School Days

Involuntary Muscle Contractions




A professor at the University of Wisconsin was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.

Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to spice up his lecture.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

*&*&*&*&*&

Yup, it is Super Bowl Sunday and yes, I have my chicken wings.

When my beloved Dad was alive, we would watch this game together and he always fixed chicken wings and other items (some were his own creation and still unknown to me to this day). And unlike many from his generation, he also had healthy snacks too, aka carrots, celery, peanuts, popcorn, etc.  But nothing was better than his wings and a cold beer -- well, his company was certainly the best part.  Ya, I do miss my Dad!

Naw, I don't really have a fave team this year, my son is a huge, dieheart Patriots fan so he will be cheering for them but I'm kinda leaning toward the Giants.  I rather like Eli Manning and the Giants players.  Oh well, we shall see, eh?

Cannot believe I woke up and it was 4 freaking degrees -- sun is again trying to shine, very light wind and supposedly it will get warmer today, might hit the high 30s.  Now, if we should hit the 40s, haul out the sunscreen and shorts, eh?

In the meantime, I shall enjoy the Sunday morning and wait to see what else happens.  I really need to go to Wal-Mart but gotta tell ya, being retired and going during the week is much nicer, not so many people and you kinda have the entire place to yourself.  Hubby is suggesting we go out for breakfast and I'm stalling --wonder who's gonna win?

Recess is OVER

Ya, today the little darlings return to those beloved halls of learning – oh ain’t this a glorious day (well for parents at least, not so much for the kids). Yes, I know some found this returning before Labor Day a crime and hell, they won’t even send their kids to school today – hello, what rock are you under!

But more important as we start another wonderful, exciting school year is to remember to slow down and watch out for those kids running to the bus, bus stop or just to race to stand next to a friend. Hey, leave a bit earlier so you got time to stop and enjoy this scene and reflect back on your own youthful days. Passing a stopped school bus is against the law!

Today is also the day the St. Lawrence County Cornell Retirees get together for a luncheon. Amazingly we only do this once a year and it’s always in September. Why? Well, many have become “snow birds,” and soon they will be headed south, so this is a good time to catch up with them, learn how their summer has been and hell, see how young we all have gotten after another year of retirement! What is amazing is seeing the stress gone from folk’s faces – when someone, who saw me at the fair, said this, I was blown away. I had no idea I had stress-marks while working!

Well, it’s almost time for me to head out on my morning walk. This morning I shall most likely see kids waiting for the school bus and watching me like I am totally bonkers. Hey, some will wave and think this is cool, others will think; “that ole fool ain’t gonna walk too far, she’s older than dirt.” Gotta love’em!!!

You all have a grand day, ya hear?

Oh hell, I have no idea why this is underlined -- silly program!

School Assignments

Sometimes you wonder if teachers never learn. They always ask for something and when kids respond they are shocked beyond words or laughing so hard you can't help but realize the power of youth. Here's another example of just that:

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie was left. 'Ernie, do you have a story to share?'

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.'

'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?'

'Stay the #$%^ away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking' said Ernie.