Dirt n Water

Grandkids can be so much fun.  But when they get hold of a water hose, watch out!


http://youtu.be/JVtnOAHVC6c    (ya click on this for viewing, thanks)

We love dirt and Water!!! 

Yes, we had a good time....afterwards it was definitely tubby time.  He really like the BIG tub. What a kid.

Stay off your Bicycle

My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover.
At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."

Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist said, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."
 
Ya, go ahead and tell me you did not laugh, you're laughing your ass off right now, admit it?  And if you need to ask what's a Schnauzer, forget it and get a life!!!
 
Well, the rain went away this afternoon, hells bells the sun even came out and the temp went up -- 75 degrees -- is that insane?  So, I planted some Daisy flowers someone had planted in a pot and we'll see how they do in my so called flower garden (the space around my deck!).
 
Whatever else is happening, I am so tickled that the hummingbird is back -- he shows up a couple times a day and so far so good.  Wish he would bring his friends but hey, little steps (or wings) at a time, eh?
 
Getting lists made and starting to "think" of the items I need to pack and wish to take to Minnesota.  Ya, gonna head out soon and witness my oldest grandson's High School graduation -- its gonna be a blast.
 
Have a good one!!!

Investment Strategy

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today!

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for the recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

It is called the 401-Keg.
And as a bonus...
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you damned proud to be an American!
 

&&&&&&&

 

Yes, of course the damp weather continues -- now listen, when we do get dry weather and warmer temps, the first one to bitch is gonna get beaten badly, so keep your mouth shut!!!

However, with all this rain, the birds continue to sing and yesterday, in honor of my grandson spending the day with me (well, it just worked out this way) the hummingbirds returned and I was able to get some really cool photos.  Today, they are back and I am hoping to get some videos...ya, wish me luck.

http://youtu.be/4vV2OoT8sYg

Ya, try this link for the video -- who knows, it might actually work.

Married 4 Times

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again  at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

&&&&&&&

Ya, its Sunday and it has rained all night and most of Saturday, so yes, its been damp, dreary and yet the birds keep on singing!  Supposedly we are in for a few more of these wet, dreary days -- how lovely.

In the meantime, we can sit back and read about all the failed marriages and how this one cheated on that one and how they think they have found someone to replace Charlie on Two and A Half Men.

Have a lovely day!

Who Should I Marry

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (written by kids)


You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. (Love this one, how true it is)
-- Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is .......

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

Policemen say the darnest Things

These Are Actual Comments Made By South Carolina Troopers That Were Taken Off Their Car Videos:




1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."



2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."



3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)



4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."



5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)



6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"



7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"



8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."



9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"



10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."



11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."



12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)



13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"



14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."



15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS…



16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Pet Fish

Pet Fish

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish was approached recently by a game warden in Central Mississippi as he started to drive his boat away from a lake.

The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"

"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers.
These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish??"

"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."

"What a line of bull....you're under arrest."

The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment Man. I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"

"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"

The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"

"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.

The warden asked, "When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH," replied the warden!

"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.

You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.

Wisdom

A guy is 76 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat one day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'

He looked around and couldn't see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.'

Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

With age comes wisdom.

When I Die Sell My Stuff

The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is...


Dianne and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.

"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff.."
Dianne looked at me and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

%%%%%%%%

Love my talented daughter's Bunny cakes!  I was suppose to help her but after shopping (grocery) and playing with my grandson, I was pooped and went home.  However as you can see, she did not need my help!

Yes, we had a lovely meal and great fun.  Now I can get serious about dropping ten more pounds.  Hide the damn jelly beans and keep those candies outta sight. 

Plus, Monday looks like the sun will bless us and the temp, currently is 40 degrees, so I can definitely get in my morning walk -- hurrah!  Like I said, I gotta get serious about this weight business and its not just weight, fitness is also important now that I am able to walk a bit further and my energy level has increased a bit. Still am unable to lift anything over 5 pounds but that will happen in due course as well.

Have a lovely day.  Oh hell, just smile and pretend its a lovely day!!

God's Wife

Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott. Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen..

On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school.
Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement..

'Guess what, Mom,' he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to
me.....'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.'

***********************

An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering With cold. A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'

'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,'was the boy's reply.

The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel.. He quickly brought them to her.

She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.

By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks..

Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes..
She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him..
She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now.'

As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her....


'Are you God's wife?'

Environment 1955 vs 2011

In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized to her and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."


That's right, they didn't have the green thing in her day. Back then, they returned their milk bottles, Coke bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, using the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But they didn't have the green thing back her day.

In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time they had to go two blocks. But she's right. They didn't have the green thing in her day.

Back then, they washed the baby's diapers because they didn't have the throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts.... "wind and solar power" really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right, they didn't have the green thing back in her day.

Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a pizza dish, not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand because they didn't have electric machines to do everything for you. When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used wadded up newspaper to cushion it, not styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, they didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power. They exercised by working so they didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right, they didn't have the green thing back then.

They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty, instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They refilled pens with ink, instead of buying a new pen, and they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But they didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar and kids rode their bikes to school or rode the school bus, instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint. But that old lady is right. They didn't have the green thing back in her day.

Pass this on if you remember those recycling days!

HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN FROM IRELAND

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big
garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would
that get me into heaven ?"

"NO !" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the grass,and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

Again, the answer was "NO !"

By now I was starting to smile. "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get into heaven ?"

Again, they all answered "NO !"

I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, Then how can I get into heaven ?"

A six year-old boy shouted out: "YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD..."

It's a curious race, the Irish. Have a great day.

New High School Exit Exam

Ok, Let's try this.........

New High School Exit Exam, you only need 4 correct out of 10 questions to
pass.
(Passing requires only 4 correct answers) 40% !

______________________________________



1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?


3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?



Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.



Check your answers below ....
___________________________

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs (canis)

7) Albert

8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson ( or red or pink)

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)

_________________________________

What do you mean, you failed?

Join the crowd..........

Senior Health Care -- the Solution

Senior Health Care Solution




So you're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you, what do you do?



Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot two Congressmen and two illegal immigrants or a combination thereof!



Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They’re all covered. And, as an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now.



And who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.



Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.



Is this a great country or what?

$2.99 Special

If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal with seniors this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior yet........God willing, someday you will be......

The $2.99 Special

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you three dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.

'YES!!' stated the waitress.

'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.

'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.

'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!

WE'VE been around the block more than once!

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Looky what I found along side my deck the other day? Does this mean spring has finally arrived or this flower is being brave?

Ya, the rain is coming down here too, no wind tho but lemme ask ya, with all the damn flooding, did we really need this rain?  Need or not we got it, right?

I usually take morning walks, now that my energy and strength has returned, okay short walks but walks nonetheless.  Well, I don't mind a light mist ( I ain't gonna melt) but these damn downpours just don't make walking all that pleasant. And my mission is to find blooming pussy willows and I haven't found them yet either..damn!!!

Our son's latest Mayo Clinic report is great -- he remains in remission, praise the Lord. 

Not sure what is on my agenda today---walking is not on it but I'm thinking a trip to Wally world isn't completely out of the questions...surely I can find something to buy or hell, just walk the football field layout and consider that my walk for the day, eh?

Have a good one folks...life is damn good.



Jumping On The Bed

Gotta love women~

I was at home happily jumping on my bed and squealing with delight.

Roger watches me for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?, What's the matter with you?"

I continue to bounce on the bed and say, "I don't care, I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says

I have the breasts of a 25 year-old".

Roger said, "What did he say about your 62 year old ass?"

"Your name never came up," I replied.

(Men . . . They just never know when to shut up, do they?)....I love it.

^^%***&^*&&&&

Hello April, you finally arrived and with a 35 degree temp and what appears to be rain...light mist but rain nonetheless. And we are supposedly under a winter Advisory until sometime Saturday.  So April, the real question is are you gonna bring some warmer temps and can we honestly expect to see flowers too?  I know, I know, tulips are pushing up and trying damn hard to make their presence known but are you gonna cooperate? We have had enough cold weather, so please April, a little warmth would be so welcomed!!!

Good luck to Alex today and tomorrow as he plays in yet another Hockey tournament.  This kid is so popular and so good, he keeps getting selected for these teams and altho it may mean driving long distances, his parents see no problem with this.  Also, this go around they'll get to visit Tammy and on Monday Dean shall head down to the Mayo Clinic for his check-up -- pray for continued remission.

Riddle of the Day

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.


Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Bush is one.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.

Cher claims that she took on 3.

We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

What is it?

Answer below

 
 
 
 
 
The answer is: 'A Last Name.'







You didn't think I'd send you a dirty joke, did you?

Cold

COLD IS A RELATIVE THING

65 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Upstate New York plant gardens.

60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Upstate New York sunbathe.


50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Upstate New York drive with the windows down.

40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Upstate New York throw on a flannel shirt.

35 above zero:
New York city landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Upstate New York have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 above Zero:
People in Miami all die.
Upstate New Yorkers close the windows.

Zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Upstate New York get out their winter coats.

10 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Upstate New York are selling cookies door to door.

20 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Upstate New York let the dogs sleep indoors.

30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Upstate New Yorkers get upset because they can't start the snow-mobile.

40 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Upstate New York start saying...'cold enough fer ya?'

50 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
New York public schools will open 2 hours late

Monday

Yes, another Monday morning...life is good, right?  A lovely 20 degrees with a breeze but its not as brutal as it has been...and trust me, that sunshine is deceiving with a brutal wind.

And yes I did take my morning walk -- just around the block with a small extension to the diner to get the morning paper. As my normal, everyday paper does not publish on Monday, I hike down and get the Watertown Times.  A few days ago, I decided I was up to the task of extending my walk and baby, I paid for that decision.  I was not ready and at one point I was hoping someone would stop and ask me if I'd like a ride!!!  But I made it and it felt good but later that evening, I was just exhausted and I'm not sure the walk caused it or the case of diarrhea that hit big time! 

Hope you are having a lovely start to the week.  I get a new freezer today and that will be exciting.  We had chest freezers in the past and said, "no more, that is not gonna happen again," so this go around its an upright, thank you very much.

Yes it is a Christmas Cactus and yes, it is blooming now -- so be it.

Jails and Nursing Homes

Here's the way it should be:

Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes.

This would correct two things in one motion:

Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical
treatment, wheel chairs, etc.

They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped
instantly... if they fell or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.

All meals and snacks would be brought to them.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counseling, a pool and education...and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally recognized entertainment artists.

Simple clothing - ie. shoes, slippers, pj's - and legal aid would be free, upon request.

There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.

Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio in their room at no cost.

They would receive daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection.

The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.

As for the criminals:

They would receive cold food.

They would be left alone and unsupervised.

They would receive showers once a week.

They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000 per month.

They would have no hope of ever getting out.

"Sounds like justice to me!"

The Rules of Rural New York

Yes, there is a huge state beyond New York City and it is called Upstate New York. It has some beautiful large cities and is also full of MANY, MANY small towns and abundant farm land which we call Rural New York.

Here is someone's take on "Rural New York" and it's quite accurate.

THE RULES OF RURAL NEW YORK ARE AS FOLLOWS: Listen up City Slickers!



1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap around straight... your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. I drive a pickup truck because I want to.

4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-90 and I-81 go west and south... use em.

5. So you have a $60,000 car... we're impressed. We have $250,000 combines... to harvest corn and soybeans that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in rural New York waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat meat, taters and gravy, beans and biscuits, and homemade pie. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available down at Jim's bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the Saturday before Thanksgiving.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vege tarian special' on the menu. Order steak or chicken. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices... salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah... We don't care what you folks in Chicago call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI !!

13. You bring 'coke' into my house... it better be brown, wet and served over ice.

14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long blonde hair.

15. The Syracuse Orangemen and high school football are as important here as the Giants and the Jets and more fun to watch.

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards... it spooks the fish.

17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have Cornell University, Ithaca
College, Syracuse U., Colgate, the SUNY syst em, Community Colleges, and
Voc-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and Country, and they still wave to everybody when they come home for
the holidays.

18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music anyway. We don't want to hear it any more than we want to see your boxers. (Refer back to #1.)


19. Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard... it's a flurry. Drive in it like you got some sense, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and eggs off the grocery shelves. This ain't Alaska! Worst case... you may have to live a whole day without croissants. Anyway... the pickups with snowplows will have you out the next day.

20. If you've never been here, come visit our friendly folks and enjoy our spectacular scenery... lakes, farmland, great fishing and hunting,wineries, museums, lots of history. Take a boat ride on the Erie Canal. Check out Niagara Falls and the Adirondack and Catskill Mountains.

21. By the way, if you want to talk to God in New York... it's a local call.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!


FROM RURAL NEW YORK WITH LOVE...

The Tourist

A tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is.

"These, senor," replied the waiter in broken English, "are the cojones, how you say, the testicles, of the bull killed in the ring today."

The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the dish and thought it was delicious. So he comes back the next evening and orders the same item.

When it is served, he says to the waiter, "These cojones, or whatever you call them...are much smaller than the ones I had last night."


"Yes, senor," replied the waiter, "You see...the bull, he does not always lose.

*********

Yes, it snowed last night -- did I honestly think the white stuff was over--in a word, YES!

What makes this goofy is my tulips are pushing up and ready to burst on the scene and I guess this dusting ain't gonna change their minds.....go tulips!!

So today is Open House at Potsdam State so that means going to breakfast is not gonna happen as every place will be crowded and I dislike waiting for my food -- so I shall just fix my own damn egg, so thar!!!

Hey, you all have a good weekend and best of luck to my grandson who is playing a huge tournament hockey in Canada this weekend and to the rest of the family, find some time to have some family fun away from the rink, okay?

Spring Forward

Ya, ya, everyone is gonna remind us, before we settle down for the night, push that damn clock forward an hour.  Hey, did you know doing this supposedly saves electricity?  Ya,that's the story behind all this crap!!!

Well, its Saturday and not too bad a day. Got a light dusting of the white stuff yesterday but hey the temp is 34 degrees, light wind and not too shabby.  I did manage to get a walk around the block in yesterday, roads were bare and except for some massive potholes and puddles, I did fairly well.  Hey, this was quite an accomplishment and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  I miss my walks more than you can imagine.

My appetite is slowly coming back too but not to fast and I am still eating small meals, 4 or 6 a day vs the big three meal number. This is kinda nice now that I am getting use to it.  And slowly I am reintroducing stuff I was prohibited from having until now...oh man, I can't wait to sink my teeth into fresh veggies and fruit.

My Lent number was no sweets and so far I haven't given in to that desire.

So you all have a lovely Saturday and weekend.  My energy level doesn't stay up long but I sure am liking my chair naps.  My lovely dau-in-law sent me an electric blanket and no more cold for this Mama. What was stupid was I didn't realize it was electric, just thought it was this nice fleece blanket, until I unwrapped it and the cords fell out -- ye gads!

Tiny Cabin

THE TINY CABIN

A social worker from a big City in Massachusetts recently transferred to Mountains of North Carolina and was on first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.

"Anybody home?" she asked.

"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.

"Is your father there?" asked the social worker.

"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.

"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.

"Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.

"But," protested the social worker, "are you never together as a family?"

"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse!"

Government workers are so very smart. Aren't you overjoyed that they'll soon be handling all our financial, educational and medical dilemmas?

Ya like you didn't laugh at this one -- sadly it seems like it really could happen, doesn't it?

The temp says 37 degrees, it did snow last night and it did rain and the road looks a bit slick but I have yet to check to ascertain whether or not schools are delayed, closed or still wondering what to do.

Yes, I hear ya, I too am getting a tad weary of these winter storms and just want the warmer weather to arrive.  March is definitely roaring like a lion so maybe May will be "lamb like" weather?  Hey did any of you visit Price Chopper in Potsdam lately?  Ye gads, its like a deep freeze in there -- someone should tell them to turn the damn heat on or something.









Kenya Elephant Experience

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .



On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,
after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and
walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.

The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.


Probably wasn't the same elephant.

This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

Ya, go ahead and tell me you didn't laugh when you read this, thanks Susie this was just great.

Well, its Wednesday but not just any ole Wednesday, its Ash Wednesday.  Now some give up something for 40 days and others do something for40 days and some do nothing at all..neither give nor take.  As for me I am giving up sweets, by that I mean, candies, choc cakes, donuts, etc.  Fruit is still fine but gonna try to stay away from the sweet, sugary stuff.  Ya, wish me luck.

Yes, thank you so much for asking, I am doing quite nicely.  Had a minor set back as I attempted to rush this recovery process and pulled a stomach muscle (that sucker hurt for weeks, still aches a little even now).  But I am back to behaving and have become a firm believer in the fact that you (1) cannot rush this process and (2) slow and easy is the only route one can and should take. 

I do what I can, when my energy level allows and that is all I can do.  I still can't lift stuff, which includes my grandson but he accepts that now --thank goodness. And slowly I am starting to cook a few meals -- simple and easy but it feels good. Today with any luck its spaghetti with Italian bread -- yummy.  I don't eat much so this will be a good leftover meal for the weekend.

Have a good one and keep smiling.

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

________________________________

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!



Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!



Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.



This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

________________________________

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

_______________________________

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.

His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.

_______________________________

THURSDAY:

Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.

_________________________________

FRIDAY:

I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

________________________________

SATURDAY:

Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..

________________________________

SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Fred's Funneral

Fred works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, ""Hey, Fred! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Fred. "He's in my bowling league."

 When they are seated, a waitress asks Fred if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Fred, starts t o rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Freddie.

 Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

 Fred's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Fred follows and spots her getting into a taxi.

 Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.  Fred tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Fred, you picked up a real bitch this time."

Fred's funeral will be on Saturday.

March First

Don't ya just love how creative the title line gets -- man, this requires some deep, deep thinking!!!

Personally I can hardly believe it is March but hey, one can always hope that when the 20th rolls around it will not only be but feel like the first day of Spring.  This has been a long, cold winter and I felt the cold more than ever before and yes, ready for some warmer temps.

I was doing just great until last Wednesday when I woke up with horrible abdominal pain and decided, much to my displeasure, that I needed to go to the ER.  I mean, when I use the ER, I really need the ER.

The took a urine sample, blood and even had a CT scan and all the ER could say was possible pulled muscle but considering surgery was just a month ago, check in with the surgeon in a day or two just to be sure.  In the meantime, here's some Percocet -- take one tablet every four hours.  Oh man, I had no idea this contained or is just another name for oxycodine (something I do not do well taking and avoid as much as possible)--I did take one tab and that was that, ibuprofen worked much easier and didn't have me having these horrible nightmares. 

Long story short, saw the doctor on Monday and yes, it is a pulled muscle.  Lemme tell ya, it hurts like hell but just knowing this is what it is, is a huge relief. Come on, like you wouldn't think of other crap -- like something was out of whack from the surgery, now its kidney stones, hernia, etc.  I mean, its your belly and its hurting, you just don't know, so when you discovered pulled muscle, hell, you wanted jump for joy.  Still hurts but hey, at least you can deal with it now.

 I just over extended myself and now the Wii Fitness program has been shut down and I must allow myself time to heal, I cannot rush this process --damnit.

Behave Grammie cuz I wanna play and have fun again...you being sick is not fun!!!  I have no idea where this expression came from -- he's been showing many new faces lately and some are pretty damn cute....

Irish Blonde in Casino

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a Little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the Dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm Completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and Squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her Clothes and quickly departed.


The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are drunks,

Not all blondes are dumb,

But all men.......are men.

&&&&&&&&

So for some this is return to work after a lovely 3-day weekend, eh?  For many the weekend has been a total bust as there's some "bug" going around that's knocking the crap out of folks and they are sick of coughing, snotty noses and no energy.  My grandson didn't really catch the bug but got another ear infection, high temp and feels like crap too. Then his Daddy caught the cold, then Mommy and now, well, so far Grandma is doing great.

I wanna watch him to give them a break but you see I'm still on this "no lifting" restriction a bit longer.  I can lift stuff, light stuff but he weighs over 25 pounds and that's a bit much for Grandma at this point.  However I am doing my Wii Fitness program, slightly modified to my abilities at this point which is sufficient to see me get a nice workout, slight sweat and no over exertion, so all is good.  Trust me, its been over a month since my surgery but I really am sick of this friggin inactivity and my energy levels are slowing getting stronger and longer, thank goodness.

Ya, I hear ya, me too, Spring shall be here soon enough and then we can bitch about the mud, floods and rushing waters...ya, like you won't being doing this -- ha-ha!  I like Spring, it is my favorite season, no really it is...melting ice, rushing water, trees and bushes starting to bud, and of course mud puddles and mud...love it.  Ya bite ya right back -- keep a positive outlook -- life is good.

Hey, do not resent growing old.  Many are denied the privilege.

The Pharmacist's Monday Morning

The Pharmacist's Monday Morning




Upon arriving home, Gene was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, Gene drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.

"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was
about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."

"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were  waiting for me to open up.
I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time
the darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing.

When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was  tell her."

&&&&&&&&

So how is your Friday going so far?  Oh way to early to tell, eh?  Ya, I understand. 

Bit misty out there but come on people, its 50 degrees and stuff is melting.  Of course with this mist and if temps drop, we'll have a real mess but for now its kinda cool.

As I felt good this morning, I got up and went into town to visit the gals at Curves, they were so good to me when I was in the hospital and sent me the cutest damn get well card. Anyway, it was great seeing them and of course everyone commented on how well I looked and baby, you have lost some weight -- and it shows!

And now we get a 3-day weekend....hopefully you all will find things to do that also allows you time to relax and get some much needed rest.



Racism

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days. A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage , would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

"Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I had asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, when I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot.”

******************

Ya, tell me you didn't laugh, go ahead! Some times these ditties hit my inbox and I just gotta share'em.

Oh the latest, most likely you have heard this if you listen to the Today show -- bullying is not just happening in schools or amongst the young, get this -- bullying happens in senior citizen housing and nursing homes. Some elderly have been bullied so much they literally prefer to stay in their rooms vs. socializing with other residents. Can you imagine? And its not just men who this but women as well, some ole witch who is so miserable she gets her kicks picking on other women.

Then to round out the day, we got that silly ass Charlie Sheen giving drug advice to the other crack-head Linday Lohan who can't seem to get over stealing whatever she wants, wherever she is or sniffing the white stuff.  Hey I use to like watching Charlie,he is pretty funny but lately all this drug and horny behavior is just too damn much -- he is one sick puppy and we should support such behavior.

Well, its around 37 degrees, very little breeze and I may just get outside and suck in some of this wonderful fresh air.  Still a bit slippy so I ain't gonna be walking around but I can still get out and so things.  Hey, if it wouldn't wear me out, I'd strap on my snowshoes and do a few laps but that's pushing it...gotta build up to that adventure.  Maybe I'll just drive into town and trek around in a few stores and blow some minds....when you need a salesclerk you can't find one, don't want one they are constantly asking if you need any help -- get a life people!!!

Hey, you have a good day -- I'm gonna.

Hump Day

Ya, kinda odd that each week has a Hump Day in it, huh?  Oh ya, you're so brilliant you figured that out all by yourself, didn't you?

Well, its been a month since my surgery and yes, thank you, I am doing quite nicely.  I hate this inactivity but I also realize my body needs time to heal...damn.  And I tend to think I can do more and quickly discover my energy level drops quite quickly these days.

However, today I fired up the Wii Program and resumed the Wii Fitness workout. Oh don't be silly, I didn't do all of them, just a few -- some yoga, strength and the two mile walk/run.  It took me longer than usual but it felt good and I did NOT push myself.  I would much prefer to take a walk outside but that damn icy/snow covered sidewalks just ain't my idea of fun and as I walk slower to insure footing, I'd be walking longer than my energy would last.  So I shall wait until the sidewalks are clear once again.

Here's the big boy using an electric tooth brush.  He really thought this was pretty cool.  He is getting so big and so much fun these days.  Busy but hey, that's great.

Last night was Glee, my dau and I have this on our calendars as our movie night (she does not have TV at her house). OMG did we laugh -- this show is so damn cute its just fun to watch.  Previews of next week show look even better -- we gotta get some really cool snacks for next week!!!

And it appears my grandson in Minnesota is doing great in all the hockey tournaments.  Win some and lose some but he has the right attitude and just loves to play hockey. And his sister, although busy with Girl Scouts, her own skating and dance, cheers him on like a trooper too.  Gosh I can hardly wait to see them in May -- yup, that's when we plan to visit. The oldest graduates and we wanted witness that too.

So all is good folks, losing weight but partly due to the surgery and it feels good to be a few pounds lighter.  Like everyone else, I am ready for warm weather. This winter has been hard on this ole body and I like cold weather activities only this year I wasn't able to participate so that pooped the bed big time.

Have a great day-- don't strive for perfection, strive for excellence.

Canadian Humor -- Gotta Love It.

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.

She protested, "But we don't know anything about each other."

He replied, "That's all right; we'll learn about each other as we go along."

So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple.

This was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position before he again straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.

She said, "That was incredible!"

He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps.

She was moving so fast that the froth from her pushing off at one end of the pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end.

She did laps in freestyle, breast-stroke, even butterfly!
After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing heavy.

He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
No, she said, "I was a hooker in CORNWALL and I worked both sides of the river!"

****************

Whoa, hello Saturday.  Now a bit later on, unless things change, we are supposed to watch our grandson so our daughter can participate in the River Shiver Run in Ogdensburg.  However, as it is snow pretty good and the wind is blowing, temp is around 27 degrees, who in hell knows.  This is all prep for a bigger run in March -- oh these jogging nuts -- they are something!!!

In Minnesota another hockey tournament this weekend but its local so that will make it easier on the family.  Hey, no long drive, no need to get a hotel and as for food, they could go home and eat -- what's not to like.  Our grandson loves to play hockey and he's really a good player too.  Wish we could be there to see the game but I'd freeze so I shall quietly wait for the phone calls.  Hey, my looking forward to travel is now focused on a trip to Minnesota in May to watch our oldest grandson graduate and spend some time with the family and other grand kids.

Yes, thanks for asking, I am doing much better.  Surgery went well and I'm just having to go slow and let the recovery happen.  I like to think I have more energy than is real and quickly discover I get exhausted fast, so its slow and easy.  Oh well, it will happen.

Have a great weekend.

Bungee Jumping in Mexico

Subject: Bungee-jumping in Mexico

Aggie and Clar were bungee jumping one day.



Being an industrious Newfoundlander, Aggie says to Clar, 'You know we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping business in Mexico .'

Clar thinks this is a great idea, so they sell their cabin, pool their money and buy everything they need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, the whole nine yards.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd, Clar thought it would be a great opportunity to get the message out to a large group so they should give a demonstration, so Aggie jumps.

She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Clar notices that she has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Clar isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time, she is bruised and bleeding. Again, Clar misses her. Aggie falls again and bounces back up.

This time, she comes back pretty messed up -- she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, Clar finally catches her this time and says, ‘Sweet Jayzuz, Girl, What happened? Was the cord too long?'

Barely able to speak, Aggie gasps, 'No, the bungee cord was fine ...it was the crowd! ...What the F**K is a piñata?!'

Texas Logic

I saw a fundamentalist Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River this morning; he was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying.


Along with him was an illegal Hispanic drug cartel member who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back.

If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown.



Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff 's Office and Homeland Security. It is now 4pm, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded.

I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps

&*^%*((

Well, its Wednesday and about 15 degrees but the wind is whipping pretty damn steady out there so I guess its safe to say, its cold outside!

Got a doctor's appointment at 10:45, I feel great and hoping he feels the same way -- just a few issues which I shall discuss with him but overall, all is good.  Surgery recovery is slow and boring as hell, but rush it and you pay a higher price.  Once done I may just try my luck at Wal-Mart -- meaning, stopping and walking about...don't have any big item in mind to purchase but it should be fun to walk about for a change.

So you all have a lovely hump day.  Lemme ask you, is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

Bible Study

(You never know what kids are going to say!!)

LOT 'S WIFE

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot ''s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, 'My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,' he announced triumphantly, 'and she turned into a telephone pole!'

GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?' A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw up.'
DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ? ''No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms.'

HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is? One child blurted out, ' Aces!'

MOSES AND THE RED SEA

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. 'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt . When he got to the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.'

'Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?' his Mother asked.
'Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!'
THE LORD IS MY SHEPERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know.'

UNANSWERED PRAYER

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.

'Well, Honey,' he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. 'I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.'

'How come He doesn't answer it?' she asked.

UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER

During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?'

Tommy answered soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!'

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS

When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, 'And all girls.' This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, 'Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?'

Her response, 'Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!'

*************

Happy Monday!  Ya, I did watch "some" of the superbowl and it was an exciting game but I got tired and went to bed.  Only to get up this morning and learn my beloved Steelers lost.  Oh well, there is always next year and like I said, it was a good game.

So today, if my energy level remains up and my attitude allows, I think  that I shall attempt to drive today.  Maybe go out and visit my sister-in-law.  Not real sure I am up to shopping yet but I do feel I can drive (short distances) and visit for a while.  I have a check up appointment on Wednesday and feel this shall go nicely too.  Have a few questions for the doctor but all and all, I feel damn good.  I so want to do things, this inactivity is driving me nuts, yet I know going slow is necessary and best.

Hey, you all have a nice day, okay?

Pregnant at 71

PREGNANT AT 71


> A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.

> After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.

> An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.  After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

> The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.

> "What the hell is the matter with you?!" the older doctor demanded.” Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

> The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

And you thought doctors had no sense of humor, shame on you.

Well, it is Super Bowl Sunday and yes, I have on my game shirt -- Steeler fan all the way.  Later I shall fix my traditional chicken wings but this year they shall be rather plain as I am not allowed spicy foods yet...damn bowel resection sure takes the fun out of eating (at least for a while).  So, it shall be salt, pepper, olive oil and baked wings for me this year.  No biggie.  Hey, the game doesn't even kick off until 6 something, so plenty of time to do things and get a nap too.

Hubby decided to crank up the snow blower and do his best to move snow off the deck and sidewalks.  Even he admitted he over did it and he'll pay the price for that number.  Well, it does beat shoveling, which he does in small burst, which is fine but he stayed out there way to long and did way too much this time..ole fool.

So, have a nice Sunday, enjoy the game and keep smiling.

Winter Travel Tips

Last night the television station broadcast a warning saying that anyone travelling in icy weather conditions should take A shovel, blankets or sleeping bag Extra clothing, including scarf hat and gloves




24 hrs supply of food



5 kgs of rock salt Flashlight with spare batteries Road flares and reflective triangles Tow rope, 5 gallon can of gas First aid kit, and jump leads.

I looked like a complete dork on the bus this morning!

Winter Storm???

Up to 16 inches of snow predicted Wednesday in St. Lawrence County



Monday, January 31, 2011 - 2:40 pm

The area may have dodged two recent major snow storms, but it would appear our luck is up.

The National Weather Service has issued a winter storm watch, which stays in effect Tuesday evening through late Wednesday night in the North Country.

The storm, which is already blasting the Midwest, promises to bring heavy snow to the region, perhaps 8 to 16 inches, according to NWS.

They predict the snow will begin late Tuesday night and end early Thursday morning.

The heaviest snow will fall during the daytime hours on Wednesday.

Hazardous travel can be expected Tuesday night through Wednesday night, NWS reports.

Winds will be northeast at 5 to 10 mph.

Temperatures will rise from today’s frigid blast with highs 15 to 25. Lows will be -5 to 10 above.

Visibility is predicted to be 1/4 mile or less at times during the daytime hours on Wednesday.

According to NWS, a Winter Storm Watch means there is a potential for significant snow that may impact travel.

Well, does this mean, we can believe the weather forecast this go around?  I suspect we can and should.  My sister, who planned to visit called to say, "no way am I gonna drive in this crap."  Syracuse is all ready getting hit and they know more is on the way.  As for us, we get snow, then some wind and then, nothing but cold temps.  However, if we believe the weather forecast, the snow shall hit later tonight and Wednesday -- lovely!!!

And the geese just snuggle on down and enjoy the weather...are they nuts or what?