AH DECEMBER

Okay, I’m a day late bringing this to your attention, bite me (not really, I scream very loud when bitten – ear piercing loud, you would not like to hear that, trust me, it is not a sound you would enjoy!)

Anyhoo, it’s the final month for 2008 – wow, this year seems to have flown by but don’t we say that each year? Ya, I thought so and yet, I can recall a few months that dragged and dragged – like February, March and even April – because we all were sick of the damn snow and cold. Our flowers were pissed because the snow was causing them to close up after one day or opening their tiny buds.

So far December weather has somewhat escaped us up in here in God’s Country. We keep hearing that we’re gonna get some snow, temps are gonna drop and all that but so far, we have rain, some mix of snow and rain, but nothing is sticking and other than early morning slick spots, we have been relatively lucky for so - -ya, I know it’s only the 2nd of December. And you dipshits that want a white Christmas hold your pants, you’ll get it, rest assured it shall be a white Christmas!

Well, my mission today (or tomorrow) is to get the tree at least inside the house and if lucky, set up too. Ya, it’s one of those jobs that need to be done and it doesn’t happen on its own – sadly, it requires human hands – damn. Now I’m gonna leave ya with my personal thanks for various acts:

· I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

· I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

· I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

· THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

· BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

· I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

· I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

Oh, by the way..... A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.


SO ONCE AGAIN, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!