Yay, its Friday

I saw this on Facebook and found it quite amusing, so I thought I'd share it...man, wouldn't it be fun to offer this when asked for a stool sample?

Well, its Friday, the last one for October and what is this crap, Sunday we set the clocks back an hour -- really, is it that time of year again...damn.

What is even more amazing is looking at the temp this morning, 23 degrees -- what the hell is this all about...oh, its the near end of Autumn and start of Winter, is that the story...shut your ass!!!

My darling kids are insisting I send a Wish List and if I don't they threaten to send my ugly underwear, ole suppositories and anything else they can find laying about the house that needs a new home.  The problem, I can't think of a damn thing I want other than photos of the grandkids...that is a wish all year and even more so during the Holiday season.  But I'd best come with something or I'll get this crap and trust, me I don't want any of it!!!

HUSBANDS

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' OHIO STATE !'And they say blondes are dumb....

---------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...... '.
------------ --------- -------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower.. 'Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ----

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

--------- --------- --------- ----
Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
--------- --------- --------- -------
Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

--------- --------- --------- -------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end to wipe..
------------ --------- --------- --------- ----

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
------------ --------- --------- --------- -------

While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world.........
......then He made the earth round.

Jails and Nursing Homes

Here's the way it should be:

Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes.

This would correct two things in one motion:

Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical
treatment, wheel chairs, etc.

They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped
instantly... if they fell or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.

All meals and snacks would be brought to them.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counseling, a pool and education...and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally recognized entertainment artists.

Simple clothing - ie. shoes, slippers, pj's - and legal aid would be free, upon request.

There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.

Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio in their room at no cost.

They would receive daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection.

The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.

As for the criminals:

They would receive cold food.

They would be left alone and unsupervised.

They would receive showers once a week.

They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000 per month.

They would have no hope of ever getting out.

"Sounds like justice to me!"

Hump Day

Ya, kinda odd that each week has a Hump Day in it, huh?  Oh ya, you're so brilliant you figured that out all by yourself, didn't you?

Well, its been a month since my surgery and yes, thank you, I am doing quite nicely.  I hate this inactivity but I also realize my body needs time to heal...damn.  And I tend to think I can do more and quickly discover my energy level drops quite quickly these days.

However, today I fired up the Wii Program and resumed the Wii Fitness workout. Oh don't be silly, I didn't do all of them, just a few -- some yoga, strength and the two mile walk/run.  It took me longer than usual but it felt good and I did NOT push myself.  I would much prefer to take a walk outside but that damn icy/snow covered sidewalks just ain't my idea of fun and as I walk slower to insure footing, I'd be walking longer than my energy would last.  So I shall wait until the sidewalks are clear once again.

Here's the big boy using an electric tooth brush.  He really thought this was pretty cool.  He is getting so big and so much fun these days.  Busy but hey, that's great.

Last night was Glee, my dau and I have this on our calendars as our movie night (she does not have TV at her house). OMG did we laugh -- this show is so damn cute its just fun to watch.  Previews of next week show look even better -- we gotta get some really cool snacks for next week!!!

And it appears my grandson in Minnesota is doing great in all the hockey tournaments.  Win some and lose some but he has the right attitude and just loves to play hockey. And his sister, although busy with Girl Scouts, her own skating and dance, cheers him on like a trooper too.  Gosh I can hardly wait to see them in May -- yup, that's when we plan to visit. The oldest graduates and we wanted witness that too.

So all is good folks, losing weight but partly due to the surgery and it feels good to be a few pounds lighter.  Like everyone else, I am ready for warm weather. This winter has been hard on this ole body and I like cold weather activities only this year I wasn't able to participate so that pooped the bed big time.

Have a great day-- don't strive for perfection, strive for excellence.

Cow, an Aunt and an Old Fart

A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of  the three of them.

The Cow: I give 20 litres of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!!

The Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!


>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something....

Hump Day - Again

Ya, that was so original – we get this freakin day each week, big deal, eh?

So I got up and while it was still dark, I headed to Curves – I mean, come on, what’s up with this dark scene at 7 a.m.? Good ole workout, always is good and then, stopped to pick up a few item at the grocery store. Do you know that if possible, grocery shopping in the early morning is the best time – hardly anyone there and while stocking is happening, they’ll get you whatever they haven’t put out yet and think this is just wonderful? Cracks me up!!

The news about the world is just unreal. We got dead birds dropping from the sky and no real answers as to why this is happening. The last theory (and damn we get many) is the birds were all settled in this huge ole tree, a big ole wind came along, swooped them up, toss them around, shocked the living hell outta them; shocked they were dead, fell to the ground! Hey, pass the word, do not settle in that damn tree ever again, eh?!

Then we got some insight into what airlines are charging these days. Even charging for carrying on luggage you cannot stow under your seat! On some they charge you for those 100 year old stale peanuts – seven bucks!!! Oh and my all time favorite, pay to use toilet paper – you gotta take coins with ya, so you can get paper to wipe your butt…are you kidding me!!! All of a sudden Kleenex is becoming a really good travel companion, eh?

And what about all these silly New Year resolutions? Some, make that half are all ready broken. Why in hell do people do this? Why would you make one just at the start of the New Year anyway? I mean, give yourself some time to adjust to 2011 before you commit to some resolution you may or may not keep. The biggest is always the same – dieting! Damn, everyone has a diet for you to try and promises all sorts of goodies. I love the cleansing one – shit yourself skinny! Forget what it does to your body, like remove valuable nutrients you need to be healthy!!! Personally I have found the low carbs diet is best – don’t eliminate carbs, just reduce how many you consume. And once again, the best exercise and one we all can do, is walk. Just friggin walk…go at your own pace. I know snow and ice makes this awkward, I wear those lovely cleats on my shoes and even then, I don’t step out as quickly as when the roads are clear but it does keep me upright. And if the weather is really nasty, walking around my house works too. I know this really irks some but vacuuming actually burns quite a few calories too.

Okay, it’s Hump Day, middle of week and soon we shall move and the weekend shall be upon us – life is good my friends, life is good. Oh by the way, I am so far behind, I thought I was first, how about you???

OMG I am Rich

O.M.G., I'm rich!

Silver in the Hair

Gold in the Teeth

Crystals in the Kidneys

Sugar in the Blood

 

Lead in the Ass

Iron in the Arteries

And

an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.

 

I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth.

See, you too are rich and never knew it, glad to be of service!  Ain't life grand?  Oh come on, we take ourselves way too seriously, lighten up, smile, enjoy life, be a kid once in a while...go outside, toss a snowball, go sledding, make a snow angel or for once, go visit someone and LISTEN to them...shut up and just listen!!!

Hey, it is true that you never really learn to swer until you learn to drive?

Countdown Begins

Yup, this is my last week before I join my sisters for sun, beach and laughs in Florida.  I gotta tell ya, sister get-togethers are wonderful and we do have a good time.  Oh sure we drink too much, stay up to late and when on the beach folks look at us like we are wackos, but we just smile and tell them "they gave us a day pass."


It's amazing how much crap you need to remember to haul with you and this year, we are driving down, so that means (1) we got room for more sheet and (2) we can forget more stuff too!!!

This road trip is gonna be a hoot.  Yes, we got a trip tick but we'll try out our iphone's GPS map too and that looks damn cool...I mean, we have done trail runs just to see how this works, so it's gonna be nice. The Trip tic(map) will be to help us find points of interests -- bars, bars and more bars, just kidding, we like to check out gardens, rivers, lakes, museums, boats, you name it.

Okay, so I am off to gather up supplies -- got a list going so who in hell knows.  You all have a lovely Saturday -- hey, its the last one for this month, deal with it.

Super Bowl Sunday

Hell yes, I will be watching the game and pigging out like everyone else.

Come on, most of you don't give a rip about the actual game and are more interested in the commericals, and I don't blame ya. I hope they are better than last year's because those were nothing to write home about.

As for the half-time entertainment, damn, I don't think I have even checked to see who is doing what -- most likely, half time will see me fixing another plate full of food, getting up and moving around and insuring all body parts still work...I mean, you can only sit for so long before the bones lock up, right?

Lemme tell ya, the first week of RBS (retirement baby-sitting) - was wonderful. I am not a huge fan of spit ups and we had to figure out (1) how much this boy actually drinks at one feeding - remember he is breast fed and (2) he has to burp because he can suck down a bottle in quick order. So we are learning. Plus he is starting to really look around, move and recognize things now and this is fun. Hells bells, if he starts crawling on my watch, I'll pretend it did not happen so his parents can be the "first" to see this...yes, he is 3 months and he is not crawling at the moment.

Well, time to do something, sat at the computer almost an hour, checking emails, chatting on facebook and being silly, so time to get up and move.



Have fun....keep smiling...10 degrees, breezer but hey, no snow...think DC -- about time they got the white stuff, eh? Sorry, just had to say it.


No I did not take this photo, wish I had but then, I would of had to have been there, no thanks. Amazing shot tho.

HOLY E-MAIL

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.

When he returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not. God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.' So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.' God was not pleased.

So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going..

Do you know what the e-mail said?

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.

Guessing and Messing....:)

Ever have one of those days (moments) when your computer is working nicely and then, for no friggin reason some issue pops up and you are going "what the hell is that? Why all of a sudden can't I copy and paste like I have been doing for months?

Well, that seems to be the current issue I am dealing with. I got this cute story about some dude in London who for 22 plus years collected parking fees and then, suddenly he was no longer on the job. This caused some concern and various departments called other departments to get a replacement, etc. Well, come to find out, nobody had hired this guy. So, he nicely collect parking fees for all these years, retired to some cozy island paradise and is soaking up the suds and enjoying his savings which are approximately: 3.5 million English pounds! Now that my friends is one smart dude!

What has me laughing is wondering if we have someone like this in the US too? But I doubt any person would hang around that many years or someone would not question why in hell they are paying this clown to park when its free public parking? Obviously the Brits never seemed to notice or perhaps the sign was conveniently hidden from view.

Anyway, I could not copy and paste the entire story,so you got the short version, which is not half bad either, right?

Okay, it is Saturday, it has rained off and on all damn day and yes, I did manage to get a walk in this morning...actually walked with my daughter up behind the high school -- a tad damp but we made it -- she just loves to haul my fat ass up Stinger Hill -- and my ass cheeks feel that climb big time!!!

Well, back to more tennis matches -- oh hell, gotta fix a hot dog first -- ya, I am hungry and right now a hot dog sounds damn good -- keep smiling.

Number UNO

Hey, aren't you proud to be a New Yorker?

Come on, we are number ONE for the worse cities for road rage, finally pushing Miami down to number 7 -- damn, we are so competitive and now we are Number ONE!

I’m not sure what in hell the weather is gonna do today. It’s currently 60 degrees, overcast but not raining, not even a sprinkle at this moment, so maybe it will dry up and the sun will somehow break through and allow us some warmth. Pretty damn bad when you discover you need to wear socks in the middle of June!

Nestle has recalled a bunch of their cookie dough products after 66 people in 28 states got sick with E. coli. This is serious. Nestle is begging you not to eat their products raw or cooked! Normally, the heat would kill the bacteria, but Nestle isn't--huh. If you have a bunch of Nestle cookie dough in your freezer, you can return it to your grocery store for a full refund. This weekend the grocery stores are totally going to be full of single depressed ladies trading in their unused cookie dough for Snack Wells.

Jon & Kate – who in hell cares! Each is being accused or cheating on the other, both want what is best for their kids and the media is eating this up like this is major news and will solve world issues. Ye gads! Honestly I don’t give a rip….move on to something else, even K-FED getting paid to watch his own kids is more entertaining than this shit.

How about this Susan Boyle business? First off I think she has an amazing voice and I was shocked she did not win but hey, that’s life, deal with it. I do think all the pressure and spotlight was overwhelming and we tend to think she cracked up because of how the British refer to their hospitals – mental wards. It was a flippin hospital folks, nothing more and nothing less! She was not admitted to some psycho-ward. She was exhausted and hounded by the aggressive British media, she needed a safe haven. Then she goes on tour and takes another day off and again, she is accused of screaming at her cat and other mindless made-up nonsense that makes her sound like this babbling idiot, with learning disabilities but still this amazing voice. Holy dog tear, leave the woman alone and let her sing…at 47 years of age, she is truly an inspiration to many and that is wonderful – go Susan!

Did ya hear – oh this will make your heart thump a bit –the cacao tree (make sure you spell that correctly) is battling a virus in the Ivory Coast, the world’s largest producer, where crops could be down 33 percent according to New Scientist. So what in hell does this mean? Well, don’t think we have an endless supply of chocolate, Mate, this could up the price considerably and we might be a tad stingy about sharing our piece of chocolate in the near future!

Oh the fish above – that’s Reggie – my Beta fish and newest pet. Well, my pet as I don’t have any pets. I figured a fish was easy and works for me. Actually my sister has a Beta, has had one for months, Matty and she was just having way too much with this fish for me to think this should remain a solo act so I got one too. Now who knows if they’ll ever visit each other again – they are aggressive fish and definitely prefer to swim alone – hence don’t add any fish to their tank or they’ll kill’em? Damn, who wouldn’t want a Beta based on that fact alone?

Oh, for sometime I have been debating and/or mulling over the idea of getting a kayaka. Well, my sister had a good question-- HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET OUT OF THEM? Think about it -- after trying this out,[beach the sucker and then climb out] I've decided canoes are much nicer and easier, thank you very much!!!

Have a nice weekend and keep smiling!

May Almost Over

Yup, the last day of May is upon is and it's a morning that is overcast and all ready seen rain. Does that mean the entire day is gonna be a damp, chilly day?

Yes, I too am sick of the wet stuff and like everyone else, once the sun does come out or the rain stops, I am outside looking like a mole person too. It felt good to get outside a little bit yesterday. Managed to weed my flower garden, put up a flower trestle -- damn, that plant needed something to climb up and even managed to fill the bird feeders so the birds are happy once again. Ya, I know, you don't give a rip but I truly do enjoy watchng these silly birds. Now, when it gets truly nice and I can actually sit on my deck, I may not want all those birds about and bird shit is not exactly pleasant but hey, got me a garden hose and this crap can be washed away.

So, more French Open tennis today and more drama from Serena Williams. I have watched that replay numerous times and I can't be sure the ball hit her opponent but she obviously believes that was the case and called her a cheater. Then in the final set, she got into a coughing fit that went on forever and ever...she loves drama and man, she is the drama queen. I am no fan of Serena's but I do give her credit for being a great tennis player. I much prefer her older sister who, in my opinion, has more class and can win or lose gracefully -- crediting her oponents with great play too.

So tomorrow we greet June. What does this month bring us:

• June 14th is Flag day.


• June 21st is Father's Day and the first day of summer


• End of School and summer vacation

Have a good one, keep smiling.

Here We go Ah-Gin

Even the birds are confused and while that is not exactly earth shaking, have you looked out your window this morning? Go ahead, take a look -- whatcha see?
Unless its different in your area, it's snowing here -- that's right, snowing! Not alot but snowing nonetheless. If this was March, I would say it's sugaring snow but this is flippin April and what -- it's an April snow?!

Oh I could dig out the winter coat, bundle up and go for my usual walk but you know what? I think today is gonna be an inside workout day and that means that freakin Yoga tape! I don't mind this, every now and then, but honestly I get antsy with it. I'm suppose to stretch and hold various positions and I just want to move on, not wait until the next move is now possible. How long do these damn muscles need to stretch anyway? They have been laying around lazy for years, time to in gear is my motto...ye gads.

Well, I may come back with more insights, it is really early and I got nothing at the moment. Oh sure, act like this never happens to you, go ahead, act that way -- liar!

The reason so many people never get anywhere in life is because when opportunity knocks, they are out in the backyard looking for fourleaf clovers.

WET STILL

Yes, of course it is April and that means “showers!” I get it don’t really understand it but I get it. What I don’t get is this idea that we need rain because our water levels are low!

When we get tons of snow and its stack as high as a small mountain, we still hear we need more rain because the water levels are low. Then we get less snow, blocks of ice and when all this melts again we hear we need rain because our water levels are low. What the hell does it take to make them high? And how high is high?

In the meantime, I am watching my flowers pushing through the ground and amazed that so far my tulips are making great progress and no critter has feasted on them. In the front I got tulips and other “things” pushing up but no idea what in hell they are because I failed to write down what I planted. Hell, even when they bloom I’m not sure I will be able to identify them…I’m such a flower Gardner!

So while all that is happening, I’m still messing with bird feeders and trying to attract cardinals. I even bought them their own feeder, one squirrels can’t use and it was anything but cheap. Ya, lots of luck but hey, never know, it might work. I just like seeing different birds show up for a meal. Not particularly happy with the damn squirrel that likes suet though – he really pigs out and I mean pigs out!

One day when it was nice, way too nice to stay inside, I did do a little lawn clean up. Meaning, I picked up branches, twigs and even cut some branches back because they would hit me on the head while mowing later on. I began raking in the front but that didn’t last very long, that is hard work and I have a big yard. Ya, I really should get more serious about this but so far that hasn’t happened. I think a rake behind the mower would be easier and not cause me back pain, whatcha think?

Oh well, just another week, then Easter and then, off to Florida – man, I am ready for the warm weather and this time of year is perfect for me. If I went in say July or August, I would suffer from their heat index…that’s way to hot for this puppy. But April is perfect and the water will be wonderful too. Now that big sister has informed us that while on the canoe trip we will NOT be in the water due to alligators, I’m really excited! Then her suggestion we go deep sea fishing; “hello, you do know how old we are, right? You honestly think us three ole ladies could haul in a Marlin!” On a less physical side, we plan to do the gambling cruise, snorkel and just plunk our fat asses on the beach and soak up the sunshine (that’s with tons of sunscreen on mind ya).

Well, you all have a lovely day, stay as dry as possible, do whatever ya gotta do, get a nap and if nothing else –keep smiling.

Pretty, huh?

SNOW?

Hey, don’t put those snow boots and coats away yet!

Yup, woke up this morning and we now have yet another white blanket on our lawn. Well, that’s what we get for feeling so frisky and thinking spring meant something like GREEN!

Now yesterday was nice, sun was shining and all that good stuff but I gotta tell ya, that wind was chilly and that should have been sufficient warning that colder stuff was headed our way – it’s now 32 degrees and I don’t see it rising any time soon…ye gads!!

Oh I loved this headline – “with the economy down, vasectomies are up!” Now the experts say the following is the reason - Their best guess is that the trend is due both to a decreased desire to have children because of the expense involved, and an increased desire to get such medical procedures done before their jobs -- and health insurance -- disappear. Well, I gotta say for once the male has stepped up to the plate. Usually it’s the men who want the woman to have her tubes tied, stay on the pill forever, or some other process that will reduce chances of a pregnancy.

On the nutrition front – eggs are back on the good list – sheet, I never took them off my list, did you? For starters, eggs are a great source of protein. They also provide vitamins A, E, B6 and B12, and the yolks contain carotenoids, which promote good eyesight, and choline, an essential nutrient linked with cell functioning and a healthy liver. Well, damn, ain’t it nice to know we were not stupid after all!!!

LONDON (AP) -- The publicist for British reality TV star Jade Goody says she has died at home after a long and public battle with cervical cancer. Rest in peace Jade.

Tennis: Holy sheet, the tennis front is becoming quite interesting. Indian Wells has seen some major upsets this week. Get this Roger Federer, Number two in the tennis world, was beaten by Andy Murray who is ranked number 4. Then, Andy Roddick whose rank I do not recall at the moment but has recently shown a very improved game was beaten by Rafa Nadal who is ranked number one. So, what does this mean, it means the championship match will be Rafa vs Andy Murray. Care to place a bet? My money is on Rafa – the man is on a win-win role that doesn’t seem to show any signs of changing soon.

Have you ever watched those “Travel” shows especially with the so called successful chefs or supposed experts on taste buds? Well, I gotta tell ya, I watch these shows only because TV sucks and this at least is entertaining. Andrew Zimmerman is a total nut case. This man will eat anything – let me give ya a few examples: cow’s urine tonic,
Fresh goat’s blood, giant flying ants, penis soup and donkey skin, etc. And they get paid to do this stuff, plus travel to all this crazy places. Where in hell was I during my college years that I missed these classes or opportunities? In fact I don’t recall any classes or counselor suggesting a culinary career for me – ummm, why was that?

Well, I think I have bored you long enough for a Sunday morning. Yes, it is still snowing and I am sure the maple syrup folks are thriving big time…still haven’t made it to a sugar house but maybe today – where in hell did I leave that dog sled?

Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

Happy Paddy’s Day

Oh sure you got green on and you’ll hunt about for a place to pig out on corned beef and cabbage and if you are truly lucky, a wee drab of green beer shall gently pass over your lips – ya, this a lovely day and if you should see the little people, you’ll have Irish luck all flippin year!

Now allow me to tell ya little bit about St. Patrick – oh what the hell, you got that much to do you can’t read a little? That’s what I thought, so read and learn…or, if nothing else, smile at least.

Patrick was born at Banna Venta Berniae. Calpornius, his father was a deacon, his grandfather Potitus a priest. When he was about sixteen, he was captured and carried off as a slave to Ireland. Patrick worked as a herdsman, remaining a captive for six years. He writes that his faith grew in captivity, and that he prayed daily. After six years he heard a voice telling him that he would soon go home, and then that his ship was ready. Fleeing his master, he travelled to a port, two hundred miles away he says, where he found a ship and, after various adventures, returned home to his family, now in his early twenties.

It was after this that he became a priest and eventually returned to Ireland and the rest, as they say is history. He was quite a character and through the decades he has become not only a saint but the patron of good humor. Have you ever heard of bad humor? Of course you have and probably at some point in your life you even dispensed a bit of bad humor on some poor unsuspecting person. Whatever, Paddy was a jolly good fella and he loved to laugh and had a great roar in his laughter which was infectious and enjoy by all. Damn, sounds like some of our current comedians doesn’t it?

So one day a year many folks will claim to be Irish and don green and just have a good time today. Hey, tell me another heritage where folks strive to claim this as part of their make-up? In truth we all have parts of so many heritages its unreal but somewhere along the time, we claim one stronger and that is the one we claim as our lineage. I am German, Italian, Greek, and so on. Some even wrap a few together to make them sound worldlier “I am German-Greek.” Ya, that works for me too.

Have you ever used maple syrup on our oatmeal? I did this morning and I gotta tell ya, I love maple syrup but on oatmeal, give me my brown sugar! Leave the syrup for pancakes and baking but not on my cereal, holy sheet! After this all settles (or leaves) I shall don my tennis shoes (did you read that correctly, tennis shoe, hooo-rah) and head out for my walk. I’m thinking today I may want to tackle the thigh-burner aka Norwood Hill. I dislike walking on Route 56 but hey, keep alert and stay way over on the side and I should be fine. Even I am guilty of passing on the right as someone waits to make a left turn and that is dangerous for pedestrians.

It’s a mere 26 degrees so a warm coat is still need and for a little while, gloves will be necessary too. My problem is I shall wear a hat and then wish to hell I had grabbed my baseball cap instead. Oh well, soon baseball caps will be the norm and a welcomed relief from those winter caps!

So enjoy the day, go have some corned beef and cabbage, wear green to save yourself getting pinched and for just one day, be Irish and be happy!

FYI: Regardless of what you have heard or think, blood pudding is damn good, so thar!

Hullo Frosty

Yup, another frosty morning and a lovely 11 degree temp. Ole Man Winter is just not done with us and that is a fact, Jack!

But listen this kind of weather is good for the maple syrup group. They need decent temps during the day to keep the sap running and colder temps at night. I was amazed to learn that, depending on the sugar content, it takes approximately 43 gallons of sap to make one gallon of maple syrup. Now that, my yokels is a lot of sap! Not to mention a lot of bloody work too. No wonder the cost goes up each year but nothing is better than real maple syrup. Mrs. Butterworth, you just do those silly arse commercials, that’s a good girl.

As I reflect on my childhood days and taking part in this wonderful activity I am still debating what I enjoyed more: gathering the sap or stoking the fire. Each was hard work and yet, we laughed and had a good time. The one thing I do recall, with a huge smile, is how we’d toss really hot sap (almost syrup at this point) on clean white snow and have this taffy like candy to eat. Man that was the best – I never did get the hang of eating the maple sugar candy – that was like pouring sugar directly down my throat – yuck!

I know you folks aren’t real keen on Tennis stuff but it was announced yesterday that Roger Federer and his girlfriend are expecting their first child this spring. Hey, Roger and Mirka have been together for something like 9 years, she is a former WTA player and fatherhood will not stop this man from striving to regain his number One ranking. Of course Rafa Nadal has no plans to give up that spot so it makes for an interesting game.

Now it seems we got Oprah wanting to do a show about violence in relationships and she’s already trying to tell Rihanna, heal yourself girl, take some time for you and remember love should not hurt. If a man hits you once, he will hit you again. I just hope she doesn’t turn this into a “series” of shows because frankly Oprah, you need to get back to your “roots,” what made you popular and fun to watch and stop with this holier than thou crap!

It seems that whenever Friday the 13th creeps onto our calendars, people can't help but blame the date for everything that goes wrong on that day -- and not without reason. The number 13 is commonly associated with bad luck, and there is even a name for the fear of the number 13: triskaidekaphobia. The belief that 13 is unlucky can be linked to the Last Supper, attended by 13, including Judas.

Well, that’s it for now folks, maybe later I shall return with more pearls of something – wisdom? Don’t get stupid – this is me, remember?

SPRING FORWARD

Yes, you set those clocks forward, right? Yes, you lost an hour’s sleep. Yes, this just poops the bed. Are you sick of yes yet?

To the left is signs of spring...something is popping up in my flower bed. Don't ask me what -- I planted so many bulbs I have no idea what in hell is there anymore. I just hope the deer leave my tulips alone this year!


Now for some more bird photos! Oh give it up, soon I will find something else to capture my attention and time, for now its birds, deal with it. I do know I need to buy a bird bath tho...no place for them to drink or bathe, and that my friends, is just flat out rude!

Can you see the red on the head and breast -- kind of cool, eh? Is this a mark of shame or what?



This is just a busy place to eat and they all wait patiently for a chance to get to the feeder. There's other feeders but they all want this one -- go figure!

Okay, Saturday was overcast and had a few spits of rain but the rain really didn’t start coming down until 6:30 or so, and then, it came down. Hey, unless there were huge piles of snow, it has definitely been replaced by grass. No real puddles yet – seems to be running off beneath the ground for some reason. But have no fear, we shall see plenty of spring puddles and I for one, love to splash through them. No matter what the age, this is one of favorite spring-time activities. Come on, surely you remember doing this as a kid? Got your new boots and had to try them out, right? I can still hear my Mother yell, “take those wet boots off in the entry way – oh my, you’re soaking wet – strip!”

Just had to show off this woodpecker again -- I still am amazed that I capture him on film, and wished to hell I had my bigger camera with me but hey, you work with what you have at the moment.

A pileated woodpecker, amazing!

So that is Sunday's blog -- more to follow - in the meantime, here's your motivational tip of the day (brain exercise):

Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

Questions & Photos

Look what I saw this morning and if you can believe it and you should, this is just one. There were TWO woodpeckers and I was amazed at their size. Hold on, I shall insert the other photo too.

Just click on the photo,another window will open,which will be larger, then hit the back arrow to come back to this page...duh!

OKay, now for some questions -- you don't really need to answer them but hey,if that floats your boat, you go for it Sunshine. If nothing else, you can drive your friends nuts asking them the same damn questions. Enjoy:

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?



Can you cry under water?



How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?



Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?



What disease did cured ham actually have?



How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?


Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?



If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?



Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?



Why do doctors leave the room while you change?They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is 'bra'singular and 'panties' plural?




Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?



If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?



If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?



Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?



If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?



Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?


Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?


And you thought today was gonna be boring...made ya smile, didn't I? Thanks Jude, we all needed these questions!!!

MARCH LION IS ROARING

It would seem that a massive late winter storm dumped more than a foot of snow in NJ Sunday and that idled hundreds of flights and is making today’s commute treacherous.

Storm warnings were also issued from North Caroline to New Hampshire, with most areas expected to see 8 to 12 inches of snow – holy sheet, this is serious stuff.

Ya this is the month that March comes in like a lion and out like a lamb…well, this roar is being felt in some places and I suspect we shall get our roar real soon. Hell, we can’t be left out, now can we?

While all this is going on and we know winter is not done with us, my sister and I are making plans to head to Florida next month. It’s our annual escape and we go in April to insure the gulf coastal waters are warm enough to allow us the thrill of playing in the water.

This year we both intend to snorkel and with any luck, we shall convince our other sister, who lives in Florida to join in this fun too. Three of us teaching each other should be a laugh made in heaven and sure to get us plenty of unwanted attention.

We also hope to take a cruise to the Keys, spend a night there and come back to the Tampa area – what the hell, we like spreading our cheer as far as possible.

Tis a slow news day or blog day. I just went to "water" the granddog and man, that flippin wind is down right rude and brisk - brisk? Hell, it's just flippin ass cold. So I think I shall crank up the heat just a tad, fix my lunch, find a good book and settle in for an afternoon of reading and napping...what the hell, its Monday and I;m retired, I can do whatever I want, right?

Oh this test thing below -- ya, it was taken some time ago but I just wondered if I could actually upload it here...deal with it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQRfunKuXzk

Here;s you brain tip for today:

Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.