MORE NEWS NONSENSE

Okay, so this is what happened to the ONE bird that stopped by my feeders on Monday.Got so damn fat and over-stuffed that the flock insisted he do some heavy workouts to get back in shape.

And also, they hope he’ll tell where he ate but so far, he is keeping his beak shut extremely tight! Silly bugger!!

HARRY’S IN TROUBLE AGAIN

Poor Prince Harry, he can’t seem to say or do anything right these days and at his Dad’s 60 birthday celebration a talented and highly respected black comedian entertained Prince Charles. Afterwards while saying how much they enjoyed the performance, Harry stuck his foot in his mouth with his remark; “you don’t sound like a Black man.” Oh Harry, me boy, you gotta learn “head down, mouth shut,” and soon!

THIS TIME I MEAN IT

Favre has informed the Jets he is retiring after 18 seasons in the NFL, FOXSports.com has confirmed, ending a record-setting career in which he was one of the NFL's premier quarterbacks. Okay, time to raise your hands, how many believe him? Will the Packers take him back and keep him from retiring – damn, sports can be fun!

WAKE UP OLE WOMAN

Vitamins Do Older Women Little Good. Study finds they don't reduce risk of cardiovascular disease, cancer. Hey, I think I said this way back when----- that taking vitamins was a waste of money, in one hole and out another – hello, why didn’t you listen! Now you can save money and stop with the vitamins. If you EAT healthy foods you get all the vitamins you need – is that hard to comprehend?

AND FOR HER BIRTHDAY -- DRUM ROLL......

Now this one takes the top billing in my book. Your girlfriend, wife or significant other is about to celebrate her 40th birthday and you need to find her a present, right? Well, sheet; just pen her song and you’re golden. Who said John Mayer was a tightwad and that Jennifer Aniston should dump his sorry ass? I got one for ya Jenn: Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Dump John now he’s a total DO-DO! (dog poop).

YOU CAN DO IT -- I DID( I think)

Listen, you need a new hobby, right? Okay, here’s the story, 500 dolphins are stranded off Bataan, that’s in the Philippines and its warmer there, and they could use your help, so get off your lazy ass and get over there and help! Oh come on, their stranded at a shallow portion off the coast of Bataan, not out in the flippin ocean. You can do this – think of the fun you’ll have and the stories you’ll tell everyone when you get back! Look at that mountain goat, he didn't think he could do it but he did, so can you!

With just a little planning, you too can jump HIGH!

Look who stopped by in the rain and fog? And s/he brought a friend. That makes two that find my feeders enjoyable---but they only show up in the late afternoon -- shy little buggers!