A Kiss is A Kiss

A tough looking group of bikers were out riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So she does... And it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

Oh come on, you know you laughed when you read this -- too damn funny, right? BTW on my walk this morning I looked up (I do this now and then) and what to my wondering eyes should appear but geese/or ducks in that infamous V-formation.  All I could think was "this better be a practice run cause its way to early to be heading south!"  My second thought was --"these are really dumb ass geese/ducks if they are headed south this early!"

Winter Travel Tips

Last night the television station broadcast a warning saying that anyone travelling in icy weather conditions should take A shovel, blankets or sleeping bag Extra clothing, including scarf hat and gloves




24 hrs supply of food



5 kgs of rock salt Flashlight with spare batteries Road flares and reflective triangles Tow rope, 5 gallon can of gas First aid kit, and jump leads.

I looked like a complete dork on the bus this morning!

Delays, cancellations and more Snow

Oh hell don't ya love the wake up call this morning?

Look, I am sorry if this offends anyone but excuse me, why delay opening school..why keep everyone guessing for two or three hours, you know damn well you're gonna close so do it and stop this freakin waiting game!!!

Like two hours and snow still falling is gonna change road conditions, give me a break.  Now folks are whining, and rightfully so that plays and after school plays have been cancelled due to the weather.  Why don't folks have an alternate date for these events?  Is that such a hard concept to comprehend or is scheduling that difficult?

To make life even more fun, more and more folks are on Facebook, telling all us who didn't venture out that the roads are slick and you should stay inside...hello, who in hell is out there?  I know, sometimes you have no choice, a doctor's appointment or some other thing that just cannot be rescheduled. But what makes this even worse is getting there and learning the person you were suppose to meet, can't see you because they are snowed in -- hello, did phone stop working because of snow too?

Yes, it continues to snow, we should get 7 inches or more before this ends.  Its kinda fluffy but underneath is icy, I mean, I shoveled a little and that was sufficient to remind me; "I don't shovel!"  However, I like to don my snowshoes and trek thru the snow, now that is fun.  I was gonna do just that but couldn't find what I wear for snowpants until later -- damn.  Found'em now and no more excuses!!!

So tonight is another GLEE night.  My daughter and I are making this our movie-together-night and take turns bringing treats. Last week she had me chose, right or left hand, I chose right. Thank goodness as the left hand had prunes!!!  Dont' get me wrong, I like prunes too.  I know, its a cheesy show but its fun to watch and regardless,there is some amazing talent on this sucker and some good ole laughs too.

Hopefully the roads will be decent tomorrow as I hate to miss my Curves workout...hey, keep smiling, this weather will calm down and soon, the last minute shopping can continue..

Snow

Why in hell are people so shocked and upset that we now have snow? Excuse me, it is December, this is northern NY and hey, its gonna happen, it does every year and you know this, so why the shock????

Last year my grandson was not into snow at all, in fact he hated it...here's a photo to prove it:

Okay, he was still an infant and this was not his idea of fun at all!  Now he is an old man at 13 months and snow fascinates him.  This morning he wanted to walk about and check out the snow vs. come inside and see Grammie.

So this afternoon, if all goes as planned, I think Clint and I shall head outside and not only explore the white stuff, but make a snowman...ya I'll take photos and post them for all to see.  As he usually goes to daycare these days, I don't get him that often so I put alot of fun stuff into one day...wears us both out.



Also this is prep day for me -- so I'm on liquids all day and lemme tell ya, knowing I can't have solid foods or even a beer, is making me damn hungry.  Ya, here's comes another glass of water, apple juice and so on...ye gads.

Maxine on Winter

Sometimes it’s just necessary to sit back and read someone else’s take on winter and in the process, surprisingly, you sense they were inside your head and ask; “how the hell did they know that?” So here are a few thoughts from Maxine on winter:

• I’m so cold my boobs are chattering


• You know it’s a cold day when your teeth start chattering and they’re still on the night stand.


• It’s not really cold out until the dog’s frozen himself to the fire hydrant.


• I was caught without earmuffs during a sudden cold snap but managed to improvise with an old padded bra.


• I envy the rear-defrost system in my car (I really like this one).


• My idea of a triple is pullin three muscles at once!


• I’d shovel my walk except for one reason. Visitors might come.


• I don’t really wanna know what that is frozen into guy’s mustaches this time of year.

Here’s a helpful winter tip: if you leave a tortilla out for a week, you’ve got yourself a handy little ice scraper.

Now if you can stand it, here’s my calendar’s quote for January – “When we become wise our lives are lived from our hearts.” Ya, I’m puking, how about you? Guess that means we ain’t so wise, eh?

Tank Tops & Birds

Now look folks, its 22 degrees and rising but let’s not get silly and assume this so called heat wave is grounds to dig out those tank tops and shorts, okay? It’ll be a nice day, granted and we’ll enjoy it but it’s not gonna last. Sorry but it’s still the winter season and Mother Nature does like to tease – and you thought she had no sense of humor!

Is anyone else sick of hearing about Michael Phelps? He’s been suspended, he’s apologized and he’s even been pulled off the Cornflake box, can we please move on, and yes, Michael, shut your damn mouth too.



I am more than willing to feed birds, really this is something I wish to do and while they munch away on the bird feed, I can snap photos and get some amazing shots. Sometimes I just get damn lucky and that’s okay too.[FYI to see a larger picture, just click on photo] However, I am somewhat irked that I can’t seem to attract birds in my own yard. I have a nice bird feeder (nice by human standards) and it has food it in but no birds. Hey, my brother has birds on his deck, he can sit in his house, less than 5 feet away and watch them feed, fly around and perform dances for him, but me, hell no! Oh Bro lives in the country and I’m in town, but come on, do the birds really know this?

Yesterday I decided to do something to encourage birds to my feeder. First I trucked through deep snow to get a fallen branch to prop up around the damn feeder to give it the look of being in the woods (what the hell, anything is worth a try at this point). I even bought suet and hung it from the branches – still nothing. Ya, it’s still early but I wasn’t done, nope I was on a mission now and damnit, birds are gonna feed from my feeder or it won’t be for lack of trying on my part!


The next step was to head to Tractor Supply (ya, that makes no sense but this is where pet stuff is bought) and (1) bought a new bird house, this sucker looks like a condo in red cedar, very attractive, (2) Sunflower heart seeds – try something new maybe they’ll like this better, (3) an extender rod to push the bird house a little further away from the deck and (4) more suet (why I bought more crap they are not eating is beyond me but hey, the condo comes with a spot for suet).[oh hell, just smile, it makes for a change in the usual winter madness, like snowshoeing, cross country skiing, Wii exercises, Yoga, etc -- see, told ya, it would make ya smile].

Sometime today I hope to put all these new items up and then, sit back and wait for the birds. If they still don’t show up, screw’em they can starve. I did my part and now it’s up them! Oh the photos are ones taken at my son-in-law’s house, where he has so many feeders a bird could go nuts deciding and yes, the birds just love him….he also puts out hay and corn for the deer too.

That’s it for now, maybe more later – who knows – I could just join the bird family and find out the real reason they avoid my feeder!!!! Oh, can't leave ya without this tidbit...enjoy:

This is my NEW feeder and fake woods!

Will I live to see 80?

I recently picked a new primary care doctor.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly
well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
"Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!"

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, fishing or bicycling?"

"No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No,” I said.

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you even give a shit?"

Craptastic

Well I don’t look quite this jolly but getting there. I have made a firm decision that without fail, I am going to attempt snow shoeing this morning.

I have had my breakfast and just allowing it to settle before I tackle the “clothing” I will need to stay warm (which is silly, once I get out and move, I warm up fast and having too much on is sweat-city). Then I need to find my “snow pants” those slick suckers that allows snow to fall off vs stick to you.[damn, I can't find them, wonder where in hell I stuck them?] Finally once I get all this done I shall head to the garage and begin the lovely art of putting the snow shoes on.

Oh that sounds simple enough and hopefully it will be simple this year. After all, I have an entire year of walking under my belt, I have lost 15 pounds and I can bend a bit easier these days, so I shouldn’t have any huge issue hooking these snowshoes around my boots, right? Ya wish me luck, I’ll report back in about an hour.

Whew! What a workout, Mama Mia that has me sweating big time! First I had to remember how to hook the snowshoes on and while that sounds easy enough, it does require a bit of flexibility and realization that straps only go one way – damn! Once on I was anxious to go and then, sheet, where in hell are my poles? Ya, didn’t prepare completely for this outing but hey, I found the poles easily enuff and out the door I went.

My goal was to go around my backyard three times –hey, cut me some slack this was my first snowshoe outing for 2009. It felt so damn good and while my legs ached and started to scream; “slow down, quit, for crying out loud, stop this crap,” I kept going and yes, I made it around three times. Then decided I could circuit the entire house, go around the front and back yards and off I went. I think I may have pushed myself a bit too much, got a slight ach in my gut but hey, it will go away. Oh, taking off the snowshoes was another exercise -- gotta remember how those damn straps release too -- talk about a memory game, ye gads!

Oh well, I am back inside, cooling down and I can't begin to express how nice it felt to (1) be outside and (2) snowshoe. I love being outside and as the temp is 25 degrees, the weather was great too. It just feels good to suck in that cold morning air. I would love to take a long walk but again, icy sidewalks and me don't work well together -- falling and breaking a hip is not on my agenda for this year!


Here’s the plant in full bloom – ain’t she pretty? Yes, I can name it too -- Amaryllis! Actually this is my husband "baby" and he's really proud of her -- she is growing up very fast.

My son called from Minnesota around 8:30 this morning, he said, "Mom, it's friggin cold here -- its 31 below zero!" My reply KEEP IT THERE!

Oh Moonbeam, thanks for the new word - craptastic -- love it!