Worms in Church

Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol...Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke...Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup...Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil...Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation, What did you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, 'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service!
 

This pretty much is what our weekend forecast is supposedly gonna be like, lots of rain..ugh.  This is also the weekend I head to Buffalo and again, the weather doesn't look all that friendly.  However, rain or not I shall have a good time and between my sister and I, we shall find plenty of places to keep Clint entertained and places to run off his excess energy!

The Talking Clock

After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's up with the big brass gong?" one of his guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly a voice on the other side of the wall screamed ...

"You asshole! It's three-fifteen in the morning!"

%$&&&&&

Do ya realize that tomorrow, Friday, Sep 23rd, is the first day of Autumn?  And the leaves are starting to change and I doubt this is due to stress as was the case earlier when folks notice leaf colors.

My sis-in-law and I headed to Clayton yesterday (we attempt to do lunch every Wednesday and find different places to check out).  It was a lovely drive and we also had a mission in place, find the River Rat Cheese outlet, which we did and yes, we bought cheese!

Clayton is a quaint little village and it had been years since I had visited but off tourist season is the best, you got the streets and shops pretty much to yourself and the weather was delightful.  We hoped to sit outside at Bella's Cafe, overlooking the St. Lawrence River but it was a tad chilly, so we opted to eat inside.  Good food, good service and good prices.  Then we walked around (walked off lunch) and checked out various shops...didn't buy anything but both of us repeatedly said, "I'm coming back here." 

The weather outlook is for rain today and its a tad overcast but damn, I really want to get in a morning walk, so I'd best get off this computer and just go before the rains hit, eh?  Have a lovely day.

Simple Truths

SIMPLE TRUTH 1


Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".
Moral of the story:
"Hard work is never appreciated”

No Underwear - Makes Sense to Me

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said,

'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'

Motocross

Okay, I’m gonna admit it, straight out…I don’t know much about this sport but this much I can tell ya, I LIKE IT!  Hell I was even spelling it wrong, thinking it was "motor-cross," ya, live and learn.

My son-in-law was a serious rider for many years and then, took a ten year break but now he is back into it and man, is his little boy ever happy about that, because he’s a motorcycle fanatic.



So Sunday was my first time ever watching the races and I gotta tell ya, it was great fun. Weather was perfect and everyone was so darn nice. Now, I do know that next time I wanna bring a lawn chair. Oh the bleachers are fine but my back needs support too. Also, with that heat/sun beating down on you, one of those pop-umbrella tents would be perfect also (possible Christmas gift for sure). Food wise there was a wood-burning stone oven that was making and selling pizzas and damn, they were absolutely delicious. However, if I attended many of these (hint, hint) and had my chair, tent, water bottle, then I’d be more inclined to haul an ice chest and add some fruit and chips to the mix.



Ya as this photo indicates, it was a fun day and Dan did great and I was mighty impressed. A ten year absence and he took 2nd place overall for the day…not bad, eh?

So while the NY kids were doing their thing, the Minnesota group also had some fun this weekend as this photo indicates. Now I’m not sure if they went to get apples, pumpkins or just to sit on a hay bale in the middle of a corn field but regardless, they are smiling and happy as hell…good times.



Yes, folks, my weekend was fantastic, waking up to 41 degrees is a bit unpleasant but you know what, turn off the damn ac, open some windows and air this place out. In short order I fear the heat will be needed and as much as I would like to hold out until November, I’m not sure that’s gonna happen.

Well, the windows are open, kinda breezy but it’s gonna smell a lot fresher and later, I shall close them and hubby will never know the difference. You see, he’s not against fresh-air, per se, but he thinks opening windows means allowing humidity inside – hello, its 41 degrees, there is no humidity!!!

And so another week begins, was gonna do lunch with a friend but she had to cancel, so now I guess I gotta fix my own lunch,damn!  As the house is airing, perhaps I should run to the stores and get stuff for my upcoming trip this weekend..can Buffalo really entertain us or not?

Secrets of a long Marriage

The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage




At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda DA money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?'

Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."

&&&^%(((((($#@



I just could not resist adding this photo -- it just cracks me up.  Oh come on, you damn well know you are laughing or at the very least, smiling!!

The shoes do it for me.  I told my dau, "if when I reach this age and start to even think about wearing shoes like this, shoot me!"

Yes, it has been a delightful and beautiful Saturday in upstate NY --- started out cold but as the day move along, it did warm up a bit and was perfect.  Was kinda hoping we'd hike Lampson Falls today but we hit a few garage sales and the huge Craft Fair in the village Park, which was great.

Now my dau-in-law has me really interested. Seems she got her Mom and then, she and her dau, went grocery shopping for some kind of special choc powder to make homemade hot chocolate and then, having done the shopping, she made if for her girl and they were sipping it all afternoon.  Oh the memories -- screw that, I want the recipe, don't you?

Giving Up Wine

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'
'No, I had to stop drinking years ago,' the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked..

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman... I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well,' I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

Yes, this is me on the NJ shore (rocks actually) a year ago -- man I'd like to go back,have another photo taken just so you could see I no longer weigh this much and after surgery this year, I dropped two pant sizes.  I am still trying to lose weight but it's a long, drawn out process.  Being skinny is not the objective --in fact, too skinny is bad also, I just want to drop another twenty pounds and then, I shall be content.  That is my goal -- drop twenty by Christmas.  No pressure, giving myself plenty of time.

So here it is Thursday,its like 52 degrees and I'm wearing shorts and wondering why in hell I am cold and better yet, why don't I get my sweatpants and socks so I can be warm? Dumb!!!  And yes, it is raining too.  The weather forecast says we're in for "cooler" weather the rest of the week -- hello, its Thursday!!!  Way too early for cold weather.

A Kiss is A Kiss

A tough looking group of bikers were out riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So she does... And it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

Oh come on, you know you laughed when you read this -- too damn funny, right? BTW on my walk this morning I looked up (I do this now and then) and what to my wondering eyes should appear but geese/or ducks in that infamous V-formation.  All I could think was "this better be a practice run cause its way to early to be heading south!"  My second thought was --"these are really dumb ass geese/ducks if they are headed south this early!"

Apples, Pumpkins & Runners

Wow, it has been a busy weekend and lots of fun things to share.  First off, the header photo.  This is my grandkids in Minnesota, the girl took 10th place in her track group and the boy took 3rd in his group.  Congrats to both, well done.


Now, the US Tennis Open is over and while my guy (Nadal)did not win, it was an amazing men's final.  The women's final was unreal. Once again Serena Williams seems to believe she can say, do and act as she wants and nobody can stop her. Well, this time (as it was two years ago) she learned that was not the case.  Ya,get the rule book out and read the sucker.  However, to her credit, for the first time ever (in my book) she actually praised her opponent and said she played an amazing match.  Normally Serena does not praise anyone but herself, if she wins she's was the greatest player on the court, if she loses, anyone could have beat her on that particular day.  I mean, confidence is great but over-confidence is arrogance that just irks me. She is an amazing athletic but honey-child,you could lose a few pounds to make you LOOK like a fit athletic.

Okay, enough about them...how about an almost two year old apple picking and selecting a pumpkin? Last year, in NJ he wasn't having any part of this stuff but this year, he was truly into it.  But first, I'm borrowing a photo from his Mom on his latest achievements:

After mastering shaving on himself, he decided to help Dada and shaved him too!  Notice how patient Dada is during this entire process -- oh sure, that's a real razor...just no blade!

Apple pickin was great fun and once he got the hang of it,he was picking like crazy. Then decided to "taste" this apple, it was good, so now he preferred eating to picking.

Yup, he help select "his" pumpkin too.  Last year, in NJ I plopped him the pumpkin bin and he bawl like a banshee, he wanted no part of this pumpkin business.  What a difference a year makes...he had a blast and so did we.



Then on Monday he wasn't feeling too good, snotty nose and small cough, so he was gonna stay with Meme (his Auntie Beth figures he faked his Mama out so he could be with me) -- anyway, we had a good time.  He helped me fold clothes, then he helped me make quick bread, as the photo indicates, he was a busy boy and while he liked licking the whisk, the actual bread was A-Ok in his book too.

And that was my Monday. Today I may head into Town an drive local merchants crazy and in the process, empty my wallet as my car needs gas -- ouch!  Later on this month I shall head to Buffalo and take my grandson to see Niagara Falls too.  Oh ya, the school season has begun, folks are slowing down and kids are, well, are back in school!!!

"Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement."

THINK ABOUT IT

Okay, time to let our minds say what they are really thinking instead of wondering if our thoughts and/or opinions will offend. Well, of course thoughts are gonna offend someone, that’s a given but as long as we very clearly state this is MY opinion, or MY thought; we should be safe, right?

Now for the life of me I wonder why in hell Chaz Bono thinks America needs to see him dance? He wants to put his fat ass on Dancing With The Stars and supposedly he’s all ready lost weight just from moving his fat ass in simple dance steps! I do the Zumba dance and while I can’t say for sure I have lost any weight, I can say the stuff has moved around and my dancing –well, let’s just say, I’m having fun and as this is done in the privacy of my home, who cares what in hell I look like! I know America doesn’t want to see me dance!!!

Okay, here are the Minnesota grand kids, you know the drill, first day of school photos...they just wanted this over and anxious, yes anxious to get to school.

 Now, waiting in line to sharpen your pencil is certainly a fun way to begin the year -- are you kidding me!!!  Oh well, Ella waited patiently but she doesn't look overly thrilled.

Now these be some "smokin hot boots!"

I love all the first day back to school photos and comments. I think my granddaughter had the best line tho – when asked what she thought of her first day, what was the best part, she cheerfully replied: RECESS & GYM!!! Now that is an honest kid, right? My grandson on the other hand, said “math, it was so fun!” Gotta love’em, right?



Stop with the photos my grandson tell his mother, you're embarrassing me.  Honey, that is our job, get use to it!!!

Also on the first day of school, the village finally decided to “pave” the lower half of our street. Keep in mind, this portion had been under the “watch out I’m a hole cone” for months until someone decided it was time to fix the damn hole and then, screw it, let’s rip up the road and then, we’ll think about it and eventually pave it! So all the equipment and half the work force showed up to pave yesterday but they didn’t get the entire job done. Hell no, at 6:30 this morning I heard beep, beep, beep and saw lights flashing, they were back and with even more cars and men to finish the job. This is not an entire street mind ya, just a small section and it’s taking this much effort! And you wonder why road work is so expensive!!

So on this Wednesday, Hump Day, let your mind speak and have some laughs. You’d be surprised, even shocked, at how many folks are thinking the same damn thing!

25 Ways to Tell You're Grown Up

 But first yes, September has arrived, did ya think it would not?

It means the college kids are back, joy, joy and the school kids will soon return to class --thrill, thrill.  It also means, we need to slow down and look for kids and remember those big yellow things are called school buses, and you do not pass them and you must stop when they stop, okay?  Let's have a nice school year, okay?


You ready for this -- well, sit back and enjoy. 

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them!
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up,not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator
6. You watch the weather channel
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook-up" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those &&^*^kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog science diet instead of McDonald's leftovers,.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a move is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 am would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibupforen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time
22. "I just can't drink, the way I use to" replaces "I'm never gonna drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in fornt of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking, "Oh shit, what the hell happened?"
26. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.

How ya like my new hat?  Ya, a tad small, even I agree.  Oh come on, you wouldn't do something like this to entertain your grandchild? Get a life, have some fun, laugh at yourself and well, just laugh...

Oh just so you know, I have decided all this excessive eating must end, so I am back to doing Weight Watchers, funny how if I write down what I eat, I eat less...oh hell no, I don't attend those meetings or weigh-ins, are you nuts.  I can and do monitor myself.  Now, the goal is to drop twenty pounds by Christmas...ya, lots of luck, eh?  Sure join me, we can do this.

Have a lovely week folks.

One Word or Two?

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other
for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.

'I would like it infrequently' she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over
towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?'

The Deaf Wife

The Deaf Wife Problem




Dave feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.



Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.



The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.



"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."



That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."



Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"



No response.



So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Peg, what's for dinner?"



Still no response.



Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"



Again he gets no response.



So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"



Again there is no response.



So he walks right up behind her. "Peg, what's for dinner?"



(I just love this)



"For God’s sake, Dave, for the FIFTH time, its CHICKEN!"

Spur of the Moment

Hey,nothing beats those last minute decisions to do something totally unexpected, right? Saturday, my daughter and I were somewhat bored so when she suggested we go to Water Safari,it took all of two seconds to agree,then we sprang into action. Clint was a bit mystified at first but later, he was game for everything Water Safari had to offer.  Check on his first solo water slide...I think he thought his Mommy was gonna slide down with him, but nope this would be solo and his arms and legs are spread wide -- the landing is something else, he cried a little bit (shock I suspect) but he wanted to go again:

Now watch his back-ass-ward slide...the landing gets no points but he loved it...a little upset about his landing but hey, it's just water -- he kept going back to do it over and over.  By now, even Mimi was no longer asking "who is catching him?"::



As the day wore on we tried many different water areas -- keep in mind, he is 22 months so we were not about to do anything silly here.  He loved it all...the tidal wave was really cool--he loves the waves and likes to jump when they approach...so brave:

He had a blast and so did we...he was so much fun to watch and he loves the water. You will notice, I am sure, that altho he kinda shrieked when a wave hit, he kept going out further...brave little fella. As long as he can touch the bottom, all is good.  We were getting exhausted, correction, Mimi was getting exhausted but it was so much fun.  It's a bit of a drive to Water Safari but hey, we managed and drove back without hitting any deer so that is good.  Food is expensive at the Park tho, paid $2.75 for one corn dog -- damn it was good but that is pricey in my book.  No wonder people bring ice chests full of drinks and food.

I do have one gripe tho -- the ladies changing room (when you enter or leave the park) is up this damn hill, pushing a stroller and later, tried bodies hiking up this to change was just unreal...but the men, get this crap, their changing room/bathroom is on the lower level, no climbing for them...obviously this was designed by a man!!!

The only thing that would have made this day even more fun was if the Minnesota kids had been with us.  Yes, they have been here, twice,but Saturday the weather was perfect, not to hot nor too cold and it was just a great day.  A bit crowded but everyone was gracious and happy.

So our spur of the moment decision to visit and play at the Water Safari Park was perfect and we definitely had a great Saturday...good idea Kel, thanks for allowing me to tag along too.  I didn't do the slides but I did get wet and I was, after all, taking tons of photos...
Water Safari Park is truly a fun place for the entire family ---long drive but hell, what isn't a long drive these days.  We had a blast and the weather was great. Hope you have a great weekend too.  Now the one challenge still remaining is my inflatable kayak...still gotta try this out, right?  Oh ya, photos for dang sure, if it happens (yes,it will happen).

Harlequin Novel, Updated...2011 Version

He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room.

Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.
He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear.

"Just relax."

Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves, slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat.

I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure. When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage.

And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply.

Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine to my panties.

Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking 'No' for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say . . .




"Okay ma'am, you can board your flight now."

What you thought it was gonna be something else, didn't you???

The Weenie Test

Three 3rd Graders: an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Black kid, are on the playground at recess. The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says.

"Okay." They all agree.

The Irish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.

"That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out, and proudly shows that his is at least an inch longer.

Not to be outdone, the Black kid whips his out. It is by far, not only the biggest, but the fattest.

That night, eating dinner at home, the Black kid's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test, and read out loud from a new book, and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called 'Let's see who has the largest weenie."

"What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother.

"Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies, and I had the biggest! The other kids say it's because I'm Black. Is that true?

"No, Leroy. It's because you're eighteen!"

&&&&&&&

So, let me update you on my so called fitness madness.  As many of you know, surgery kept me from snow shoeing this past winter and many other forms of exercise.  I wasn't the most patient and resumed exercising a bit too early and managed to pull an abdominal muscle, so I was back to square one. Anyway, I did get back to walking, three days a week and doing about 2.5 miles each time.  It's not a speed walk mind you,but a nice pace that allows me to enjoy the walk and keeps me outside.

Anyway, having heard alot about Zumba dancing, I decided to purchase the Wii Zumba Dance program.  Please keep in mind, I have three left feet and damn little rhythm, I mean, I like to think I do but I don't (ya, like none of you have this same issue???).  Anyway, I hook it up and we do these tutorials.  Boring as hell, but at the same time, helpful.  Mirror the instructor and as she turns green this indicates you are doing things correctly and burning up energy - huh?  I want to burn calories and lose weight not burn up energy!!!

Eventually I got sick of the tutorial and started the actual dance program. First I learned I was taking way too big steps and yes, they expect me to move my legs, ass, arms and somehow do all this to a rather catchy tune too.  The real trick is to just relax, let yourself go and have fun...of course, in the privacy of your own home this is possible. I cannot imagine doing this in front of other people!!!  But does it work?  Tell ya, what it is fun, that is important and I do believe it will tone and help me to lose weight or at the very least maintain my stamina and energy level.  I do not wish to become a slug...slugs are no fun.

So with any luck toward the end of the month I shall head to Buffalo, see Niagara Falls, hang out with my daughter, grandson and friends, then back to Syracuse and take in the State Fair. That should pretty much end my traveling for the summer I think. Still hoping to try out my inflatable kayak before the summer ends too.

Yup, life is good  and I remain on this side of the dirt...keep smiling!!

This is the new seat belt law...gotta love it.



Catholic Beer

CATHOLIC SHAMPOO


TWO NUNS WERE SHOPPING AT A 7-11 STORE. AS THEY PASSED BY THE BEER COOLER, ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER, " WOULDN'T A NICE COOL BEER OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING?"

THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED, "INDEED IT WOULD, SISTER, BUT I WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER, SINCE I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A SCENE AT THE CHECKOUT STAND."

"I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM" THE OTHER NUN REPLIED, AND SHE PICKED UP A SIX-PACK AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT.

THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED WITH A SIX-PACK OF BEER. "WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR" THE NUN SAID, "BACK AT OUR NUNNERY, WE CALL IT CATHOLIC SHAMPOO.

WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED UNDER THE COUNTER. PULLED OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS, AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE BEER.

HE THEN LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE, SMILED, AND SAID: "THE CURLERS ARE ON THE HOUSE."

&&&&&&&

Went to the county fair this past week and man, many things have changed and I usually enjoy change and understand change is needed.  It was somewhat hard to see the youth building with so few club booths and exhibits tho.  In my day, that building was cramed with youth work and we had to work hard to make room for all the club booths.

Even the animal barns had fewer animals this year and while folks "spread out" and had lots more room than they ever had in the past, it didn't take much to see fewer animals at the fair this year too.  And, at least for me, the fact the midway and food joints didn't even open until 1:00 pm was really odd and I don't remember it being like that just 5 years ago either.  Oh well, all in all, it is our county fair and it was fun seeing former kids now adults, showing off their own children and many adult volunteers more than ready to greet and chat for awhile.  It definitely was a fun time to swap stories and catch up. Even some staff were still on-board and I had a chance to chat with them too.  Now its up for grabs "Do I attend the State Fair or not?"  Most likely I will and with my sister, which is always a fun outing.

Saturday my daughter ran in the 5K Waddington Homecoming event & we got to watch Clint.  I gotta tell ya, he is something else.  He is talking up a storm these days and while most words I can understand, some are just unknown.  Best of all, he will repeat them, over and over, very patiently expecting me to somehow understand them but it never happens. Finally I just say "I guess,"and he is content and moves on to another word or game.  He is a pistol for dang sure!!!

So that has been my weekend, oh, Saturday night Hubby and I had date night, went to the movie and saw Cowboys and Alien.  Okay, we have seen worse, much worse and on a scale of 1 to ten, with ten being totally lousy, I would give this movie a 6 may a 7.  It was for the most part entertaining and fun to see Harrison Ford as not quite the good guy for a change.  He was a good guy but not the main good guy!  Ya, that made a lot of sense, eh?  Oh hell, go see the damn movie for yourself.

The Green Thing

The Green Thing


In the line at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized to him and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment."

He was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.

But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana.

In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.

When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.

We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.

We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a young person.

The Green Thing

Bright Little Girl on Airplane

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE


A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming, universal health care, or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don't know shit?"
And then she went back to reading her book.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Had a great week with my sisters and we did things at a pace we could handle, which was slow and easy. Weather was nice but the week prior, at our great-niece's wedding, it was 101 degrees in Syracuse and man, that was one HOT wedding!

After we survived the wedding, we all headed north where it was cooler and hung out on my deck, sipping cool drinks and then, taking day trips and laughing as much as possible.  On one day trip was a visit to our parents graves in Russell. Well, every few miles we would see a sign that read, "Road Closes in 5 miles, local traffic only," but I kept driving, sure this was a mistake. But as we got closer and the marker was saying fewer miles, this ole farm dog strolls onto the road, mind you we are going slow (roads are twisty and full of potholes), the dog stops, as do we, has a itch, scratches, looks at us (we are roaring with giggles), then slowly moves off the road as if to remind us, this is his road but we can pass now.  It was pretty funny.

Later we hit a road sign and nearly lost our pants.  Egg's for sale, mayle syrup, and vegatales!  When we posted or shared the photo folks would ask, "who got the egg?"

Actually a woman in a red convertible stopped, was laughing and said to us, "you know they just corrected that sign the other day?"  We just roared -- gotta love our education system and no, this was not an Amish sign, they know how to spell!!

Singer Castle on the St Lawrence is something else. Sorry but whilst the boat ride was wonderful the tour itself was boring as hell. We much preferred Boldt Castle but once done with Singer, we just wanted off the tour boat, find a place to eat and get a cold drink.  We were one hot bunch of gals on that boat too. 

WE always take an annual sister get-together photo and we try hard to mix it up with different items. One year is was these horrible floppy hats, the next it was hoodies,this year is was homemade tote bags and fedoras -- who knows what we'll wear next year. 

So now everyone has returned to their respective homes (or are in route) and up next, for us locals is the county fair in Gouverneur then the State Fair in Syracuse.  At some point the summer will end but for now, its just delightful.  Oh and before too many days escape, I do plan to try out my kayak.  Ya, photos of that will be interesting too. 

OLD IS WHEN----"getting lucky, means you find your car in the parking lot!"

Kids Definitely Say the Darnest Things

Children Writing About the Ocean...

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6 )

2 ) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson . She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.(Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes
my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

&&&&&&&

 

Here is the Duchess of Poolbury and the hat is compliments of my grandson, who decided his hat looked better on me!!! Gotta love that kid.

 

Yes, summer has arrived and its so much fun playing in the pool with my grandson.  He likes the bigger pool but even more so if Mimi gets in with him...he doesn't give you much time to change, he wants you in the water NOW!!!

 

Hope you all are having a good summer, that you can escape the heat when its unbearable and eating lots of fresh veggies...hey, support the local farmers, buy from them not some damn grocery store!!!  Have a good one and yes, keep smiling damnit!

Sage Advice

Old Farmer's Advice from the South

“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”

“Keep skunks, lawyers, and bankers at a distance.”

“Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”

“A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.”

“Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.”

“Meanness don't just happen overnight.”

“Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.”

“Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.”

“It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.”

“You cannot unsay a cruel word.”

“Every path has a few puddles.”

“When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.”

“The best sermons are lived, not preached.”

“Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.”

“Don't judge folks by their relatives.

“Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.”

“Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.”

“Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.”

“Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.”

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.”

“Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

“The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.”

“Always drink upstream from the herd.”

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.”

“Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.”

“Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.”
“If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.”

“Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.”