Tennis - duh!

Yes, it is that time of year - again (or still in some cases) and you'll just have to deal with it.  For the next two weeks we shall watch the U.S. Tennis Open from Flushing Meadows, NY - just made your day, didn't I?

Don't know what's happening in all parts of the country but upstate (at least my little part) is having some horrendous heat but we accept it because we got damn sick of all that bloody ass rain.

Soon I shall hit the road with my kid and we'll see if we can't drive all the folks in NJ nuts. Actually she'll be working and my grandson and I shall explore the area and find cool things to do while she's doing her thing. Once she rejoins us, each day, we can go other places or just hang out at the pool or the beach. Supposedly NJ is warmer than NY in September and October -- we shall see....road trips are always fun.

Sunday dau and I headed over to Malone, just for a change of stores and of course we had Clint with us. Well, he was just wonderful and after we ate, decided to let him walk (with us holding his hand) to the car. He was thrilled. Not happy to get back in the car seat but it was just a short drive to Wal-Mart (yes, it is a super one but ass-back-wards from the ones in Massena and Potsdam).  Once parked, got a cart and he decided he preferred to "push" the cart vs riding in it. All thru the parking lot and into the store. Every time we attempted to put him in the cart, he let us know he had no desire to ride, he needed to walk, push, etc.  It was funny and folks loved watching him push the cart.

Gotta tell ya, some folks did not look down and see him and only saw me guiding the cart and wonder; "look at that ole fool, she can hardly push that cart."  Hell, I was doing good keeping up with a 10 month old!!!

So today, another hot one, so it'll definitely be pool this afternoon and this morning, we'd best get our walk in early. Stop at the park and let the boy swing, man does he ever love the swings.  The higher the better -- he's an adrenaline junkie!!!

Have a great day and before it gets too bloody hot, get outside and enjoy this Indian Summer weather.  Hey, I was supposed to be at the State Fair but  you know what, in this heat, I'm glad I am home. Trust me, years ago when I was working, I had many days of State Fair heat and do not miss it.

I'm also seeing and reading about all the lovely haying going on too..again do not miss that either.

Bread Winner in the Family

This is the kind of things that we, the tax payers, can be proud of??



I was speaking to an emergency room physician this morning.

He told me that a woman in her 20’s came to the ER with her 8th pregnancy.


She stated “my momma told me that I am the breadwinner for the family.” He asked her to explain.


She said that she can make babies and babies get money for the family. The scam goes like this: The grandma calls the Department of Child and Family Services and states that the unemployed daughter is not capable of caring for these children. DCFS agrees and states that the child or children will need to go to foster care.



The grandma then volunteers to be the foster parent, and thus receives a check for $1500 per child per month in Illinois .


Total yearly income: $144,000 tax-free, not to mention free healthcare ( Me dicaid) plus a monthly “Linx” card entitling her to free groceries, etc, and a voucher for 250 free cell phone minutes per month.


This does not even include WIC and other welfare programs.


Indeed, grandma was correct in that her fertile daughter is the “breadwinner” in the family.


I hope you share this story with your contacts so they know how the ruling class spends our tax dollars.




Does it ever end?  Man the scams are unreal in this country and to think I worked and earned my retirement -- what in hell was I thinking?

The New Draft

Drafting Guys Over 60



This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier...



New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!




I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.



For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.



Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile.



An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.



If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.



Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.



They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.



Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.



An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.



These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.



Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.



HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??


Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol.. They'll have it secured the first night!

Enjoy

Due to the climate of excessive political correctness now pervading America :



Kentuckians, Tennesseeans, North Carolinians, and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as


'HILLBILLIES.'You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.


And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:



1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a


' BREASTED AMERICAN. '



2. She is not 'EASY' - She is

'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'



3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a
'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'


4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a

'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'



5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes

' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'



6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a

' LOW COST PROVIDER.'



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:




1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a

'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'



2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is

' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'



3.. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He

' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'



4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in

'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'


(Loved this one!)


6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's

'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.'

Walk on Water

Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink. So when Bubba's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Jim Bob took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Bubba stepped out of the boat....and nearly drowned! Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety.


Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother. 'Grandma,' he asked, 'it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my pappy, his father, and his father before him?
Granny looked deeply into Bubba's troubled eyes and said, Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were born in January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you dumb ass.

Just Had to Share

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.





Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.





The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they decided to just continue watching her.





After a couple of weeks the wife said, 'Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?' He hadn't and said so.





Then she said, 'Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing.'





Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.. The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.





'Well, is she selling drugs?' she asked excitedly.



'No, she's not,' he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.



'Well, what is it then? What does she do ?' his wife fairly shrieked.



The man grinned and said, 'She's a battery salesperson.'



'Batteries?' cried the wife.



'Yes!' he replied.

PLEASE SCROLL DOWN




OOOOH! You're gonna dislike me for this -but it will make your day!






'She Sells C Cells by the Seashore!'

Observations on Growning Older

~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them ... but your grandchildren are perfect!


~Going out is good. Coming home is better!


~When people say you look "Great"... they add "for your age!"


~When you needed the discount, you paid full price. Now you get discounts on everything ... movies, hotels, flights ... but you're too tired to use them.


~You forget names ... but it's okay because other people forgot they even knew you!!!


~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.


~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything ... especially golf.


~Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.


~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.


~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It's called his "pre-sleep."


~Remember when your mother said, "Wear clean under-wear in case you GET in an accident"? Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!


~You used to say, "I hope my kids GET married ... Now you say, "I hope they STAY married!"


~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch.


~When GOOGLE, ipod, e-mail, modem ... were unheard of, and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table.

~You used to use more four-letter words like "what" ... "when" ... ???

~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

~Your husband has a night out with the guys, but he's home by 9:00 p.m. Next week it will be 8:30 p.m.

~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it already!

~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.


~Everybody whispers.


~Now that your husband has retired ... you'd give anything if he'd find a job!


~You have three sizes of clothes in your closet ... two of which you will never wear, again!
~ But old is good in some things: old songs, old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!

Wal-Mart

Sorry someone sent me this and I thought it was funny, hence I am posting...ya hug you too!!!

A man was in a long line at Walmart. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register.


She asked, 'What size condoms?'
The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did so.
She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, 'One box of large condoms, Register 5.'

The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill.When he got up to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him.
She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did so.
She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, 'One box of Medium-sized condoms, Register 5.'
A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance.When he got to the register he told the checker he needed some condoms.
She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did so. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said...




(you'll love this one...................) 




'Cleanup, Register 5'

&^*%$)*()&*

Well, this month seems to have a way of doing things its way, doesn't it?  I mean, its freaking August and we have temps in the low-40's at night, then we get rain, humid, muggy weather with temps in the high 80s during the day.  Oh ya, toss in some fog and wind and we are just have a bloody blast.

On top that, the friggin leaves are changing -- ya, you know what that means -- Autumn is close at hand...don't even say, early winter, give me a break.

So my next outing, if all goes as planned, is to head down to Syracuse and visit the State Fair. Hey, if its hot and humid, forget it, actually visiting my sister is the real outing.  That includes her taking me to the Clam Shack so I can, once again, get my seafood fix too.  And this time my dau and grandson may come with -- so it'll be a busy, fun trip.  I am not a ciTAY girl, but I don't mind a couple days and hanging with my sister is always fun.

After that I think I get to stay home a bit but then, I shall accompany my dau on her college admission counselor road trip -- that's a month or more and with me along, we can take the baby and she is a happy Mommy. So, that is how my summer is going.

August

Yes, it is August and last night it got down into the 40s and at 8 this morning the temp was a lovely 52 degrees.

Please do not even share with me that the leaves are starting to change.  Damnit, I want to enjoy more summer and if this crap continues, the wise ole poops will claim; "gonna be an early winter."  Hey, I like cold weather too, snow shoeing and all that but come on, its August, let's not get ahead of ourselves!

So this month saw my brother and daughter celebrating birthdays on the 1st, my daughter-n-law celebrates her birthday on the 8th and my sister n law has one on the 31st.  Ya, I know I am missing a ton of people therefore, for all the August birthday babies, happy birthday (happy now?).

Our son is headed back to the Mayo Clinic for another check up, they do this every three months and altho he hates these damn tests, they are needed and the results provide relief. Last check up showed complete remission, and we see no reason to think this won't be the case this go around.  Plus, once summer is over and things get back to normal (do they ever get normal) he and I are gonna get serious about weight loss so we look grand for my oldest grandson's graduation from HS next May.  Ya, Dean you did agree to this!!!

My youngest grandson is busy as ever. He is getting brave and now attempts (hell, succeeds)in standing with no support...not for long but he is getting better at this every day. Soon, he's gonna just take off and then, my chasing will truly begin. As it is, he crawls damn fast and one day this week I could not find him...he was behind a chair and until he made a noise I was unaware of where the little devil got off too. He rarely heads to our bedroom, its dark down there but that was where I was headed until he made a noise. Talk about proud, when I found he, he just smiled like crazy!

Not sure what I'll do today.  The house needed cleaning, the cleaning fairies did not show, so I assumed the identity of another person and that witch cleaned like this was a mission that could not be denied.  Got everything done in less than an hour -- amazing! Well, okay, not every surface got dusted but come on, both bathrooms cleaned, floor vacuumed and almost everything dusted.  Laundry is caught up and taken care of and dishwasher is emptied too.  I had all ready mopped the kitchen floor and unless changing light bulbs is now on the cleaning list, this is a good start or better yet, a good place to stop!

Hey, try to have a great weekend -- great day for a hike --now there's an idea, let's for a hike!!!  Or I could go fishing....decisions,decisions!!!