

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is, sadly, controlling your life.

Get help immediately.

And that folks-- is Friday -- how ya like it so far?

What’s S.T.R.?

STROKE: Remember the 1st Three Letters....S.T.R.

My nurse friend sent this and encouraged me to post it and spread the word. I agree.If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks.

Seriously... Please read:STROKE IDENTIFICATION:

During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm Ingrid passed away.)

She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.It only takes a minute to read this...A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE

Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR . Read and Learn!Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S ----Ask the individual to SMILE.

T-----Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e. It is sunny out today)

R ----Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue

NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other, that is also an indication of a stroke.

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.

I have done my part. Have you?