SPRING WHAT?

Just when you thought looking forward to spring was gonna be so much fun and enjoyable, some nitwit comes along and reminds us that spring also means “spring cleaning!”

Now who in the hell came up with that freakin notion? Don’t we clean all the time and do we actually have to have an actual “season” to clean? I mean, have you ever heard of “winter cleaning,” or “summer cleaning,” or “fall cleaning?” Naw, neither have I so this spring cleaning had to be created by some cleaning hag that had no life but a dust rag and mop bucket!

However, if you search the Internet or even talk with some cleaning nuts, they have all kinds of tips and helpful hints to offer. In my book it’s real simple. Know those clothes you removed from the closet so you'd have room for the winter stuff? Get’em out and take that heavy stuff and put them wherever in hell you stored the lightweight stuff. That’s the first tip.

Now look at those tops, any stains on them? You know when food, drink or dip just refused to stay on the crackers, spoon, and fork and just had to land on your top? Ya, those stains, well, toss them in the rag bag. Hell’s bells, you got stimulus money, buy some new tops – might as well stain new stuff, right?

Hey, anything that doesn’t fit now, toss it – you ain’t gonna fit into it any time soon and by the time you get back to that size, you’ll buy new stuff as a reward for losing weight, so give it up sister, toss’em in the rag bag or yard sale box.

Are you exhausted yet? Okay, know those blinds? Ya those suckers that are a witch to clean. Take’em down and buy new ones – come on, they are not that expensive and it sure as hell beats cleaning'em. If you insist, take’em down, put’em in the bathtub, fill tub with soap and water, let’em soak, now hauled outside to dry…clothes line, deck rail, hell any place you can dry’em. Then, when completely dry, put’em back up. See, buying new was much easier…duh!

Look you wanna fool everyone, just dust, vacuum and move a few piece of furniture around and they’ll think you busted ass all damn day cleaning. After they bitch about how they hate this new arrangement, wait two days and put it back the way it was – you liked it that way too and again, they think you busted butt cleaning like a mad woman.

Okay, enough with the cleaning – go get some booze, find those lawn chairs, drag out that grill and let’s really enjoy spring-weather! Ya, I hear ya, you like this spring-cleaning program, I can tell!!! Whatever you do, don't over do this cleaning crap -- you can injure yourself and do all sorts of internal harm...so go slow and easy...good girl!!

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly - wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: 'Wow, I remember these!

Thanks Sis, this certainly cured any notion I had of possible early dementia!!!

LAST DAY OF MAY

Sounds like some bloody book title, doesn’t it? And yes, it is raining, hell; it’s been raining half the night, including a few thunder-bumpers to make life interesting! One can only hope that June will see us with warmer temps, sunny days and a few rain showers to keep gardens and flowers growing!

So what does June have in store for us? First on June 14th we have Flag Day and please, fly our nation’s flag proudly. Then on June 15th we have Father’s Day. Did you know this is the one day when most collect calls are made – isn’t that amazing? That’s gotta make a Dad proud as hell, don’t ya think?

Oh yes, June is also High School graduations and then we can watch college grads and high school grads all looking for employment – can you say Wal-Mart! There was a time when many a young lad (and Lass) worked on farms, helping with all the harvesting and haying but those days are long gone. Some farms still hire folks for seasonal work but that depends on the weather and prices, which will determine if they can hire any outside help.

And of course with the June delights comes the summer vacations – well, the end of the school year at least. Many people are discovering that gong anywhere this summer might not happen. There is little doubt that before much longer gas will be $5 a gallon and that alone makes things tight. And food prices are going up as well. And you wonder why more and more folks are planting their own gardens this year. Hey, I even have two tomato plants and hope they survive and produce a tomato or two! [Yes that is spelled correctly the plural is tomatoes]

So while you are stuck inside because this rain doesn’t seem to be letting up, you could read a book – novel idea, don’t ya think? Watch TV which you’re gonna do anyway or perhaps work on that Christmas picture puzzle. You could clean the house, polish the silver or dust the bookcases, end tables, etc – oh such lovely possibilities, makes ya wanna puke, doesn’t it?

Oh let me give you a tennis update – you know you are interested – just humor me. Both Serena and Venus Williams are out of the French Open. Man, they played poorly yesterday and well, the price was you’re done, bye-bye. As memory serves, we have at least one American male left in the draw but that could be wrong. American tennis players do not do well on clay – and baby it shows!

California Vintners in the Napa Valley area. Which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Griglo wines have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as Pino More.

Aha Saturday

Oh man this weekend is gonna be busy. As I understand it, three, count’em THREE college graduations this weekend! If you don’t have a place to stay, forget it – you might as well pitch a tent. I believe every available hotel, motel and house has been taken with families planning to attend the graduation of son, daughter, sister, mother, father, husband, brother, uncle, etc.

Now it’s not just graduation you also got to wonder will I find a restaurant and get served fast? Forget it! And while on this topic, let’s show people North Country patience and allow them to “search” for roads and make us miss lights as they gawk about looking at who knows what? In other words, traffic will be ugly and we just need to be patient. Let’s face it, half these folks have no idea where they are going and following directions that may or may not get them to wherever they wish to go. Just smile and accept the fact that this happens every year and no need to get overly upset about it!

As for me, I need to get some more potting soil and pick up some already blooming plants. I was gonna do the seed number, hell I even bought the seeds. However when I read: “soak seeds in warm water overnight, then place in some container and cover with plastic and wait for sprouts, then you can transplant,” I tossed the seed packet in a drawer and said, “Screw that!” So I shall buy some plants and nicely plop them in my planter containers and that will be that, thank you very much. Ya, I’m such a gardener. (smile)

Actually my back yard, near my deck is doing quite nicely with plants. It’s the front that now needs work and that is what I shall tackle today. Hey, I may even get the “claw” and put it to use too. I think I should take a pain pill now and be prepared, whatcha think? Oh, just have a cold one handy and that shall suffice, good idea!

Recently I was put on some new meds (short term, thank goodness and not for distemper, so behave yourself) – and these suckers make beer taste bitter as hell. Well, believe me my doctor is gonna hear about this and needs to find something a bit more acceptable -- I mean, come on, a cold beer that tastes bitter, now that is just not normal, legal, or right!

So I am off to play in the dirt – so much fun. Have a good one and what the hell, just turn off the TV, don’t read the newspaper and forget about the news for a few hours and enjoy the wonderful weather.

Spring Memories

Springtime is amazing in so many ways and that includes looking back at one’s childhood as well as looking at what is happening around you today.

I have mentioned this before; I am a farm kid and a “home made kid,” too. Our farm was not a huge operation by any stretch of the imagination but we sure as hell had a lot of work operating it! That manure pile that just got higher and higher all winter, now that spring arrived had to shoveled into a spreader and spread on the fields – whew, was that a stinky job! Naw we didn’t do the liquid manure back then, it was just plain ole shit!

Then when it was safe (meaning the snow was gone, the fields were dry) it was plowing time. My father had this tremendous need to “touch, feel and get his hands” on the land and equipment. I mean we had a tractor that you could attach a plow too and have only one person plowing up the fields. Not my Dad, he hooked up a plow that he walked behind, so he could feel the ground breaking up and walk in plowed rows. Us kids got to drive and that was not a quiet tractor, and Dad would yell for us to go in a straight line, aim right for the fence post and don’t go fast.

OMG this was boring as hell and we’d make up songs and sing as we slowly went up and down the field. You just got to imagine what it was like to walk behind that plow as it turned up the ground and hit rocks and jerked you around, this was no weak man’s work, this required considerable muscle and my father loved it! Many a time we never heard Dad yell for us to stop and looked back to see him laying in the dirt and plow dragging along doing nothing!

I won’t share with you the choice words he screamed at us to account for our intelligence and how we needed to look back more often. Suffice to say, his yelling was heard quite a distance and another sibling was soon replacing you on the tractor – thank God. But just because you were not helping with the plowing, you were not off the hook. Oh no, Mother had her own claim to fame when it came to spring-cleaning.

First was the desire to put up new wallpaper and she wasn’t always keen on scraping away the previous year’s paper (I think over the course of time, our rooms actually got smaller). And this was not simple work either, you had to cut the wall paper, slather it with glue (or paste) and carefully put it on the wall and hopefully the right side up and so one could not tell where one panel ended and another started and if you screwed up, well, down it came and more paste was put on and believe me, we had this paste all over us eventually!

Mom was also infamous for wanting every room washed top to bottom and I don’t mean just washed, hell, walls, doors, floors and even windows got scrubbed like they had some horrible disease or something. Plus anything that was not attached to a wall was removed, hauled outside and scrubbed clean as well. The only thing good about this process was you could only do one room per day and man, you found something else to do the next day if you were smart!

Ya, even plowing! But what always got me was once everything was cleaned, shining like a brand new penny, Mom would put down a carpet or area rug and you were hard pressed to see actually floor, so what was the bloody point? Oh the point was it was CLEAN!

Ah the good ole days of our youth – today we hire people to do this heavy-duty cleaning and as for plowing, hell, you'd be hard pressed to see anyone walking behind a plow these days. Plows today make 5 or 6 rows at a time vs. one row and lots of walking and guiding of a plow blade.

Yup times change and advancements happen, so be it. Farming is hard work no matter what generation -- and if you don't think so , become a farmer and find out for yourself!

Name the Flower

I’ve said it before, spring is my favorite season and I remain fascinated by this season. So much is happening and some of it goes by so quickly you actually miss it, damnit! These two photos really are marsh lands or wet lands – you can just start to see Lily pads popping and while there, I was nearly eaten alive by black flies – ugh, I hate those irritating bugs!


Now this year I seem to have a “need” or perhaps a desire to actually identify the flowers, trees and bushes that I see and this has become quite a pleasing challenge. The problem is, I may look at my Wildflower Guide and the flower and say, “yup that’s it,” but whom in hell knows if I got it right? So, I take photos and figure if I post them and my identification, if wrong, someone will surely correct me, right? So here is my first attempt – oh give me a break – it’s not that impressive so what?


A blue violet – that is what I say it is and I just found them in my yard – never saw them before but that doesn’t mean they were not there! It’s a pretty flower and quite eye appealing but hidden in the grass makes it bashful in my mind! Now here’s another one:

Okay, here’s my guess, “wood Anemone” or “Shepherd’s Needle.?”


Well, this is my start – see, you can participate too, just make comments and help educate me, okay? Thank you so much!

TENNIS UPDATES

Oh, I know you could give a rip about tennis but it’s a sport I follow quite diligently and for many years played like I knew what in hell I was doing. In all fairness, I was a half way decent player and that’s no bull. I still play today if I can bully (talk) someone into going to the courts with me.

Anyway, the tune up for the French Open was last week in Monte Carlo and Rafael Nadal won his first title of the season, defeating top-ranked Roger Federer yet again on clay to claim his fourth consecutive Monte Carlo Masters. It’s fun to watch the world’s number 1 and 2 play and they have a great deal of respect and praise for each other, real gentlemen and sportsman. Kids would do well to emulate this attitude and style…damn impressive.

Okay, enuff about tennis, bored ya to death, right? Well, I accomplished two things this morning and at the same time. Yes, I did my morning walk and as it was raining & I got my shower too. However I forgot to bring soap so I reckon I will need a real shower soon, ya think? Ya, we could use some rain, I know that sounds silly as we have standing water in some fields and we had lots of snow this winter but it’s still pretty damn dry and, well, rain is always good. Come on, April showers bring May flowers, remember?

Now this coming weekend, unless something changes, I shall experience the mystery and the magic of the Celtic World as we salute all eight Celtic nations; Scotland, Ireland, Wales, Cornwall, Isle of Man, Brittany in France and Galicia and Austrias in Spain. Did you know that the Celts have been around for almost 3,000 years? They were the first to sack Rome, brought the horse and the Bronze Age as well as agriculture to a "hunter gather" Europe. Celts Rule!

Celebration of Celts has been proclaimed as one of the best Pan-Celtic festivals in the country and when it comes to music there is almost no other Celtic festival that can hold a candle to ours. Featured performers in 2008; Enter the Haggis headlines with a Saturday night set, Black 47 headlines on Sunday, The Barra MacNeils from Cape Breton add a traditional touch while Dicey Riley, Coyote Run and more will have you dancing your shoes off. Oh believe me there is much to see and do and mostly listen to music and learn more about your heritage. No worries, I ain’t about to pig out on haggis, tried that in Scotland years ago, thanks but no thanks!

Want to visit the Celtic World, you don't need a plane ticket, just walk in and by magic you are transported into a total emersion in Celtic Culture, music, dance, history and heritage.

See Knights in action at the Kings Court, chargers thunder as knights lower their lances for the fatal strike. Love horses; come see the Exmore Ponies featuring the first stallion to ever be imported to the United States, Shetland Ponies and more horses. Come visit the Celtic Pub for great food and drink and don't forget to sign up early for the Single Malt Whisky Seminar-five golden samples of the water of life to lift your pallet. Love great food; eat some of the greatest food from our wonderful food vendors. And shopping! So many vendors, so many beautiful and authentic goodies to choose from.


Well, that’s a brief overview and I look forward to hearing the bag pipes again too. What an amazing sound. As I said this will be a first for me and I'm excited and know it shall be fun. Hey, I've got an experienced "guide" to show me the ropes, so I am in like flint[ Lynn rules!]

Wonder what one “wears” to such an event? Oh I am sure I will be told and whatever else I need to bring -- hummm, my own beer mug might be a clever idea?

Weather is Beautiful!

Hey, don’t wake us up, okay? We have waited a long time for the cold weather to stop and warm weather to return and although, it seems like we blinked and it went from winter to summer –this is nice weather, so let’s just soak it up and embrace it, okay?

Well, the cold is slowly leaving my body and looking for another host…I dislike passing this on to anyone – it’s been a real witch but I’m sure glad it’s leaving. Talk about an energy zapper – that sucker was unreal. Now, that my energy level is returning and that includes my morning walks, I need to remind myself to slow down. I don’t have to do everything in one day and as my front yard is huge, raking it all in one day was just plain ass stupid! Oh don’t worry, I didn’t accomplish that mission – ran out of steam way before half of it was done! Hubby has a much better system. He waits until he can mow, and then pulverizes the leaves and what isn’t crammed back into the ground, he nicely scoops up in the leaf catcher. Raking is not his thing- it ranks right up there with shoveling –major dislike!

My next “chore” is to start digging in the area that I plan to turn into a flower garden in the front yard. Man, this is gonna require some major time on the “claw” or mini-rototiller (the kids call this a cultivator) but regardless of what it is called, I gotta remember how to turn it on – I know there’s a cord I need to pull and most likely an on switch…ya, doesn’t this sound challenging? Tell ya one thing, once I get the “dirt” ready, I’m planting perennials, I’m only doing this once – believe me, once is sufficient! Plus I’ll toss a few rocks or stones about to give it some appeal or place for the birds to poop!

In the meantime, I have elected to expend some of this pent up energy on house cleaning – now that is really a trip! Hey, we all know the saying, “dust or plant,” right? I was getting damn close to planting but decided dusting was probably smarter!

Anyway, two days of this so called work-like nonsense and tomorrow, I shall meet my former secretary for lunch, then I may just head over to the river and fish – ya, now that sounds like a grand plan.

Take care and if nothing else, get outside, okay?

ODD NEWS

Jogging pilgrim stuns motorists --BERLIN (Reuters) - Police in Germany were shocked to find a man running down a major highway pulling a three-wheeled trailer -- but even more surprised to learn he was a Polish pilgrim on a 3,000 km (1,800 mile) trek.

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - A Malaysian cop was arrested after he allegedly broke into a Mercedes Benz to steal its stereo but then dozed off on its luxurious seat, a news report said Friday.

&&&&&&

If you look hard enough or barely look, you’ll find odd and weird new stories. Hell, nobody can make this stuff up, it actually happens and thank goodness we all get to have our uniqueness, eh? Be a real pain if we were all the same, where would the fun in that be?

Well, I sprinkled soap flakes and red hot pepper flakes all around and on my tulips in the hope this taste will cause whatever is eating my plants a mighty hot mouth! I hate to think I need to “cage” in plants – now that just doesn’t seem fair! Anyway, I did this sprinkle business yesterday and checked this morning and it appears “nothing” has been near the plants. Sooooo, who knows, maybe I have chased them off – or they are full and moved on to higher ground! [or they are plotting some other charge?]

Yup, went fishing Friday and I am sure Big Bro is real happy with us gals as he got to clean and fillet our catch of the day! I would have loved a bullhead (hate to take them off the hook but they are good eating) but we caught perch and man, once they started biting, it was up to us to keep up and we did as well as we could – plenty of fish to keep us happy!

It was just a nice relaxing day on the river. I think many families decided this was a fun way to end the spring break, because many had their kids at Wilson Hill and patiently showing the younger set how to fish. Ya, remember the days when it was you and I doing this teaching scene? Tangled lines, sinkers hitting you in the head, bobbers that didn’t bob, bored kids, yucky worms and finally settled down, lines in the water and waiting for that first bite and you hear; “Mom, I gotta pee!”

Not sure what is on the agenda for today – surely breakfast at some point? Then, we may work in our yard – it definitely needs raking but as it is still wet in places, that seems like futile work to me. Oh heck, as I have my license, I may head back to the river?

You all have a great day and hopefully get outside and enjoy the fresh air!!