Friendship

We all have friendships, some have lasted a lifetime and there were damn few breaks, meaning a time when we didn’t see each other. Then there are friendships that were childhood days and school chums.  When high school ended, we went our separate ways.  Oh we kept in touch for awhile but eventually we drifted apart, made new friends and well, sadly lost some ole friends too.

What is truly treasured is when you reconnect with a childhood friend and spend time catching up on what transpired during the years apart. Some try to bullshit you but eventually the reality of who we are, where we came from and what we are now wins out and the stories become less embellished and real. 

For Judy and I, we never had those bullshit numbers. We always were straight-forward with each other and amazed at what each had done over the years.  In some ways she was very envious of my life as she dearly would have loved to have lived in foreign lands and explored,experience hands-on cultures, customs and traditions. But on the other hand, she wouldn’t have like the 18 months I spent in Vietnam.  I on the other hand, loved how she tackle various challenges and never lost her sense of humor or desire to keep learning and trying new things.  Never one to enjoy truly physical activity, she always claimed she past gym class because I kept encouraging her and while the gym teacher disliked her, she liked me, so that worked to her advantage (don’t ask me how).  But Jude never could be said to be non-active, she liked to walk, plant flowers and what have you.  In addition, I envied her cooking skills and I mean, this gal could cook -- boy howdy, how I wished I could have eaten some of the dishes she prepared.  She was very creative and crafty which I also admired...but it was her down-to-earth attitude and belief in people that was highly admired and many would emulate over the years.  Hey, she didn't take shit from anyone and that was a good thing because we all run across those who like to dish it out but man, be prepared for water works when it comes back at them.

Jude never had any children so she adopted mine and their children and they adored her. She even sent my daughter her cherish baby silverware and my daughter promptly used with her son, much to Jude’s delight.  However, it wasn’t just my kids Jude adopted and called her kids, she had others and she loved them dearly and hated it when they moved away or got busy and couldn’t see her as often as she would have liked but she never complained, she understood and knew they cared deeply for her but had to live their own lives, just as she had done.

My dearest, closest and oldest childhood friend passed peacefully in her sleep today at 3 a.m.  She no longer suffers and although she would have liked to have stayed longer, she is with her beloved parents now and I know that makes her happy.  I will forever be her friend and miss her but the memories will never leave and in this manner, neither shall she. Go rest high on that mountain my dear friend; your work on earth is done.

Hello Operator

ANOTHER CHAPTER OF "THEY WALK AMONG US AND REPRODUCE!!
Actual call center conversations!

 

Customer:     'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get   through;
                    can you help?'
Operator:      'Where did you get that number, sir?'
Customer:     'It's on the door of your business.'
Operator:     'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'

 

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Samsung Electronics
Caller:          'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator:     'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'
Caller:           'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that    
                       I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and  
                      telephone Jack before  cleaning. Now, can you give me the
                       number for Jack?'
Operator:      'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'

 

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RAC Motoring Services
Caller:         'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
                   traveling in Australia ?'
Operator:     'Does the policy name give you a clue?'

 

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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England ,
do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?' 

 

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Directory Enquiries
Caller:  'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'  

 

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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator:         'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller:              'Yes.. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland ....'

 

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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

 

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Tech Support:      'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer:              'OK..'
Tech Support:      'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer:              'No.'
Tech Support:      'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer:              'No.'
Tech Support:      'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
Customer:             'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.' 

 

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Tech Support:      'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can
                           you see the 'OK' button displayed?'

 

Customer:              'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'

 

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Caller:  'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it.
So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'

 

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This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This   is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department..............
Needless to   say the Help Desk employee   was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:          'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller:               'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect ..'
Operator:          'What sort of trouble?'
Caller:               'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator:          'Went away?'
Caller:               'They disappeared'
Operator:          'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller:               'Nothing.'
Operator:          'Nothing??'
Caller:               'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator:          'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller:               'How do I tell?'
Operator:         'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Caller:               'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator:          'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller:               'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type..'
Operator:          'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'
Caller:               'What's a monitor?'
Operator:          'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
                           Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller:                'I don't know.'
Operator:           'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
                           the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller:               'Yes, I think so.'
Opera tor:         'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
                           plugged into the wall..
Caller:               'Yes, it is.'
Operator:          'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
                           there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '
Caller:                'No.'
Operator:           'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
                            find the other cable.'
Caller:                'Okay, here it is.'
Operator:           'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
                            the back of your computer..'
Caller:                'I can't reach.'
Operator:           'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller:                'No...'
Operator:           'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller:                'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator:           'Dark?'
Caller:                'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
                            coming in from the window.'
Operator:           'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller:                'I can't..'
Operator:           'No? Why not?'
Caller:               'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator:            'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it  
                             licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and   
                            packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller:                 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..'
Operator:            'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it   
                             up just like it was when you got it.   Then take it back to
                             the store you bought it from.'
Caller:                 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator:            'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller:                 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator:            'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'

  

Life Explained

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."           
                                                                           
        The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"                       
                                                                           
        So God saw it was good.                                           
                                                                           
        On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain     
        people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a 
        twenty-year life span."                                           
                                                                           
        The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty 
        long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog   
        did?"                                                             
                                                                           
        And God, again saw it was good.                                   
                                                                           
        On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into 
        the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun,   
        have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this,
        I will give you a life span of sixty years."                       
                                                                           
        The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 
        sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" 
                                                                           
        And God agreed it was good.                                       
                                                                           
        On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, 
        marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." 
                                                                           
        But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me 
        my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave   
        back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"     
                                                                           
        "Okay," said God. "You asked for it.."                             
                                                                           
        So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and 
        enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to 
        support our family.. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to
        entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on 
        the front porch and bark at everyone.                             
                                                                           
        Life has now been explained to you.                               
                                                                           
        There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm   
        doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be 
        on the front porch.                                  

Girlie Wisdom

1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... She has 14 kids but she doesn't really care.

2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

3. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

4. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes .
5. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.

6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends..

7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today...

8. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

9. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my panties.

10. Amazing! You hang something in your closet, for a while, and it shrinks 2 sizes!

11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat.. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

12.. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then they marry him.

13. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day! 

Sisters Get away

Okay, it looks goofy and sounds odd, I mean, it's close to April and guess what, I am getting ready to head south and I mean SOUTH!

It's that lovely time of year when my sisters and I get together and just flat out enjoy being together and doing silly things.  We play in the water (beach/ocean or pool) like we were ten and don't care what anyone thinks.  We pig out on fresh seafood and even I have been know to dismiss the red meat aversion and have a nice big ole juicy steak smoothered in mushrooms.

So while I was out the other day, happened to pick up these glasses, snapped a photo and put them back -- now I wish I had bought the suckers...my beer glasses -- just lovely!!!

As many of you know, I am one of seven children, and while it seems standard to say, when you get older, have married, had and raise your kids, that your childhood was great, I gotta admit, mine was wonderful.

Sadly only us girls are still this side of the dirt. The four boys have joined our parents and are having a good time with them. As much as we miss them, we ain't in any hurry to join them.  I got grandkids I wanted see grow-up and there's still lots more sister things I wanted do too.

This time, we plan to visit the opposite coast for a change.  I have no idea what in hell that means.  I loved Siesta Keys, but I guess three years is enough and time to check out other areas, like Key West.  We three did agree that we want to take the air boat ride in the Everglades and hoping like hell that sucker does not break down.  We also plan to try our luck with paddle surfing (oh come on, it'll be fun. So what if we never stand up or tip over alot, its all in the water, who cares.).  Then there are some museums we want to check out and heaven forbid we didn't check out various beaches, restaurants and nice hotels that have a pool to make our stay even more agreeable.  Hey, until you have a cold drink while in the pool, you are not living.

But mostly we just want to hang out with each other, remembering our childhood, laughing at our previous adventures and realizing no matter what we are and forever be sisters.  Ya, its a good time and while we wished we could get together more often that just once a year, once is better than no time.

So, while it looks like the weather is gonna get nasty and even some hint of snow returning, I'm heading to Florida and to hell with this cold shit...give me the warm rays and sunny beaches.

Holy Humor

*A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know 
> what the Bible means!"
> His father smiled and  replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the 
> Bible means?
> The son replied, "I do know!"
> "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
> "That's easy, Daddy..." the young  boy replied excitedly," It stands for 
> 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' (This one is my  favorite)
>
>  =======
>
> There was a very  gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible  to 
> her brother in another part of the  country.
> "Is there anything breakable in here?"  asked the postal clerk.
> "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the  lady.
>
>  ========
>
> "Somebody has said  there are only two kinds of people in the world. 
> There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," 
> and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's 
> morning."
>
>  ========
>
> A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he 
> was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
> Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled 
> the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. 
> Forgive us our trespasses."
>

St Patrick's Day

Yes folks it is Saturday and yes, it is St. Pat's Day and many of us shall be wearing green and various other items to ID as Irish (no taters please).

Now as for drinking green beer, I don't think so, those little people pee green so that kinda makes me think, drinking green beer might not be a good idea.

However, after three or has it been four days of rain, wind and even some sleet, the sun is shining and the temp forecast for today (and the weekend) looks damn nice...why we might even find ourselves without a jacket for the first time in months.

As for me, well, as we didn't do the usual grocery shopping yesterday, that witch is on the ticket for this morning...ugh.  Of course, this also means breakfast out which is okay but as we both are somewhat limiting our carbs these days, its eggs and meat only -- doesn't that sound appealing.

Well, you all have a lovely day, if I think if something interesting to share, I'll come back and post updates.  Keep smiling.

Letter from a Retired Husband

Dear reader,

 It’s important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Mel. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife.When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Ann to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income andfor the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started
working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home
from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to
rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at
her.. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets
dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the
club, so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked
grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we
finished eating But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table
for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each
evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates
this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to
bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will
say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills
during her lunch hour. But, Boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I
just smile and offer encouragement.. I tell her to stretch it out over
two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong
points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard.I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a
nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a
while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well
make one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support my wife.
I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men
will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better
than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys,
even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging
wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well
worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

 EDITOR'S NOTE:
Mel died suddenly on April 29th of a perforated rectum.

The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch
Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5
inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby.

His wife was arrested and charged with murder.

The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting
her defense that Mel, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on
his golf club.

March 12th

Well, it is Monday and although I'm still experiencing a little light-headedness, I am feeling much better.

This flu bug is one nasty little bugger and it takes days to leave,what I don't get is I never invited it to stay in the first place--rude little shit!!!

It sure knocked me out for 3 days tho, and I mean, I down for the count.  Bad enough to deal with the back-door-trots but the vomiting was just unnecessary and then, sleeping. I mean, how much damn sleep does a body need?  The only good thing, other than all this "cleansing" of the impurities, was I did lose some weight. Hey, when you don't eat and do nothing but empty your body, weight loss is pretty much guaranteed, right?

What cracked me up was one day I woke up and the ground was practically clear of all snow and brown grass was showing, hell even my tulips were starting to push up and be seen. Then I get up during the night to get a drink, look out and there's a freaking blizzard, can't even seen across the street and wham, we got snow covered landscape again. This has been one damn weird winter.  Then Sunday it is nice again, warm and what I really wanted to do was go for a walk, but no, I reminded myself; "give it another day, don't rush this sucker, relapse would be horrible!"

So that was my break -- gosh, how I miss the days when you took a break and you weren't sick!!!  Oh well, soon I shall be heading to Florida where the warm waves can caress my fat ass.  But most of all, time with my sisters as we remind each other of childhood days and laugh like fools.

Anyway, today (with any luck) I can get some laundry done and then, actually get outside.  I need to go into town and purchase a few items and hell, "air" myself out would be nice too.

So you all have a good day, okay?  Keep smiling!

Wednesday

This is just unreal.  It's a little after 1:00 p.m. and the temp on my deck is --wait for it ---60 degrees!


Yes, you read that correctly and we wonder why the birds are confused.  Hells bells, we all are confused.

Got folks opening their window and letting the winter stink out and some, now these are the real idiots, are actually trying to rake their yards.  Hello, its March and this ground is frozen and that white stuff is either snow or ice, are you freakin blind!

While all this is happening, way too many folks are catching this damn flu bug.  Some get the "up-chunks" only, others "back-door-trots" and for the lucky few, both.  Some get a fever and some do not but loss of appetite is happening regardless.  Ya, Spring officially beings March 20th --what the hell is up with this flu bug?

Now the farmers and wanna-be gardeners are happy as hell too. Why?  Mail boxes are filled with seed catalogs and promises of delish fruit it you buy and plant according to their directions.  And so many will do just that and be so damn disappointed they'll bitch about this company for years.

Well, it's nice outside but my grandson is under the weather so playing outside don't look very hopefully.  I'm headed over to his house to watch him while Mommy goes in to work a few hours.  My life is so busy and no, I am not bored...keep smiling folks.

Just Monday

Yup, it's Monday and it's chilly, what else is new?


I think some were actually under the opinion, due to some warmer temps, that Winter was over but folks, it's March and it came roaring in like a lion, so Winter is still upon us, deal with it!

Got a new thing to share with you, well, new is an objective term, probably been around for a long time but just recently it's been found by yours truly.  This is "The Miracle Mask."  This DYI (do it yourself) mask is made of nutmeg, honey and cinnamon, it is calming and soothing for stressed out skin (who in hell knows if the skin is stressed out?).

The secret?  Nutmeg and honey act as natural anti-inflammatory, which can reduce swelling and redness in skin.  They're also great for soothing acne scars and preventing infection.  In addition,the nutmeg and cinnamon also work to exfoliate your skin when you wash this mask off.

To create mask, mix 2 tablespoons of honey with a teaspoon of cinnamon and a teaspoon of nutmeg.  the consistency should be like a thick paste. After it's all mixed, apply the mask to your face and let it sit for 30-minutes (I don't recommend you leave the house during this time frame). Wash it off with warm water, scrubbing softly in circular motion for exfoliation. (Hey, I'm just the messenger here, you don't wanna do this, fine with me.  I prefer a nice facial at Laurie's salon myself.)

Okay, its my grandson's new place to park his bulldozer or as he says, "his garage."  Hey, it keeps him entertaining and accomplishes my dusting nicely, so have a good time kiddo.

Well, if I think of more stuff to share I'll be back. Still waiting to see how my grandson in Minnesota made out at the championship hockey game...news must be coming by pony express!!!

Cold Weather Coming In

I just got off the phone with a friend, living in northern North Dakota near the Canadian border. She said that since early this morning the snow has
nearly reached waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force.

Her husband has done nothing all day but look through the kitchen window and just stare.

She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in.

**********

Good Morning, well, it is Saturday and we have been "told" that today, around 10 a.m., we can expect really high winds, like 30 to 60 mph!  Did we ask for wind?


2:42 Update:  The winds are getting stronger and proof of that is our awning is now tilted against the house.  It did not get blown away but if it had been "opened" it would be gone for damn sure.  And while we have had moments of sunshine, its now back to that overcast style we are so use too and I swear the temp is dropping, its been hovering in the 40's but that wind makes it feel much cooler.  Okay, enuff of the short sleeve T-shirt, back to sweatshirt and maybe, crank up the heat.  Damn this is fun!

My sister sent me this "Cinnamon and Honey Whoever Thought?" article and one of the many items included was WEIGHT LOSS.  Daily in the morning one half hour before breakfast on an empty stomach, and at night before sleeping, drink honey& cinnamon powder boiled in one cup of water.  If taken regularly, it reduces weight of even the most obese person.  Also, drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even thought the person may eat a high calorie diet.

Did you happen to notice this doesn't say "how much" cinnamon or honey you are to use?  Well, good, because it doesn't!  So, we (my sister and I) are mixing about a pinch of cinnamon with a teaspoon of honey in our morning tea -- I'm only doing the morning number, she is doing and night.  Also honey and cinnamon supposedly helps relieve gas too. Well, so far we can attest to this weight loss mixture as producing lots of gas and hopefully this is a cleansing number which shall end soon!!  [Reminds me of that old joke, what do you call a teacher who doesn't fart in class?  A private tooter!"]

Along with this there are other benefits too including more energy (to fart I guess),so it's gonna be interesting to see how all this pans out.  As I gave up sweets for Lent, this small amount of honey is just not being considered breaking the Lent rule (bite me).

So this is my weekend so far ---on wait, I think I am seeing sunshine, is this a tease or what? Winds are picking up -- 20 mph at the moment. Hey, you all have a good day, keep smiling.

Something to Make You Smile

Shirley & Marcy

A mother was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school.
He didn't want his mother to walk with him.
She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.
So she had an idea of how to handle it.
She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance,
So he probably wouldn't notice her.
She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.
The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew.
She did this for the whole week.

As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs,
Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week.
Finally she said to Timmy ,
'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?'
Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.'
The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?'
'That's just Shirley Goodnest ,' Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy .'
' Shirley Goodnest ? Who is she and why is she following us?
'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much.
And in the Psalm, it says, ' Shirley Goodnest (surely goodness ) and Marcy (mercy) shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you peace.

May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always

I know you smiled!
I sure did, Pass this on
And brighten someone's day!

Norwegian Virgin

Norwegian Virgin Wedding Olof Svenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota , took a lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said: "How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena, is still a Virgin -- in every vay." The doctor told him, "Olof, I'll have to put your Villy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it on dere as long as you can." He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together...quite an impressive work of art. Olof mentioned none of this to Lena, married her, and theywent on their honeymoon to Duluth. That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said: Olof...you're the first vun. No vun has EVER seen deez." Olof immediately dropped his pants and replied: "Look at dis Lena ..... still in DA CRATE."