Irish Blonde in Casino

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a Little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the Dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm Completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and Squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her Clothes and quickly departed.


The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are drunks,

Not all blondes are dumb,

But all men.......are men.

&&&&&&&&

So for some this is return to work after a lovely 3-day weekend, eh?  For many the weekend has been a total bust as there's some "bug" going around that's knocking the crap out of folks and they are sick of coughing, snotty noses and no energy.  My grandson didn't really catch the bug but got another ear infection, high temp and feels like crap too. Then his Daddy caught the cold, then Mommy and now, well, so far Grandma is doing great.

I wanna watch him to give them a break but you see I'm still on this "no lifting" restriction a bit longer.  I can lift stuff, light stuff but he weighs over 25 pounds and that's a bit much for Grandma at this point.  However I am doing my Wii Fitness program, slightly modified to my abilities at this point which is sufficient to see me get a nice workout, slight sweat and no over exertion, so all is good.  Trust me, its been over a month since my surgery but I really am sick of this friggin inactivity and my energy levels are slowing getting stronger and longer, thank goodness.

Ya, I hear ya, me too, Spring shall be here soon enough and then we can bitch about the mud, floods and rushing waters...ya, like you won't being doing this -- ha-ha!  I like Spring, it is my favorite season, no really it is...melting ice, rushing water, trees and bushes starting to bud, and of course mud puddles and mud...love it.  Ya bite ya right back -- keep a positive outlook -- life is good.

Hey, do not resent growing old.  Many are denied the privilege.

The Pharmacist's Monday Morning

The Pharmacist's Monday Morning




Upon arriving home, Gene was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, Gene drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.

"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was
about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."

"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were  waiting for me to open up.
I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time
the darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing.

When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was  tell her."

&&&&&&&&

So how is your Friday going so far?  Oh way to early to tell, eh?  Ya, I understand. 

Bit misty out there but come on people, its 50 degrees and stuff is melting.  Of course with this mist and if temps drop, we'll have a real mess but for now its kinda cool.

As I felt good this morning, I got up and went into town to visit the gals at Curves, they were so good to me when I was in the hospital and sent me the cutest damn get well card. Anyway, it was great seeing them and of course everyone commented on how well I looked and baby, you have lost some weight -- and it shows!

And now we get a 3-day weekend....hopefully you all will find things to do that also allows you time to relax and get some much needed rest.



Racism

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days. A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage , would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

"Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I had asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, when I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot.”

******************

Ya, tell me you didn't laugh, go ahead! Some times these ditties hit my inbox and I just gotta share'em.

Oh the latest, most likely you have heard this if you listen to the Today show -- bullying is not just happening in schools or amongst the young, get this -- bullying happens in senior citizen housing and nursing homes. Some elderly have been bullied so much they literally prefer to stay in their rooms vs. socializing with other residents. Can you imagine? And its not just men who this but women as well, some ole witch who is so miserable she gets her kicks picking on other women.

Then to round out the day, we got that silly ass Charlie Sheen giving drug advice to the other crack-head Linday Lohan who can't seem to get over stealing whatever she wants, wherever she is or sniffing the white stuff.  Hey I use to like watching Charlie,he is pretty funny but lately all this drug and horny behavior is just too damn much -- he is one sick puppy and we should support such behavior.

Well, its around 37 degrees, very little breeze and I may just get outside and suck in some of this wonderful fresh air.  Still a bit slippy so I ain't gonna be walking around but I can still get out and so things.  Hey, if it wouldn't wear me out, I'd strap on my snowshoes and do a few laps but that's pushing it...gotta build up to that adventure.  Maybe I'll just drive into town and trek around in a few stores and blow some minds....when you need a salesclerk you can't find one, don't want one they are constantly asking if you need any help -- get a life people!!!

Hey, you have a good day -- I'm gonna.

Hump Day

Ya, kinda odd that each week has a Hump Day in it, huh?  Oh ya, you're so brilliant you figured that out all by yourself, didn't you?

Well, its been a month since my surgery and yes, thank you, I am doing quite nicely.  I hate this inactivity but I also realize my body needs time to heal...damn.  And I tend to think I can do more and quickly discover my energy level drops quite quickly these days.

However, today I fired up the Wii Program and resumed the Wii Fitness workout. Oh don't be silly, I didn't do all of them, just a few -- some yoga, strength and the two mile walk/run.  It took me longer than usual but it felt good and I did NOT push myself.  I would much prefer to take a walk outside but that damn icy/snow covered sidewalks just ain't my idea of fun and as I walk slower to insure footing, I'd be walking longer than my energy would last.  So I shall wait until the sidewalks are clear once again.

Here's the big boy using an electric tooth brush.  He really thought this was pretty cool.  He is getting so big and so much fun these days.  Busy but hey, that's great.

Last night was Glee, my dau and I have this on our calendars as our movie night (she does not have TV at her house). OMG did we laugh -- this show is so damn cute its just fun to watch.  Previews of next week show look even better -- we gotta get some really cool snacks for next week!!!

And it appears my grandson in Minnesota is doing great in all the hockey tournaments.  Win some and lose some but he has the right attitude and just loves to play hockey. And his sister, although busy with Girl Scouts, her own skating and dance, cheers him on like a trooper too.  Gosh I can hardly wait to see them in May -- yup, that's when we plan to visit. The oldest graduates and we wanted witness that too.

So all is good folks, losing weight but partly due to the surgery and it feels good to be a few pounds lighter.  Like everyone else, I am ready for warm weather. This winter has been hard on this ole body and I like cold weather activities only this year I wasn't able to participate so that pooped the bed big time.

Have a great day-- don't strive for perfection, strive for excellence.

Canadian Humor -- Gotta Love It.

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.

She protested, "But we don't know anything about each other."

He replied, "That's all right; we'll learn about each other as we go along."

So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple.

This was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position before he again straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.

She said, "That was incredible!"

He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps.

She was moving so fast that the froth from her pushing off at one end of the pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end.

She did laps in freestyle, breast-stroke, even butterfly!
After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing heavy.

He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
No, she said, "I was a hooker in CORNWALL and I worked both sides of the river!"

****************

Whoa, hello Saturday.  Now a bit later on, unless things change, we are supposed to watch our grandson so our daughter can participate in the River Shiver Run in Ogdensburg.  However, as it is snow pretty good and the wind is blowing, temp is around 27 degrees, who in hell knows.  This is all prep for a bigger run in March -- oh these jogging nuts -- they are something!!!

In Minnesota another hockey tournament this weekend but its local so that will make it easier on the family.  Hey, no long drive, no need to get a hotel and as for food, they could go home and eat -- what's not to like.  Our grandson loves to play hockey and he's really a good player too.  Wish we could be there to see the game but I'd freeze so I shall quietly wait for the phone calls.  Hey, my looking forward to travel is now focused on a trip to Minnesota in May to watch our oldest grandson graduate and spend some time with the family and other grand kids.

Yes, thanks for asking, I am doing much better.  Surgery went well and I'm just having to go slow and let the recovery happen.  I like to think I have more energy than is real and quickly discover I get exhausted fast, so its slow and easy.  Oh well, it will happen.

Have a great weekend.

Bungee Jumping in Mexico

Subject: Bungee-jumping in Mexico

Aggie and Clar were bungee jumping one day.



Being an industrious Newfoundlander, Aggie says to Clar, 'You know we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping business in Mexico .'

Clar thinks this is a great idea, so they sell their cabin, pool their money and buy everything they need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, the whole nine yards.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd, Clar thought it would be a great opportunity to get the message out to a large group so they should give a demonstration, so Aggie jumps.

She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Clar notices that she has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Clar isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time, she is bruised and bleeding. Again, Clar misses her. Aggie falls again and bounces back up.

This time, she comes back pretty messed up -- she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, Clar finally catches her this time and says, ‘Sweet Jayzuz, Girl, What happened? Was the cord too long?'

Barely able to speak, Aggie gasps, 'No, the bungee cord was fine ...it was the crowd! ...What the F**K is a piñata?!'

Texas Logic

I saw a fundamentalist Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River this morning; he was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying.


Along with him was an illegal Hispanic drug cartel member who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back.

If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown.



Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff 's Office and Homeland Security. It is now 4pm, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded.

I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps

&*^%*((

Well, its Wednesday and about 15 degrees but the wind is whipping pretty damn steady out there so I guess its safe to say, its cold outside!

Got a doctor's appointment at 10:45, I feel great and hoping he feels the same way -- just a few issues which I shall discuss with him but overall, all is good.  Surgery recovery is slow and boring as hell, but rush it and you pay a higher price.  Once done I may just try my luck at Wal-Mart -- meaning, stopping and walking about...don't have any big item in mind to purchase but it should be fun to walk about for a change.

So you all have a lovely hump day.  Lemme ask you, is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

Bible Study

(You never know what kids are going to say!!)

LOT 'S WIFE

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot ''s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, 'My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,' he announced triumphantly, 'and she turned into a telephone pole!'

GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?' A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw up.'
DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ? ''No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms.'

HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is? One child blurted out, ' Aces!'

MOSES AND THE RED SEA

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. 'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt . When he got to the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.'

'Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?' his Mother asked.
'Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!'
THE LORD IS MY SHEPERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know.'

UNANSWERED PRAYER

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.

'Well, Honey,' he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. 'I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.'

'How come He doesn't answer it?' she asked.

UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER

During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?'

Tommy answered soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!'

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS

When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, 'And all girls.' This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, 'Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?'

Her response, 'Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!'

*************

Happy Monday!  Ya, I did watch "some" of the superbowl and it was an exciting game but I got tired and went to bed.  Only to get up this morning and learn my beloved Steelers lost.  Oh well, there is always next year and like I said, it was a good game.

So today, if my energy level remains up and my attitude allows, I think  that I shall attempt to drive today.  Maybe go out and visit my sister-in-law.  Not real sure I am up to shopping yet but I do feel I can drive (short distances) and visit for a while.  I have a check up appointment on Wednesday and feel this shall go nicely too.  Have a few questions for the doctor but all and all, I feel damn good.  I so want to do things, this inactivity is driving me nuts, yet I know going slow is necessary and best.

Hey, you all have a nice day, okay?

Pregnant at 71

PREGNANT AT 71


> A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.

> After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.

> An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.  After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

> The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.

> "What the hell is the matter with you?!" the older doctor demanded.” Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

> The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

And you thought doctors had no sense of humor, shame on you.

Well, it is Super Bowl Sunday and yes, I have on my game shirt -- Steeler fan all the way.  Later I shall fix my traditional chicken wings but this year they shall be rather plain as I am not allowed spicy foods yet...damn bowel resection sure takes the fun out of eating (at least for a while).  So, it shall be salt, pepper, olive oil and baked wings for me this year.  No biggie.  Hey, the game doesn't even kick off until 6 something, so plenty of time to do things and get a nap too.

Hubby decided to crank up the snow blower and do his best to move snow off the deck and sidewalks.  Even he admitted he over did it and he'll pay the price for that number.  Well, it does beat shoveling, which he does in small burst, which is fine but he stayed out there way to long and did way too much this time..ole fool.

So, have a nice Sunday, enjoy the game and keep smiling.

Winter Travel Tips

Last night the television station broadcast a warning saying that anyone travelling in icy weather conditions should take A shovel, blankets or sleeping bag Extra clothing, including scarf hat and gloves




24 hrs supply of food



5 kgs of rock salt Flashlight with spare batteries Road flares and reflective triangles Tow rope, 5 gallon can of gas First aid kit, and jump leads.

I looked like a complete dork on the bus this morning!

Winter Storm???

Up to 16 inches of snow predicted Wednesday in St. Lawrence County



Monday, January 31, 2011 - 2:40 pm

The area may have dodged two recent major snow storms, but it would appear our luck is up.

The National Weather Service has issued a winter storm watch, which stays in effect Tuesday evening through late Wednesday night in the North Country.

The storm, which is already blasting the Midwest, promises to bring heavy snow to the region, perhaps 8 to 16 inches, according to NWS.

They predict the snow will begin late Tuesday night and end early Thursday morning.

The heaviest snow will fall during the daytime hours on Wednesday.

Hazardous travel can be expected Tuesday night through Wednesday night, NWS reports.

Winds will be northeast at 5 to 10 mph.

Temperatures will rise from today’s frigid blast with highs 15 to 25. Lows will be -5 to 10 above.

Visibility is predicted to be 1/4 mile or less at times during the daytime hours on Wednesday.

According to NWS, a Winter Storm Watch means there is a potential for significant snow that may impact travel.

Well, does this mean, we can believe the weather forecast this go around?  I suspect we can and should.  My sister, who planned to visit called to say, "no way am I gonna drive in this crap."  Syracuse is all ready getting hit and they know more is on the way.  As for us, we get snow, then some wind and then, nothing but cold temps.  However, if we believe the weather forecast, the snow shall hit later tonight and Wednesday -- lovely!!!

And the geese just snuggle on down and enjoy the weather...are they nuts or what?