DIGS ARE GOOD

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: 'California archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'

One week later, The Daily Oklahoman, a local newspaper in Oklahoma, reported the following:After digging as deep as 300 feet in his pasture near Mustang, Oklahoma , Bubba Mitchell, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Oklahoma had already gone wireless.

Thank God for Bubba.

Who said Okies are hicks??

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD

HOPE THIS MAKES YOU SMILE

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD...

Well, its shit... That's right, shit! Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language..

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, And tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shinola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits.

There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, And some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes your breath smells like shit

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!

Well, Shit, it's time for me to go.

Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head........... Well, Shit Happens!!!

HOPE YOUR SHITTY DAYS ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN

Oh, and someday' s you can't shit!

UNUSUAL USES

I think these guys are trying to figure out who is going in that cold water first and until one moves, neither is gonna go! Man, that water looks bloody cold -- hey, it was ten below zero when this shot was taken, that's cold even for geese/or are they mallards?

Every now and then something comes into my mail box or from some “rag” magazine that just gives me a chuckle and of course, that in turn suggests I pass it along to all of you.

This go around is household tips to help make you happier, healthier and wealthier. Holy sheet that sounds almost too good, eh?

• 
  Instead of drinking beer (ya this goes against the grain big time) pour it on your head. No kidding, the pale ale makes a fine frothy hair conditioner.



• Want shiny hair, wash your locks with brewed tea but to defeat dandruff, rinse scalp with vinegar.[sounds like a lousy drink to me].



• Oh you’ll love this one, use peanut butter to rub sticky labels off glass ware and also can be used to repair scratched CDs. Use a coffee filter to spread it on and wipe it off.



• Dump salt on wine stains and see the seasoning absorb the vino before your very eyes.[I carry salt with me to parties, don't you?]



• Rub mouthwash to get the grime out of grout. [I don't think it means spit it on the grout]



• Pour colas to dissolve grease stains or corrosion on car batteries (and to think some folks drink these colas – yuck).



• For wax, place a paper towel over the stain, then run a hot iron over the spot until the paper picks it up.[or you start a small fire]

Now here’s something I never heard or knew (which is nothing all that earth shaking, I don’t know much about anything-----). Closures on bread bags, whether twist ties or plastic clasps, can clue you in to which loaves are the freshest. Blue closures mean the bread hit the shelf on Monday, green ones mean Tuesday, red means Thursday, whites on Friday and yellows on Saturday. Guess no breads arrive on Wednesday – interesting!

Thar aren’t you impressed – what – you knew this stuff! Well, it was worth repeating, right? Have a grand Sunday as for me, football shall keep me entertained this afternoon…hurrah!

Names and Secrets

LOS ANGELES - “Life On Mars” star Lisa Bonet and her husband, “Stargate Atlantis” actor Jason Momoa, welcomed a baby boy toward the end of December, and his name’s a real mouthful — Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa.

“Nakoa (warrior)… Mana (strength/spirit) Kaua (rain) po (dark)…,” she wrote. “The [first] name was always going to be Nakoa-Wolf.” The name is pronounced Na-Ko-Ah Wolf Mana-Ka-Ooh-Ah-Po Namma-Kay-Ah-Ha Mo-Moa, a Hawaiian source told Access Hollywood. [Ya, I hear all of you working on this name, give it up, chances of you ever getting close enough to use it are next to nil.]


Shape up! 6 secrets of weight-loss success
Nutritionist Joy Bauer’s simple strategies for taking it off in 2009


LIFE Secret No. 1: Eliminate extras [this would be snacks, yuck]

LIFE Secret No. 2: Ditch starchy carbs at dinner [bread, pasta, etc…sounds boring, eh?]

LIFE Secret No. 3: Walk off your cravings [suggestion is a 15 minutes brisk walk -- how about a 30 minute slow walk, would that work?]

LIFE Secret No. 4: Avoid trigger foods [you know those goodies you just have to have – candy bars, fudge].

LIFE Secret No. 5: Buddy up for better results [my friends would rather join me for a drink!]

LIFE Secret No. 6: Make the TV room a NO EATING ZONE [holy sheet, no snacking or eating in front of the TV! I had to wait for kids to grow up and leave before I could do this and now you want me to stop…screw that]

You know what, keep the damn secrets and leave us to hell alone. I think we can lose weight without doing all these silly things, how about you. The only thing you really gotta do is "move your ass" and "cut back on your food intake." Anything else is pure bull! Ya, you'd vote for my weight loss program any day, wouldn't ya?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now it's 10 below zero and I wanna see all of you out there doing your brisk 15 minute walk!!! Hey, watch your mouth -- Mama Nature is listening and we don't need her ticked off again, let's let her show us her "bright" side for a few days aka sunshine!

I have no idea what these pigeons are doing, one looks like a lookout and the others are chowing down on some goodies..sucks being the lookout, eh?

Latest Rant

You tell me, am I losing it or on the wrong Planet – is this such a new concept that retailers just don’t buy into it or such an ole concept they see no point in selling it in our lifetime?

Yes, Agnes, I’m gonna tell ya what in hell I’m ranting on about, did you actually think I’d leave you guessing forever (you’re such a simple nit). An address book – you know a place where you write down someone’s mailing address, phone numbers, even birthdays, and in some cases, email addresses too. It’s one of those oldies but goodies and damnit, we still need them so don’t say; “oh good sheet, that’s ole stuff, we keep all that on our computer and we can even print the labels, get a life ole woman!”

Ya and if that computer crashes, gets hit with some virus, and that sheet is all wiped clean, then what, young pup? I like computers too but hey, sheet for brains, a pencil is still mighty important and you’d best remember how to use one!

Enuff ranting just let me warn you this is not an easy item to find these days. Forget Wal-Mart, Kinney’s, Rite Aide, Walgreens and Hackett’s, none of them carry such a useful item as an address book! I even when to the Bookstore in downtown Potsdam – you know the place where nobody shops because we now have Wal-Mart (odd how many folks were in there buying stuff) – but alas that only had this 4x6 address book that would require “young eyes and steady” hand to make entries!

So, if you are out and about and find someplace that has address books, please send a message or comment on my blog – you do know you can make comments, right? Just click on comments and follow the directions – simple stuff.


GRANDMA'S AGE LITTLE JOHNNY ASKED HIS GRANDMA HOW OLD SHE WAS. GRANDMA ANSWERED, '39 AND HOLDING.' JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, 'AND HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU LET GO?'

P.S.: Yes I came back, believe it or not, after my rant, I realized I have not checked Office Max and damn, success. The first address book looked really neat but at almost $20 I said,no way. A bit more searching (helpful salesman) I found one for $7.50 and bought it. But I still find it amazing that one has to hunt that hard for an address book. Ye gads! Anyway, got one, life is back on track (when in hell did it go off track?)

Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U- Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat from the table...no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've wanted to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

And you wonder why YOU can't get a TV show!!!

The History of APRONS

Sorry I could not resist -- this photo just cracks me up - whoops, that might not be the best adjective -- and if you seen the snow angel, just smile and keep moving.

Now on to the history of Aprons.

I don't think our kids know what an apron is.

The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, because she only had a few, it was easier to wash aprons than dresses and they used less material, but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.

It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty Ears.

From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.

When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.

And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.

Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.

Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.

From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.

In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.

When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.

When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.

It will be along time before someone invents something that will replace that 'old-time apron' that served so many purposes.

Send this to those who would know, and love, the story about Grandma's aprons. Or it can be a good history lessons for those that have no Idea how the apron played a part in our lives.

REMEMBER:

Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool.

Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.

They would go crazy now trying to figure out how many germs were on that apron. I don't think I ever caught anything from an apron.

PETS

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to Each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, and then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they

(1) eat less,

(2) don't ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;

(7) don't smoke or drink,

(8) don't want to wear your clothes,

(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Christmas in Minnesota

Trying something new here -- hang in there, folks! Just photos of our Christmas in Minnesota -- what the hell, it's snowing and this makes for cheap entertainment.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY—

January 7

1896
Fanny Farmer published her first cookbook.
1927
Transatlantic commercial telephone service began between New York and London.
1953
Harry Truman announced that the U.S. had developed the hydrogen bomb.
1955
Marian Anderson made her Metropolitan Opera debut.
1979
Vietnamese forces captured the Cambodian capital of Phnom Penh, overthrowing Pol Pot's Khmer Rouge government.
1989
Japan's Emperor Hirohito died.
1999
The impeachment trial of President William Clinton began in the Senate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thar, don’t you feel smart because you know this stuff? Ready to apply to go on Jeopardy, aren’t ya? Forget it, we need years of trivia studies to make it on that show and I for one ain’t that bored!!

Oh hell yes, it snowed last night, is snowing this morning and will continue to snow most of the day. Also some rain shall mix in to make this sleet which in due course shall create some slick roads and hazardous driving conditions.

Regardless of what you may think, North Country mentality does not always mean a senseless desire to perform “car sliding” routines to entertain the masses! Unfortunately ice doesn’t select the bad drivers or the best drivers, it just pick whoever is dumb enough to think they can drive fast, slam on brakes and not slide! Hello, welcome to ice world – you fool with this Mother and you will slide and stop only when you hit a tree, another car or land in the ditch.

Winter driving rules are pretty simple – common sense more than anything else. First, clean your damn car off – front, back, windshield and signal lights. Second, allow plenty of time, leave earlier than usual, and have at least two car lengths between you and the car in front. Third if you need to slow down, tap (read that again) your brake. Fourth signal way in advance to allow cars behind time to adjust to the fact that you intend to turn off. Be courteous, careful and compassionate – that could be you in the ditch!
As I have no “real” need to be on the road and although I want to go to Curves and do my workout, road conditions suggest I find another workout routine. So I have some options:

• Shovel the deck [ya like that is gonna happen]


• Shovel the sidewalk [didn’t hubby do that at 6:30]


• Don snowshoes and just walk in the field [now that a sound like fun, wait how cold is it outside?]


• Put the Yoga tape in and do Yoga [oh sheet, not again]


• Wii programs have great workouts and they are fun]


• Don’t eat and no workout is necessary!


• Screw all options and do nothing (damn, that sounds good]

Well, I’m not sure what in hell I’m gonna do but I am leaning toward the snowshoes – ya, I know, “stupid is as stupid does,” but damnit, I want to get outside for a little while and refuse to let falling snow stop me.
Here's my new winter snow hat -- lovely, eh? If you look closely, you'll see the sale tag still on it...LOL

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

GADGETS & THINGS

I thought it would be fun (oh hell, just smile and go along with this nonsense) to show you a few of the gadgets that I purchased, was given or “borrowed” last year.

How many can you identify? Ain't as easy as you thought, is it? Now keep in mind that hunting for gadgets is a fun exercise, relatively inexpensive and some items I have no idea what purpose they serve but they appealed to me, just because I could not figure them out!

Come on, we all need a hobby and this one is harmless and does create some hardy laughs which in turn creates some odd looks, which in turn doesn’t bother me one iota! The challenge is to find these silly gadgets and that means hunting in some of the oddest stores in whatever town, village, ciTAY or state you happen to visit. Again, this is cheap entertainment and purchases are usually under $5. Ya, see I told you it was cheap entertainment.

Okay I admit a few items were given to me as gifts. For example that HUGE cheese grater – you might grate a small nutmeg with it and that would be all. Or the “one egg fry pan and spatula,” that was this year’s gift. Go ahead, look in your kitchen cupboard, drawers, boxes and you’ll discover you have some odd kitchen gadgets too and just looking at them will make you smile as you recall “why, when, where, what and how” you got them. Hey, what else you got to do today?

This is nothing more than a bag for the car which can hold your cell phone, GPS if you are against mounting it on the windshield and could also hold other items, aka gum, Kleenex, hell even the baby's pacifier. Its just another gadget that comes in handy.

The bird feeder for the "windy challenged birds!"

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

NEW BOYFRIENDS!!!

I am seeing 5 gentlemen every day.

As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed.

Then I go to see John.

Then Charlie Horse comes along, & when he is here, he takes a lot of my time & attention.

When he leaves, Arthur Ritus shows up & stays the rest of the day. He doesn’t like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint

After such a busy day, I'm really tired & glad to go to bed With Ben Gay.

What a life!

Oh, yes, I'm also flirting with Al Zymer and thinking of calling JACK DANIELS Jim beam Jose Quervo or JOHNNY WALKER to come and keep me company.

Now remember:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper...the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes...so have fun, think 'good thoughts' only, learn to laugh at yourself, and 'Count your blessings!!!

Holiday Is Over

Would ya look at this plant! Folks I am no gardener and have lousy luck with any plant but somehow I have managed to keep this Christmas cactus alive and this is the second year she has rewarded me with flowers. This is just a small part of my mother’s original Christmas cactus and man; I amazed me keeping it alive. The original plant is housed with another sibling [sister, the good baby] and it’s absolutely gorgeous and my sister-in-law also has part of the original and her mother’s cactus and again, it’s’ gorgeous. So, to think mine is alive, blooming and thriving is definitely a good sign for 2009.

Well, everyone is back to work and/or school, except the college students. Jefferson County kids got to sleep in a bit as many schools had delayed openings due to freezing rain. St. Lawrence County is just having a peep-a-boo morning with the sun. One minute it's out and shining and then, the clouds hide it and we wait for the next blast of Vitamin D.

So did you all do the after holiday sales? Sure you did and came home and said, "sheet, now I gotta find a place to store this stuff too." I think we should have holiday storage sheds. Put every holiday's decorations in one shed and then, we can find it easily when needed and no fussing with attics, garages, closets, etc. I mean, how hard would this be -- get a shed, use it just for decorations. Ya, like that's gonna happen in our lifetime...hello, men don't get this concept!

Anyway, I am back to my fitness crap. Meaning, I went to Curves and did my workout this morning and I'll continue to go three days a week. The other three days I shall either snowshoe (if we have enough snow) or using the Wii program do an inside workout. And Sunday I rest -- didn't create anything but my body demands one day off and Sunday is that day -- what the hell, works for me. I didn't do badly over the holiday season, put on 3 pounds but I can lose them if I stick to my fitness routine and of course, weight watchers food intake. Ya, it feels good to get back into this routine -- it was fun blowing it but the price is a tad high and I truly wish to drop a few more pounds but I ain't gonna drive myself bonkers about this -- skinny is never gonna happen in this body but flexibility is what I am after and I'm getting that from these programs.

Only on a cruise ship will you pay hundreds of dollars a day to sleep in a closet -- you go girl!

Men strike back!

Meet Marvin, men's answer to Maxine

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Women will never be equal to men Until they can walk down the street with a bald head And a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

AND MAXINE SAYS............'MARVIN'... Maxine just had to have the last word.

And that is how Monday begins -- don't ya love it?

CONTESTS

We all have seen or heard about the Big Loser contest and this was mostly a TV show, which hardly anyone could truly relate too, but we watched it anyway, right?

In Warroad, Minnesota they had a Big Loser contest – five members per team and the prize was $1500 for the team (that’s $300 each for those who are math challenged) and then, an additional $500 for the individual who lost the most weight from all teams. I believe this contest was for 12 weeks and ended just before Christmas.

Well, I am happy to share that my daughter-in-law’s team [The Big Mamas] won the contest and she won the biggest loser prize – good job! And yes she looks fantastic and definitely plans to keep off the pounds, even take a few more off and maintain her fitness routine -- just not as intense as she did for this contest.



Also in Warroad they have this outdoor decorating contest which requires folks to send in email votes on the house they feel has the best outside display. Now one house we were taken by to see look like the Grisswalds – if there was an outside decoration it was in this yard and man, talk about lighting up the neighborhood – holy sheet. Now the prize for the winner was $300 off their electric bill. So, guess who won that sucker? That’s right our son and here’s a photo of his outside display.

Yes, they were striking it rich as 2008 ended but Christmas Eve the “nut” bug returned. The oven decided it didn’t like an element and stopped working and that was that. Ever try to get a replacement element on Christmas Eve? Not gonna happen. So, it was use someone else’s oven the next morning for the Egg Bake breakfast (before gifts can be opened, they have breakfast). And later in the day, an electric roaster was needed to roast the Christmas Turkey (which came out fine and was delicious). Ya, some suggested using the gas grill but again, if you don’t insure an extra propane tank, you don’t use it and as this part of the country experiences below zero temps as a norm for winter, the roaster was much nicer and easier!

One last tidbit ------ The Wii game has a boxing program and New Year’s Day father and daughter boxed and Dad kicked butt – sorry, Sissy but Dad rules. Now our son who has the same program explained he trained Dad while he was in Minnesota –ya, take that with a grain of salt!

Here’s hoping you and yours had a wonderful holiday season and now, we can move on to other subjects (about bloody damn time, eh).

Happy Birthday Meg and Troy -- hope you have a wonderful day - ah hell, have another beer and it will look wonderful at least!

Apparently, windshield washer fluid works better than spit on a mitten

PEOPLE WATCHING

You can claim you don’t do this but I know better, everyone does the people watching number, especially in airports, bus and train stations. This is cheap entertainment and usually doesn’t cause too much concerns from other passengers. However, stare a bit too long or raise an eyebrow over some sight and you might get the universal finger.

Yes, admit it, you too like to watch people too? Thar don’t you feel better just acknowledging that little habit! Now what is even more fun is guessing the “background” of these people. Some are easy: newlyweds, senior citizens, mean ole fart, demanding ole woman, etc.!

What I find amazing, especially during winter travel is the foot wear folks use. Keep in mind these folks are not traveling south, hell no, they are going east, mid-country or west coast and they wear flip-flops! Imagine the looks on their faces when that foot hits snow and ice. Oh ya, there are smart braincases traveling in the winter.

Then you have the luggage – again this is a fun performance to witness. Unlike airplanes, trains allow quite a bit of carrying on luggage. You can store it overhead or down in some compartment and get it when you disembark the train. But I’m not talking simple suitcases here, hell no, they bring half the damn house and that includes many suitcases, boxes, strollers and bags and bags. The bags mostly contain food which they are constantly digging through to find that perfect snack. And they also haul their own pillows and blankets.

We tend to check our bigger suitcases to our final destination…we do not want, need or like to handle them each time we change trains, even if that is only two train changes. We then have two smaller bags to carry on, one contains the laptop and the other a change of clothes as we have a sleeper and we definitely change clothes. Oh, other folks, those riding in coach have community bathrooms and showers, so they too can clean up and change clothes as well. To be honest my husband and I have never used the train showers – they are very small and bouncing around inside this tiny shower closet is just not worth it – we can use washcloth, soap and hit all the important spots very nicely, thank you very much!

The interaction of travelers is also fun to watch. You got the Dad’s who like to play big shot and won’t help with the kids and roll their eyes as the poor wife/mother struggles to keep kids entertained, inline and quiet. I just want to bitch slap these Dads and say,”hey, these are your kids too. Stop being an ass and help her!"

Then you have the devoted husband or wife who nicely insures their mate has a comfortable seat in the waiting area, and then they take off to get food, magazines or a drink – of course, they are gone a long time and after a bit, this total stranger will lean over and ask you; “have you seen Charlie?” [you never are sure what they mean, is Charlie a kid, dog, doll, grown man, or stuffed animal. Its best to just nod no and say nothing.]

The super parents are even more fun to watch. They have all these mindless games to play to entertain their children and want you to see them as super parents, so damn good, they never yell, raise a hand or blink when their precious little darlings dump their damn juice drink all over your shoes! Oh ya, these are my favorite travelers and I tend to insure there is plenty of distance between me and them – even if that means, I need to move and find another seat!

Hey, you want cheap entertainment and a way to kill time, this is it and again, we all do it! By the by, I get my summer glow from a bottle. It says "Zinfandel."

OKAY, HERE'S YOU HUMOR FOR THE DAY

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'

Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

Little Johnny Strikes Again

Little Johnny's at it again...... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?'
'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?
‘Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.
'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'

His father replied, 'because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.'

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Usually, the reason is that somebody screwed up!

SAY WHAT?

I hope you can read this, just click on the photo and it will get bigger.[then hit the arrow to return back to this page -- see, you learn how to do things on my blog,not just read nonsense!]

This is to show you that at least one Kindergarten teacher is helping young people rememeber to thank everyone for gifts or at the very least acknowledge the person who gave them a gift. Wow, what a concept. As a kid, we were barely permitted to breathe if we didn't write thank you cards. Mom was adamant that this MUST be done and by damn, it was done.

Now on to some mid-west humor -- sorry Minnesota but this is just too cute not to share!

&&&&&&&&&&

Ole and Sven were fishing on the Minnesota opener when Sven pulled out a cigar.Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light.

'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,' he replied.Then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his hands.'Vere dit yew git dat monster??'

'Vell,' replied Ole, 'I got it from my Genie.

''You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.

"Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Ole.

'Could I see him?

'Ole opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the genie, Sven says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?

''Yes, I will,' says the Genie.

So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there,waiting for his million bucks. Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks....flying directly overhead.

Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Ole. 'Yumpin' Yimminy, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'

Ole answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genieis hart of hearing.

Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?'

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Oh give it up, tomorrow will be a brand new year and what the hell, each one brings us challenges and somehow we always cope. Get a life and get real -- life is good, deal with it.

Wishing all of you a very Happy New Year -- its gonna get cold around my neck of the woods tonight, so cold they can't really say how many degrees below zero it will get or how many degrees below zero the wind chill will be but suffice to say its GONNA BE FLIPPIN COLD!

Just one little bit of advice. Do not get Preparation H and Poli-Grip mixed up. A friend did and now she talks like an asshole but her gums don't itch!

America is great ---read to the end

In a few short days, an African American man will move from his private residence into a much larger and more expensive one owned not by him but by the taxpayers. A vast lawn, a perimeter fence and many well trained security specialists will insulate him from the rest of us but the mere fact that this man will be residing in this house should make us all stop and count our blessings - because it proves that we live in a nation where anything is possible.

Many believed this day would never come. Most of us hoped and prayed that it would, but few of us actually believed we would live to see it. Racism is an ugly thing in all of its forms and there is little doubt that if this man had moved into this house fifteen years ago, there would have been a great outcry - possibly even rioting in the streets.

Today, we can all be grateful and proud that no such mayhem will take place when he takes up residency. It's much more than a simple change of addresses for him - it's proof of a change in our attitude as a nation. It is an amends of sorts - the righting of a great wrong. It's a symbol of our growth and our willingness to judge a man not by the color of his skin but by the content of his character".

Scroll Down




I just wanted my stuff back your honor

Welcome to the Big House, OJ.