Mid Life Experience

I can almost feel myself losing weight ----by forwarding this to you! You'll understand at the end.

I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be....Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60, 70 (or maybe even just pushing your luck), you'll probably relate.

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans..

We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, 'Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too'

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: 'For this I have stretch marks?'

In mid-life your memory starts to go.. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin ..

Mid-life means that you become more reflective . . . You start pondering the 'big' questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile.

Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired..

That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it! If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately. (That's why I had to pass this on - I didn't want to risk deleting this.)

$%$&**(^$%

You just knew I would make some comment on the 62 year old man who slapped a two year kid in Wal-Mart, didn't ya? Oh sure, he warned the kid to shut but did anyone think he would actually do something then, slapped her not once but a couple of times -- ye gads! Ya, and the Potsdam Wal-Mart's claim to fame is "our sewer systems is the pits, therefore, we call out the honey-wagon and haul this sheet away!"

Oh ya, life is full of ups and downs, literally! And the darlings are back in school and the stores are once again "safe" to visit and shop -- just watch out of those "folks" who love to stop and gossip for hours -- get a damn life people!

Hey, you all have a great day -- sun is shining and its beautiful out there -- hey, I think I may go fishing -- what the hell, license is good until the end of the month, right?