Dirt n Water

Grandkids can be so much fun.  But when they get hold of a water hose, watch out!


http://youtu.be/JVtnOAHVC6c    (ya click on this for viewing, thanks)

We love dirt and Water!!! 

Yes, we had a good time....afterwards it was definitely tubby time.  He really like the BIG tub. What a kid.

Stay off your Bicycle

My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover.
At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."

Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist said, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."
 
Ya, go ahead and tell me you did not laugh, you're laughing your ass off right now, admit it?  And if you need to ask what's a Schnauzer, forget it and get a life!!!
 
Well, the rain went away this afternoon, hells bells the sun even came out and the temp went up -- 75 degrees -- is that insane?  So, I planted some Daisy flowers someone had planted in a pot and we'll see how they do in my so called flower garden (the space around my deck!).
 
Whatever else is happening, I am so tickled that the hummingbird is back -- he shows up a couple times a day and so far so good.  Wish he would bring his friends but hey, little steps (or wings) at a time, eh?
 
Getting lists made and starting to "think" of the items I need to pack and wish to take to Minnesota.  Ya, gonna head out soon and witness my oldest grandson's High School graduation -- its gonna be a blast.
 
Have a good one!!!

Investment Strategy

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today!

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for the recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

It is called the 401-Keg.
And as a bonus...
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you damned proud to be an American!
 

&&&&&&&

 

Yes, of course the damp weather continues -- now listen, when we do get dry weather and warmer temps, the first one to bitch is gonna get beaten badly, so keep your mouth shut!!!

However, with all this rain, the birds continue to sing and yesterday, in honor of my grandson spending the day with me (well, it just worked out this way) the hummingbirds returned and I was able to get some really cool photos.  Today, they are back and I am hoping to get some videos...ya, wish me luck.

http://youtu.be/4vV2OoT8sYg

Ya, try this link for the video -- who knows, it might actually work.

Married 4 Times

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again  at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

&&&&&&&

Ya, its Sunday and it has rained all night and most of Saturday, so yes, its been damp, dreary and yet the birds keep on singing!  Supposedly we are in for a few more of these wet, dreary days -- how lovely.

In the meantime, we can sit back and read about all the failed marriages and how this one cheated on that one and how they think they have found someone to replace Charlie on Two and A Half Men.

Have a lovely day!

Who Should I Marry

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (written by kids)


You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. (Love this one, how true it is)
-- Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is .......

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

Policemen say the darnest Things

These Are Actual Comments Made By South Carolina Troopers That Were Taken Off Their Car Videos:




1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."



2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."



3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)



4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."



5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)



6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"



7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"



8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."



9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"



10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."



11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."



12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)



13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"



14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."



15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS…



16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Pet Fish

Pet Fish

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish was approached recently by a game warden in Central Mississippi as he started to drive his boat away from a lake.

The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"

"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers.
These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish??"

"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."

"What a line of bull....you're under arrest."

The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment Man. I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"

"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"

The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"

"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.

The warden asked, "When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH," replied the warden!

"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.

You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.