The Scrotum Story

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.




"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery Performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith ." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my blonde wife the word is sternum."

Avoid the Flu

Please do not forget your flu shot!!!! The First Half of this makes sense, but I like the second half better!!!!

Eat right!

Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.

Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.

Get lots of fresh air.

Open doors & windows whenever possible.

Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.Get plenty of rest.

OR

Take the doctor's approach.
Think about it...
When you go for a shot, what do they do first?
They Clean your arm with alcohol...Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.

So.......I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Corona ...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then pass out. (rest)

The way I see it... If you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!

My mother always said, A shot in the arm is better than a shot in the ass.

Live Well - Laugh Often - Love Much

Doctors

Doctors varying opinions on the Presidents Health Care Package...

Apparently the American Medical Association has weighed in on the president's new health care package....

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it,but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the
Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!' The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the
Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the
Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and
the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to all the a--holes in Washington .