Just Smile

It's 15 degrees, I am delaying my morning walk on hopes it will warm up but that's a useless exercise. The sun is trying to shine but again, its not that bloody warm. However, I doth believe I can walk about without crampons on, which is good but I shall still wear boots -- I dislike cold feet and I mean I really hate my feet getting cold!

Let’s Offend Everyone

Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either

Q. What do you call a Afghanistan farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp

Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What's the difference between a American zoo and a African zoo?
A. The African zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell 'BINGO!'

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale???
A. A northern fairytale begins, 'Once upon a time...' A southern fairytale begins, 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States!

WOMEN DRIVERS

I know everyone reading this will enjoy it - no matter which sex you are.
This morning on the way to work, I looked over to my left and there was aWoman In a brand new Cadillac Doing 75 mph with her Face, up next to her rear view mirror Putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple seconds! And when I looked back she was half way over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I droppedmy electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear, which fell, into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jimbo and the Twins, ruined the phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.

Damn women drivers!