Listen and Learn

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven


1st woman: Hi! Wanda.


2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?


1st woman: I froze to death.


2nd woman: How horrible!


1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?


2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.


1st woman: So, what happened?


2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. . Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.


1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.






PRICELESS

Hello from Minnesota

Hi folks,

Yup, we made it to Warroad, Minnesota and lemme tell ya, my youngest grandchild did great on his first airplane ride...in fact, he was a superstar.

The long drive from Winnipeg (about 3 hours) was most enjoyable because two grandkids came with my son to pick us up and immediately under took the role of entertaining Clint...who by now was damn sick of being confined and just wanted to get down and crawl around.

Here's all four grandkids....love the bike as the prop, don't you?

I will write more when I get back, but rest assured this has been a blast and many memories have been made.

Interesting Statistics

Just in case you have not seen these interesting statistics:





A recent "Investor's Business Daily" article provided very interesting statistics from a survey by the United Nations International Health Organization.



Percentage of men and women who survived a cancer five years

after diagnosis:



U.S. 65%

England 46%

Canada 42%



Percentage of patients diagnosed with diabetes who received treatment within six months:


U.S. 93%

England 15%

Canada 43%




Percentage of seniors needing hip replacement who received it
within six months:



U.S. 90%

England 15%
Canada 43%

Percentage referred to a medical specialist who see one within
one month:



U.S. 77%

England 40%

Canada 43%

Number of MRI scanners (a prime diagnostic tool) per million people:

U.S. 71

England 14

Canada 18

Percentage of seniors (65+), with low income, who say they are in
"excellent health":



U.S. 12%

England 2%

Canada 6%

I don't know about you, but I don't want "Universal Healthcare" mparable to England or Canada . Moreover, it was Sen. Harry Reid who said, "Elderly Americans must learn to accept the inconveniences of old age."

SHIP HIM TO CANADA OR ENGLAND !

He is "elderly" himself but be sure to remember his health insurance is different from yours as Congress has their own high- end coverage! He will never have to learn to accept "inconveniences"!!!

The percentage of each past president's cabinet who had worked in the private business sector prior to their appointment to the cabinet. (You know what the private business sector is...a real life business, not a government job!).

THE WINNER IS VERY INTERESTING!

Here are the percentages:



T. Roosevelt........ 38%

Taft.....................40%

Wilson ................52%

Harding..................49%

Coolidge.............. 48%

Hoover................. 42%

F. Roosevelt......... 50%

Truman..................50%

Eisenhower........... 57%

Kennedy.............. 30%

Johnson.................47%

Nixon................... 53%

Ford..................... 42%

Carter.................. 32%

Reagan...................56%

GH Bush................. 51%

Clinton ................. 39%

GW Bush................ 55%



And the winner of the Chicken Dinner is:
Obama................ 8% !!!






Yep! That's right! Only Eight Percent!!!..the least by far of the last 19 presidents!! And these people are trying to tell our corporations how to run their business? They know what's best for GM...Chrysler... Wall Street... and you and me?

Like I said, interesting statistics,eh?  Yes,of course, anyone can offer statistics and make them sound the way they wish -- I'm merely reporting on these, take'em or leave'em, its your choice.

As for me, I shall soon depart NY State for a week and excited as hell to see my son and his family.  Yes, I definitely plan to get all four grandkids in one photo -- now that's gonna be awesome.  See ya later, behave now..oh hell, kick up your heels (just don't get caught).

Another Trip

Yup, planning another trip...first airplane ride for my newest grandchild and because we had such an early morning departure, we plan to spend the night at a Hotel in Ottawa -- ten minutes from the airport--hurrah!!!

Granddaughter and uncle preparing for a short bike ride.  I girl needs help in the shoe department if she plans to ride bikes very often,eh?

Maybe I can convince uncle to take me on a ride while out there. Years ago I rode alone but that was way too many years ago.



So, as we endure the countdown prior to departure its the normal crap...laundry, sorting, lists and wondering "am I taking too much? Do I really need this outfit?  Wait, what about this?"  As for me, over the years I have realized that less is best.  Most places have washers n dryers, so I can wash my clothes and packing so much that never gets worn just makes for a heavier bag -- screw that!!! So my motto is "go light,"and I'm definitely attempting to do just that!!!

I know my son will read this so listen up:  Don't forget your passport, the kids birth certificates (as I understand they are coming with you too) and the car seat for Clint.  We'll stop to eat somewhere on the trip from Winnipeg to Warroad...my treat -- order that steak I dare you, just dare you!!!

Ta-dah---last load of laundry in the dryer -- now if the shit would fold itself I'd have it made.  Going to my daughter's for dinner, so no cooking being done here today..wow.  Yup, life is good.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

Again, let me remind you BEER is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!!


Okay, everyone smile and remember, you're on this side of the dirt and life is good!!!

Solutions

Any other problems you would like for me to solve today ? Yes ?

Think about these:


1. Cows


2. The Constitution


3. The Ten Commandments






C O W S

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

T H E C O N S T I T U T I O N

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq .... Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

T H E 1 0 C O M M A N D M E N T S


The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal,' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...It creates a hostile work environment.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't ya just Maxine? She keeps it simple and answers directly -- gotta love that, right?

Well, its "hump day" aka Wednesday and its overcast and dizzling that lovely liquid sunshine.  Soon I shall head off to Curves and see if I can find any curves on this lovely body...well, lovely in my mind at least. 

George Steinburger died yesterday and now (like you ain't thinking the same thing) we wait to see who the other two shall be; as we all know they come in three's...sweet Mama.

Tuesday.....

Well, it is Tuesday, we all survived Monday and now the rest of the week can have its rightful moments, eh?

At noon my grandson and I shall head to Pizza Hut and meet up with a friend for lunch. This is my FIRST time taking the boy on my own to lunch. We have gone shopping -- good ole Wally World, but lunch is a newbie for us.  Usually Mommy is with us or some other adult, so this shall be interesting.

It also appears that today, while 70 degrees at the moment (the moment being 7:30 am) -- is gonna see on and off showers today too.  Well, that will be fine unless the humidity gets really bad and then, well, screw it...that sucker sucks the life right outta me.

So Spain won the World Soccer title and those damn horns or whatever they are called can be silent for a few months -- they were bloody annoying.

Keep smiling folks -- by the way, the worse nursery rhythm ever has to be Rub-A-Dub-Three-Men-In-A-Tub -- come on, that says it all doesn't it?

Men

MEN!!!!




One day my housework-challenged husband decided
To wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,
he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the
washing machine?'


'It depends,' I replied.


'What does it say on your shirt?'


He yelled back, 'DALLAS COWBOYS'! '


And they say blondes are dumb....


---------------------------------------------------------------


A couple are lying
in bed... The man says,
'I am going to make
you the happiest woman in the world..'


The woman replies,
'I'll miss you........


----------------------------


'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,
Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.


------------------------------------- ------


Q: What do youcall an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour


-------------------------------------------


Dear Lord,


I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN


-------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy..
---------------------------------------------


Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
Calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
------------------------------------------


Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?


A: It helps them remember which end to wipe...


-------------------------------------------


Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?


A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'

Hot Yet?

Heat advisory in effect until 8 PM EDT this evening...



Today


Mostly sunny. Hazy...hot with highs in the lower 90s. Southwest winds around 10 mph. Heat index values up to 101.

What you expected something different -- its weather, fool!!!

Did my walk at 7 this morning and it was all ready 75 degrees, currently it is 81 and we haven't even gotten to 10 a.m.  Oh Mama, this is gonna be another hot day.

I love this photo -- looks like me and my sisters -- we'd do shit like this and think nothing of it -- its the fools who sit back and remember vs the clowns who still do and laugh!

Well, time to run a few errands, then get my butt back inside and stay cool.  I did sufficient outside work this morning, walked, hosed down the walk ways, watered the plants and even hosed down some of the house -- it could use a wash but I ain't that ambitious.

Hey, you all have a good Thursday -- keep cool and stay happy, yes, yes, this side of the dirt is still good...duh!

Did you know AGE improves with wine!!

I am RETIRED but I work part-time as a PAIN-IN-THE-ASS!

I am so old I can---laugh, cough, pee, sneeze & fart at the same time.

Those Purple Boxes

Here we go again, for those who haven't heard, read or are aware what those purple boxes along our roadside are designed to do:

Hundreds of the rectangular, three-sided traps were placed in ash trees in right-of-ways countywide in June. It is part of a national program targeting the invasive, tree-killing insect called emerald ash borer.



“The purpose of the traps is early detection,” said Jim Ochterski, extension agriculture and natural resources leader. “We want to know where the bug is and slow the spread of it.”


The tiny green insect has killed more than 50 million ash trees since 2002, when it was introduced to this continent from East Asia. It kills all species of ash trees native to North America, threatening the state’s 900 million ash trees. Ash trees make up 10 percent of all hardwood trees statewide, with the dollar value of ash trees on both private and public forestlands running about $1.2 billion, according to the state Department of Environmental Conservation.


The insect spreads by hiding its larvae in wood, so the best way to fight the spread of the bug is by buying and burning firewood close to its source. Current firewood regulations are aimed at preventing the spread of emerald ash borer, with it illegal to move firewood more than 50 miles from its source.


As for the traps — don’t touch, said Ochterski. As for ash trees, there is no reason to cut down healthy ones, he said. But if you are planting new trees, you might want to pick some other kind.

So tell me, how ya liking this heat? What?  Hey, wait just a minute, just a few days ago you were yelling about all the rain and damp weather, so the sun shines and it gets warm, even humid and now you're griping about the heat -- never happy are you!

How about these guys -- someone said there were nude bathers, this is what we get!!!

So if you do head to the beach or are outside, please use some sunblock...skin cancer is not pretty and a sunburn is no fun -- protect your children too...have fun and enjoy the day.

Yo Hornets Sting

Okay, the 4th of July started out really nice, weather was great and of course this was the day hubby decided to -finally -clean the gutters.  No big deal, right?

I was watching the Wimbledon finals and happy to announce that Rafa Nadal won his second Wimbledon title.  In the midst of this hubby came in and announced he would need my help and I said; "you need to wait, this match is almost over and I'm not leaving until it ends."  Eventually I did go outside to see what in hell he wanted. Well, first he wanted me to steady the ladder..dud! Then he was dragging the hose and gonna run water down the gutters and wanted me to go to the end and see if the water was coming out..simple, eh?

Simple, my ass!  This little hike to the end of the house had me passing by this hornet nest and he stirred them up and now, they came at me with friggin pitchforks. 

Got stung on my arm, face and worse, right between the eyeballs -- now that sucker hurt and hubby was on the ladder watching all this and saying; "is the water coming out?" 

Do you not see me on the ground?  You really think I care about water down a gutter -- how about some mud or something to ease this freakin pain?  Finally he realized I was actually in pain and asked if I was okay? Define okay!!!

Went inside and got my iphone and found this lovely photo on it -- yup, that's my granddaughter and she was in the parade in Warroad...what a doll.  She can hardly wait for Grandma's visit later this month, she just had her room redone,can't wait to show me the hot pink, lime green and white walls and of course, we love to read books to each other -- now that is great snuggle time.

Now it was time to grab a water bottle, cap and head downtown to watch the Norwood Parade. I was sick of this watch the water come out the gutter number and just wanted to get away from the hornets (bees or wasps or whatever in hell was biting me).   Keep in mind I had no idea how swollen my forehead was and started to wonder why folks were giving me odd looks --I thought I had dressed rather patriotic today --Eventually ran into some who alerted me to the swollen forehead. 

Norwood really does offer a fantastic parade and it was hot but folks endured and stayed to end...it was a long sucker but well worth it.  My only gripe and it happens every year is that folks do not show the proper respect for the US Flag. Oh, they salute for the first one that is seen but after that, they just sit back, clap and never again salute the Flag. Really irks me because that suggests to me, you don't have a clue why we celebrate this day do you? And you don't have a clue how many have died to preserve the freedoms you and I enjoy...so sit right there, don't salute or even rise, dumb asses!!!

After the parade, I hike my butt home and sat in an air conditioned home for couple hours, cooling down and then, hubby and I headed out to my brother's place for a BBQ, simple and fun...and had a great time.  Thanks so much for in the invite Shirley and Warren -- we truly had a good time.

So this morning, it was get up and go on a walk -- no stroller so I could pick up the pace and really sweat the beer I drank yesterday out of me.  Beautiful morning and just look at the early sunrise -- how can you not be thankful you are on this side of the dirt?

4th of July

Okay, time for a history lesson -- oh give it up, ye gads, learn something for a change!

Most people in the United States celebrate the 4th of July, but do you know exactly why the holiday is so important to our country? Imagine how you would feel if someone older than you (maybe an older sister or brother) kept telling you what to do all of the time and kept taking more and more of your allowance. That is how the colonists felt in the years leading up to 1776. Great Britain kept trying to make the colonists follow more rules and pay higher taxes. People started getting mad and began making plans to be able to make their own rules. They no longer wanted Great Britain to be able to tell them what to do, so they decided to tell Great Britain that they were becoming an independent country. (To be independent means to take care of yourself, making your own rules and providing for your own needs.)



The Congress met in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and they appointed a committee (a group of people working together to do a specific job) to write a formal document that would tell Great Britain that the Americans had decided to govern themselves. The committee asked Thomas Jefferson to write a draft (first try) of the document, so he worked for days, in absolute secret, until he had written a document that he thought said everything important that the committee had discussed. On June 28, 1776, the committee met to read Jefferson's "fair" copy (he put his best ideas together and wrote them neatly.) They revised (made some changes) the document and declared their independence on July 2, 1776. They officially adopted it (made it theirs) on July 4, 1776. That is why we call it "Independence Day." Congress ordered that all members must sign the Declaration of Independence and they all began signing the "official" copy on August 2, 1776. In January of the next year, Congress sent signed copies to all of the states.


The Declaration of Independence is more than just a piece of paper. It is a symbol of our country's independence and commitment to certain ideas. A symbol is something that stands for something else. Most people can look at a certain little "swoosh" and know that it stands for "Nike." Well, the signers of the Declaration of Independence wanted the citizens of the United States to have a document that spelled out what was important to our leaders and citizens. They wanted us to be able to look at the Declaration of Independence and immediately think of the goals we should always be working for, and about the people who have fought so hard to make these ideas possible. The people who signed the Declaration risked being hanged for treason by the leaders in Great Britain. They had to be very brave to sign something that would be considered a crime! So every time we look at the Declaration of Independence, we should think about all of the effort and ideas that went into the document, and about the courage it took for these people to stand up for what they knew was right -- independence!

See that wasn't so hard now was it!  Look its a 3-day weekend (for some even longer) but regardless, please take a few moments to reflect and be thankful for our independence.  Also, if possible support your local towns and attend their parades and other activities.  Norwood's parade has grown a great deal over the past few years and well worth your time to watch...so get off your lazy butts and get out there and cheer folks on...thank you.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film (or a memory card).

Keep honking, I'm reloading!