Thankfully "they" do not live around here -- if they did, we'd want to try this too.
You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....
- You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
- The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
- You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
- You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
- You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
- Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.......!'
- You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
- Your wife's hairdo was e ruined by a ceiling fan.
- Your junior prom offered day care.
- You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '
- You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
- The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
- You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
- One of your kids was born on a pool table.
- You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
- You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
- You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
***********
Now imagine (yes, you gotta use your mind here) that the following are road signs, okay?
- Where The Hell is Easy Street?
- If Money is the Root of All Evil, Why Do Churches Beg For It?
- Keep Honking -- I'm reloading.
- Work Harder -- Millons on Welfare Depend on YOU.
- Breast Inspection 20 Feet Ahead (Please Have'em Out)
- I am Not An Alcoholic - I'M A DRUNK (alcoholics go to meetings)
- Take Your Ex Out Tonight (One bullet Oughtta Do it)
Thar, don't you feel better because you smiled, laughed or have a few moments of total nonsense? Thought so, have a good one!!
Oh Ya, watch out we're in a wind advisory -- holy sheet, more trees and branches coming down....hells bells!
2 comments:
I just drove from Burlington, VT & was it ever windy!! Holy Sheet!! (To quote YOU!) It was all I could do to keep my truck in my own lane!! I gave LOTS of room to on-coming big rigs! We took lots of rest stops because my arms, neck, & back got so sore from hanging onto the wheel! We turned a three & a half hour trip into a six hour marathon! But we got breakfast, shopping, lunch, & shopping done! :0)
Moonbeam, I am just happy to hear you are home safe and safe. I wanted to say "sound" but that is dumb, you are sound or you wouldn't be driving.
Well, at least you got fed --good on ya...later....
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