HEALTH NEWS

This doctor must have a lot of patients!

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that 's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that 's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out o f the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - wine in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a ride'

AND.....For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suff er fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

SON-OF-A-GUN

I am not ready to throw a blanket around my house aka winterizing! But when I saw FREEZE WARNINGS, I began to think, maybe winterizing is gonna happen a bit earlier this year!

Significant frost and areas of freezing temperatures expected late tonight (that would be Thursday) into early Friday morning. High pressure will drift across northern New York and Vermont. The word that really got me was “drift!” That word is usually reserved for that white stuff, right? I mean, we don’t drift rain, wind or sand, but snow, so using it this early is a tag annoying!

Hey until it gets impossible or tricky walking I shall continue my morning walks. Only this morning I donned a fleece jacket and should have grabbed some mittens. Ya, my wittle hands got a tad chilly, oh hell, they got cold! I usually walk at least two miles, sometimes more depending on my mood and let me tell you, the return walk home saw me wishing I had not put on the fleece jacket and glad I did not have mittens, I was sweating!

As I walked I could smell the wood stoves and furnaces blasting away as folks decided they needed to put some warmth into their homes. For many this was due to having a baby in the house or just being flat out cold. Hell my air conditioner is still on – isn’t running as the outside temp is 36 and inside it reads 64, so no reason to kick on the cool air (which is set at 73 degrees permanently).

So what in hell does one do in cool weather? Any damn thing you want, who cares, weather is weather, right? As for me, once I cool down, get a shower, I plan to get in my car, head to the country and take some photos – hey, it’s what I enjoy so why not do it? Yes, gas prices are bad but I’m not gonna waste gas, just enjoy a nice drive in the country, so thar!

He who hesitates is probably right.

PERKS FOR SENIORS

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

1) Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2) In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3) No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4) People call at 9 pm and ask did I wake you?
5) People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6) There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7) Things you buy now won't wear out.
8) You can eat supper at 4 pm.
9) You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10) You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11) You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12) You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13) You sing along with elevator music.
14) Your eyes won't get much worse.
15) Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16) Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17) Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18) Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19) You can't remember who sent you this list.

Senegalese Proverb: Healthy thought: There are no misunderstandings; there are only failures to communicate!

KUDOS

Sometimes in our haste to get places or just having our routine disrupted we get, shall we say, a tad nasty! We utter words under our breath and we have little regard for whatever it is that is causing this change in our routine. Oh come on, like you’re sitting there assuming this is addressing someone else! We all do it, so get over yourself!

However we need to stop and give some thanks/kudos to the those road crews who made our lives just a tad bothersome as they cleaned up roadside debris or “paved” our main road. Now paving a main street which also happens to be a state route – means, at times, side streets are closed off too. This in turn means we have to find another route or street. Then there is the one lane movement which causes many to just boil inside. It is always thought the lane you are in is taking forever to move and the other side is getting more time!

I just wanna say thanks to the paving crew – I walk amongst these guys but not as early as they start – ye gads, they are up and out by 6 a.m., and that’s bloody early! They are friendly, courteous and have great smiles. My favorite is the “drive slowly” sign and how people completely ignore this and attempt to zoom along. Hey, we sat there for five minutes; we need to get places, so screw the drive slowly number. Only to see some guy indicating slow down – hey, he is no cop, so screw him, right? Oh baby, you gotta understand, all they need do is take your license number, report you and you got yourself a hefty ticket. You DO NOT speed in working zones!

Now listen up – today is HOPEFULLY the last day of paving in Norwood – so all our so called inconvenience shall end today. I am sure there will be some minor clean-up areas but the one lane, no turn on this street delays will end today. This is according to the work crew this morning as I walked by them and said good morning. Let’s hope this is the case? In the meantime, Norwood Village workers have decided to “dig” up various streets due to sewer issues or some such number, so some streets will be closed – but only for a few hours.

Again KUDOS to the paving crew – great job and truly nice guys and gals. Thank you for tolerating our stupidity and impatience.

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else!

Poetry

WOMAN'S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"

I pray that this man will love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs

who owns a Bar on a golf course,

and loves to send me fishing and hunting.

This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

HIT ME

Okay I can’t help myself – some of this news is just too far out there to be avoided or at the very least left with no comment.

First up we got a guy, supposedly drinking a bit too much, who hears and sees a train, so he stops, lights a cigarette and gets clipped by the train. Now somehow train personnel know they hit something, so they stop and search and find nothing. The guy manages to crawl home and the next day calls the hospital because – are you ready – he can’t get out of bed! So, if you smoke don’t light up or stand close to a moving train!

Then we have the Ohio inmate who has gained so much weight, his veins are not accessible for execution. And he claims this is nothing new, even in the Army he had issues with vein access and he is not trying to delay his execution. Hell, shoot me if that will make folks happy he says! And we think weight gain is bad! Holy Martha!!!

Anyone remember Tom Jones? Oh ya, you remember him, ye gads he was some entertainer and has many a gal wondering. Anyway, at age 68 he is about to release his first album in 15 years – he claims “The fire is still in me,” Jones told The Associated Press in a recent interview, speaking by phone from his home in Los Angeles. “Not to be an oldie, but a goodie. I want to be a contender.” You go Tom!

Now this one will make all of you just smile. Exhausted Jolie struggles with twin demands. Are you kidding me? This woman and her partner donate millions of dollars to various worthy causes and you want us to believe you can’t hire a nanny so they can get some rest? Oh, they want to be the hands-on parents, okay? But someone else is doing the cooking and cleaning, all they gotta do (including her) is feed, burp, change and let the twins sleep. And in-between she can play with her other four kids – oh ya, I’m exhausted too!

Okay, enuff of this nonsense. Supposedly we shall see some afternoon showers – at least they are saying showers, not sprinkles! Who in hell wants sprinkles?

As for me I’m undecided – do I buy new twin bed spreads or leave the ones I have on the beds for another 5-10 years? Ya, even I think it’s time for a change – but I dislike shopping so I may put this off a bit longer.

Oh for those who care – I lost two pounds this week! Hey, after two weeks of no loss but no gain, this was wonderful news. After last weeks events (son home, anniversary celebrations, booze and lots of food) I figured if I maintained I’d be happy but to see a two pound loss, well, honey child, I’m over the moon (low moon, I’m not that tall).

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs?”

Wind Advisory

Yup, the word is out that a wind advisory is in effect through late morning today. Guess what? A cold front continues to push across the north country this morning – huh? This is all associated with the remnants of hurricane Ike and winds gusts of 35 to 50 mph could occur as a result – however these winds will subside during the late morning and afternoon.

So grab your hats and put’em on the rack and stay inside – who in hell wants to fight winds on a Monday morning? I don’t even intend to take my walk this morning; it’ll be inside exercises this day my friends! It’s not the wind or cold front but the damn rain that makes walking unpleasant – ya, such an ole fuddy-duddy!

Football season is underway and my team, The Steelers, won yesterday and that makes me happy. I shan’t bore you with all the scores – hell, I’m only interested in my team anyway!

Has anyone noticed that all the Wal-Mart opponents have suddenly gone very quiet? Does this mean that because we now have a super Wal-Mart in Potsdam, they can’t gripe about it anymore or cause us to side with them in opposing this store? And are we to believe that those who were so adamant that it shouldn't be built, haven’t been inside, looked around and perhaps even made a purchase or two?

Progress is gonna happen and while it is sometimes hard to let go of the old “things” we must and shall move forward. Folks still shop in the downtown area, still buy from local merchants and they also shop at Wal-Mart, this is no different than when the Big N, Ames, etc was here – it’s just that now, once again, we got more options! I happen to like Wal-Mart and I think they have done a marvelous job training their employees – they are friendly, helpful, and courteous and I rarely see them standing around doing nothing—they are eager to help everyone! And guess what, even the bathrooms are clean and in my book, that says a lot about a store – clean bathrooms are a major plus in my book!

Ya I am rambling this morning – you noticed, didn’t ya? I don’t want the nice weather to end and yet, I can see that soon (damnit) it will be time to get into the winterizing mode. Putting all the patio stuff away for another year and hauling out the winter crap so it’s handy and ready for use. Don’t get me wrong, I like all the seasons, including winter but switching things around is just a pain in the ass!

Maybe more later – for now, sit down and give your mind a rest!

STORM STUFF

Rescue crews canvass neighborhoods inundated by storm surge after an estimated 140,000 Texans ignore order to flee hurricane. Why are folks unwilling to flee when experts tell them this is not a good place to remain? What in someone’s home and/or property is more important than their own lives? And as my son asked; upon hearing the water is rising, why do people rush to go into their attics or roof tops? Does the word “rising” have a different meaning to them?

Ike and other storms that are causing havoc all over the place are also seeing the end to our recent small reprieve in gas prices. Hell we are back to $4 a gallon if not more – hey, can’t move the trucks to haul the gas, hence the increase – duh!

Okay, sorry I’ve been away from my blog for a few days. I had the most wonderful surprise show up at my door Thursday (actually the surprise was due September 9th on our anniversary) and that surprise has kept me busy and thrilled for days? The surprise? My son was here to help us celebrate our 40th and neither I nor my husband knew about his arrival. The two kids plus my sister had been planning this for two months and somehow managed to keep their mouths shut about it – nobody let any hint of this escape or provide me with any speculation whatsoever.

So with Bubba here and my sister we have just had a good time and of course, consuming a few more drinks than we should but hey, we were not on the road, so therefore it was safe drinking! Sadly he departs today and will catch a plane Monday morning back to Minnesota – bummer. We shall see him and his family in December as we plan to spend Christmas with them.

Well, more another day folks – hang in there, I’ll write more with time permits. I’m still in enjoying my 40th anniversary surprise.

Here's my new grill, what ya think?

And in the end it’s not the years in your life that count, it’s the life in your years!

Think About It------

I know we all have tried and endured various diet plans, right? And somewhere in the midst of all this we finally decide this one works or it’s better than any other tried, right?

We also got over the crap and realize that pills don’t work and we need to get off our lazy butts and move – so for many of us, this was simple – we started walking. Well, we always walked but now we walk for us and our health. We don’t race and we walk as far as we want and eventually we found ourselves enjoying this private time (or with friends) and slowly we noticed changes. Our clothes weren’t so tight, we weren’t catching our breath just moving across the room and hey, we started to lose weight! Our overall health and outlook was just more positive and for reasons we don’t really understand (we ain’t doctors) we have more energy and feel better!

Then we decided to start weighing ourselves – once a week we’d do this and what the hell, we’d even measure our stomach, hips, thighs and upper arms. And we picked a day of the week to do this and the day before our weigh-in we starved ourselves in the hope this would see a drop in weight! Hey, at first this was great but slowly we tossed aside that measuring business, and although we disliked the damn scale, as we dropped a few pounds, we decided this wasn’t such a bad animal after all. Okay, we’re into the zone now!

Wham! What the hell happened? We changed our eating habits, we used some daily point system, we drank lots of water, we walked (many of us at least 2 miles each day) and occasionally we blow it, we have an extra cookie or beer, but come on, one day of screwing up and we discovered we ain’t dropped one flippin pound all week? But hey, we didn’t gain any weight either, so that was good. HOWEVER, do we want to maintain at this weight?

HELL NO! So now what in hell do we do? Keep doing the same thing or change diets? Why we stick with the one we got and you know why? Because we ain't gaining and at some point, if we continue doing what we have been doing, we'll drop pounds and eventually get to that goal we set for ourselves. I'm not saying we set unrealistic goals, at least I didn't -- no way in hell I'm ever gonna be 6 pounds 13 ounces but hey, a little lighter would be nice!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Time for a topic change, don’t ya love how my mind flips and flops? Ya, like yours stays the course all the time – give me a break – stop smiling, we are more alike than different, fool!

Now here’s another way to look at the upcoming election.

A president's pension currently is $191,300 per year, assuming the next president lives to age 80. Sen. McCain would receive ZERO pension as he would reach 80 at the end of two terms as president. Sen Obama would be retired for 26 years after two terms and would receive $4,973,800 in pension.Therefore it would certainly make economic sense to elect McCain in November.

Say What?

Gotta love fog and water reflections, either makes you realize how peaceful life can be -- aw, isn't that sick!


Just a quick note, more to follow later -- what in hell is up with this 44 degree temp?

Ya, what happened to that lovely Indian Summer weather and temps? Man, we must have been really bad to get such strange weather.

And if you haven't driven through Norwood -- DON'T -- take back roads as they are paving Route 56 and that is one-lane traffic and you can definitely count on waiting. It's amazing how they'll snarl traffic and do this number by just churning up and spitting out last year's pavement and call it new stuff and next year, we can do again. Hey, ever think it might be wiser to ADD some stuff and make this pavement thicker so it would last longer? Oh, just a thought, silly me.

Well, time for my morning walk and this time, it'll be a walk in fog. Yup, damn foggy out there this morning. So, do I take my camera and get some fog shots or just try to keep out of everyone's way and not get run over? Listen if drivers are on the sidewalk, none of us are safe.



Now listen, slowly and carefully, they are NOT dentist -- yes, they drill but do you see a MOUTH? Didn't think so and lemma tell ya, this drilling is much louder too. They be serious about this work, no looking about with these guys!





Confucuis say: Man who run behind car get exhausted!

Write-in Candidate

I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE. HERE IS MY PLATFORM:

1. “Press 1 for English” is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can.

2. We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart (http://www.walmart.com/>'s policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'

3. When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.

4. All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

5. Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it.

6. Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion urinalysis and a passing grade.

7. Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life.

8. Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal; you lose your right hand. There are no more life sentences. If convicted, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

9. One export will be allowed; Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

10. All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.

11. The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.

12. The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes but a vote for me will get you better than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get.

Thanks for listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November.

God Bless America !!!!!!!!!!!
Bill Cosby!!!!!!!!

4—TEE- YEARS

Finding that a tad hard to read – okay, try this FORTY YEARS – did that help? Good because today is our 40th anniversary – holy Martha!

Hard to believe that two young kids serving their country and in Vietnam, took time off to fly to Hawaii and got married, only to return to Nam to begin married life – and you all think your first year was exciting. Hey, sniper fire, bombings, monsoons, warm beer and somehow it was the beginning that had us saying; “we got no where to go but UP!”

And of course we get to celebrate the day with our ever present and lovely rain! Good thing we elected to celebrate this accomplishment on Sunday with a wonderful meal at Hotel Grande.

Let’s see what else has been happening around and about? Roger Federer won his 5th in a row US Open Tennis Title – and that my friends, is damn impressive. After a very dismissal year for Roger, this is his only grand slam win and put all those creatures who thought he was done back in their closets! Andy Murray (actually a Scot) is Britain’s hope these days as Tim retired. He’s 21 and as he matures and gets a bit more experience he’ll surely win slams as well.

And Brett Favre did damn nice on his opening game and the Jets won. Patriots won but lost Brady for the season – damn, football is gonna be interesting this year, eh?

Oh my goodness, Minnie Driver finally has given birth to a son – 9 pounds something – amazing. And she said; "I'm not getting married to this person and I don't know what's going to happen but everyone is cool about the situation," she said, adding, "Babies are endlessly fascinating to look at and I'm obsessed about their complete and utter lack of guile. I'm looking forward to seeing life through the eyes of my own kid." We’ll ask you about the poopie diapers later Minnie!

So as it’s raining like a banshee and no end in sight, it looks like a day to tackle inside jobs. I want to rearrange furniture, this always drives hubby nuts and I suppose I should dust and mop the kitchen floor – either job sucks in my book.

Have a fun day!

Confucius say: Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Ear Infection

This is so true!

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '

'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated. The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with seniors and you're going to Lose!

Now this photo outta keep you guessing for a few minutes -- what the hell is this? I took this photo this morning and it just fascinated me (doesn't take much). Its foamy water -- amazing! And you thought it was a dirty bath tub, shame on you!

One of those days

When you have an 'I Hate My Job day'[Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days]

Try this out: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson &Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson &Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized."

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson &Johnson ."

HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!

Confucius say: Man with one chopstick go hungry!

MY SPACE

Sometimes its just hard to know how to respond to comments or to show others how they can chat with me.

As I also have a myspace site, I'm gonna put that link here and we'll see what happens.

http://www.myspace.com/skyhighmama.

More tomorrow folks, Sunday is a day of rest -- or so some claim.

Yard Prep

As much as I dislike the idea that summer is over and Fall, well, it’s here and shows every indication of an Indian Summer, the sad fact remains – it is time to put things away, clean up the yard and do some fall planting! [aka winterize the damn place]

Yesterday, before it hit 90 degrees and while still “warm” from my walk, I pulled up my tomato plants. They were done and it was foolish to think they’d do more – so bye-bye, you’re outta here!

Because my tulips were so prutty last year, I have more to plant this year – don’t ask me why but I seem to attract tulip bulbs. By that I mean, people "give" them to me and my husband buys bulbs! However as some “critter” liked these babies just as they popped up and another would dig to get the bulb, I am gonna try something different. Now let me tell ya, red pepper flakes sprinkled about after the bulbs pop up does distract these critters but I want to make it harder for those bulb eaters!

Therefore, my plan is to get some chicken wire, plant the bulbs, make a cocoon with wire [kind of a wire covering if you will] and see if this keeps the critters away. Yup sounds like a lot of work, eh? Before I do this I also plan to get some top soil – I was gonna mix it in then plant, but hey, live dangerously, try something different, so the soil shall go on top and seep down over the winter months. What the hell, can’t hurt, right?

I’d like to plant some of these bulbs in the front but chicken wire in the front doesn’t look very attractive. Maybe the local nursery can give me other ideas – or more attractive deterrents! But as this looks like a “wet” Saturday, about all I can do is gather my materials and wait for nicer weather. In the meantime, I need to get hubby’s ass on the ladder and clean out the drain pipes which are currently growing small trees – yuck! I’d do this myself but can’t get the ladder unfolded and up, so I need his assistance. Hey, once he has the ladder up, he can damn well climb up there and clean those rain gutters, right? Ya, my thoughts exactly!

Confucius say: Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement!

Weigh-in

Oh sorry, this ain’t what you think – come on, I’d share my weight with you people – NEVER!

I’m sure parents who have school age children know this law but for me, someone who hasn’t sent a kid to school in decades, legislation passed in 2007, and went into effect this month, was an eye opener. This requires public schools outside of NYC to collect and report a summary of students’ weights and body mass indexes as part of an effort to combat childhood obesity. Hey whatever you measure you can improve – huh?

Doctors will now be required to test students when they come in for a student health certificate (which is mandatory) for attendance in NY state schools. Now the information will be confidential and collected at school entry and in 2nd, 4th, 7th and 10 grades. The data will be passed on to the state Department of Health unless parents ask to have the information excluded. Wait a second, how can a parent ask to have this information excluded, isn’t this required by legislation? OR does this mean if I object, the data on my kids is excluded? If that is the case, this is bogus, right?

Okay, let’s say nobody objects, after all they are not going to use names, right? Most likely it’ll be by area and school districts and/or schools. So they got all this data, now what? Will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars studying the data and what, eventually get a report that says; “In the data collected, 65% of NY schools have obese students.” Well, shit don’t we know that just by looking at these kids?

Is just me or do others think that maybe, just maybe instead of waiting for some researcher to tell us we got fat kids and an obesity problem, which we all ready know, that the funds would be better spent on an acceptable educational program. One that not only addresses but allows students to get involved in programs that result in changing their eating habits and participating in fitness programs that works for everyone not just the gifted athletes?

Damn what a concept! Are we so sure only adults know how to address this issue and kids aren't smart enough to offer us valid, useful information? Hello, they are the ones getting fatter and they'll end up like are fat asses (some not all of us okay) unless we become partners with them to make positive change! Are we gonna ask our kids to wait until they are older, like us, to realize they need to lose weight, that they're asking to not only die young but suffer due to extra strain they are putting on their heart? We need to get everyone together now and do something, screw the data crap --let's stop the fat!

Well I can’t wait for the next research project, can you? Maybe they’ll come up with one that tells us what sex we are – we obviously don’t this either! Damn I wish I was smart –being this dumb really hurts!

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everyone has the same size bucket!

WANNA DO

Remember when you were working (or still are) and you made these weekly “to do lists?” Okay, you made them daily aren’t you just flippin precious!

When you retire those to do lists kind of get tossed aside and it’s one of those retirement pleasure we all enjoy with a sadistic grin on our faces! Instead we have “wanna do, or gonna do” items and the best part, they have no particular time limit. Ain’t that a hoot? And I suppose if I was totally fair, retirees also have a "I ain't doing nuthin" list too. Now that one is a real hoot and we all love it!

Now you can call these “goals,” or “objectives,” or even “challenges,” but for me wanna do or gonna do works just fine – and does not have some horrible time line or deadline! In fact, it allows me to do things at my own pace, which is damn nice!

One of my “wanna do’s” this summer was to walk around Norwood Lake. I don’t mean the entire flippin lake,[that would mean around Norwood, into to Potsdam and who knows where else that sucker goes]--- get real, just the Norwood Lake Road – that road/street is some hike. Now in order to do this, you are going hike up a hill, either on Route 56 or the hill headed to the Norwood Beach[either one is a climb and a thigh workout!].

The first time I hiked up the Norwood hill toward Potsdam I thought I would fall in total exhaustion when I got to Ficacco’s garage, but nope, I managed to stay upright and continued on. Then instead of crossing by the Lobster House, I went up and over the dry Bridge (another flippin hill). Anyway, that hike was wonderful and I had blisters to prove it! This time went up the hill again and crossed over by the Lobster House. Now I could walk around but decided that was one long walk and it is damn muggy out there. So I cut through the woods behind my daughter’s house. This saved me a few steps not many but trust me at this point a few was most welcomed!

Hey, it took me an hour and half to hike this route and it is damn muggy out there and with my red face and sweaty body I was one beautiful sight to behold. Good thing beauty is in the eye of the beholder, because nobody would be beholding me this morning! Sweet Martha, this has to be worth more than 6 activity points?

Now I can claim I did one of the wanna do items – not only did I do it but I did it twice – yes, I count going up and over the bridge – what the hell same distance, just a different route and more hills on the bridge route!

I am truly hoping all this walking will help me with my quest to conquer cross country skiing. I have purchased shorter skis and I still need to buy ski boots but hey, I am determined to master this activity. I did downhill skiing for years (okay it has been a few since I last skied but nonetheless, I do know how to ski. However, down hill and X-country are not the same as I learned last year. Oh yes, I could take lessons but what in hell would the fun in that be? I prefer my "fall and rise" method. I'm not gonna set any records but then, I'm just out there moving my fat ass around and trying to keep active -- not become some accomplished XC skier -- give me a break!


I will still snowshoe, as that is great fun and a nice workout but I really think cross-country skiing is super-duper and I want to do it – hey, you gotta have “wanna do or gonna do” items or you’ll go bonkers – or worse, you’ll sit inside, eat and gain weight. Hell, I can look at food and gain weight, so imagine if I eat too – holy Martha.

Hey, you all have a grand ole day – kids definitely went back to school today – I know many a Mom is doing the back-to-school dance.

Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it!

Just Smile

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.
The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said, 'This is for washing our hair.'

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.'The curlers are on me.'

YOUNG CHUCK

Young Chuck, moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.'

Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.

'Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.'

The farmer asked, 'what ya gonna do with him?Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!'

Chuck said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked,
'What happened with that dead horse?'

Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a net profit of $898.00.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?

'Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Chuck grew up and now works for the government

Just News

Wow, politics just gets more – what is a good word – invasive, as more and more stuff is brought to our attention.

Now we hear that Palin’s 17 year old daughter is pregnant, plans to keep the baby and marry the father! Gee, is that supposed to cause us major concern or what?

Stop it. Unmarried 17-year-old girls get pregnant every day in this country — too many of them — and they come from strong, healthy families, and broken, dysfunctional families, and conservative families and liberal families. Bristol’s pregnancy says nothing about Sarah Palin’s suitability to be the next vice-president just as Obama’s youthful cocaine use, or his middle name, says nothing about his suitability to be the next president.

Hey I am not saying who to vote for or that one candidate has something better to offer than the other, frankly my dear, so far I haven’t heard much about either that is helping me decide but we got lots of campaigning ahead of us and hopefully, we’ll get some real issues on the table!

Okay, on to other tidbits – Couple exchange vows in Funeral Home! And this footnote – bride was not crept out [and yes she can see and hear!] Now you can sleep easy, this rates right up there with “heard it all!”


Oh wait – there is more, ready? LONDON (AP) -- Oscar-winning British actress Helen Mirren said she used to love cocaine, but stopped taking the drug after learning that a Nazi war criminal profited from the trade, according to a magazine.

The 63-year-old, who won an Academy Award for her role in "The Queen," was quoted by GQ magazine as saying she used to dabble in marijuana and cocaine when she was younger.
"I loved coke. I never did a lot, just a little bit at parties," Mirren was quoted as telling the magazine in an interview, which was made available to the media Monday. "But what ended it for me was when they caught (Nazi war criminal) Klaus Barbie, the Butcher of Lyon, in the early 80s. He was hiding in South America and living off the proceeds of being a cocaine baron.

"And I read that in the paper, and all the cards fell into place, and I saw how my little sniff of cocaine at a party had an absolute direct route to this ... horrible man in South America," she was quoted as saying. [no additional comment, imagine!]

And I'm fixing stuffed green peppers for dinner and wonder what in hell am I thinking, doing something so bloody normal!

Labor Day

I don’t think many of us think about or even know why we have this holiday and yet, we look forward to it and enjoy it very much. Traditionally, Labor Day is celebrated by most Americans as the symbolic end of the summer. Ya, and the yellow bus will soon come along and our children will be back in school –hurrah!

However, Labor Day is a United States federal holiday observed on the first Monday in September. And guess what, it was a holiday originated in 1882 as the Central Labor Union (of New York City) sought to create a day off for the working citizens!” Congress made Labor Day a federal holiday in 1894. All 50 states have made Labor Day a state holiday. Not bad for a bunch of workers wanting a day off, eh?

And the US Tennis Open continues and we still have some top players in the game. Federer is hoping to win at least one slam this year and retain his US Open crown but he’s got a few guys who think it’s time to pass that along to someone else. Nadal is hot and he could easily take the prize but let’s not forget our American boy, Andy Roddick. He hasn’t won a slam since 2003 (and that was the US Open) and he’s long over due. He has switched coaches more than some switch socks but finally he is starting to listen and try some new tactics. Oh he’s got a monster serve but ya gotta back that up with ground strokes and he needs to mix it up – he’s to damn predictable.

So it’s gonna be a warm day, if the weather reports are valid, we should see temps in the 80s, oh ya, baby, we can handle that – we want the heat. And many of us will be firing up the grills and you’ll smell food cooking big time. Whatever you do, relax and enjoy it – the summer fun is ending but hey Autumn has it’s own brand of fun too.

Oh one last thing, school starts soon (like tomorrow) and that means the buses will be out and about. The kids need YOU and I to watch out and not run them down. Trust me they are not going to be looking left or right as they cross a road or rush to a bus stop (or just drag their feet strolling to the stop). That means we gotta watch out and not run them down. Eventually they'll get back into the habit of looking, stopping and crossing when safe but for now, well, they need some help from us adults.

So, let's slow down, be patient, and give our kids a chance to see many more days on this planet.

Why We Like Retirement

If you are retired, you'll love this -- if not, you will one day. As it turns out many folks asked retirees lots of questions. Therefore, to assist everyone, I thought I'd give you both the most often asked questions and the answers:


Q. How many days in a week?
A. 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.

Q. When is a retiree’s bedtime?
A. Three hours after he/she falls asleep on the couch.

Q. How many retirees to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but it might take all day!

Q. What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
A. There is not enough time to get everything done.

Q. Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
A. Tied shoes.

Q. Why do retirees count pennies?
A. They are the only ones who have the time.

Q. What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
A. NUTS!

Q. Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
A. They know that as soon as they do, one of their kids will want to store stuff there.

Q. What do retirees call a long lunch?
A. Normal.

Q. What is the best way to describe retirement?
A. The never ending coffee break.

Q. What’s the biggest advantage of doing back to school as a retiree?
A. If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Q. What do you (a retiree) do all week?
A. Monday through Friday, NOTHING….Saturday and Sunday we rest!


So thar ya go -- so you keep asking your questions, and we'll give you R answers!

Snowmobiles+Water= RACE

OMG Snowmobiles on Water! Aka Watercross!

If you did not see this with your own eyes you might think its impossible and some silly arse drunk story. But I’m here to tell ya, snowmobiles can and did race on water and on the Norwood Lake!

Yes I was a tad skeptical too, come on, machines meant for and used in the winter and on snow are suddenly racing on water – won’t they sink? Well, yes, they do sink if you they don’t go fast enough but hell, they are yanked out, taken to dry land, cleaned off and back in the race in record time.

They take off from land and man, it’s noisy and you not only can smell but see the cloud of fumes as they hit the water and then, off they go around cones and water balloons. It’s absolutely amazing and looks like great fun. The riders appear to be “tethered” to their snowmobile and bob in the water when the sled sinks, allowing others to see them and also to help the pontoon boat type crane to haul them back to the dry land. The only thing I heard was they needed two pontoon boats because it took too long to get the snowmobile back on dry land!

Okay, enjoy the photos – they say it better than me – I just know at one point a driver didn’t seen a rider in the water and ran over him (he ducked under water according to eye witnesses) and nobody was hurt. I'll attempt to put a slide show up a bit later but for now, the above photos show you what this was like -- amazing.

If you wish to see the slide show click on or go to this site:

http://www.myspace.com/skyhighmama

As I MATURE

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better have a big Willy or huge boobs.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

Now aren’t you glad you stopped by and read this blog? Oh come on, you got a smile or two from this, did you not? What? It’s not my job to make you miserable; you can do that on your own! Here’s a couple more ditty’s to keep the day pleasant:

• When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
• It you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
• Don’t assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
• Did you ever notice the Roman Numerals for forty (40) are “XL.”
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
• If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame!

Hey have a great Labor Day Weekend and this rain will pass and you really should go over to Norwood Lake and watch the snowmobile races. I’m gonna be there with my trusty camera and plan to have a good ole time. Come on over and join the fun!

OR you can stay home and work on being miserable -- your choice!

SPRINKLES – AGAIN

Well, while I wait (stall is probably the better word) to decided when to take my morning walk, the light sprinkle is just a teasing splatter of what could easily become a downpour. Hey, I don’t mind the rain, I mean for walking purposes but a downpour is not my idea of fun. I wear glasses and sadly, I don’t have wipers on the lenses and seeing the world through spots is not exactly pleasant!

In the meantime I took a gander at the headlines – hell, these alone cause one to shake his or her head. A nine year old boy is so good pitching a ball that he’s not being allowed to do this and the team is being disbanded and dispersed – what the hell is going on!

We got a celebrity headed into rehab – hey, this is nothing new, every other week this happens but this time, its for – wait for it – sex addiction! Are you kidding me? What in hell kind of treatment or help do you get in rehab for this addiction? Ya, makes you wonder, don’t it?

Oh how sweet a baby elephant has been reunited with her Mama – and now the tears have stopped – isn’t that sweet! This was breaking news folks, we couldn’t sleep without reading about this – damn, I am so much better now!

Oh you’ll love this one – colleges around the country are ditching cafeteria trays to lower water and energy use and to prevent wasted food. Now how will those kids carry their food, oh, in dishes that they’ll drop, which will break upon contact with the floor and this is safer and going green – ya, I get it, how stupid to think we used trays all these years and never thought this was wasteful.

Freezer sales heat up as folks try to save money on food costs. Hey, you got a freezer; you can buy in bulk and save money – duh! Damn when did we suddenly realize that folks had a brain and used it – this is just another example of how stupid we are to believe this is something new in our lives!
Why is it so hard to swat a fly? Ya, I can tell you really are interested in this study (damn we spend money on some pretty weird stuff). The brains of flies are wired to avoid the swatter, U.S. researchers said on Thursday. At the mere hint of a threat, the insects adjust their preflight stance to flee in the opposite direction, ensuring a clean getaway; they said in a finding that helps explain why flies so easily evade swipes from their human foes. These movements are made very rapidly, within about 200 milliseconds – sorry, we can’t swat that fast, hence the fly get-away!

King of the Pasture: Chilli, a Brobdingnagian bovine knows how to stand tall. The cow in England is 6-foot-6 and weighs more than a ton. I don’t know about you, but I ain’t messing with this cow – holy cow shit!

Well, have you had enough of the daily news updates? Now you can really prepare for the weekend, right? Well, the sprinkles aren’t getting any worse, so I am off for my walk – what the hell, I know how to swim in case it gets really bad out there – wish me luck and oh, you have a lovely day, okay?

Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job!

THE JOB = URINE TEST

(I sure would like to know who wrote this one! They deserve a HUGE pat on the back!)

I HAVE TO PASS A URINE TEST FOR MY JOB... SO I AGREED 100%

Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job--I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their ASS, doing drugs, while I work. Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check!?

Pass this along if you agree or simply delete if you don't. Hope you all will pass it along, though . . . Something has to change in this country -- and soon!

WHAT AN IDEA!!!!!!!!

Hump Day

Well, once again the temp is in the 40’s and I’m having a little debate on what to wear on my morning walk. Yesterday I donned a sweatshirt as it was 40 degrees and to be honest, found it a tad too warm and wished I’d stuck with my normal T-shirt. Now it’s closing in on 50 degrees and I’m thinking T-shirt – forget that sweatshirt business.

I was bad this week, no weight loss but hey, no gain either so that is good, right? I knew I was blowing it – had a few beers, had a whopper with fries (twice), had ice cream which I rarely eat but seemed to want this past week for some stupid reason and well, shit, I just blew it; it’s that plain and that simple! Oh well, one is allowed this option too. What is good is that while I did not lose any weight this past week, I did not gain, so I consider that a good stead! Come on, did you honestly think I was gonna lose 3 pounds every flippin week – not in this life time or on this planet!

Today on my walk I took my camera – now this is a bit awkward and tends to mess up my arm swing, but at the same time, I wanted to get some photos around town. Why? Well, I have friends who haven’t been here in years and would like to see what the ole town looks like and of course, see all the changes since we were kids. Imagine their surprise when they learn the Norwood Bakery is no longer here – that fire ended a landmark we all loved and enjoyed for years!

Some folks left here when we still had a movie theater and bowling alley, man, that’s been gone a long time, right? Yes, changes happens and while it is seen as progress and at times this is certainly true, many times change just doesn’t seem all that different or necessary. All it did was disrupt lives and cause stress but the same-ole-same crap is still here. Ya, life is full of these so called changes and then, once done, a few years pass and they say; “we never should have done that, it wasn’t necessary, I miss the ole stuff.”

I was gonna (and earlier did have) a photo slide show but realized this was not working properly. In fact, it was probably driving you nuts as well;therefore I dumped it and now, well, you'll just have to take my word, yes I have recent photos of downtown Norwood!
This is Route 56 or the Norwood Hill headed toward Potsdam. Ever "hike" up this baby? Lemme tell ya, that's a lovely workout -- your thighs will burn for hours!

Hey, if you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

40 Degrees – August 26th – WTS

Ya, “what the shit” is up with this temperature? Look, this is really getting pretty damn wild. We have rain, cool temps, then we get blasted with heat waves that see temps in the high, and I do mean high 80s and now, we wake up to 40 degrees! This is not global warming this is messing with our minds and didn’t anyone tell them, our minds can’t handle shit like this?

Hey, one good thing about all this up and down temp business, the corn is fantastic this year – man oh man, you can literally pig out on corn-on-the-cob and with all that fiber we keep every body function working too! Sadly, some corn fields are wet and that causes concern for farmers – can we get our equipment in there and not get bogged down? Nothing like a 50,000 dollar tractor stuck in mud and more money spent getting the sucker out and still no corn harvested.

NORWOOD -- The 19th Norwood Lake Regatta will be on Aug. 30 at Norwood Beach, with snowmobiles instead of boats. The main attraction will be “water cross racing,” which is snowmobiles racing and jumping on Norwood Lake. The first 18 years of the regatta featured hydroplane boat racing, which created many exciting races but was also subject to wind and other weather related delays. Supposedly the only weather that stops water cross racing is lightning storms, so this should be a fun event and I for one plan to attend. The question will be what to wear? Hopefully we’ll have nice weather and not need to be bundled up like snow bunnies the end of August!

Monday was a first for me, once a year all the folks who retired from Cornell Cooperative Extension of St. Lawrence County meet, have lunch and swap stories. As I said it was a first for me and I’m somewhat a “newbie” to this group as I retired two years ago but another gal holds the real title as the most recent retiree, having retired this year! Regardless it was fun, some folks I did not know but got introduced to quickly and over a great meal, conversation never was a problem and we all had a grand ole time. Many are packing up and heading “home” after a summer in the North Country and for some that means by October they are headed to Florida and want nothing more to do with the cold weather or snow. All in all it was a great gathering and more enjoyable.

So, its on with chores – the lawn needs mowing and I cannot stall any longer. Take care, keep smiling and keep a cold one handy in case I show up and need a drink!

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water!

TENNIS

Give it up, I know you could care less about tennis but settle in folks, the US Open begins tomorrow and you’ll just have to endure.

Roger Federer enters this grand slam event as the number two player in the world and Rafa Nadal takes on the number one spot. Whatever is shall be an exciting ten days of tennis and then, everyone can rest and watch football and/or baseball! Yes, I repeat again for those who are sick of hearing it, I am a huge tennis fan. I also enjoy football so thar you are – a female sports nut!

Hey, did it rain last night or was it nothing more than thunder-bumpers? I heard no rain but then I slept pretty soundly last night so who in hell knows? My awning isn’t full of water this morning so I am assuming no wet stuff fell – hurrah. The temp did drop tho – damn, it needed to drop – couple days of 80+ degrees made things damn warm around here!

Went to the movie last night – are you ready for this –Tropic Thunder. [A self-referential movie about making a movie, Ben Stiller's fearless comedy tosses combat-film actors into an actual jungle setting and then slowly strips away their personality shields until they're left staring deeply into their Hollywood hearts of darkness. From the audience's perspective, the view is gut-bustingly funny. Stiller's wisest choice behind the camera is to keep the lens focused on his inspired cast mates ñ including Robert Downey Jr., Jack Black, Steve Coogan, and a vulgar Tom Cruise ñ who embrace the hilarity in the fantastic screenplay. "Tropic Thunder" gleefully skewers the film industry and its pampered acting community. It's one of the year's funniest films.]

That is a write up seen on a local web site. As far as I am concerned and IMO this was the dumbest movie I have seen in years. Yes I did laugh at times but mostly I wanted this over so I could go home. But hey, go see it yourself – as for me – once was enuff, thank you very much!

Yup, it’s Sunday and at the moment the temp is slowly climbing out of the 60s and the sun is trying to pop thru the clouds. I suspect we’re in for a lovely day and that is fine with me. I am sure Wal-Mart will be crowded again today as college kids continue to stock up on goodies and parents continue to shell out hard earned cash to pay for this educational pursuit.

Enjoy your day –

Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+ year oldswhen they enter antique store?

A: 'Gosh, I remember these.'

TREASURE & TRASH

Couple of things happening in Potsdam this weekend. First the students are back, unpacking and doing their level best to make sure they are here – damn, it’s always fun watching them the first few weeks. Second, as the kids and parents here, yard, garage and lawn sales are happening this weekend too. I suspect these sales are happening in other towns as well but I noticed them more in Potsdam this morning as we did our weekly dry cleaner and breakfast run!

Yard, garage or lawn sales are pretty common and let’s face it, most folks just want to get rid of stuff and sell things pretty damn cheap and like to “dicker” over prices. Now, we got some that think they can make millions and have outrageous prices on junk and nobody is buying –duh! Yes, it is true; one person’s trash is someone else’s treasure. Have you ever seen what some folks do with things you decided to get rid of because you were sick of it, it was old and useless? I mean, its amazing what some folks can do with a little paint and elbow power – almost makes you wish you had thought of this and kept the damn thing!

The sales take considerable work, getting stuff ready, marked and then, sitting around all day waiting for customers who pick, paw and suggest a price that is (in some cases) an insult to common decency. Sales are sales, we get the concept but this is not “give away free” stuff – so let’s be a little more discreet with our comments and offers. A perfectly good sofa is not going to go for $5.00 and if you think that is sick, then look in the bloody mirror.

I can handle clothes and especially blue jeans that someone else had nicely broken in and aren’t too bad – meaning, no major holes in them. You know what really has me blinking is people buying used shoes! I don’t mean boots, skates or hiking boots but regular, everyday shoes – how in the bloody hell can you wear shoes someone else broke in – don’t we all walk differently?

Now my objective in going to such sales is furniture – old wood that I can refurbish or make even worse as I learn how to work with various woodworking tools. I kind of like to take an ole chair, desk, coffee table, strip it down, and see what in hell it really looks like. It’s amazing how beautiful cherry, walnut, etc., is after all these years – once all the paint has been removed! Sometimes you asked yourself why would anyone want to cover up such beauty and then you remember, at a certain time, painting wood was the way many did things and it was considered a good thing! Leaving it natural tended to suggest you were to poor to buy paint and although poor you didn’t necessarily want to broadcast it all over town! In some cases, paint covered a multitude of messes too – chips, gouges, and by painting it matched other items in the room instead of clashing big time!

So good luck with your sales and hunting – sometimes I do stop and search for something weird, odd or some silly gadget that might cause my sister and I some laughs – especially if neither of us can figure out what in hell this gadget does! Just enjoy your weekend--- retired or not, weekends are still weekends!

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

FOR THE LOVE OF MARTHA

Get ready for this folks, you thought gas prices were bad and food prices but now they are really getting serious – read on:

HARRISBURG, Pa. - The maker of Snickers bars and M&Ms candies said it is raising wholesale prices on various items to offset the higher costs of raw materials, packaging and energy, the second major candy company in the past week to announce such a move.

Damn now even our unhealthy snacks and comfort goodies are gonna get so damn costly we won’t be able to afford them either – gonna be a damn cold winter, eh?

But wait it gets better – read this tidbit:

TOKYO - A 61-year-old Japanese woman gave birth to her own grandchild, using an egg donated by her daughter, a clinic said Thursday.

Ya, I can see all you 60 year olds and older just biting at the bit to do this number for your kids – what? Watch your mouth I was just kidding!

Well, with luck my digital phone service will be fixed today and I mean fixed. Since the sucker was installed I would hear callers say; “you’re breaking up; I’m hearing every other word; are you still there?” And sometimes I’m chatting away only to learn I’m in dead air space – nobody on the other end. It’s not like I spend hours on the damn phone, that ain’t my idea of good times, but when I must be on the phone, I would like to hear what in hell is being said! This service supposedly is cheaper than what I had before and I’m beginning to understand why – it doesn’t work, therefore you don’t use it much!

Looks like another lovely day for us country bumpkins – can we tolerate two warm days in a row? Yesterday was cause for many to get outside and mow lawns and even rake up grass but not me, I sat outside with friends, drank beers and swapped stories – most relaxing and slept like a baby last night too.

Now these little cuties were next door and enjoying the apple tree, later they came over and nearly joined me on my deck -- brave suckers, eh? A few years ago a deer actually was on the deck and being overly smart, had the damnest time getting off -- jumping didn't seem possible and turning around didn't seem to work either. Eventually, in total frustration, he jumped over the rail and off he went, never to return. So for his deck jumping number he went to Bejing and entered the Olympics -- did you see him?

Highjacked -- Damn

Howdy,

Well, like many I too had my computer highjacked or if you prefer, a nasty virus decided to take over and that resulted in me losing alot of my stuff -- bloody hell!

Ya I know, should have backed up things and then when shit like this happens, you haven't lost everything...hindsight is bloody wonderful. Now I may remember to do this little number! Ya, live and learn!

So I will spend time reinstalling software that I wish to use and programs that I definitely want to use and hopefully in due course I will have most of the stuff back where I want it or I'll be a frustrated clown and decide I didn't really need that program anyway!

Anyhoooo -- just wanted to let you know I haven't gone away -- not really and soon I shall share more nonsense with you -- can't wait, right?

Hey, how did ya like the temp this morning -- 48 degrees -- are you kidding me? Makes ya wonder if we have a wet, cool summer does that mean a mild winter? One can hope but again, sorry but I like snow sports so snow is necessary -- I just don't need nor want piles of the stuff.

More later --- have a good one.

DEER ME—BACK OFF BAMBI

Well, my morning walk brought on some surprises this morning. I have, at times, seen deer while walking but this morning a deer decided to “charge” right at me! Holy Martha, what in hell is up with Bambi?

Now what in hell is one supposed to do? Stand or keep walking as the deer has it’s own route and it ain’t gonna deviate from that route? Now let me clarify this, I was not in the country, I was on Prospect Street and just walking along at my normal pace, when Bambi saw me, I saw Bambi and then, Bambi decided to charge right at me!

No I didn’t get hurt, I just stood my ground and waited for the thud, which never came as the deer went off to the side and kept going. I bet s/he is laughing like crazy and telling s/he buddies; “you shouldn’t seen that human’s face, I bet she shit her pants, it was so funny!”

That certainly was odd and yes, it was a nice sized deer and gave no indication of being sick, just hungry as it roam about and munched in gardens, grass, flowers, leaves, etc. I probably scared it more than anything else and considering they have poor eye sight, I would also say they are dumb. Hell, why run toward me, fool, run the other way! Oh well, nobody was hurt and the deer eventually race off into the woods and is long gone!

Now there are some things that – well – you don’t really care if you know or not. I mean, now we are being privy to who spied for us during WW II – are you sure we need to know this and NOW?

WASHINGTON - Famed chef Julia Child shared a secret with Supreme Court Justice Arthur Goldberg and Chicago White Sox catcher Moe Berg at a time when the Nazis threatened the world.

They served in an international spy ring managed by the Office of Strategic Services, an early version of the CIA created in World War II by President Franklin Roosevelt.

Now, don’t you feel better knowing this? A tad late but still, after all these years we get informed our chef was a bloody spy! Damn, am I the only one who wants to scream – WHO IN HELL WASN’T A SPY! Seems like everyone spied and that was the name of the game played then, so why in hell think telling now is necessary?

Then the news switches and we’re back to the diet and fitness crap – again and forever!

How much exercise do we need? Man, I love the answer to this question:” To put good intentions into action, you need a goal. How much exercise do you need? Ask the U.S. Surgeon General, the Institute of Medicine, the American Heart Association, and the American College of Sports Medicine and you're likely to get four different answers. That's no surprise. In fact, you're the only one who can decide just how much and what kind of exercise is best for you.”

About time someone gave us some credit. I’m not real sure about that “goal” thing tho – I mean, I walk but I never really thought about what goal I had in mind – to feel better, to move my fat ass, just to get outside or better yet, just to do some form of exercise that doesn’t require a lot of equipment!

I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

BIG DAY FOR POTSDAM

Hey, after much ado and what have you, the infamous Super Wal-Mart opens today in Potsdam – hurrah!

And along with this store comes over 400 jobs and man, we needed employment for folks too. Whether you like or dislike Wal-Mart it is here now and it’s gonna make life a bit more interesting and easier for many folks.

Oh sure, folks will still shop downtown, that’s a given and although in my opinion, shopping is limited based on interests but then, isn’t that how it usually works? And yes, folks will still shop at Hackett’s and again, this is fine. Wal-Mart is not going to drive people away, it’s gonna bring people in and that includes restaurants – hello, folks wanna eat and inside the super store – Subway only lasts how long?

Today will be a mad house, I suppose but keep in mind, Wal-Mart doesn’t do this promotion give-away number to the first 100 customers or anything along those lines – they just open their doors and welcome you, just like they will three months from now. And if the personnel here are as well trained as the Massena Wal-Mart, you will not only see but also get friendly, competent service.

I don’t mind if some clerk asks if they can help me but when I say I am just looking, I mean I am just looking and leave me to hell alone. So, if they persist and bug me I mess with them. First I ask if they got anything in my size? This gets the usual, “what size do you need?” And then, I smile and say, “Extra medium.” That sends them scampering to find someone who can explain this or declare the store does not carry that size. Believe me, they are gone and I’m back to looking!

Gee, I thought it was gonna be a dry, warm day – my walk had every indication of that, sun shining and me sweating as the temp seemingly went up. Then, like a dummy I checked the weather via the Internet and see it is currently 65 degrees and we can expect rain today and that brings up one word – SHIT! In fact it’s likely we’ll have thunderstorms today and tomorrow and that means double shit!

Now I shall turn my attention to gas prices – yes, the price of gas has come down, not a lot but hey, $4.15 sounds pretty damn nice after that ugly $4.41 a gallon, eh? What amazes me is the further south I drive the lower the price and I mean just beyond Gouverneur – now, why is that happening? Does it really cost that much more to bring us country bumpkins’ gas? We’re not talking hundreds of miles here, folks, just a few miles!

Well, for all of you who are slowly getting in the back-to-school shopping I honestly feel for you! Yup, been there, done that and glad it’s all over for me. My granddaughter starts school this year and I told me son he’ll need a bank loan to get her dressed and he said; “nope, just an extension on the house for her shoes!” This girl loves shoes and trusts me, she has plenty of them and each pair is special!

Hey, you all have a lovely day – have some laughs and giggles too.

[don't ask about the photo -it won't go away so I decided to try an post it and hope that ends this nonsense, sorry]

Come on------

Man this wet; damp, cool weather has gone on long enough. This is getting damn annoying and I know farmers are going nuts. They can’t get hay in much less harvest crops – yikes! Come on, it's August and soon our summer will be over and can we really say we had a warm, hot, dry one -- NO. It's been nice but a few warm, make that hot, days would be nice and our field, gardens, trees and lawns need it!

And once again, my yard looks bad – oh, it’s green and thick but it’s also tall and needs to be cut. I refuse to cut wet grass, that just doesn’t seem right to me yet I watch other folks do this and just shake my head. A nice, trimmed yard is great but mowing in the rain is just a bit anal in my book!

Hey, here’s an interesting “why” for ya. Girls who act like boys get tagged as tomboys, right? What in hell do we call boys who act like girls, Suegirls? Hey, don’t get a mixed message in this why thought. I mean, many guys become chefs, designers, owners of fancy and expensive hair salons, etc and are very manly – which is not to say being Gay is wrong. But we take little notice of these notions when boys are young but man, let a girl act or play with a boy and we are Tomboys! Ya, now you’re thinking about it, aren’t ya?

So are you enjoying the Olympics? I gotta say that opening ceremony was absolutely brilliant and spellbinding. The Chinese really out did themselves with that performance. As for coverage, well, I am finding the Canadian channels tend to broadcast more coverage than US Channels and I tend to get a tad weary of the polo basketball games or whatever in hell they are called. Diving seemed to take forever but it was fun to watch. I’m a little confused over the gymnastic program tho – are you sure those Chinese girls are 16 years old – they look like they might – just might be 12! Can you imagine, if true, how these girls must feel claiming to be 16 when they are 12 and basically still little girls? Ye gads!

I guess the one thing everyone but the Chinese agree on is the heat and humidity folks are enduring. One tennis player said he was changing his shirt every ten minutes because it was soaked with sweat – other players also admitted the humidity was brutal. Makes ya feel sorry for the gals who can’t just whip off their tops and don a dry one, eh? Keep this up and we’ll need on-court changing rooms for the gals! I’m a tennis fan and player but I gotta tell ya, I never wore those tennis skirts. Sorry I liked the shorts and loose tops not some silly skirt and fancy underwear or pants. I also wore glasses and when transitional lenses came along, those sunglasses definitely were great but opponents complained they couldn’t see my eyes and that caused a disadvantage. Huh?


Yes I am rambling; it’s that kind of day. So I shan’t bore you any longer, I shall grab my water bottle and watch the Olympics – hurrah.

Phones Then & Now

Maybe some of you are under the impression that remembering the ole rotary phone; ya party line --somehow indicates you are OLD. Well, forget it, many folks remember those days and they are not old. Funny how we determine what makes someone old but usually this means retirement age at the very least, which is 55 or older!

Anyway, the old rotary phone was one ugly thing and had a relatively short cord, which kind of restricted how far you could move while on the phone. In some cases, a longer cord was purchased but it still did not make you mobile – you were "attached" to the phone. The rotary dial was how you dialed a number and it usually was referred by a prefix; i.e. EV4—then the number. And best of all you shared the line with 3 or 4 other people, hence the term “party line.”

So if you wanted to use the phone, you picked up the receiver and listened, if no one was on the line, you could dial the number and then talk to your party. If someone was on the line, you had to wait. Now it wasn’t uncommon to “listen” to other people’s conversations – hell, that was standard fare, whether admitted or not!

Party line users had this understanding or agreement that if someone really need to use the phone, they could declare an emergency or say they need to make an important call, could you please get off the line. And most folks did without much hesitation. That didn’t mean they didn’t listen to see what your emergency or important call entailed and lordy, if you considered it important to call someone to get a recipe or learn what happen on the weekly soap opera they were pissed and very unforgiving and if you tried this again and that infamous cry wolf number was implemented immediately!

In many ways party lines were fun, and in some cases, damn educational and informative. Sadly not all information was valid but gossip was always interesting and regardless of age, sex or financial status…gossip was gossip! Teenagers discussed boys/girls, kissing, clothes, hair dos and dances, while adults usually talk about some girl being a tramp, pregnant, unwed, whore or some husband was a drunken brute. Or some wife who was frigid or some mother who never took care of her kids. And then you’d listen to the holier-than-thou folks who preached the gospel and quoted the Bible to defend their position.[ These ladies were really sick puppies who had no life other than making yours miserable....I suspect they are burning in hell for all their bad deeds!]

Eventually technology advanced and folks had their own line and party lines were gone – I don’t think any of us minded – in fact, we most likely felt free at last and not subject to having the entire town know our business. Privacy was dear then too but party lines made that awkward. And the phone itself got nicer, we had wall phones now and you could have more than one, which was nice. And eventually cordless phones became the status symbol and you could walk outside and chat. As a mobile society this was fantastic.

Today we are inundated with cell phones – all kinds of cell phones, from the high tech to the simple, easy to use. Hell, you can even set ring tones to identify your callers! How would you like to know that Amazing Grace was your call song? Perhaps the coolest thing about cell phones was the ability to send text messages and this evolved into a whole new way of writing - U R great, OMG, LOL, etc. However, kids abused this feature and soon many schools prohibited cell phones as kids were texting test questions to their friends...and/or send some ugly messages about other students. Peer pressure is bad enough but test messages are mean and dangerous!


And to make things worse, folks are walking around with a cell phone hanging from their ear, held up to their ear and chatting away as they grocery shop, use the bathroom, stand in some check out line or while they eat. It’s like a bloody lifeline and they can’t function without chatting with other people -- hello, this is not necessary!

Now I find all this usage annoying and stupid – sorry, anybody who has to "reach out and talk to someone 24/7 has much bigger problems and needs some serious help! I'm not a fan of cell phone driving either -- you wanna chat, pull over and that includes the so called hands free calling as well. Sorry, you need to pay attention to the road, not chatting with friends, mates or some sales person.

I personally think the only way we can stop this is to up the fine. Make it really hit the wallet if caught and this will cease damn fast. Now later this month I shall attend the New York State Fair -- this is always a fun outing. But I will have to endure the constant cell phones around me, yakking during concerts and this need to stay connected like without this you cannot breathe!

Even hikers tend to use cell phones and get upset when they can’t get a signal to let someone know they are having a grand time in the great outdoors and enjoying the sounds of nature. What sounds? Blabbing on a phone is not a nature sound!

Enjoy your phones, they do have purpose and a definite use but also realize that sometimes it is okay to turn them off and enjoy the silence. Silence is golden after all!

Sit down and give your mind a rest!