What’s with this Weather?

First off my sister, who lives in Syracuse sent me the following email this morning: It's snowing here and my lilacs are pissed!!!!

My tulips are refusing to open due to the cold temp and who can blame them, staying closed keeps them warm, right? However, my favorite flower of all time is blooming like crazy – good ole dandelions. Hey, come on, this is one flower even kids can pick and nobody is gonna yell at them, right? Besides dandelion wine is damn good if you let it “ferment” for a few years – then it is so smooth you hardly realize just how wonderful it tastes and the kick it can cause you!

My father made some just before I went to Nam with strict orders nobody was to touch it and nobody did. In fact, it was a few years after I came back and while sitting under the infamous family tree swapping stories, that someone remembered this wine. Dad diligently got up and got the bottle and we all had a sip and declared, “that’s some damn good stuff!” He really should have made more -- lots more -- but then, he was smarter than us, he knew this could become addictive and decided one bottle was sufficient.

I am preparing for my Celtic weekend and at first when advised that I would need to bring a sleeping bag and we could (1) crash in a friend’s house, (2) sleep in the car, or (3) pitch a tent in the friend’s backyard, I was thinking this is gonna be some weekend. Then I was advised to bring a pair of boots in case its muddy there. Also it is usually windy so dress in layers. Then the weather report indicates a wet weekend for most of New York and man, I was thinking this is sounding like Woodstock! I refuse to say whether I was there or not – let’s just let that roll around in your minds for a while!

Anyway, as I don’t sleep on the floor or ground anymore, I went to Wal-Mart and bought me an air mattress. Now the more expensive ones inflate upon command, no pump required but I just wanted this simple twin mattress and that doesn’t inflate on command. It needed a pump, so I bought a battery operated pump – amazing what 4 D cell batteries can do!! So I got my bed, had a sleeping bag and definitely got my pillow so I am flying high on the hog folks. I also opted for crashing "inside" the friend's house, thank you very much!

This is gonna be a fun weekend and as I told my friend (and trusted guide) I really am not into heavy metal music, so if that happens, don’t be surprised if I head off in another direction. Bag pipes I can handle, love’em when we visited Scotland so that works for me. Actually Celtic music is fantastic and I look forward to hearing it all. And of course, the food will keep me content as well, not to mention the booze – did I say that – sorry, the drinks!


Oh ya, as it will be chilly, I shall dress in layers and doubt wearing shorts will happen, unless freezing becomes a game one wishes to play or booze warms one up to the point the wearing shorts helps you feel cool! As for me, this gal shall very nicely live in her blue jeans! Oh come on, you know you can't wait to hear all about this weekend. It's gonna be a blast and I shall take photos, eat, drink and keep mental notes so I can share it all with you. Who knows, maybe some of you will be there or after hearing about how wonderful it was, you'll consider going next year.


As for my sister’s comment – keep the damn snow in Syracuse, you guys didn’t get much this winter, we got lots, so it’s your turn and screw that its happening late April. Sorry Sis, love ya to death but it’s your white stuff!!

WHAT????

It’s always fun to “dream up” things for this blog. I mean, some days it’s easy and the words just run off my fingertips and the computer clicks away like crazy. Other days, it requires a bit more effort and thought – damn, I hate it when that happens! But as the weather does it’s twists and turns, one finds another way to entertain --instead of being outside where one truly wishes to be...we need an outdoor song!

Okay, what has Mother’s skirt in a twist this time? Can anyone believe the latest temps? Rates right up there with the gas prices, only they rise and temps lower – now this is goofy! And that cold that I almost had knocked out of me returned with a nagging cough last night – damnit! I hate these damn cold that think they can stay forever -- what rude little buggers!

What is gonna tick some folks off is this early planting and if we get lots of rain, guess what? Then again, some plants and/or seeds thrive in wet soil, so this may be beneficial. I just know that serious gardeners are covering plants in plastic and there has to be a damn good reason for this – plastic was on sale? Saves the plants from frost? Oh, I know, it looks prutty!

In the meantime, here are some news articles to make you smile, laugh and even cry. Again, nobody can make this stuff up, it’s just too damn weird.


NEW YORK - Even millionaires are feeling the economic squeeze, with many saying they don’t even “feel” wealthy. But as a group, they are optimistic that things will improve in the next year. The Fidelity Millionaire Outlook, a survey of 1,000 people with at least $1 million in assets to invest, found that you don’t have to be a laid-off worker in a rust belt state to have a negative view of the nation’s economy. [aw, don’t we feel sorry for the millionaires!]

ORLANDO, Fla. - A dolphin died over the weekend at a SeaWorld sister park after colliding with another dolphin during a guest interaction program. About 32 visitors were in the lagoon Saturday afternoon when the two dolphins swam into the deeper center and leapt from the water, Discovery Cove spokeswoman Becca Bides said Monday. They collided and Sharky, a 30-year-old dolphin, died, she said. The other dolphin appears to be uninjured but is being monitored.

The Nun in Hooters

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while 'the lights would turn off.'

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?

The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'

Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'

'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would you like a drink?'

'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.

“You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?'

Don't Mess With Retired People

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart for Athena the wonder dog and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.What did she think I had -- an elephant? So since I'm retired, with little to do... on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, but I was starting the Purina Diet again.

Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time... but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I woke up in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's behind and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.

(Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.)

TENNIS UPDATES

Oh, I know you could give a rip about tennis but it’s a sport I follow quite diligently and for many years played like I knew what in hell I was doing. In all fairness, I was a half way decent player and that’s no bull. I still play today if I can bully (talk) someone into going to the courts with me.

Anyway, the tune up for the French Open was last week in Monte Carlo and Rafael Nadal won his first title of the season, defeating top-ranked Roger Federer yet again on clay to claim his fourth consecutive Monte Carlo Masters. It’s fun to watch the world’s number 1 and 2 play and they have a great deal of respect and praise for each other, real gentlemen and sportsman. Kids would do well to emulate this attitude and style…damn impressive.

Okay, enuff about tennis, bored ya to death, right? Well, I accomplished two things this morning and at the same time. Yes, I did my morning walk and as it was raining & I got my shower too. However I forgot to bring soap so I reckon I will need a real shower soon, ya think? Ya, we could use some rain, I know that sounds silly as we have standing water in some fields and we had lots of snow this winter but it’s still pretty damn dry and, well, rain is always good. Come on, April showers bring May flowers, remember?

Now this coming weekend, unless something changes, I shall experience the mystery and the magic of the Celtic World as we salute all eight Celtic nations; Scotland, Ireland, Wales, Cornwall, Isle of Man, Brittany in France and Galicia and Austrias in Spain. Did you know that the Celts have been around for almost 3,000 years? They were the first to sack Rome, brought the horse and the Bronze Age as well as agriculture to a "hunter gather" Europe. Celts Rule!

Celebration of Celts has been proclaimed as one of the best Pan-Celtic festivals in the country and when it comes to music there is almost no other Celtic festival that can hold a candle to ours. Featured performers in 2008; Enter the Haggis headlines with a Saturday night set, Black 47 headlines on Sunday, The Barra MacNeils from Cape Breton add a traditional touch while Dicey Riley, Coyote Run and more will have you dancing your shoes off. Oh believe me there is much to see and do and mostly listen to music and learn more about your heritage. No worries, I ain’t about to pig out on haggis, tried that in Scotland years ago, thanks but no thanks!

Want to visit the Celtic World, you don't need a plane ticket, just walk in and by magic you are transported into a total emersion in Celtic Culture, music, dance, history and heritage.

See Knights in action at the Kings Court, chargers thunder as knights lower their lances for the fatal strike. Love horses; come see the Exmore Ponies featuring the first stallion to ever be imported to the United States, Shetland Ponies and more horses. Come visit the Celtic Pub for great food and drink and don't forget to sign up early for the Single Malt Whisky Seminar-five golden samples of the water of life to lift your pallet. Love great food; eat some of the greatest food from our wonderful food vendors. And shopping! So many vendors, so many beautiful and authentic goodies to choose from.


Well, that’s a brief overview and I look forward to hearing the bag pipes again too. What an amazing sound. As I said this will be a first for me and I'm excited and know it shall be fun. Hey, I've got an experienced "guide" to show me the ropes, so I am in like flint[ Lynn rules!]

Wonder what one “wears” to such an event? Oh I am sure I will be told and whatever else I need to bring -- hummm, my own beer mug might be a clever idea?

We Must Stop This Immediately!

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?


I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just whom do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!

Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

Have a Great Day

SATURDAY

Don’t get too nervous, this photo was taken this morning, Saturday, April 26th in Warroad, Minnesota. They got hit big time – seems Ole Man Winter isn’t done with them by any stretch of the imagination! Patio furniture looks like “white” pads had been placed to make the seating comfy, eh?

The fact that folks had to get up and shovel out this morning was something they did not expect. My son’s comment cannot be published but believe me, it was not, “oh goodie, more snow to shovel!”

In the meantime, it’s something like 58 degrees here, sun is shining, wind is blowing and although not as warm as it has been, it’s still a lovely day. Now there is some hint of afternoon showers but who knows – weather personnel are the only ones who can predict and if they get it right, great and if not, so be it! You don’t like the predictions, find another channel, someone else will predict something different and you might like that better!

While we battle the gas prices and wonder just how much we’ll end up paying for a gallon of gas – I mean, it’s like $3.74 now, so thinking $4 isn’t that far off, right? We got other news items to keep us entertained. Now it seems that our youth-obsessed culture is not all that concerned about wrinkles or gray hair. Well, you know what their biggest worry is – ready for this – growing old and not being able to take care of themselves! And you are shutting down nursing home after nursing home today – smart move!

As economy slumps, so do diets and workouts. Stressed workers often reach for calorie-rich foods, skip the gym after a taxing day or forego meals because of heavy workloads. Or they indulge in other bad-for-you behavior like smoking, drinking or staying out late. So as the economy experiences what some refer to as a recession and folks worry about keeping their jobs, they forget about diets and workouts – they just pig out and feel better – wow, and how much did we spend to learn this little well-known fact?

PATCH AIMS TO MAKE YOU FEEL SEXY - What it claims to do: Turn you on. Scentuelle’s scented patch is designed to be worn daily on the wrist to “enhance feelings of sexuality through our sense of smell.” And the cost for this patch is $30 for a 60-day supply. Ya, I can see you rushing to the store – slow down, there’s plenty available, I think! Hey, you could save yourself some money by just not looking in the mirror – now that would make everyone feel sexy! Or you could buy this patch and hope you remember which patch does what --- way too many choices here!!

Well, that’s as much NEWS as I am willing to share or read about for now. I think it’s time to get outside, find a dirt road and look for wildflowers. Well, whatever, it is time to get outside, how’s that. Have a great day!

Friday

On my walk this morning I was noticing various things. Like the amount of work folks have been expending on their yards, man those yards are looking great. How the Village of Norwood workers are doing their level best to clean up messes made by plows, picking up brush, small branches and trees and soon, someone shall come along and collect bags of raked leaves. Wow, this is damn impressive.

And yes, some yards are sprouting flowers and they look nice too. Why some tulip beds make mine look mighty small but hey, mine is just getting started -- give it time.

Then I saw the sign for gas -- $3.74 a gallon -- I don't smoke but isn't this damn close to what a pack of cigarettes cost?

Then we have the so called "good for the economy"checks which will start getting mailed on Monday -- ya those infamous refund checks. Like Bob B. said, "I'll use mine to fill up my gas tank!" I think we're gonna see more folks either walking or riding bikes and definitely fewer trips -- who can afford such outings!

Well try to find a positive outlook -- the campagins will end soon and then, maybe someone will give these damn gas prices a serious look and do something about them. In the meantime, let's just watch Obama and Hillary continue to baffle us and McCain assure us his temper is under control.

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Nee deep N. Schitt, Inc.

They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

NOW when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt

NOTE: PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ANYONE WHO NEEDS A LAUGH.REMEMBER: LAUGHING LOWERS THE BLOOD PRESSURE.

Thursday

My granddaughter is 5 years old today-- Happy Birthday Sweetheart! She is so excited that now she is 5 she gets to go to school every day next year not just two days a week. Like her brothers, she too is anxious to learn and challenge teachers!

This is the same girl who while attending a Lenten service asked her mother, rather loudly “Mom, why is everyone getting tattoos on his or her forehead?” Ya gotta love a kid who is that observant, right?

How about this folks, more tulips popping open each day – now some red with white trim – amazing! I may never get anything else to grow but at least I can claim some of the tulips survived and bloomed. Yikes, imagine it all 90 had survived – holy mother of tulip land. I know that won’t happen, some varmint made damn sure they got their fill before the flower could bloom and show off. However, soap flakes and hot red pepper flakes seem to have cause these “critters” to reflect on whether or not they wanted this bulb that badly. My next step is to toss some mothballs around too – what the hell, might as well have a selection of goodies for the critters, eh?

Yes, the burn ban continues and even last night’s rain isn’t going to lift that ban. I mean, one can see standing water in some field and yards but there are plenty of dry areas and one little spark can set a grass fire in a second. We don’t need that kind of fire, thank you very much! Anyway, today is sunny and nice – good fishing day I think!

So I leave you with a few words of laughter (wisdom escapes me):

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car!

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

Did you ever notice the Roman Numerals for forty (40) are “XL”

There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take the time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt!

Enjoy the day – get outside, if only for a little while – fresh air is good for ya. Don’t ya remember the teachers telling us to stand by the window and take deep breathes of fresh air? Unfortunately the day farmer’s spread manure, this wasn’t such a pleasant exercise!

Flowers

Okay, now you get to see the infamous tulips? Ready? Only one has burst open but hey, more are about to pop. So, this proves you can be totally ignorant about such things and still end up with flowers -- unreal.




There is no time like spring when life's alive in everything! The small flowers are unknown to me, just popped up and kind of pretty so I let'em do their own thing.

Aw the thrill of it all -- silly but fun!

Weather is Beautiful!

Hey, don’t wake us up, okay? We have waited a long time for the cold weather to stop and warm weather to return and although, it seems like we blinked and it went from winter to summer –this is nice weather, so let’s just soak it up and embrace it, okay?

Well, the cold is slowly leaving my body and looking for another host…I dislike passing this on to anyone – it’s been a real witch but I’m sure glad it’s leaving. Talk about an energy zapper – that sucker was unreal. Now, that my energy level is returning and that includes my morning walks, I need to remind myself to slow down. I don’t have to do everything in one day and as my front yard is huge, raking it all in one day was just plain ass stupid! Oh don’t worry, I didn’t accomplish that mission – ran out of steam way before half of it was done! Hubby has a much better system. He waits until he can mow, and then pulverizes the leaves and what isn’t crammed back into the ground, he nicely scoops up in the leaf catcher. Raking is not his thing- it ranks right up there with shoveling –major dislike!

My next “chore” is to start digging in the area that I plan to turn into a flower garden in the front yard. Man, this is gonna require some major time on the “claw” or mini-rototiller (the kids call this a cultivator) but regardless of what it is called, I gotta remember how to turn it on – I know there’s a cord I need to pull and most likely an on switch…ya, doesn’t this sound challenging? Tell ya one thing, once I get the “dirt” ready, I’m planting perennials, I’m only doing this once – believe me, once is sufficient! Plus I’ll toss a few rocks or stones about to give it some appeal or place for the birds to poop!

In the meantime, I have elected to expend some of this pent up energy on house cleaning – now that is really a trip! Hey, we all know the saying, “dust or plant,” right? I was getting damn close to planting but decided dusting was probably smarter!

Anyway, two days of this so called work-like nonsense and tomorrow, I shall meet my former secretary for lunch, then I may just head over to the river and fish – ya, now that sounds like a grand plan.

Take care and if nothing else, get outside, okay?

MONDAY THOUGHTS

It’s Monday and all my so-called wishful thinking on weekend chores was just that, wishful thinking!

Raking the yard was a bad idea – why? Well, standing water makes raking a bit pointless – if I want to get wet, at least make it interesting, take me to the river and force me to get into the water to catch some HUGE fish. Raking and wet just doesn’t make sense to my simple mind.

Then the idea of prepping my yard for a flower garden – that too got put on hold for the same damn reason. I can visualize how I want this front section to look and trust me; it’ll be perennials as I ain’t about to plant this stuff over and over, year after year. Forget that nonsense. I know I need to do considerable work to make this work and hey, I also know the most work is making sure the dirt is good! [that includes lots of shit as well]

But as I said its Monday and I’m thinking I could use a new fishing pole. Probably have ten in the garage, all in various condition and some in need of new line, hooks, sinkers and so on. Some poles have snapped and make great poles for small children. And last year I purchased a new tackle box and like how that is working for me. But now, well, now I think I could use a new pole! I have always favored a closed reel but lately, the open-faced reels are gaining some ground and appeal.

So as I prepare for this shopping trip and know where to go and a basic idea of what I want, I took a few moments to read the various headlines via the Internet. This FLDS story is getting sicker by the minute. More than 400 children taken from a polygamous sect’s ranch will undergo DNA testing this week, an attempt to determine whom their parents are and if any sexual abuse took place.

Because the children of more than one wife live in the same household, the children identify all the women in the house as their mothers, and if a father leaves the community, children and mothers are reassigned to another man. Oh it gets sicker, the FLDS church encourages underage marriages and births, subjecting children to sexual abuse or the imminent risk of abuse. Boy, these are sick puppies!

Hey is it me or do all the so-called Mommies/Wives look alike too? Same hair-do, same clothing and same dull expressions on their faces! These men have it made, they can bed down with any woman they want, father children, the women do most of the work while the men sit around dreaming up new theories and chores and if they get sick of this life, they just up and leave and another man is assigned to their household. Are these women totally stupid – I mean, do they have no sense of self whatsoever!

Damn, Monday started out nice but read shit like this and you wonder what century we are living in currently – and why are women so damn stupid to think this is a good life? Also, what kind of life did they have before this one? Sick, sick and sick!

Ya, no more reading the Internet -- hell, doesn't matter, this is on TV, radio, local papers and national magazines. It's just another sickness this country has to deal with and watch, the do-gooders will be out in force soon too.

ODD NEWS

Jogging pilgrim stuns motorists --BERLIN (Reuters) - Police in Germany were shocked to find a man running down a major highway pulling a three-wheeled trailer -- but even more surprised to learn he was a Polish pilgrim on a 3,000 km (1,800 mile) trek.

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - A Malaysian cop was arrested after he allegedly broke into a Mercedes Benz to steal its stereo but then dozed off on its luxurious seat, a news report said Friday.

&&&&&&

If you look hard enough or barely look, you’ll find odd and weird new stories. Hell, nobody can make this stuff up, it actually happens and thank goodness we all get to have our uniqueness, eh? Be a real pain if we were all the same, where would the fun in that be?

Well, I sprinkled soap flakes and red hot pepper flakes all around and on my tulips in the hope this taste will cause whatever is eating my plants a mighty hot mouth! I hate to think I need to “cage” in plants – now that just doesn’t seem fair! Anyway, I did this sprinkle business yesterday and checked this morning and it appears “nothing” has been near the plants. Sooooo, who knows, maybe I have chased them off – or they are full and moved on to higher ground! [or they are plotting some other charge?]

Yup, went fishing Friday and I am sure Big Bro is real happy with us gals as he got to clean and fillet our catch of the day! I would have loved a bullhead (hate to take them off the hook but they are good eating) but we caught perch and man, once they started biting, it was up to us to keep up and we did as well as we could – plenty of fish to keep us happy!

It was just a nice relaxing day on the river. I think many families decided this was a fun way to end the spring break, because many had their kids at Wilson Hill and patiently showing the younger set how to fish. Ya, remember the days when it was you and I doing this teaching scene? Tangled lines, sinkers hitting you in the head, bobbers that didn’t bob, bored kids, yucky worms and finally settled down, lines in the water and waiting for that first bite and you hear; “Mom, I gotta pee!”

Not sure what is on the agenda for today – surely breakfast at some point? Then, we may work in our yard – it definitely needs raking but as it is still wet in places, that seems like futile work to me. Oh heck, as I have my license, I may head back to the river?

You all have a great day and hopefully get outside and enjoy the fresh air!!

Friday at Last

Yup, it's Friday and now that the meds are starting to kick in, I am feeling much better. In fact, as soon as the village office opens I plan to go get my fishing license, then my sister-in-law and I shall head out to the ole fishing hole. Well, maybe we'll just try our luck at the Norwood Lake? What the hell, gotta start somewhere, right?

However, as bright as the day is and me feeling better I am slightly pissed. You see something is eating my tulips and that is really pissing me off! Whatever it is, digs up the bulbs, chews on it a bit and then, moves on to another bulb. Sneaking little sucker!

I sprinkle soap flakes out there today -- chew on these you nasty little demon. Have no idea how to rid myself of this creature. I could (probably should) have laid down chicken wire so they couldn't get the tulips but that seemed like a lot of work. Ya, some mulch might be the cure.

Hey, I'll take any suggestions you folks have to offer -- I mean, it would be nice to have a few tulips actually bloom.

Why, Why, Why

Okay, got some meds and hopefully I am on the mend -- damn bacterial infections, they do cause us some aches and pains, eh? It'll take 48 hours for the first dose to kick in and then, one tablet for the next 5 days and I'll be cured -- notice I did not say normal!!!

&&&&&&&

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they' re okay, then it's you. I've done my job

How To Save A Life

Well, I have endured and played doctor long enough, yes, I have finally conceded I need to see a real doctor and get some good "meds" to knock this damn cold out of my system. The coughing, achy bones and upset tummy is ready for a change and I'd like a good night's rest too. This outta make my sister happy -- she has been yelling at me to see a doctor and also wondering why I was being so damn stubborn about not going. Well, in a bit I shall head to the Hospital and sit with all the other sick people and hope to get seen and treated before noon when I have a hair appointment. More on this later. In the meantime, enjoy the following:

A man had lost one of his arms in an accident. One day he felt terribly depressed and decided to commit suicide. He got into an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw this man didn't have any arms at all.

He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself. I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life. He hurried down to the street and caught up to the man with no arms.

He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms. The man with no arms began dancing and kicking up his heels again.

The one armed man asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"

He said, "I'm NOT happy. My ass itches!!

Clean UP Outside TOO

On my walk this morning I was amazed at the amount of trash that is out and about. I guess when the ground was covered with snow and more snow falling it was “safe” to toss trash out--- like nobody would notice and the new snow would cover up the trash and when the snow melted, it would magically disappear! Someone should remind folks of how long it takes for things to decompose! Better yet, after the snow melted all we got left is this ugly damn trash and another place for sickness to grow.


So I guess if I want to be a good citizen I need to don rubber gloves and carry a trash bag with me on my walks, so I can pick up this damn trash and try to make our village look clean, tidy and neat, eh? Way to many of us see trash, shake our heads and walk on by and I don’t blame folks for this act. With so many diseases out and about, it makes us all a tad leery of picking up some unknown Mickey D bag or tossed Pepsi bottle. We gotta be careful but you know what, all of this would be much easier if folks just didn’t toss trash out like the village was their personal trash can. Come on, people, put a trash bag in your car or carry your trash until you find a trash container, stop dumping it alongside the streets and roads for the rest of us to deal with and shake our heads at the mess it creates! Would you want your kids playing in this trash-infested area?

Someone suggested the town should place trashcans are various locations to reduce this littering mess. Ya, that’s gonna work – NOT. Some fool will decide to haul their household trash to these cans to avoid the Waste Stream Management cost for hauling away weekly trash. What we need is a little reminder that this is our town and we need to keep it clean, tidy and picked up –hey, we all do our part and this will continue to be a great place to live! Okay, my rant is over.

&&&&&&&&

Sometimes it is just fun to grab a few headlines and let them wander about in your mind, just for the pure hell of it. This morning I found an article that said Bill and Hillary Clinton are exactly the same in public and private. This friend went on to say, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard them talk about anything BUT politics.” Okay you got a choice (don’t we always?) you can believe this or not. Personally I just don’t buy it completely, how in the world does one make, “hey, I need some toilet paper,” into a political discussion? Oh I can literally see your minds racing with comments – LOL!!

SWINGS AND DRUNKS

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!' He slams the door and returns to bed.

'Who was that?' asked his wife.

'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.

'Did you help him?' she asks.

'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!'

'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should go help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'

'Yes,' comes back the answer.

'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.

'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.

'Where are you?' asks the husband.

'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk.

SPRING & GREEN

Florida gator says HELLO! Hey, this is a small one but can take a mighty fine chunk out of you if you get to close or get fooled into thinking is small and can't hurt you.
--------------------------------------

Each of us has our own sign(s) of spring and no calendar telling us this is the first day of spring really counts for much --- it rarely feels like we think spring should feel like, so we usually ignore it!

For some green grass and snow melting is a sure sign spring has arrived and nothing is more exciting that witnessing the melt and run off of snow and ice as our streams, lakes and ponds fill and rush along with a speed that just doesn’t seem fair. In a few months many of these rushing waters will be lucky to see a tiny stream of water or frogs hopping along looking for a place to really cool off!

My spring “guide” is pussy willows! Yup, when they start popping out I officially declare spring has arrived and as soon as possible I grab me a few pussy willow branches, rush home to find a mason jar, add some water and in go those branches. What a wonderful sight to behold and if I was really into this madness, I’d hang simple decorations like they do in Germany, Italy and some other countries, but for now I shall just enjoy the branches themselves.

Much to my delight and surprise on my walk this morning and while collecting pussy willows a young man was pulling his traps from the creek bed. Last day of the season so he had no choice. Believe it or not, folks still trap for muskrat and beaver. They’ll skin and stretch them, just like we did as kids, and sell them to someone in Canada. As kids this was how we earned our spending money and we also cut down on the beaver population too.

It amazes me as I reflect on my own childhood and realize the gift my parents gave me. We had to WORK to earn money, it was never handed to us and from that lesson I developed and maintained a work ethic that served me quite nicely and still does to this day. I feel sorry for today’s youth who find sitting at home, playing on some computer or video game and who get an allowance for making their bed or maybe for taking out the trash once a week. Wow, I can’t wait to employ these kids, how about you? What is even weirder is if they do work they expect to receive a wage way beyond the limits of good financial sense. “Sure I’ll mow your yard, you’ll need to provide me with a riding lawn mower, gas and drinks and I’ll work for two hours only and you’ll pay me $40.” At this point my thought is “forget it, a swift kick in the pants is about all I can muster at this moment!” Hell, I wouldn't pay myself that much why would I pay a kid? Unreal.

Anyway, Spring is here – two days of sunshine and man, my tulips are sprouting like someone is literally shoveling them underneath the ground. I know, it’s silly but I’m enjoying this little number. Rarely does anything I plant actually grow or survive, so this is big news!

Plus with the warmer weather I am once again able to resume my morning walks. Oh how I missed them and now getting my stamina back to where it was is the challenge of spring -- ah, we do need our challenges, don't we? Regardless of what you may think, I actually feel better if I can do these morning walks, it gives me an energy for the rest of the day for some strange reason. I'm not rushing, walking fast or in any hurry so this is a pleasant time outside, alone and just taking in all the sights and sounds. Well, some sights and smells I could nicely do without -- thank you dog lovers for leaving that pile for me to enjoy!


This morning I was allowing my mind to wander (it does this alot but that's okay) and I got thinking about all this going green business. Look I am all for saving the planet and being environmentally alert and conserving energy, etc. Let me ask you, doesn’t this sound like the recycling number we did years ago and it took twenty years to get folks to comply with ? And now we are gonna do all this and that so places in foreign lands can have decent water and housing!

Am I the only dumb one here who is suggesting we look south and see the destruction Katrina did and how our own people are without decent housing and water right here in America. You wanna help someone, how about helping our own for a change!

I'm all for spreading the wealth and trying to make life easier, safer and healthier for everyone but damnit, we got issues right here in this country and we need to resolve them before we head off to other lands and take on their problems too. That's my soap box number for today...now, get outside and enjoy this lovely spring weather!

ODD NEWS

NEW YORK - So much for the curse. The New York Yankees have ended a construction worker's attempt to jinx their new stadium with a buried Boston Red Sox jersey.

ST PETERSBURG, Russia (Reuters) - Car cleaners at a Russian firm got a surprise when they cleaned out a vacuum cleaner this week: a diamond pendant worth up to 300,000 euros ($475,400).

BERLIN (Reuters) - The northern city of Bremen became the first state in Germany to introduce a speed limit on its motorways on Wednesday, breaking a taboo in a country proud of its fast cars. [Now this is just plain ass sick, speed limit on Germany motorways, ye gads!]

MONTEVIDEO (Reuters) - More than a thousand barbecue fanatics in Uruguay grilled up 12 metric tonnes of beef on Sunday, setting a new Guinness world record while promoting the country's succulent top export.

SEOUL (Reuters) - It was a Black Day for love in South Korea on Monday with lonely hearts trying to ease their pain by diving head first into bowls of noodles.

WILMINGTON, N.C. - Traffic was backed up and police were called to control the crowd after a Wilmington gas station accidentally set the pump price at 35 cents a gallon.


Whew! Talk about odd news – this is just a small sample of the stuff we are asked to read, digest and argue over – you’d think we had better things to do, wouldn’t ya?

I just knew that April 14th would be a sunny day, why? Because this is my Mother’s Birthday and no way would she celebrate it with an overcast sky. Happy birthday Mom and I bet Heaven is singing your song a lot to day!

PAPERS WRITTEN BY A CLASS OF 8-YEAR-OLDS

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like 'why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time and kiss us even when we've acted badly.


A 6 year old was asked where his grandma lived ''oh,'' he said, ''she lives at the airport and when we want her we just go get her then when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.''

Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

It's funny when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

I'm Back

Yes, I am back, did ya miss me? Oh I gotta tell ya, escaping to Florida was wonderful. Bit of a temp shock tho -- leave 38 degree weather and arrive to 87 degrees, definitely shed your light coat damn fast! For most of my visit the weather was wonderful but we did experience a few overcast days and some rain. The best part was no snow, green lawns, flowers blooming and birds singing. Come to think of it, everything was blooming and pollen was in massive amounts –yikes!

Now I happen to love Siesta Keys – located somewhere near Sarasota. I love the beaches and even the people who are friendly, carefree and just normal folks. Nobody is putting on airs and they all tend to mind their own business. It is on these beaches where I can and do truly relax. My nephew and I spend considerable time in the water as this year the water was warm enough to accommodate my love of splashing around. It didn’t matter if you wore sunscreen or not, I still managed to get a sunburn and would pay the price for this too.

Only one day for the Siesta Keys, and now we headed toward Tampa – and yes, I like the Tampa area too. My sister lives in New Port Richy and she was anxious to see us too. She was the most gracious host and it was here that my Vietnam roommate and I met up again after 40 years. Oh man, did we enjoy seeing each other after so many years and laugh, we laughed at so many memories it was just wonderful. We definitely plan to stay in touch, visit each other in the near future and of course, we’ll burn up the Internet with emails too. Then my sister had a treat in store for us the next day. We got up early, got into the car and off we went.


For serenity and seclusion, Caladesi Island State Park is hard to beat. Shore birds and sea turtles build their nests undisturbed among the dunes. Gulf breezes ruffle the tresses of auburn hairgrass. It is a place of silence and simple pleasures, and on one of Florida’s most beautiful island showcases. The only way to reach this island paradise is my boat and once there, you can chose what you wish to do. Fishing, shelling, nature studies, picnic, or just plop on the beach and enjoy the fun of sand, surf and water. As I love the water, I was in it a lot and adding more “red” to my already sun burnt skin. Oh well, I kept telling myself this will tan up eventually!


All in all it was a wonderful visit, seeing nephews, nieces, sister and friends. However I caught a cold and that sucker just will not let go! At first I thought it might be allergies as everything is blooming in Florida but as my sister also was having the same feelings, we both knew it was a damn cold. We still had a couple days left in Florida and we practically took any cold medicine anyone would suggest in the hopes of knocking this sucker out of out of our bodies. Went golfing on Monday (I don’t golf but I watched and took photos) and the cold just would not allow us to enjoy the day! Couldn’t drink this cold away either!

So I am back, still with this damn cold but slowly recovering. Oh my tulips are sprouting and I’m so excited – something I planted is actually alive and thriving, amazing! Oh ya, I got plenty coming up and more popping through each day. I can hardly wait to see them bloom.

More another day – time to nurse this cold or doctor this cold. Oh hell, whom I am fooling, the meds make me sleepy and rest is good. So while I recover from this cold – take a look at this turtle – ya, ugly sucker is right!