CRYSTAL BALL

Oh you’re gonna love this – and it ain’t what you think (you are thinking, right?). This crystal ball is a large air filled ball used to assist you in a fun and yet challenging (remember this word) workout designed to improve functional strength, flexibility and stability!

See I told you it wasn’t what you thought and now, even I wish it was what we thought. Okay in a stupid moment I bought one and first let me bore you with the so called benefits (this could end up being Part I and II to follow soon?):

• Trains the body in functional movement (what in hell has my body been doing all these years, non-functional movements?)
• Forces the body to strengthen the stabilizing muscles (huh?)
• Challenges the body to improve alignment and balance (great I’m not aligned and off balance, holy sheet).
• Targets abdominals and lower back thus strengthening the body core to improve posture (strengthen the core for what?)
• Unique and easy stretching device (so was the rack).
• Improves muscle tone and increases endurance (muscle tone, endurance, what the hell --am I in some race?)
• Improves flexibility and increases strength (is anyone other than me seeing one word repeated over and over here – strength!)
• Stabilizes the spine (oh no, my spine has been unstable, damn).
• Helps you to lose weight (finally something useful).
  

Still with me, Moonbeam? Good now here are the advantages, ready for this?

• Fun.
• Easy for all ages from kids to grandparents.
• Portable and lightweight.
• Easy to travel with and to store.
• Inexpensive and comprehensive.
• 90 days guarantee (what after 90 days it pops?)

Okay, we’re all on the same page. First you gotta get this ball out of the box and blow the sucker up. Now this doesn’t seem all that complicated but I think this is how the strength part begins – using a hand pump, mind ya! No, I did not use that, do I look stupid? I got an electric pump. Now this takes considerable effort because once you fill it, you gotta get the “plug” back in before all the air escapes here’s that flexibility and endurance stuff!

Finally the ball is ready and now the first exercise – guess what? You got to WARM UP. Hell, I was dripping just getting the ball blown up and now a warm up exercise, ye gads! Fine, play along, be kind and learn. I think this falls under that functional movement number.

Anyway the first warm up is to SIT on top of the ball with arms relaxed on your thighs. Your thighs should be approximately 90 degrees to your lower legs (say what – where else would my thighs be?). Continuing on, place feet flat on the floor about shoulder width apart and begin to shift your weight up and down by bouncing gently on the ball. Oh when first trying these exercises, hold onto a wall or prop the ball against something sturdy for added stability!

To review, got the crystal exercise ball, got it blown up, sat and bounced on it and now ready for the next step. I shan’t bore you with these – arm exercises, push ups, trunk curls, abdominals/obliques, pelvic tilt, leg raises, hip extension, leg curl, outer thighs, inner thighs, upper thighs (damn we got a lot of thighs),and heel raises.

OMG the most important part – Before beginning this or any exercise program, consult your physician. Hell, I would think consult my insurance agent would also be a good ideas as well – increase that injury clause, okay?

So, I shall keep you posted on how me and the ball get along – this could turn out to be very interesting and when outside weather or conditions make walking a tad hazardous to my health, I can always do the ball workouts, right?

Wouldn’t you know it – brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever!