Worms in Church

Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol...Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke...Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup...Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil...Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation, What did you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, 'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service!
 

This pretty much is what our weekend forecast is supposedly gonna be like, lots of rain..ugh.  This is also the weekend I head to Buffalo and again, the weather doesn't look all that friendly.  However, rain or not I shall have a good time and between my sister and I, we shall find plenty of places to keep Clint entertained and places to run off his excess energy!

Go VOTE

Yes, damnit, get out there and vote and maybe the bloody damn phone calls will cease.  I mean, come on, calls from Bill Clinton, George Pakati, Madonna, etc...this is really annoying, they never take our questions, always doing all the damn talking!!!

Ya, I thought I'd give ya a look at various bird photos!  As the colder weather approaches, many of these will truly be looking for food and I have my bird feeders ready. What puzzles me is why none found my bird house that appealing?  Oh wait, I didn't really secure it that good and during a wind storm it blew outta the tree, that might have been a good reason not to build a nest here, ya think? But I did re-hang it and this time, secured it firmly but still no renters.  Hell, it was cheap rent and good right out the front door -- how much more appealing did they want?  No, I wasn't gonna furnish the damn thing....not that good.

Well, it is 25 degrees, the heater is cranked up and hopefully my grandson and I shall be warm and comfy today.  Hey, the sun is shining too.  I know it is cold but later, both of us shall bundle up and go for a walk...well, I will walk,he will ride. But I've been known to haul his butt out of the stroller and let his walk about too...hey, fresh air is good for both of us, right?

Ya, why don't you get out too--go vote but also spend a few minutes taking in that crisp Fall air...what the hell, does a body good.  More tomorrow...behave and damnit, go VOTE!!!

Pedro and Rosita

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu.

"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.
"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."MERRY CHRISTMAS!


What you thought it was gonna be something else, sad, sad, have happy thoughts, not dirty ones....!

Maybe

This is really a test, I have no idea if this will work, so here goes...hang on and keep your eyes open


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPlug213Vb4


You see I just realized my camera had this movie option and now I am attempting to figure out how to share said movies...not that many give a rip about the grand dog but remember this is a TEST!

Speeding Ticket

I GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING YESTERDAY.

I THOUGHT I COULD TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT UNTIL THE COP LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT

Yes, just another day to go and I'm off again. Headed West this time and excited as hell. Well, how exciting can hell be? Yes it is a lovely day, a bit chilly this morning but the afternoon temp is rising -- currently 54 degrees. I can grill in this kind of weather and with the sun shining and just a light breeze, great grilling weather.

Packing? Oh let's not rush this number -- I won't depart until 11 am. on Wednesday, got plenty of time to pack -- never rush packing. If you do, you'll repack so many times you'll drive yourself bonkers! And in the process forget stuff...make a list, lay stuff out, pack and zip that suitcase and call it done -- end of story!

I heard a phrase today, that I have heard many times before but I just realized how dumb it sounds. "She (or he) wouldn't say shit if they had a mouth full of it!" Well, dumb nuts, could you say shit if your mouth was full of shit? Well, could you? See, I told you it was a dumb phrase. Now, think of others that rate right up there with this one!

Keep smiling...life is good!!!

OFF DUTY TODAY!

Yes, I am still retired and I have been caring for the “grand dog.” What does this mean? Hang on, I’m gonna tell ya – you were afraid of that, right?

Some months ago it seemed he was having trouble catching things, like a ball, Frisbee, etc. So a trip to the Vet determined he was having some kind of muscle issue (hell, I don’t know all the lovely vet terms so give me a break). Anyway, he was put on these meds, which he will take for six months. One of the side affects of this pill is the dog has to pee more often. So, that means he needs to go outside and while both parents are working, Grandma volunteered to water the dog each day (until such time as Grandma is no longer in town, then the parents will be forced to use their lunch hour to pee the dog).

This no big deal, Moose is a good dog, minds well and hell, I’ve even been known to bring him to my house where we can play and he’s got company vs staying home alone. However this morning, he went for a walk with Dad and a certain skunk decided to let Moose know get close to me and you’ll pay the price. So, he is currently in the garage, smelling like skunk and Grandma ain’t going any where near him…off duty to day!

Hey, I walked a lovely 3.186 miles today – I would have gone further but the damn blister on my left foot just does not want to heal quickly and yes, I am wearing blister pads. I also think I have on the wrong socks. I bought some new socks and think they are too thin for me, so lucky Sis gets new socks! [she can wear them golfing]

I really like Spring, I like watching the ice melt and rivers rush with blocks of ice refusing to melt quickly, fields with water in them and ponds over flowing. I also like to see the first buds of spring on trees and flowers. Hell, my tulips are doing great which is very shocking but I ain’t gonna brag to much, the deer haven’t been that hungry yet! I’m hoping that soon different birds will show up too. I really am getting a tad weary of sparrows and starlings. And of course the damn squirrel – make that plural as it appears we now have two who like bird seeds! Ya, buy better feeders and the squirrel can’t get eat – ya, ya, live and learn!!!

How about some mood enhancers? Ya, it’s a dreary day, gonna rain at some point, so we need mood adjustments:

• How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.
• How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way.
• How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ? They Take The Psycho Path
• What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick
• What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.
• What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk.
• What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite.
• What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.
• What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef.

Okay, that is enough for today –maybe I’ll write more later – have a good one and for crying out loud, keep smiling!!!

P.S.: The header photo -- I have no idea what's in that tree, looks like boogers to me!!!

PETS

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to Each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, and then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they

(1) eat less,

(2) don't ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;

(7) don't smoke or drink,

(8) don't want to wear your clothes,

(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children