Showing posts with label Kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kids. Show all posts
Friday, January 27, 2012
Making Firewood
Now this is one determined two year old, of course, Meme egging him on has some merit as well. But loved his expressions...ain't he gonna be a fun teenager?
Well, it is Friday and schools are closed due to icy roads and once again, our poor trees are covered in ice and bending again. I doubt some of these birch trees will ever pop back up-- and many, sadly have just flat ass snapped. Even maple trees can't stand this ice-weight on their branches. And of course, icy power lines and trees, means not only slick roads but, for many, loss of power.
As for me I am fighting off a damn head cold, hate this stuffy business and a nice, long hot shower, then vicks on the chest seems to be working. Someone once said, "rub vicks on your feet too." Well, I didn't go that far!!! But before I could even shower, I had to watch the tennis match. I was so hoping Andy Murray would topple Novak but alas, he prevailed. So the final for the Australian open will be Novak and Rafa.
Oh my goodness, now it is raining, temp is hovering around 33 degrees, no wind but man it is damp out there and slick. Have a good Friday and enjoy the video.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Apples, Pumpkins & Runners
Wow, it has been a busy weekend and lots of fun things to share. First off, the header photo. This is my grandkids in Minnesota, the girl took 10th place in her track group and the boy took 3rd in his group. Congrats to both, well done.
Now, the US Tennis Open is over and while my guy (Nadal)did not win, it was an amazing men's final. The women's final was unreal. Once again Serena Williams seems to believe she can say, do and act as she wants and nobody can stop her. Well, this time (as it was two years ago) she learned that was not the case. Ya,get the rule book out and read the sucker. However, to her credit, for the first time ever (in my book) she actually praised her opponent and said she played an amazing match. Normally Serena does not praise anyone but herself, if she wins she's was the greatest player on the court, if she loses, anyone could have beat her on that particular day. I mean, confidence is great but over-confidence is arrogance that just irks me. She is an amazing athletic but honey-child,you could lose a few pounds to make you LOOK like a fit athletic.
Okay, enough about them...how about an almost two year old apple picking and selecting a pumpkin? Last year, in NJ he wasn't having any part of this stuff but this year, he was truly into it. But first, I'm borrowing a photo from his Mom on his latest achievements:
After mastering shaving on himself, he decided to help Dada and shaved him too! Notice how patient Dada is during this entire process -- oh sure, that's a real razor...just no blade!
Apple pickin was great fun and once he got the hang of it,he was picking like crazy. Then decided to "taste" this apple, it was good, so now he preferred eating to picking.
Yup, he help select "his" pumpkin too. Last year, in NJ I plopped him the pumpkin bin and he bawl like a banshee, he wanted no part of this pumpkin business. What a difference a year makes...he had a blast and so did we.
Then on Monday he wasn't feeling too good, snotty nose and small cough, so he was gonna stay with Meme (his Auntie Beth figures he faked his Mama out so he could be with me) -- anyway, we had a good time. He helped me fold clothes, then he helped me make quick bread, as the photo indicates, he was a busy boy and while he liked licking the whisk, the actual bread was A-Ok in his book too.
And that was my Monday. Today I may head into Town an drive local merchants crazy and in the process, empty my wallet as my car needs gas -- ouch! Later on this month I shall head to Buffalo and take my grandson to see Niagara Falls too. Oh ya, the school season has begun, folks are slowing down and kids are, well, are back in school!!!
"Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement."
Now, the US Tennis Open is over and while my guy (Nadal)did not win, it was an amazing men's final. The women's final was unreal. Once again Serena Williams seems to believe she can say, do and act as she wants and nobody can stop her. Well, this time (as it was two years ago) she learned that was not the case. Ya,get the rule book out and read the sucker. However, to her credit, for the first time ever (in my book) she actually praised her opponent and said she played an amazing match. Normally Serena does not praise anyone but herself, if she wins she's was the greatest player on the court, if she loses, anyone could have beat her on that particular day. I mean, confidence is great but over-confidence is arrogance that just irks me. She is an amazing athletic but honey-child,you could lose a few pounds to make you LOOK like a fit athletic.
Okay, enough about them...how about an almost two year old apple picking and selecting a pumpkin? Last year, in NJ he wasn't having any part of this stuff but this year, he was truly into it. But first, I'm borrowing a photo from his Mom on his latest achievements:
Apple pickin was great fun and once he got the hang of it,he was picking like crazy. Then decided to "taste" this apple, it was good, so now he preferred eating to picking.
Yup, he help select "his" pumpkin too. Last year, in NJ I plopped him the pumpkin bin and he bawl like a banshee, he wanted no part of this pumpkin business. What a difference a year makes...he had a blast and so did we.
Then on Monday he wasn't feeling too good, snotty nose and small cough, so he was gonna stay with Meme (his Auntie Beth figures he faked his Mama out so he could be with me) -- anyway, we had a good time. He helped me fold clothes, then he helped me make quick bread, as the photo indicates, he was a busy boy and while he liked licking the whisk, the actual bread was A-Ok in his book too.
"Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement."
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Kids Definitely Say the Darnest Things
Children Writing About the Ocean...
1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6 )
2 ) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (, age 7)
4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson . She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)
6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.(Christopher, age 7)
11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes
my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.. (Julie, age 7)
14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)
15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6 )
2 ) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (, age 7)
4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson . She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)
6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.(Christopher, age 7)
11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes
my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.. (Julie, age 7)
14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)
15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
&&&&&&&
Here is the Duchess of Poolbury and the hat is compliments of my grandson, who decided his hat looked better on me!!! Gotta love that kid.
Yes, summer has arrived and its so much fun playing in the pool with my grandson. He likes the bigger pool but even more so if Mimi gets in with him...he doesn't give you much time to change, he wants you in the water NOW!!!
Hope you all are having a good summer, that you can escape the heat when its unbearable and eating lots of fresh veggies...hey, support the local farmers, buy from them not some damn grocery store!!! Have a good one and yes, keep smiling damnit!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Innocence of Childhood
'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?'
Mom replies, 'No, because she is in heat.'
'What's that mean?' asked the child.
Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'
The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.'
Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.'
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?'
The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'
If you ain't laffin'... You ain't livin'
Mom replies, 'No, because she is in heat.'
'What's that mean?' asked the child.
Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'
The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.'
Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.'
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?'
The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'
If you ain't laffin'... You ain't livin'
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Alex's Nightcrawler Business
The worms are collected by headlamp-wearing hunters. The worms come out from the ground only at night (or when the ground is deeply saturated following a decent rain fall).
Once caught, they need to be counted and placed in containers that have worm food (or something akin to worm food). A dozen per container is the game plan. Then, kept in a cool place (preferable not Mom's refrigerator) until they can be sold. This enterprising young man, sells them for $2 a dozen (which is a good price) and he has a contract with the local sport's shop for ten dozen per week. Now if it does not rain, he merely soaks the yard and waits! He is not akin to digging for them either...but its much more fun to have them pop up at night and he grabs them!
Ready for Action
Good luck with your business Alex and have a great summer but also remember to read books...that is important too.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Dirt n Water
Grandkids can be so much fun. But when they get hold of a water hose, watch out!
http://youtu.be/JVtnOAHVC6c (ya click on this for viewing, thanks)
Yes, we had a good time....afterwards it was definitely tubby time. He really like the BIG tub. What a kid.
http://youtu.be/JVtnOAHVC6c (ya click on this for viewing, thanks)
We love dirt and Water!!!
Monday, May 9, 2011
Who Should I Marry
1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. (Love this one, how true it is)
-- Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is .......
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. (Love this one, how true it is)
-- Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is .......
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
Monday, January 31, 2011
Computer Fix
As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.
I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
'No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:
ID10T
I used to like Eric, the little bastard
I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
'No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:
ID10T
I used to like Eric, the little bastard
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
More humor
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
'Is there anything breakable in here?' asked the postal clerk.
'Only the Ten Commandments. ' answered the lady.
========
'Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.There are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good morning, Lord,' and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good Lord, it's morning.'
~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: 'I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my
appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.'
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note 'I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.'
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: 'I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.'
========
While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...'Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.'
========
A Sunday school teacher began her lesson with a question, ' Boys and girls, what do we know about God?' A hand shot up in the air. 'He is an artist!' said the kindergarten boy. 'Really? How do you know?' the teacher asked. 'You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven.... '
========
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. 'Reverend,' said the young man, 'I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.' The minister chuckled, 'I know what you mean. It's the same in my business.'
========
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, 'Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt.' Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said 'Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.'
Told ya, a little humor to kick off the day -- gotta love it, eh?
'Is there anything breakable in here?' asked the postal clerk.
'Only the Ten Commandments. ' answered the lady.
========
'Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.There are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good morning, Lord,' and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good Lord, it's morning.'
~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: 'I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my
appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.'
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note 'I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.'
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: 'I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.'
========
While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...'Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.'
========
A Sunday school teacher began her lesson with a question, ' Boys and girls, what do we know about God?' A hand shot up in the air. 'He is an artist!' said the kindergarten boy. 'Really? How do you know?' the teacher asked. 'You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven.... '
========
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. 'Reverend,' said the young man, 'I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.' The minister chuckled, 'I know what you mean. It's the same in my business.'
========
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, 'Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt.' Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said 'Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.'
Monday, January 3, 2011
We Need a little Humor
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, 'I know what the Bible means!' His father smiled and replied, 'What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, 'I do know!'
'Okay,' said his father. 'What does the Bible mean?'
'That's easy, Daddy...' the young boy replied excitedly,' It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.
The substitute wanted to know what to play 'Here's
a copy of the service,' he said impatiently. 'But, you'll have to
think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.'
During the service, the minister paused and said, 'Brothers
and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as
much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up'. At that moment, the substitute organist played 'The Star Spangled Banner.' And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
The son replied, 'I do know!'
'Okay,' said his father. 'What does the Bible mean?'
'That's easy, Daddy...' the young boy replied excitedly,' It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'
888888
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.
The substitute wanted to know what to play 'Here's
a copy of the service,' he said impatiently. 'But, you'll have to
think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.'
During the service, the minister paused and said, 'Brothers
and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as
much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up'. At that moment, the substitute organist played 'The Star Spangled Banner.' And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Grandchildren
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'I and add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.
Ya gotta love the little devils, their logic and innocence is just to pure. Have a good day!!!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Happy Birthday
Okay, slap me with wet noodles but today is my grandson's first birthday -- hurrah:
On this date, one year ago, he made an "early" entrance, guess he decided the apartment was too damn small. Five weeks early but you'd never know it and he's just perfect.
Once again this damn program is being fussy about photos so I shall try to load more later -- got a cute one of him playing with real tools and acting like he is undecided about which one to share with Dada as they hook up my ice maker.
Have a good one, I'm off to Curves --one of these days I will actually see real curves on this body instead of rolling lumps!
Yes, I know it is raining, well, what did ya expect? We couldn't keep having nice weather forever and we need the rain too. And the birds are returning to my bird feeders --hurrah!
Okay, gotta do a few things, then off to the daycare to watch the Dress-Up Parade and of course, see my year old grandson in his costume (like I haven't seen this before--- I was there when Mommy got it and there to witness the try-on...and he'll wear it again tomorrow for his BIG party too.
Once again this damn program is being fussy about photos so I shall try to load more later -- got a cute one of him playing with real tools and acting like he is undecided about which one to share with Dada as they hook up my ice maker.
Yes, I know it is raining, well, what did ya expect? We couldn't keep having nice weather forever and we need the rain too. And the birds are returning to my bird feeders --hurrah!
Okay, gotta do a few things, then off to the daycare to watch the Dress-Up Parade and of course, see my year old grandson in his costume (like I haven't seen this before--- I was there when Mommy got it and there to witness the try-on...and he'll wear it again tomorrow for his BIG party too.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Library Card
My grandson called me and asked if I had a Library Card.
"I don't think so, " I replied, "but I know Grandpa has one for sure."
Just said yes Grandma, okay?
"Okay, yes I have a library card."
In a very big voice he said, I'M GONNA CHECK YOU OUT!"
Well, our weather is staying nice, I mean, two days with temps in the 70s and I even turned the air on today because it was getting a tad warm inside. Plus Clint and I got to take a long hike today (he fell asleep so I had to push both ways). All in all a rather productive day.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Retarded Grandparents
"RETARDED" GRANDPARENTS
Written by a third grader, on what his grandparents do.
After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona . Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles, and wear name tags, because they don't know who they are anymore.
They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.
Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night - early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.
My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and, says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Washing the Farm
You know, kids really do say the darnest things and sometimes you just can't do anything but laugh and pass them on...this is an actual conversation with my soon to be 10 year old grandson and his father:
On the way home from the arena Alex and Dad had this conversation
Dad: You need to shower when we get home you kind of smell.
Alex: Can it be a fast one?
Dad: Sure just wash your hair and balls and get out so we can watch the game.
Alex: That gross….you could’ve said wash your hair and the FARM
Dad: what?
Alex: You know the farm…….they say when your fly is down the barn door is open so it must be a farm.
Go ahead, try not to laugh -- you cannot fault his logic, can ya?
On the way home from the arena Alex and Dad had this conversation
Dad: You need to shower when we get home you kind of smell.
Alex: Can it be a fast one?
Dad: Sure just wash your hair and balls and get out so we can watch the game.
Alex: That gross….you could’ve said wash your hair and the FARM
Dad: what?
Alex: You know the farm…….they say when your fly is down the barn door is open so it must be a farm.
Go ahead, try not to laugh -- you cannot fault his logic, can ya?
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Another Priceless Moment
He's My Brother
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day......picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "not exactly....... but they aren't for me....they're for him. He's my brother......
He's four..... We saw on TV ,that if you use these ,you would be able to swim and ride a bike.
Right now, he can't do either."
&&^&%&*
Ya, ya, Happy Valentine's Day -- happy now? For some reason I have this idea that if a man bought chocolates he's in deep shit because half the women on the planet (or in the US at least) are dieting and chocolate isn't on the "lose weight list!" Then, again, nobody is making anyone eat these suckers and the man, knowing she shouldn't and most likely won't, have the entire box for himself -- way to go guys!!
Last night was "date night," dinner and a movie. Okay, you can call it an early Valentine Gift if you must. Anyway, dinner at Pizza Hut was good and then, off to the movies. Finally we went to see Avatar and gotta tell ya, it was good. A tad long but nobody and I mean, nobody got up during it to use restroom or get more food. Once this sucker started, it had our attention and kept it.
Sunday is a day of rest and it looks like snow shall come down off and on all day, which is okay as long as the temps don't drop to far, because then we'll get ice and nobody wants ice, right? And I intend to watch as much of the Olympics as my eyeballs can stand (meaning, there will be some naps for damn sure). Hope all of you have a good day too.
There is a fine line between genius and insanity.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Out of the Mouths of Babes
THIS OUGHT TO MAKE ALL GRANDPAS FEEL WARM & FUZZY
A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room ...
"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog - because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney Land !”
Thursday, January 21, 2010
11-Year Old
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard , the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?''
No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like the little shit.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
The Grandma Test
I was out walking with my four-year old granddaughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and asked her not to do that.
“Why?” My granddaughter asked.
“Because it’s been on the ground; you don’t know where it’s been, it’s dirty, and probably has germs,” I replied.
At this point, my granddaughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, “Grandma, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart.”
I was thinking quickly. “All grandmas know this stuff; it’s on the Grandma Test. You have to know this stuff or they don’t let you be a Grandma.”
We walked along in silence for two or three minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. “Oh…I get it!” she beamed. “So if you don’t pass the test, you have to be the Grandpa.”
“Exactly!” I replied with a big smile on my face.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Junk Drawers
Okay, go ahead; tell me you don’t have a junk drawer in your kitchen…liar….we all have at least one.
And what is amazing is that when we finally decide to clean it, the stuff we realize we shoved in there should have been tossed a long time ago, right?
What is even worse is once everything is out, you wash the drawer and it looks clean now, right? Then you put stuff back in the drawer and I don’t know about you, but mine looks almost as full and messy as when I started – what in hell is that all about? I don’t recall “Junk Drawer 101,” being like this, did you?
Gotta tell ya, Minnesota is starting to get some cold weather. Hey, 25 degrees is cold in my book. And yes, we have had our first snow and it tried like hell to snow yesterday but it never happened, thank goodness. Again, the wind off the thousand Lakes makes it much cooler in my book but the folks here are of hearty stock and don’t see this as all that cold yet!
My son is really having a rough time with this treatment process. The new drug is causing all sorts of side affects and they are done with that sucker - -ya think? He was retaining fluids so they gave him something to stop that and that caused dehydration so that wasn’t a good plan. Then something else was tried and he was nausea and weak, I mean this is strong young man and he could not walk three steps without needing to sit down and rest…so he was being pushed about in a wheelchair!
He was hospitalized Sunday and Monday, they checked him and said he needed to stay in the hospital because he was experiencing a minor capillary leak syndrome…holy shit, what else can he experience? This morning his heart was racing so he was taken to ICU, on oxygen as a precautionary measure and everything is being monitored. It’s scary as hell hearing about all this and unable to do much however, he will get through this and he has a very strong, supportive and loving wife right by his side encouraging and keeping him fighting. Please pray for him and all those fighting cancer…this is one badass disease.
Yes, is it time for grandma to study so she can do homework later, I do need to keep my image up for the grandkids, and at this point, I am still smarter than a 1st and 3rd grader - -not by much, but a little.
On the home front, my newest grandson is doing great, Mommy and Daddy are enjoying him and as always I am anxious to see him too.
Keep smiling folks, we’re above ground and life is good!
And what is amazing is that when we finally decide to clean it, the stuff we realize we shoved in there should have been tossed a long time ago, right?
What is even worse is once everything is out, you wash the drawer and it looks clean now, right? Then you put stuff back in the drawer and I don’t know about you, but mine looks almost as full and messy as when I started – what in hell is that all about? I don’t recall “Junk Drawer 101,” being like this, did you?
Gotta tell ya, Minnesota is starting to get some cold weather. Hey, 25 degrees is cold in my book. And yes, we have had our first snow and it tried like hell to snow yesterday but it never happened, thank goodness. Again, the wind off the thousand Lakes makes it much cooler in my book but the folks here are of hearty stock and don’t see this as all that cold yet!
My son is really having a rough time with this treatment process. The new drug is causing all sorts of side affects and they are done with that sucker - -ya think? He was retaining fluids so they gave him something to stop that and that caused dehydration so that wasn’t a good plan. Then something else was tried and he was nausea and weak, I mean this is strong young man and he could not walk three steps without needing to sit down and rest…so he was being pushed about in a wheelchair!
He was hospitalized Sunday and Monday, they checked him and said he needed to stay in the hospital because he was experiencing a minor capillary leak syndrome…holy shit, what else can he experience? This morning his heart was racing so he was taken to ICU, on oxygen as a precautionary measure and everything is being monitored. It’s scary as hell hearing about all this and unable to do much however, he will get through this and he has a very strong, supportive and loving wife right by his side encouraging and keeping him fighting. Please pray for him and all those fighting cancer…this is one badass disease.
Yes, is it time for grandma to study so she can do homework later, I do need to keep my image up for the grandkids, and at this point, I am still smarter than a 1st and 3rd grader - -not by much, but a little.
On the home front, my newest grandson is doing great, Mommy and Daddy are enjoying him and as always I am anxious to see him too.Keep smiling folks, we’re above ground and life is good!
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