When Insults Has Class

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my Husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the allows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." -Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the Dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
Friend.... If you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... If there is one." -Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -Paul Keating


"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -Jack E. Leonard



"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." -Robert Redford



"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -Thomas Brackett Reed




"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."

-Charles, Count Talleyrand



"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -Forrest Tucker



"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -Mark Twain



"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -Mae West



"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-Oscar Wilde



"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support

Rather than illumination." -Andrew Lang (18 44-1912)



"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." -Billy Wilder



"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx