Alex's Nightcrawler Business

Night crawlers are a form of earthworm. Prized primarily for use as fishing bait, night crawlers are generally known as either Canadian or European.

The worms are collected by headlamp-wearing hunters. The worms come out from the ground only at night (or when the ground is deeply saturated following a decent rain fall).

Minnesota is known as the state with ten thousand Lakes, hell no I have not counted them but there are many, okay?  And fishing is a passion like Hockey for these folks.  And of course, in order to fish you need bait, right?  The bait of choice is night crawlers.  So my grandson has become quite the entrepreneur.  And as he catches them mostly at night, after a heavy rain, he is one busy young man.  He also informed me; "grandma they are fast, you gotta be quick!"  This usually means either his Father or Grandfather goes with him at night to shine the flashlight which allows him to use both hands.

 Once caught, they need to be counted and placed in containers that have worm food (or something akin to worm food).  A dozen per container is the game plan.  Then, kept in a cool place (preferable not Mom's refrigerator) until they can be sold.  This enterprising young man, sells them for $2 a dozen (which is a good price) and he has a contract with the local sport's shop for ten dozen per week.  Now if it does not rain, he merely soaks the yard and waits!  He is not akin to digging for them either...but its much more fun to have them pop up at night and he grabs them!

He also mows lawn to earn money as we wants a certain hockey stick next year and that is anything but cheap.  He is just one busy young man and has figured out, on his own, ways to earn money and he is ten years old.  But his real passion is hockey and we were fortunate to watch him play in an invitational tournament in Fargo while visiting last week.

Ready for Action

Good luck with your business Alex and have a great summer but also remember to read books...that is important too.

Policemen say the darnest Things

These Are Actual Comments Made By South Carolina Troopers That Were Taken Off Their Car Videos:




1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."



2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."



3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)



4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."



5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)



6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"



7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"



8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."



9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"



10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."



11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."



12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)



13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"



14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."



15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS…



16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Tiny Cabin

THE TINY CABIN

A social worker from a big City in Massachusetts recently transferred to Mountains of North Carolina and was on first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.

"Anybody home?" she asked.

"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.

"Is your father there?" asked the social worker.

"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.

"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.

"Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.

"But," protested the social worker, "are you never together as a family?"

"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse!"

Government workers are so very smart. Aren't you overjoyed that they'll soon be handling all our financial, educational and medical dilemmas?

Ya like you didn't laugh at this one -- sadly it seems like it really could happen, doesn't it?

The temp says 37 degrees, it did snow last night and it did rain and the road looks a bit slick but I have yet to check to ascertain whether or not schools are delayed, closed or still wondering what to do.

Yes, I hear ya, I too am getting a tad weary of these winter storms and just want the warmer weather to arrive.  March is definitely roaring like a lion so maybe May will be "lamb like" weather?  Hey did any of you visit Price Chopper in Potsdam lately?  Ye gads, its like a deep freeze in there -- someone should tell them to turn the damn heat on or something.









This was Funny.....:)

ONE

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)

TWO

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.Not finding the bar code, she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today."
She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

( Keep shuddering!!)

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

"Do you need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, " Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk.... "

FIVE

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use paper from the photocopier," the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
(Brunette, by the way!!)

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, "I just gave him some ant killer...."
Dispatcher: "Rush him in to emergency!"

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!


Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh...it is all true.
Perks of reaching 80 or being over 90 and heading towards 100!

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 PM.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10 You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.


And never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

The Stella Awards

Stella Awards

It's time again for the annual “Stella Awards.” For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head and say WTF. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stellas for the past year:

* SEVENTH PLACE *

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

Start scratching!

* SIXTH PLACE *

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California , won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Scratch some more...

* FIFTH PLACE *

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching .. There are more......

Double hand scratching after this one.....

* FOURTH PLACE *

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..

* THIRD PLACE *

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

Only two more so ease up on the scratching....

*SECOND PLACE*

Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware , sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000 ..... Oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.

OK. Here we go!!

* FIRST PLACE *

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her –- are you sitting down? --- $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Funniest Story Ever

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check...



He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."


The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.


You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.


This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive...


A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year."


The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"






The social worker said, "Yeah, well... you started it."

Rearrange the Letters

Are ye ready for this one? Sure ye are, aren't we all -- enjoy:

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM


PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER


ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER


DESPERATION:When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE


GAUTENG: When you rearrange the letters: GET A GUN


THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS


SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME


ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY


ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT


SNOOZE ALARMS:When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE


THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE


ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:


MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

&&&&&&

So how did your Monday go?  That good!  Look, someone suggested, seeing as how jobs are limited,unemployment high, that we should focus not on health care but a two day work week and a 5 day weekend!  What the hell, our representatives aren't listenting to us anyway, so what difference does it make?  My only big concern with this health care (and I admit I don't understand nor have I read all of it) is why in hell don't our congressmen and women have to pay just like just mere mortals?

Happy Endings

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of  spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house The maid quit.Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move out. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the  bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.


He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to  reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

Got Snow?

Yes, it is Sunday and yes, it is still snowing...what else would you like to know?

Hey, don't complain to loudly it was 35 below zero in Warroad, Minnesota yesterday and folks, that be damn cold. Yes, this is where my son and his family live and when the temps hit numbers like this, we all tend to wonder; "why would anyone chose to live there?" However, in all fairness, Warroad is a nice little town and has great programs for young people and hey, they ain't to shabby with adult programs either.

Our son is doing quite nicely, thanks for asking and for your prayers. He will head to the Mayo Clinic January 28th for tests, scans, etc, and then we expect to hear; "you are in complete remission." He'll also see his heart surgeon and see if he can now lift something over 5 pounds and how much more cardio rehab he is facing. All in all, 2010 is gonna be an awesome year and he's doing great! That's "MY boy."

Oh I gotta share this, just to help you realize you are not the only one to do stupid things. Remember my story about the electric can opener, 11+ years of faithful service and how rudely it stopped working? And how we went and bought another that frustrated the hell out of us and it's going in a yard sale this summer? Plus, the hunt was on for a decent electric can opener? Okay, you're all up to speed.

Now here's the stupidity part...ready? The can opener was fine, it was the damn electrical outlet -- it needed to be reset and once that was done, the can opener worked nicely (ya, we rushed to get it out of the recycle bin, scrubbed it up and plugged it in and well, cry me a river, whirled with new life).

Okay, go ahead and laugh, it is funny but it just shows ya, stupidity can and does happen to anyone, ain't that a hoot?

Keep smiling folks, life is good!! Hey, its football Sunday and I got my crock pot full of chili and I'm set for the day...good times.

Proof Reading, An Art?

Proofreading is a dying art, would you say?

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really? Ya think?
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
-------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
------------------------------------

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
----------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? Oklahoma's new construction program!
-------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
-----------------------------

Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
----------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
----------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
************************

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
******************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*********************
And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

And Now You Know

A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him.

He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"

The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breathe underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything!"

What starts with an F and ends with a K ?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.

'And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.' The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?' The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants..'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, and delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?' The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,

'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......

OXYMORONS - DUH

I don't know about you folks but I have actually seen this sign and wondered "What the hell?" Did I stop or did I keep moving -- I'd tell ya, but then I'd have to --well, you know the rest, right?


1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? [that does make sense, doesn't it?]
10. Why are they called “stands" when they are made for sitting? LOL
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and”wise guy” opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? 23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
29. Why is toilet paper tiny squares and tissues big squares ?

See and you thought it was gonna be the same-o-same shit, didn't ya? Now ya got something else to talk about and share -- lovely.

Hey, another day in the 80s or so they claim, get out there and enjoy it -- your body needs some vitamin D and sunshine is good for ya -- not direct or laying out there burning without sunscreen but just being outside -- ya, you get it, don't give me a hard time.

So are you enjoying all the "out of business sales?" Giant Tiger is down to 75% off -what in hell is left I wonder? And Hackett's -- holy sheet -- they gotta drop a bunch to make it worthwhile -- they were high to begin with so dropping is a must, right?

Have a good day and keep smiling!!!

Think You Know Everything?

Okay, sometimes we just tend to think (and in some cases believe) we know everything or at the very least, we know more than most people. So, here’s some sheet for you to know, just in case you thought you knew it all:

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.[ Oh go ahead...I'll wait...]

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks. (So, watch your Ass )

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you?)(Those women are going the 'right' direction...?)

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first 'Marlboro Man'.

Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!

PEARLS DISSOLVE IN VINEGAR!

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

And the best for last----Turtles can breathe through their butts. (I know some people like that, don't YOU?)

Sooooooooooooooo------------

Remember, knowledge is everything, so pass it on...and go move your toothbrush!!!

NEVER FEEL STUPID EVER AGAIN

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius.

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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,' --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.' --Mariah Carey

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'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,' -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

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'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,' --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,' --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC
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'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,' --A congressional candidate in Texas . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

'Half this game is ninety percent mental.' --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.' --Al Gore, Vice President

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'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .' -- Dan Quayle
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'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?' --Lee Iacocca

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'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.' --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.' -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.' --Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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'Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas.' --Keppel Enderbery

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'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.' --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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