WANNA SKATE?

In keeping with holiday memories I am reminded of when my siblings and I were more than willing to show new members to the family how to skate – even though we hadn’t donned skates in many years. And make no mistake here; ankles do not remain firm like they were when we were kids!

This story begins during the summer when everyone has those damn yard sales. I say damn but let’s face it, one person’s trash is another’s person’s treasure and even I have gotten some good deals at yard sales. This particular summer and with no particular reason that I recall, my sister-in-law started buying ice skates.
Keep in mind that her children (five of them mind you) were grown and only two remained in the area. And those two had their own kids now – three each so that makes for a variety of shoe sizes, right? It wasn’t just kid sizes but adult sizes also – meaning us older adults not just her children and their spouses.

So as winter was in full force and colder than hell outside, we gathered to swap stories in the warmth and comfort of my brother’s home. And it wasn’t long when the booze loosen our memories and we began regaling the group with various skating stories. Warren had played hockey so he told about his hockey days – ya this was a spell binder! The rest of us told how, if necessary, we shoveled a huge area off the flats [aka creek]- behind the farm and skated there for hours. If the snow wasn’t too thick, you could literally skate for miles and miles. And of course we all were accomplished skaters and we all played hockey too.

The newest addition to the clan had never skated and wanted to learn, and she was also determined that her children would take skating lessons. That was all Shirley needed to hear and within minutes, she hauled this huge box out and announced everyone was to don warm clothing, including socks, their drinks and follow her, we were going ice skating and she had skates for everyone! Holy sheet, we're gonna ice skate and with this buzz -- no way!

Well in our “cheerful” state this was no problem and we followed her without hesitation. Oh, wait, some of us did stumble and fall but the snow was thick, it was dark and some trees just jump out at you – damn trees! Eventually we got to the creek aka flats and the moon was now shining so we had a bit of light. It wasn't much light but it did allow us to "see" a bit,which was helpful -- damn helpful!

Everyone grabbed a pair of skates and some actually helped others get skates on and stand up. Patty was the newcomer and she would receive all kinds of instructions from us pro-skaters. All was going along smoothly, some falls, encouraging words, lots of laughter and stops to sip on your drink. Suddenly I was noticed and I was not skating -- I was still on the same log I had been on since we arrived and now I was the new target.

"What in hell is up with you," a sibling yelled, "get your lazy ass up and start skating, you old poop."

"Can't," I replied.

"Can't? Nonsense, we're doing it and okay we ain't as agile as we once were but we're skating, now get up or we'll drag you up!"

"You can try."

"Oh, you want us to drag your sorry ass out here, is that it, well sister, that is no problem,we can do that too." And they proceeded toward me with a mission in mind and smiling the entire time.

"Now, one last time, stand up and skate or we'll yank you up, " they yelled.

"Look," I said quietly, "I can't skate because these skates have no laces!"

So that ended any further attempt to get me up on the ice and mutters were heard that said, "why in hell did we grab skates that had laces?" [if we had been smart like her, we wouldn't be out breaking our damn necks or at the very least an ankle or leg]? So now that it was obvious why I was not skating, I had a new role, I would go get more drinks -- ya, someone had to do that, they all had on skates, so it made sense to send me back to the house.

Everyone gave their order, which was mostly beer except Big Brother, who had to have a mixed drink and served in the same glass he had brought to the ice rink. Only one problem, he couldn't find the glass -no clue where he left it but he was positive it was on this, no that, well,it's on a tree branch -- just look for it.

That glass was not found until Spring and while I did go get everyone else, including me another beer, Big Brother was sadly without a drink until we all returned the house - it was some night and we still laugh about it to this day.


Oh and those ice skates? I doth believe Shirley put them in a yard sale and not only got her money back but made a few coins in the process. Some things are best left as memories -- none of us original seven think skating is something we should do these days -- nope,we'll just watch the kids thank you very much!