Snowshoeing

Yes, we finally got enough snow for me to engage in a winter activity that I just love -- snow shoeing.

First, I had to endure three miserable days of rain, slush, ice, snow, wind and below zero temps, not to mention a wind chill that had squirrels hiding more than nuts!

Then a heat wave hit, 23 degrees and damnit, I was gonna don my snowshoes and trek about, if only in my own yard, like a pro.  Oh ya, great weather, light snow falling, no wind and it was just wonderful.  Only one small problem, this idiot forgot to check her equipment and as I was so thrilled to be out and about, decided to extend my hike and quickly discovered (as I nearly fell on my face) that one shoe was completely undone.  The damn strap was not secure and eventually it managed to "wiggle" free and how in hell I managed to keep my boot in the strap at all was amazing. But when you feel yourself "tripping" with snowshoes, you know something ain't right.  Plus, you look pretty silly too.  Oh well, as folks watched me, from the cosy warmth of their front windows, I definitely entertained them, with my quick step and no-fall performance. But the slow, dragging shoe back home walk was anything but fun.

Once in garage I fixed this problem and chewed myself out (mentally) for not checking this before...damn ole fool.  Then I debated whether to continue snow shoeing or give it up for the day?  I gave it up...if you exert too much on the first outing, you could hurt yourself and that would delay further outings, so this was good...30 minute workout and a nice sweat going, I was content.

Okay, now I am like many of you folks, wanna lose some weight but ain't gonna go crazy with this diet and that diet.  Walking is kinda out of the picture what with the icy sidewalks and below zero temps and driving to some gym to walk around is not exactly my idea of fun.  Ya, snowshoeing is what I do when the weather permits and I also fire up the Wii fitness program and do that number and let's not forget the lovely Zumba dance.  Hey, I got no rhythm, so I just bounce around, work up a sweat and keep things flexible and moving.  Some days I get carried away, thinking I'm much younger and pay for it with a sore muscle and aching bones (walk much slower on those days too).
And like many I read all these weight losing ideas and healthy eating plans. Who in hell has time for all that shit anyway?  The latest was weight saving tips aroundthe world...oh ya, this was gonna be interesting.  I won't list all but some cracked me up:

• Eat slower -- Americans tend to eat way too fast, so slow down, enjoy your meal.
• Spicey food is good for you -- helps burn calories (also cuts down on what you eat cause your mouth is on fire!)
• Eat more rice and beans (don't go out afterwards and only hang around friends, they'll be the only ones who can stand you).
• Eat at home (what a novel idea).
• Forget ordering supersized meals, they no longer exits (did MacDonald's know this)
• Yes, for chrissake, EAT BREAKFAST. Every country makes this claim and has their own idea of what that should consisit of -- just eat something.
• Swap the gas pedal for the bike pedal (now in the winter this might be a bit awkward but what the hell Norway does it, so can we, right).
• Crunch more pickles -- well, ain't that amazing...

So, there is your healthy list for 2012 -- basically, it remains the same in my book, move your ass and cut back on calories. Eat more fruits and vegetables and exercise.  Weight will drop slowly but the biggest accomplishment will be the reality that you have changed your eating habits and now, you will feel better, keep the pounds off, and clothes will finally be baggy.

Paraprosdokian

I had to look up paraprosdokian.


Here is the definition: "It is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part." Paraprosdokians are frequently used in a humorous situation. "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
Ok, so now enjoy!

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive more than once.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Words of Wisdom

"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

How to Kill Mosquitoes

You may be aware of this, but I thought it was worth looking at again “How to Kill Mosquitoes - NOT A JOKE “ I can't wait to try this in the summer!

I was at a deck party awhile back, and the bugs were having a ball biting everyone. A man at the party sprayed the lawn and deck floor with Listerine, and the little demons disappeared. The next year I filled a 4-ounce spray bottle and used it around my seat whenever I saw mosquitoes. And voila! That worked as well. It worked at a picnic where we sprayed the area around the food table, the children's swing area, and the standing water nearby. During the summer, I don't leave home without it....Pass it on.

OUR FRIEND'S COMMENTS: I tried this on my deck and around all of my doors. It works - in fact, it killed them instantly. I bought my bottle from Target and it cost me $1.89. It really doesn't take much, and it is a big bottle, too; so it is not as expensive to use as the can of Bug-spray you buy that doesn't last 30 minutes. So, try this, please. It will last a couple of days. Don't spray directly on a wood door (like your front door), but spray around the frame. Spray around the window frames, and even inside the dog house. EARTH FRIENDLY TOO!!!

Update:  I did spray this around my deck and yes, the skeeters died, but even more interesting was my grandson who decided he wanted to "taste" this spray bottle.  Take a look and tell me, does he like Listerine or not?

He make me laugh so hard!

Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat.. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

Have a great holiday season!!

Merry Christmas

Thanks Bubba, I knew you'd have some great holiday eating tips!!!

Helpful Hints

Hey, don't give me credit for this stuff, someone sent it to me and I'm merely passing it along..do these hints work? Who the hell knows!!

Helpful Hints for Winter

Keep your headlights clear with car wax! Just wipe ordinary car wax

on your headlights. It contains special water repellents that will prevent

that messy mixture from accumulating on your lights - lasts 6 weeks.




Squeak-proof your wipers with rubbing alcohol! Wipe the wipers with

a cloth saturated with rubbing alcohol or ammonia. This one trick can make
badly streaking & squeaking wipers change to near perfect silence & clarity.





Ice-proof your windows with vinegar! Frost on it's way? Just fill a

spray bottle with three parts vinegar to one part water & spritz it on all

your windows at night. In the morning, they'll be clear of icy mess. Vinegar
contains acetic acid, which raises the melting point of water---preventing
water from freezing!




Prevent car doors from freezing shut with cooking spray! Spritz

cooking oil on the rubber seals around car doors & rub it in with a paper

towel. The cooking spray prevents water from melting into the rubber.





Fog-proof your windshield with shaving cream! Spray some shaving

cream on the inside of your windshield & wipe if off with paper towels.

Shaving cream has many of the same ingredients found in commercial

defoggers.


Thar ya go...aren't you glad someone had time to figure all this out and pass it along?  Hey, watch your mouth, young kids in the house!!!

Enjoy

Due to the climate of excessive political correctness now pervading America :



Kentuckians, Tennesseeans, North Carolinians, and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as


'HILLBILLIES.'You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.


And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:



1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a


' BREASTED AMERICAN. '



2. She is not 'EASY' - She is

'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'



3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a
'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'


4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a

'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'



5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes

' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'



6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a

' LOW COST PROVIDER.'



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:




1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a

'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'



2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is

' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'



3.. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He

' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'



4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in

'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'


(Loved this one!)


6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's

'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.'

Getting a Hair Dryer Thru Customs

A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'

'Of course child. What can I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.


The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'

Did U Know

Every now and then, some helpful hints are offered -- hey, some I have actually tried and they worked, others, well, I haven't tried so I can offer no confirmation....duh!

Peel a banana from the bottom and you won't have to pick the little "stringy things" off of it. That's how the primates do it. Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.



Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!


Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef. It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking. To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up

Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic. [I did not know this, did you?]

Reheat Pizza Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works.

Easy Deviled Eggs Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep ashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.


Expanding Frosting When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.


Reheating refrigerated bread to warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.

Broken Glass Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.

No More Mosquitoes Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.

Squirrel Away! To keep squirrels from eating your plants, sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.

Flexible vacuum To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in nar- row openings.


Reducing Static Cling Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and ... ta da! ... static is gone.


Measuring Cups Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.

Foggy Windshield? Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car . When the window's fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!


Conditioner Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair.

Goodbye Fruit Flies To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2" with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!


Get Rid of Ants = Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants They eat it, take it "home," can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works and you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!

Well, it rained all blasted night and continues to rain this morning...so I guess one could easily say, "Tuesday is gonna be wet, damp and sleepy!"  Is this a sign of April Showers?

Oh you'll love this one -- some clown has reported "vacumming for 30 minutes burns 120-calories.  I assume this means more than just turning the vacuum on, don't you?

This N That

I really don't have much to write about but no matter what I somehow manage to find interesting crap...well, crap at least.

Elevators Can Bring Injury to Seniors

MONDAY, Feb. 15 (HealthDay News) -- Over 2,600 senior citizens suffer serious elevator-related injuries each year in the United States, and three-quarters of them are women, according to the results of the first large-scale study of these events.
Slips, trips and falls accounted for more than half of the injuries, and about one-third were caused by elevator doors closing on a person. The third most common cause of injuries were those related to the wedging of walkers in elevator door openings, the researchers reported in the January issue of the Journal of Trauma Injury, Infection and Critical Care.

8 Foods That Get You Going in the Morning [I personally thought it was my bladder]

What you eat can help you be more alert.

1. A spoonful of sweetness
2. A whole-wheat bagel
3. Lox on that bagel [really into this bagel stuff, eh?]
4. Spicy V8
5. Soy
6. Ice water
7. Coffee
8. If all else fails Place a tin of ginger-flavored Altoids, a few Red Hots, or a packet of Listerine strips beside your alarm clock. When the buzzer goes off, pop one or two of them into your mouth before hitting the snooze button. It’s virtually impossible to sleep with that "curiously strong" taste waking up your mouth.

Ya, who in hell writes this stuff, or better yet, comes up with it? Makes ya wonder, doesn't it?

I know this sounds strange but for some reason the "birds" just were not coming by my feeders and this was frustrating me. I mean, come on, I buy them the good stuff and the little shits don't show up? How rude. So over the weekend, I hauled a branch up, tied it to the deck and now, the little suckers have returned. They needed a branch -- fussy little shits. However, I do like watching them and capturing them on film. What the hell, its a hobby that is entertaining as hell.

Helpful Tips for the Week

Who knew? Did you know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional pain relievers?

Did you know that Colgate Toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns?

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 tablespoon horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil for instant relief for aching muscles.

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-even though the product was never advertised for this use.

Honey remedy for skin blemishes... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus: Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine Mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection...
To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear Nail Polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

Smart splinter remover: Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Hunt's Tomato Paste boil cure... Cover the boil with Hunt's Tomato Paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

Balm for broken blisters... To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine, a powerful antiseptic.

Vinegar to heal bruises.... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour[an hour, are they serious?] The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief... it's not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

And now you too can be your own doctor -- love these ole remedies and what is amazing is they work...health care? Emergency Rooms? Who needs'em!!!

Wasp Spray

I have a friend who is a receptionist in a church in a high risk part of town who was concerned about someone coming into the office on Monday to rob them when they were counting the collection.

She asked the local police department about using pepper spray and they recommended to her that she get a can of wasp spray instead. The wasp spray, they told her,can shoot up to twenty feet away and is a lot more accurate, while with the pepper spray they have to get too close to you and could over power you.

The wasp spray temporarily blinds an attacker until they get to the hospital for an antidote. She keeps a can on her desk in the office and it doesn't attract attention from people like a can of pepper spray would.She also keeps one nearby at home for home protection. You could also keep it in your car and it would be legal.

I thought this was interesting and it might be of use to lots of ladies... Pass it on ....

Catholic Shampoo

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler.

One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cold beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer's evening?"

The second nun answered, "Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am certain that it would cause a scene at the check-out counter."

"I can handle that without a problem," she replied as she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out.

The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer."We use beer for washing our hair," the nun said. "A shampoo, of sorts, if you will."


Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, "The curlers are on the house."

Good or Bad Tip?

Put your car keys beside your bed at night

Tell your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your parents, your Dr's office, the check-out girl at the market, everyone you run across. Put your car keys beside your bed at night.

If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies.

This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It's a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain.

It works if you park in your driveway or garage. If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar/rapist won't stick around. After a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won't want that.

And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there. This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime.

Would also be useful for any emergency, such as a heart attack, where you can't reach a phone. My Mom has suggested to my Dad that he carry his car keys with him in case he falls outside and she doesn't hear him. He can activate the car alarm and then she'll know there's a problem.

Okay this was the tip and you read it, right? Now, thanks to my sister and the gals at Curves the following comments will really get you to thinking about whether this tip is good or not:

• Great, while I am being raped, beaten and my house ransacked the car horn is blasting away and my neighbors are thinking “when is that ole lady gonna shut that horn off?”
  
• I live in the country, who in hell is gonna hear a horn blasting?
• If I did that, the keys would fall on my bed, I would roll over on them, my neighbors would call and say, “Put the keys back on the stand and shut that damn horn off!”
• Shit, I’d never remember how to turn that panic button off so I refuse to turn it on, are you nuts! Bring it on, come and get me!
• Who in hell doesn’t carry their keys to their car – what, you think we’d leave them at the counter – how friggin old are we anyway?
• Great! I tested this tip, horn blasted forever before I figured out how to shut it off and then, guess what, the damn battery was dead – forget it, alarm my arse!
  

So thar you have it, friends, now you decide. Hey, if nothing else it made ya smile, right?

How to Lock Your Car and Why

I locked my car. As I walked away I heard my car door unlock. I went back and locked my car again, three times. Each time, as soon as I started to walk away, I would hear it unlock again!!

Naturally alarmed, I looked around and there were two guys sitting in a car in the fire lane next to the store. They were obviously watching me intently, and there was no doubt they were somehow involved in this very weird situation. I quickly chucked the errand I was on, jumped in my car and sped away. I went straight to the police station, told them what had happened, and found out I was part of a new, and very successful, scheme being used to gain entry into cars.

Two weeks later, my friend's son had a similar happening... While traveling, my friend's son stopped at a roadside rest to use the bathroom. When he came out to his car less than 4-5 minutes later, someone had gotten into his car and stolen his cell phone, laptop computer, GPS navigator, briefcase.....you name it. He called the police and since there were no signs of his car being broken into, the police told him he had been a victim of the latest robbery tactic -- there is a device that robbers are using now to clone your security code when you lock your doors on your car using your key-chain locking device..remotely. They sit a distance away and watch for their next victim.. They know you are going inside the store, restaurant, or bathroom and they now have a few minutes to steal and run.

The police officer said to manually lock your car door-by hitting the lock button inside the car -- that way if there is someone sitting in a parking lot watching for their next victim, it will not be you. When you hit the lock button on your car upon exiting, it does not send the security code, but if you walk away and use the door lock on your key chain, it sends the code through the airwaves where it can be instantly stolen.

This is very real. Be wisely aware of what you just read and please pass this note on. Look how many times we all lock our doors with our remote just to be sure we remembered to lock them -- and bingo, someone has our code...and whatever was in our car.

This is not Snoopes approved -- while early technology made this possible, it takes a really dedicated nutcase to make it work today, why? Because each time you use your remote entry to lock or unlock your car, a new signal is used -- very difficult to replicate that signal.

I passed this one without checking but Jude did and now we all got the whole story...sorry but good to know, right?

GREAT CHUCKLES

PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR MOM, YOUR DAUGHTERS OR GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES, AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC.

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

5. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so we can tell them apart.

6. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

7. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

8. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

9. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.

10. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

THINGS I LEARNED IN FLORIDA...

I have been a tad remiss in that I failed to share with you the things I learned while in Florida. Ya, I know that was a couple months ago and while I visit there at least once a year, I do feel sharing things learned is a great way to keep us all informed - duh! So here goes:


1) A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in FLORIDA.
3) There are 10,000 types of spiders, and all 10,000 of them live in OCALA, FL.
4) If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5) "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.
6) It is not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.
7) "Jaw-P?" means, "Did y'all go to the bathroom?"
8) People actually grow and eat okra.
9) "Fixinto" is one word.
10) There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there is supper...
11) Iced tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two.
We do like a little tea with our sugar.
12) Backwards and forwards means, "I know everythin' bout you."
13) The word "jeet" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"
14) You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see...
15) You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
16) You measure distance in minutes.
17) You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
18) All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
19) You know what a "Dawg" is.
20) You carry jumper cables in your car - for your own car.
21) You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete , Tabasco and ketchup.
22) The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and high school football...
23) You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
24) You find 100 degrees "a bit warm."
25) You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
26) Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Walmartin" or "off to Wally World."
27) You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good hog killin' weather.
28) Fried catfish is the other white meat.
29) We don't need no dang Driver's Ed... If our mama says we can drive, we can drive dag-nabbit.
30) You understand these jokes and forward them to your FLORIDA friends and those who just wish they were from FLORIDA!!!!!

And this is why we live in NY and only Visit Florida LOL

This N That

This is my grandson with his hockey team in Duluth, Minnesota where they played and took 3rd place. Not bad considering all players were "hand picked" from various teams to compete on this team. They had a blast and yes, they were exhausted too. Mine is the one in the upper left, hand on knee or as I call it, the handsome one!

Exercise for people over 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

~~~~~~~~

BEE STINGS

This information may be something to remember, as this season will soon be here again... It might be wise to carry a penny in your pocket while working in the yard.......... BEE STINGS!

A couple of weeks ago, I was stung by both a bee and hornet while working in the garden.My arm swelled up, so I went to the doctor. The clinic gave me cream and an antihistamine. The next day the swelling was getting progressively worse, so I went to my regular doctor. The arm was infected and needed an antibiotic.

The doctor told me - “The next time you get stung, put a penny on the bite for 15 minutes". That night, my niece was stung by two bees. I looked at the bite and it had already started to swell. So, I taped a penny to her arm for 15 minutes. The next morning, there was no sign of a bite. We decided that she just wasn't allergic to the sting.

Soon, I was gardening outside. I got stung again, twice by a hornet on my left hand. I thought, here I go again to the doctor for another antibiotic. I promptly got my money out and taped two pennies to my bites, then sat and sulked for 15 minutes. The penny took the string out of the bite immediately.In the meantime the hornets were attacking, and my friend was stung on the thumb. Again the penny.

The next morning I could only see the spot where the hornet had stung me. No redness, no swelling. My friend's sting was the same; couldn't even tell where she had been stung. She got stung again a few days later upon her back---cutting the grass! And the penny worked once again.

Wanted to share this marvelous information in case you experience the same problem. We need to keep a stock of pennies on hand.

The doctor said that the copper in the penny counteracts the bite.

It definitely works!Please remember and pass this information on to your friends, children, and grandchildren.

BUDGET IDEAS

Oh come on, we all have ideas on how to save money, jobs and keep those school traditions alive and kicking. Unfortunately reality hits us and we are tossing and turning over – lose a teacher or lose a sport? Lose a teacher or cancel music? Lose a teacher or reduce bus runs? Oh hell, the list goes on and on, right.

Well, I think both Minnesota and Colorado have a pretty good thing going on and although I have no idea how much school desks and/or school chairs cost and I am guessing they are more expense than, say, an exercise ball! And you all thought I was nuts when I wrote that I had purchased an exercise ball and was using it.

It seems some teachers in Fort Collins, Colorado, consider the exercise ball a teacher’s dream (holy sheet, teachers dream? Amazing!). No more slouching, no more wiggly little boys and no more snoozing at desks. All the teachers had to do was ditch the classroom chair. And replace it with an exercise stability ball and this improves student posture and attention.


When I was in Minnesota in December I visited my grandson’s classroom and discovered they don’t use desks. The students sit or lie on the floor while working via computers. Everyone seemed happy, content and learning and the theory is, it works and the kids are learning and having a good time too.


Gee, what a novel concept – both of them and it works. I have no idea what the school saved on desks and/or classroom chairs but the fact is this new way of teaching has definitely enhanced the learning curve in these classrooms.

As for the weather - it is weather that's for damn sure! It's currently 25 degrees, a few schools have closed due to freezing rain and some, well, they were on delayed openings and who knows, they may have closed by now too. If this continues, it would not surprise anyone to see businesses close and send employees home. I drove back from Curves but before I could even think about driving, I had to scrape the ice off my jeep and wait for ice to melt so I could see thru the windshield. And yes, the roads are slick. I put the jeep in part time 4-wheel drive just to give me a sense of safety (quit, I'm being good here).

Yes, welcome to MONDAY! Ole Man Winter is not done with us and Mother Nature is allowing "him" this rant just to make him feel manly. Damn she can be a bitch at times!

Okay, on to your motivational tip of the day:

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

FACT OR FICTION

Every now and then, you just have to address these age ole musings. Is this fact or is this fiction?

It's an amazing process -- hope you enjoy the journey!

Five portions of fruit and veg isn’t enough, we actually need 20.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Five-a-day is based on research that shows about 1lb or 400g of fruit and veg a day lowers the risk of heart disease, cancer and other diseases. Eating more can only help.

Chocolate gives you spots.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Acne is caused by hormones and their effect on sebaceous glands, not diet. An unbalanced diet may make the condition worse, but there is nothing to link chocolate with spots.

Cracking knuckles gives you arthritis.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
A study of knuckle crackers shows no increased risk, but swelling and grip issues may result.

Eggs give you heart attacks.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
A paper written for the British Nutrition Foundation this week shows no link between egg consumption and an increased risk of heart disease. Eggs are highly nutritious and you don’t need to restrict your daily intake.

Shaving causes hair to grow back thicker.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Stubble hasn’t the tapered end of unshaven hair, so it just looks thicker.

We only use 10 per cent of our brains.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
We use about 60% of our brain even when we are asleep.

You lose most heat through your head.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
If it were true, people would be colder going hatless than trouser less, which is patently not the case.

Sugar makes kids hyperactive.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Trials into children with different sugar levels have not shown behavioral difference between kids who had sugar and those who did not.

Sugar causes diabetes.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
This isn’t true either. Adult onset diabetes is much more likely to be caused by eating too much and not exercising enough.

Carrots may help you see in the dark.
Fact or fiction? FACT
There is some truth in this one in that carrots are high in vitamin A. This vitamin supports the light sensitive cells called rods that help us to see in the dark.

Reading in the dark damages your eye sight
Fact or fiction? Fiction
While dim lighting can cause eye strain, the effects are not permanent, according to experts.

Sit-ups won’t get rid of a fat tum.
Fact or fiction? FACT
You'll only get a six-pack if you get rid of the overlying fat first. You’ll then be able to see the perfect abs emerging as you do your sit-ups.

An apple between meals cleans your teeth.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Far from cleaning and protecting teeth, apples may encourage decay because of their acid and sugar content. Watch sweet varieties like Pink Lady and Braeburn.

Cutting salt can reduce your blood pressure
Fact or fiction? FACT
Less salt can lower blood pressure and reduce the risk of heart disease and stroke, says the Food Standards Agency. Losing weight, exercise and cutting back on alcohol can also help.

Vitamin C will stop you getting a cold.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
The vitamin is needed for healthy functioning of white blood cells, but it can’t stop you getting a cold. A supplement might reduce the duration of symptoms, but it’s not a cure.

Your heart stops when you sneeze.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Pressure in your chest rises as you inhale and drops when you exhale, so your heart rate is affected, but it does not stop beating.

Eating late makes you fat.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Subjects monitored in a metabolic unit show no more tendency to put on weight if they eat their evening meal at 8pm than if they eat it at midday.

Going out with wet hair gives you a cold.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
You can only catch a cold if you come into contact with the cold virus.

Fat people have a slow metabolic rate.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
The bigger you are, the more calories you burn, because you use more energy in carrying your weight around.

Pull out a grey hair and 10 will grow in its place.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Plucking a grey hair will simply get you one new one in its place, not 10. Only one hair can grow per follicle.

Vitamins can’t give you energy.
Fact or fiction? Fact
Vitamins don’t contain calories, so unless you have a severe vitamin deficiency, whereby you can’t efficiently process food into energy, your energy level will not be affected.

Fish is good for an unborn baby's brain.
Fact or fiction? Fact
Why? Fish contains omega-3 fats, in particular DHA, which are vital to fetal brain development. However, eating fish later in life will not increase intelligence.

~~~~~~~

And that my friends is how the Brits address the Fact and Fiction questions and myths. Now you can sleep better knowing these have been addressed!

Please read "comments" to ascertain what these are -- I had no idea either.

Helpful Hints

There is something about below zero temps, water and snow that just creates some of the most amazing photos --well, I think they are amazing!

And yes, that water does look cold -- no swimming allowed on this day -- ye gads.

Coffee filters...who knew! And you can buy 1,000 at the Dollar Store for almost nothing.

• Cover bowls or dishes when cooking in the microwave.Coffee filters make excellent covers.



• Clean windows and mirrors. Coffee filters are lint-free so they'll leave windows sparkling.



• Protect China - Separate your good dishes by putting a coffee filter between each dish.



• Filter broken cork from wine. If you break the cork when opening a wine bottle, filter the wine through a coffee filter.



• Protect a cast-iron skillet. Place a coffee filter in the skillet to absorb moisture and prevent rust.



• Apply shoe polish. Ball up a lint-free coffee filter.



• Recycle frying oil. After frying, strain oil through a sieve lined with a coffee filter.



• Weigh chopped foods. Place chopped ingredients in a coffee filter on a kitchen scale.



• Hold tacos. Coffee filters make convenient wrappers for messy foods.



• Stop the soil from leaking out of a plant pot. Line a plant pot with a coffee filter to preventthe soil from going through the drainage holes.



• Prevent a Popsicle from dripping. Poke one or two holes as needed in a coffee filter.



• Do you think we used expensive strips to wax eyebrows? Use strips of coffee filters.



• Put a few in a plate and put your fried bacon, French fries, chicken fingers, etc on them. Soaks out all the grease.



• Keep in the bathroom. They make great "razor nick fixers."



• OH YEAH THEY ARE GREAT TO USE IN YOUR COFFEE MAKERS

Now for some more photos. Here's the Norwood Ice Rink and I for one have yet to see anyone use it, which is sad because it takes time and work to make this sucker and it can be fun to skate on it (I tried last year and well, not very graceful on the ice but I had a blast). The other shot is "beside" the ice rink, maybe it's the "starter rink" for new skaters? Whatever, that rink is there and should be used!

When it warms up a bit, get out there and enjoy the outdoors -- its really beautiful and peaceful.