To My Real Friends

Friendship ~ None of that Sissy Shit.

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? 

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cute little smiley faces on this ~ Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1.. When you are sad ~ I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2.... When you are blue ~ I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile ~ I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4. When you are scared ~ I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.

5. When you are worried ~ I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6.. When you are confused ~ I will try to use only little words.
7. When you are sick ~ Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall ~ I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you up.

9 This is my oath ~ I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask ~ because you are my friend.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you
can feel the true warmth. 

   Now you can share this with others or just keep reading it and enjoying its message...it's your call.

    Had a lovely one hour walk this morning, humid as hell out there but no bugs so that was nice.  I like morning walks, so peaceful and usually the ones walking are just doing that, walking, not looking to stop, visit and form some friendship.  Not that we are against that idea but you need to set time aside for you and your activities and walking is it for me....when I walk with someone we usually end up talking and that, for some strange reason, slows down my walking pace..odd, eh?

    Two more days and back to the hospital for more surgery..such a lovely way to spend the summer.  Hopefully this will be the end of surgery for a long time...enuff is enuff.

Bran Flakes

The couple was 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.


They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
'What are the greens fees?' grumbled the old man.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy'
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?' he asked.
That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick.
This is Heaven!'


The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again, all you do here is enjoy yourself.'

The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your f....ing bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!'

 

It's so Hot That----

You know it's hot when:

.....the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.   .....the trees are whistling for the dogs.   .....the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance   .....hot water comes from both taps.   .....you can make sun tea instantly.   .....you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.   .....the temperature drops below 90 F and you feel a little chilly.   .....you discover that in July it only takes two fingers to steer your car (one on each hand).   .....you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.   .....you actually burn your hand opening the car door.   .....you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 5:30 A.M.   .....your biggest motorcycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death"?   .....you realize that asphalt has a liquid stage.   .....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter.   .....the cows are giving evaporated milk.   .....farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs. IT'S SO DRY that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving rain checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water!

Ya gotta love pool time.  My doctor said I could swim, if in a pool, no river swimming at this time (think he feared infection)...I mean, I still have staples and hopefully they will be removed this Wednesday. Anyway, it was so nice of Lisa to allow us to use her swimming pool.

But even more exciting was trying out my new underwater camera,trust me I am not about to post photos of me underwater, I look like some alien or floppy whale or something along those lines.  Hubby insists I look just fine but.....

Here's Maddy underwater, she is so darn cute!

Well, Tuesday started off with thunder-bumpers and then, heavy downpour, now the sun is shining and looks like we'll have a nice day.  Ya, dry out patio cushions again...ye gads!!!

So looking forward to having the Minnesota Rourk's visit us next month...I miss my grandkids, dau-in-law and son.  Just saw him two weeks ago but I miss them all and it'll be fun to have them here and we hope to rent cabins at Old Forge and spend lots of time at Water Safari -- oh good times.

A few Things

A Few Thoughts About Aging

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I  was having an affair  

                       She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?  

                      And that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'! 

 Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very  elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' 

'98,' she replied: 'Two years older than me.'

'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.

She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?' 

 Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 

'And what do you think is the best thing  about being 104?' the reporter asked. 

She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' 

 I've sure gotten old!

 I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,

new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes, 

I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, 

 take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. 

Have bouts with dementia. 

 Have poor circulation; 

 hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. 

 Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. 

 Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, 

 I still have my driver's license. 

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of  

shape, so I got my doctor's permission to 

join a fitness club and start exercising. 

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. 

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and  

perspired for an hour. But, 

by the time I got my leotards on, 

the class was over. 

 An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and 

told her preacher she had two final requests. 

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, 

she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 

'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 

'Why Wal-Mart?' 

'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a  

week' 

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 

Know how to prevent sagging? 

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. 

It's scary when you start making the same noises 

as your coffee maker. 

These days about half the stuff 

in my shopping cart says, 

'For fast relief.' 

 THE SENILITY PRAYER : 

Grant me the senility to forget the people 

 I never liked anyway, 

 the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and 

 the eyesight to tell the difference. 

Dating in 1960

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960 and Fred had a date
with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. "Have a
seat in the living room.  Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced
tea?"

"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.
"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.
"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt
shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..."

"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.

"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends,
that's all they do!"

"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.

"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if  we
let her!"
"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate
plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture
wearing a pink blouse and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in
a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house
and slammed the front door behind her.

""The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother.
""The  damned dance  is called the TWIST!"

This Is US

THIS IS US!!! 

Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or
imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we
have done and do not blame others.

HOWEVER,
upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took

The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement or
God out of government and school.
And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance
from personal relationships and interactions with others!!

And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country.

Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they
stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!

YES,

I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

I'm the life of the party..... Even if it lasts until 8 p.m.

I'm very good at opening childproof caps..... With a hammer.

I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.

I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.

I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.

I'm beginning to realize that
aging is not for wimps.

Yes,

I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!

Spread the laughter

Share the cheer

Let's be happy

While we're here...

 And,

MAY GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

And,

MAY AMERICA BLESS GOD!!!

Watch Your Mail

Watch Your Mailbox!

Just wanted to let you know -  today I received my 2012 Social Security Stimulus Package. It contained two tomato seeds, cornbread mix, a prayer rug,

a machine to blow smoke up my ass, 2 discount coupons to KFC, an "Obama Hope & Change" bumper sticker, and a "Blame it on Bush" poster for the

front yard. The directions were in Spanish.   Watch for yours soon !

That's my niece walking with the US FLAG..proud soldier. Sex at 75 I just went to the mailbox and took out a leaflet, informing me that I can have sex at 75! I'm so happy, because I live at number 71... So it's not too far to walk home afterwards. And it’s the same side of the street ... So I don’t have to cross the road!

 Hi Folks,

Hope your 4th of July was wonderful and that you made it to at least one parade.  Norwood certainly has a good parade each year and it gets bigger and better each year.

I had had surgery on the 28th and wasn't sure I'd be up to walking down, hanging around and enjoying the parade but I was there.  It was very warm and good thing it ended when it did because I was getting tired and knew I still had to walk back home.  Not that far but my energy levels ain't up to full speed yet.  

What was fun was seeing my grandson enjoying his first Norwood 4th of July parade.  He and his parents are usually out of town on this holiday so it was a new experience for him and like any kid, he too, collected candy and was a happy camper.