Showing posts with label geeks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label geeks. Show all posts

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Facts to Dazzle YOU

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.(O.M.G..!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)


The flea can jump 350 times its body length.. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day..(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)


Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue (Yummmmm.....)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too.)


Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Monday, April 27, 2009

Geek Puns


1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi



2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton



3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope



4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond



5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram



6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong



7. 16.5 feet of silver in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling



8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon



9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz



10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower



11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line



12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake



13. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone



14. 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles



15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle



16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbird



17. 52 cards = 1 decacards



18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton



19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen



20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche



21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin



22. 10 rations = 1 decoration



23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration



24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram



25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms



26. 4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital= 1 IV League



27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision



And now you qualify as a geek -- happy?