What a Year

It's been one hell of a year and the photo above is my grandson, who is two, helping to make home-made laundry soap.  You see, my daughter decided this was not only cheaper but nicer soap to use,so she made a batch and gave me (and others) a small sample. Well, it worked so well, I decided to have my own bucket of home-made soap. Long story-short, using this is approximately 7 cents per load and your clothes are not only brighter but softer too.  And for the record my sister has been making her own laundry soap for years -- why didn't I catch that bug years ago?

Well, let's get crazy and admit, during the holiday season we tend to look back and relish all those memories,from early childhood to our present day.  We also realize that (1) we are getting older and (2) many good people have passed and that sucks big time.

2011 started out rough for me -- I learned I had colon cancer and like most, just was in a state of denial and shock.  Then I had surgery and all the cancer was gone along with a huge section of my large intestine.  Now I not only had to recover from this major surgical operation but I would spend considerable time (for the rest of my life I suppose) learning what I can and cannot eat if I wish to live comfortably. Also, big meals are no longer possible and it's like I am "grazing" all damn day but it works better and I don't feel so -what is the word -- uncomfortable!

By the end of 2011 I had more tests done, EUS (endoscopic ultrasound) where they went down my throat and look around in my pancreas and then, another lovely colonoscopy and got a clean bill of health -- hurrah.  While I was going through this, my son was also going through his testing and he too remains in remission.  The Lord is definitely keeping tabs on us.

Our oldest grandchild graduated from High School and we were in Minnesota to witness that achievement ..good job.  He has elected to spend a year or two working, saving money, etc before he heads to college.  He assure us he will go to college but just not right now.

My sisters all came to my home so we could have our annual sister's get-together and we had a blast -- here are a few photos to prove it:

We had a blast and there are many photos that I just can't post at this time.  Now, 2012 will see us in Florida.  First, the road trip to Florida will be a hoot (we had a blast last time) and once there, we plan to hit a few more islands, pig out on fresh seafood and once again, just flat out enjoy each other's company and laugh like crazy.  Us girls are the only children left out of seven and we just keep making memories.

So to each and everyone of you, have a Happy New Year!

Male Strippers

Male Strippers


Last night, my Red Hat friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club .

One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill.She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.

In another attempt to impress the rest of us,my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunatel y, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.

Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do?

The woman in me took over!

I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt,grabbed the eighty bucks,and left!!!

Didn't see that coming, did ya?

Merry Christmas

MY THANKS TO ALL OF YOU ...As we progress through to the end of 2011, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.


I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN,

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW

I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore, and Uzbekistan .

THANKS TO YOU

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE

I can't ever pick up a 10 cent coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . .

Oh, and by the way..... A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…

What's In the Box?

A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up four cans and took them to the check-out counter.

The girl at the cash register said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat.”

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food. The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food. Again the cashier said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without proof that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the management wants proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog.”

So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dog food.

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, “No, you might have a snake in there.”

The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out. She said to the little old lady, “That smells like shit.”

The little old lady said, “It is. I want to buy three rolls of toilet paper.”

So…………………………………. Don’t mess with old people!

Onions & Christmas Trees

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?

The father, surprised, answers,'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs: In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?.

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers,'Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration.'

&&&&&&

The other night my granddaughter called me and needed help with a Science Project.  "I need to name 22 things that come from plants."  Okay, this is easy, if its not meat or fish, it came from a plant. And we began naming things, coconut, green beans, kiwi, potatoes, bananas, etc. Then she said, "that's it Grandma, got enough, thank you. Love you bye."

About twenty minutes later she called me back; "Grandma, a big box came today and there is nothing inside it for me, what is that?"  Oh honey, there are two boxes coming and trust me, there are things for you in that box for sure. "But Gramma, there was nothing for me in this box?"  Well, I don't think it was my box because I don't think Grandpa sorted things out to exclude you, be patient another box is due Wednesday.  She wasn't overly convinced but she accepted the answer, said good bye and hung up.  My daughter upon hearing this tale said, "Oh maybe it was my box that arrived and if so, there was nothing in it for her because I had stuff, online, sent directly to her."  Great, now I have a better answer. Don't ya love the holiday season!!

Today I get a pedicure and my first ever facial and yes, I am stoked.  Now, what does wear to such a performance?  Come on, its chilly here, raining so I ain't gonna be wearing crocs and as for my face, well, that just goes with me whenever so I am not too worried!!!  Yes, of course, idiot, I will wear clothes, ye gads!!!

I started the job I detest the most, wrapping gifts and I think I have used two roles of scotch tape.  In fact, I am seriously thinking duct tape would be good and it comes in various colors too.  I really admire those folks who measure out the wrapping paper, very carefully fold edges and end up with this neat looking package and even slap a bow on it to make it even nicer.  Hell, I slap a bow on to hide the hole I made while attempting to make the ends cover the entire gift!  Come on, a bag, tissue paper and a tag and I'm golden!!!

You know you're getting old when:  Your head makes promises your body can't possibly keep.

The Black Bra

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door

Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes..

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:

The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,

(you are going to love this.....)

"What's for dinner, Zorro?"

Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a Merry Christmas & a great holiday season!!

Funny---$5.37

It could happen to any of us... This is so funny; I hope you enjoy it.

$5.37! That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to get some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind!"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus:

The car seat in the back seat.  Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach
growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits. Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He
was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.  The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

P.S. Save the earth...... It's the only planet with chocolate!!!!!

*&^&**&^&^&*

Hope you all had a good weekend, I surely did and nothing is more fun that baking and making decorations with a grandchild.  And I don't care what age that kid is either.  Two year old are tons of fun. He loved baking those cake tops,well, he liked the decorating and tasting part best (smart kid).  Then later his Mommy and I went downtown to enjoy Norwood's Festival and, we were standing with everyone else, cold and wishing Santa would hurry up and wham, the parade began and there was Santa! Not sure about the turnout but it sure looked like many did show up and everyone had a good time.  The cold weather was a bit biting so we didn't hang around long but sufficient to know this was well organized and enjoyable.

Sunday night I gotta tell ya, I was a tad weary of football games, my eyeballs needed something else to watch for awhile. So I dug out ole home movies that I had converted onto a VHS tape.  Come on, watching Christmas 1996 was great fun and my parents were still alive and very active then too.  Even my older brother and his wife were on this tape and it was such a wonderful memory lane jolt I may just watch it again.  I need to find the tape of the Minnesota Christmases so I can watch that too.  I really miss the Minnesota kids --wish we all lived closer but hey, its the holidays we make do and its not like we don't see each other, we do.

So today I'm not real sure what's on my ticket, some baking for sure, maybe a trip to Massena to pick up a few gifts but before all that begins, once I can see daylight, I shall get in my morning walk  -- its around 32 degrees, so the thermals are on and I shall bundle up to stay warm.  My biggest concern is the road conditions...are they slick and if so, I need to don my skid protectors.  Sorry but I am no fan of falling on the hard ground and spraining or breaking some body part.  After all, this year I definitely am gonna snow shoe and perhaps, once again, try my luck with cross country skiing.

Heart Warming Story about the Elderly

When we get older we think differently, don't we?



This is a touching story. Just when you have lost faith in human kindness, someone who teaches at Kean Elementary in Wooster, Ohio, forwards the following letter: The letter was sent to the Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank  you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today.

Dear Kean Elementary:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless  you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she
would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched me and I knew this was God's  way of answering my prayers.

She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass. Thank you for that opportunity.
Sincerely, Agnes Baker

Santa & Grandma

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid.

I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.
Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" she snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping.

For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for.

I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church.

I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!
I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that.

"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."

The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it.

Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."

I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma.

Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were -- ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.

I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95.

May you always have LOVE to share, HEALTH to spare and FRIENDS that care...
And may you always believe in the magic of Santa Claus!

**********************

An old married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the

remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel

and the porn channel.

The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:

"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel.

You already know how to fish"

An Irish Pope

There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy.

Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.

Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a wee cut above Timothy Murphy in all respects.

Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the next Pope.

In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.

The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!

Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because even with all of Timothy's gifts, Antonio knew he was just a bit better qualified. With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, "Why Timothy?"

After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man
and rose to reply. "We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called POPE SE-COLA!

&&&&&&&&

Well, another Monday morning is upon us, how delightful.  I was gonna take my morning walk but the downpour has convinced me inside exercises will be needed today. Guess that means housework, laundry and dusting, shit!

Good football games yesterday tho -- I fell asleep during one but managed to wake to see the end, which is always a good sign.  More football tonight, yay!!!

Hey, you all have a good day today, okay?  Keep smiling!!!

Bad Mood Remover

You can't read this and stay in a bad mood!


1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It.


2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way.


3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?

They Take The Psycho Path



4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It (I love that one!)

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!



6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.


9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quattro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.

2. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
 A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.


15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers .

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?! The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
(Hey, wait a minute, that's not funny)

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!

A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang, Whack!

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile!

The Lone Ranger and Tonto--a True Story

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky. What you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time-wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What's it tell you, Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffalo shit. It mean someone stole tent."

***************

Well, its Saturday morning, a bit chilly outside but no snow. Now, we did have a five minute snow storm yesterday,kinda pretty but nothing stuck and it was all over before you get a camera ready!  Oh have no fear, we'll get the white stuff in quick order and then, haul out the snow shoes and hike in the woods.  Now this is one hell of a workout and quite fun too.

Once again, we are inviting our dau and grandson to join us for breakfast and then, on to grocery shopping.  Only this time I will bring a spare car key cuz I ain't gonna see us locked out of the car again...that performance is not worth repeating at least not for a long, long time.

Next week is a tad busy, what with doctor appointments and all but at some point, we really gotta get busy and get stuff wrapped and ready to mail to the Minnesota crew or it'll be late and nobody wants late Christmas gifts,right?  As for shopping, again I down to stock stuffers and perhaps a few things for good ole Dad but who knows, I could be done and that is fine with me too.

Have a lovely day and wishing the Warroad Squirt A team good luck on their weekend hockey game and trip...go team.

Just Watch its Amazing

Chew Gum

SLU prof says chew gum before big test and it could help
Wednesday, November 30, 2011 - 5:11 pm

CANTON -- Research by a St. Lawrence University psychology professor suggests that if you’re a student and have an important test coming up, you might do better if you chew some gum.

St. Lawrence University Assistant Professor of Psychology Serge Onyper conducted a study that showed that students who chewed gum for five minutes before taking a test did better on the test than non-gum-chewing students. “Mastication-induced arousal” is credited for the boost, which lasted for about the first 20 minutes or so of testing. Results of the study were published in the journal Appetite.

A “battery of cognitive tasks” was given to the study participants, who chewed gum either prior to or throughout testing. Their performance was then compared with subjects who did not chew gum.

Many studies have shown that any type of physical activity can produce a performance boost. This study points indicates that even mild physical activity might bring on such a boost.

Chewing gum seems to have given the subjects multiple advantages, but only when chewed for five minutes before testing, not for the duration of the test. Benefits persisted for the first 15 to 20 minutes of testing only. Onyper notes that a possible reason the benefits didn’t continue throughout testing may be due to “a sharing of resources by cognitive and masticatory processes.”

In other words, you can’t chew gum and think productively at the same time.

Onyper was the lead researcher on a study presented earlier this year showing that students who took classes starting earlier in the morning tended to get higher grades, even though they may have gotten less sleep.

So now you know what to pack when your kid has an exam! As a former teacher, I outlawed gum in my classroom -- I detested the gum--smacking chewing performance of those who found making loud noises so attractive!!!  But this was a 100 years ago, who knows what happens now!!!

Well, I have tried the molded cookie sheets and to date, have not found recipe that works in them, someone suggested cake batter and all I could think was; "that's gonna be small pieces of cake."  So now I'm thinking they might be candy molds?  Whatever,this is one challenge I can't beat so forget..those pans will be in the yard sale next spring for damn sure.

Hubby nicely shared his cold with me, now I have the sucker and last night I took some NyQuil early and man, that stuff kicked in fast and I was struggling to stay awake.  Clint was over here with us, helping Papa set up the train under the Christmas tree and the train just doesn't go fast enough for him, he wants to push it around the track.  It's battery operated and cute as hell but again, not speedy enough for him.

Oh hell no, no tree up or inside decorations out, outside lights are done but inside haven't even started on them.  I will get to them but so far I've been busy with other stuff. We just use a fiber optic tree these days, it works and we like it so that is that but I do have various holiday items around the house to make it look like Christmas.

My friend pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told me
"That's us in 10 years".

I said "That's a mirror, dip-shit!