Bright Little Girl on Airplane

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE


A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming, universal health care, or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don't know shit?"
And then she went back to reading her book.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Had a great week with my sisters and we did things at a pace we could handle, which was slow and easy. Weather was nice but the week prior, at our great-niece's wedding, it was 101 degrees in Syracuse and man, that was one HOT wedding!

After we survived the wedding, we all headed north where it was cooler and hung out on my deck, sipping cool drinks and then, taking day trips and laughing as much as possible.  On one day trip was a visit to our parents graves in Russell. Well, every few miles we would see a sign that read, "Road Closes in 5 miles, local traffic only," but I kept driving, sure this was a mistake. But as we got closer and the marker was saying fewer miles, this ole farm dog strolls onto the road, mind you we are going slow (roads are twisty and full of potholes), the dog stops, as do we, has a itch, scratches, looks at us (we are roaring with giggles), then slowly moves off the road as if to remind us, this is his road but we can pass now.  It was pretty funny.

Later we hit a road sign and nearly lost our pants.  Egg's for sale, mayle syrup, and vegatales!  When we posted or shared the photo folks would ask, "who got the egg?"

Actually a woman in a red convertible stopped, was laughing and said to us, "you know they just corrected that sign the other day?"  We just roared -- gotta love our education system and no, this was not an Amish sign, they know how to spell!!

Singer Castle on the St Lawrence is something else. Sorry but whilst the boat ride was wonderful the tour itself was boring as hell. We much preferred Boldt Castle but once done with Singer, we just wanted off the tour boat, find a place to eat and get a cold drink.  We were one hot bunch of gals on that boat too. 

WE always take an annual sister get-together photo and we try hard to mix it up with different items. One year is was these horrible floppy hats, the next it was hoodies,this year is was homemade tote bags and fedoras -- who knows what we'll wear next year. 

So now everyone has returned to their respective homes (or are in route) and up next, for us locals is the county fair in Gouverneur then the State Fair in Syracuse.  At some point the summer will end but for now, its just delightful.  Oh and before too many days escape, I do plan to try out my kayak.  Ya, photos of that will be interesting too. 

OLD IS WHEN----"getting lucky, means you find your car in the parking lot!"

Kids Definitely Say the Darnest Things

Children Writing About the Ocean...

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6 )

2 ) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson . She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.(Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes
my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

&&&&&&&

 

Here is the Duchess of Poolbury and the hat is compliments of my grandson, who decided his hat looked better on me!!! Gotta love that kid.

 

Yes, summer has arrived and its so much fun playing in the pool with my grandson.  He likes the bigger pool but even more so if Mimi gets in with him...he doesn't give you much time to change, he wants you in the water NOW!!!

 

Hope you all are having a good summer, that you can escape the heat when its unbearable and eating lots of fresh veggies...hey, support the local farmers, buy from them not some damn grocery store!!!  Have a good one and yes, keep smiling damnit!

Sage Advice

Old Farmer's Advice from the South

“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”

“Keep skunks, lawyers, and bankers at a distance.”

“Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”

“A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.”

“Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.”

“Meanness don't just happen overnight.”

“Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.”

“Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.”

“It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.”

“You cannot unsay a cruel word.”

“Every path has a few puddles.”

“When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.”

“The best sermons are lived, not preached.”

“Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.”

“Don't judge folks by their relatives.

“Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.”

“Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.”

“Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.”

“Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.”

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.”

“Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

“The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.”

“Always drink upstream from the herd.”

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.”

“Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.”

“Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.”
“If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.”

“Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.”

Innocence of Childhood

'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?'

Mom replies, 'No, because she is in heat.'

'What's that mean?' asked the child.

Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'

The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.'

Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.'

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?'

The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'

If you ain't laffin'... You ain't livin'

4th of July

Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence ?

Five signers were captured by the British as traitors,and tortured before they died.

Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured.

Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.

They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

What kind of men were they?

Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners;

men of means, well educated, but they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.

Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.

Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.

Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.

At the battle of Yorktown , Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.

Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.

John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished.

So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these patriots. It's not much to ask for the price they paid.

Remember: freedom is never free!

I hope you will show your support by sending this to as many people as you can, please. It's time we get the word out that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of July has more to it than beer, picnics and baseball games.

Temper Control for Grandparents

Temper control for Grandparents

A woman in a supermarket is watching a grandfather and his badly-behaved 3-year-old grandson.

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, the grandfather is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."

 Another outburst, and she hears the grandfather calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and the grandfather says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax, buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept  your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. This little shit's name  is Kevin."

Sage Advice

Old Farmer's Advice from the South



“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”

“Keep skunks, lawyers, and bankers at a distance.”

“Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”

“A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.”

“Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.”

“Meanness don't just happen overnight.”

“Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.”

“Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.”

“It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.”

“You cannot unsay a cruel word.”

“Every path has a few puddles.”

“When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.”

“The best sermons are lived, not preached.”

“Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.”

“Don't judge folks by their relatives.

“Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.”

“Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.”

“Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.”

“Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.”

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.”

“Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

“The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.”

“Always drink upstream from the herd.”

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.”

“Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.”

“Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.”

“If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.”

“Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.”

Beware of Older Men

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday.




She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.



On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.



Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?�



'About 32,' is the reply.



'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.



A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.



The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'



The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'



Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.



She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.



The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'



Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'



While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.



He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.



It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.



Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'



They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her.



She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'



He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.



He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.



He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.



After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?'



He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'



Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'



The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?'



'I promise I won't,' she says.



'I was behind you at McDonalds.'

Buying a Mature Woman's Bathing Suit

The Bathing Suit (by a middle-age woman unknown)
When I was a child in the 1950s, the bathing suit for the mature figure
was-boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job.


Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.

The mature woman has a choice, she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent rubber bands.

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe,by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would be protected from shark attacks . Any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer fatal whiplash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place I gasped in horror, my boobs had disappeared! Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.

The bathing suit fitted all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdoh wearing undersized cling wrap.

As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.

I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring.

I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan 's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having rough day. I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning. I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.

Finally, I found a suit that fitted, it was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.

When I got it home, I found a label that read, "Material might become transparent in water."

So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!

You'd better be laughing or rolling on the floor by this time. Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain, with or without a bathing suit!

Paraprosdokian

I had to look up paraprosdokian.


Here is the definition: "It is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part." Paraprosdokians are frequently used in a humorous situation. "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
Ok, so now enjoy!

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive more than once.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Words of Wisdom

"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

Tractor Ride

Regardless of the age, boys like tractors and "big" toys, like back hoes, bull dozers, dump trucks, etc.  My 18 month old grandson is just learning how to drive his tractor...hasn't got the steering down, way to interested in watching the wheels go around. Take a look...kinda cute:

Ride in the big tractor

Vacuuming the garage

This is one busy little boy and loves being outside.  He also likes to use the water hose...unfortunately, he hasn't quite got the full purpose and tends to hose grammie, the deck and misses the plants and his little garden. But hey he will learn.

He really is a big helper at the grocery store and very careful, courteous and good natured about pushing his small shopping cart.  What a kid!!  Wish my other grandkids lived closer, had a great time with them earlier in the month but miss they so much.



How to Kill Mosquitoes

You may be aware of this, but I thought it was worth looking at again “How to Kill Mosquitoes - NOT A JOKE “ I can't wait to try this in the summer!

I was at a deck party awhile back, and the bugs were having a ball biting everyone. A man at the party sprayed the lawn and deck floor with Listerine, and the little demons disappeared. The next year I filled a 4-ounce spray bottle and used it around my seat whenever I saw mosquitoes. And voila! That worked as well. It worked at a picnic where we sprayed the area around the food table, the children's swing area, and the standing water nearby. During the summer, I don't leave home without it....Pass it on.

OUR FRIEND'S COMMENTS: I tried this on my deck and around all of my doors. It works - in fact, it killed them instantly. I bought my bottle from Target and it cost me $1.89. It really doesn't take much, and it is a big bottle, too; so it is not as expensive to use as the can of Bug-spray you buy that doesn't last 30 minutes. So, try this, please. It will last a couple of days. Don't spray directly on a wood door (like your front door), but spray around the frame. Spray around the window frames, and even inside the dog house. EARTH FRIENDLY TOO!!!

Update:  I did spray this around my deck and yes, the skeeters died, but even more interesting was my grandson who decided he wanted to "taste" this spray bottle.  Take a look and tell me, does he like Listerine or not?

He make me laugh so hard!

Wrinkled Butt

How the world works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off while

Slicing salami at work,

He blames the restaurant.

 

If you smoke three packs a day

For 40 years and die of lung cancer,

Your family blames the

Tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes

Into a tree while driving home drunk,

He blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are

Brats without manners,

You blame television.

If your friend is shot by a

Deranged madman,

You blame the gun manufacturer ..

And if a crazed person breaks

Into the cockpit and

Tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,

And the passengers

Kill him instead,

The mother of the crazed deceased

Blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to

Understand the world

As it is anymore.

So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED BUTT

Is parked in front of this computer,

I want all of you to

Blame Bill Gates.

Now you all have a nice day...it is Friday, the weekend is ahead and life remains good!!!

Alex's Nightcrawler Business

Night crawlers are a form of earthworm. Prized primarily for use as fishing bait, night crawlers are generally known as either Canadian or European.

The worms are collected by headlamp-wearing hunters. The worms come out from the ground only at night (or when the ground is deeply saturated following a decent rain fall).

Minnesota is known as the state with ten thousand Lakes, hell no I have not counted them but there are many, okay?  And fishing is a passion like Hockey for these folks.  And of course, in order to fish you need bait, right?  The bait of choice is night crawlers.  So my grandson has become quite the entrepreneur.  And as he catches them mostly at night, after a heavy rain, he is one busy young man.  He also informed me; "grandma they are fast, you gotta be quick!"  This usually means either his Father or Grandfather goes with him at night to shine the flashlight which allows him to use both hands.

 Once caught, they need to be counted and placed in containers that have worm food (or something akin to worm food).  A dozen per container is the game plan.  Then, kept in a cool place (preferable not Mom's refrigerator) until they can be sold.  This enterprising young man, sells them for $2 a dozen (which is a good price) and he has a contract with the local sport's shop for ten dozen per week.  Now if it does not rain, he merely soaks the yard and waits!  He is not akin to digging for them either...but its much more fun to have them pop up at night and he grabs them!

He also mows lawn to earn money as we wants a certain hockey stick next year and that is anything but cheap.  He is just one busy young man and has figured out, on his own, ways to earn money and he is ten years old.  But his real passion is hockey and we were fortunate to watch him play in an invitational tournament in Fargo while visiting last week.

Ready for Action

Good luck with your business Alex and have a great summer but also remember to read books...that is important too.

Left Nest, went West and Came Back

Left the nest on May 24th and headed West.  The photo to your left is not our car but a neat idea!!!

Before you ask and shake your heads, yes we drove and while gas prices were interesting, most places were cheaper than here. For example, the lowest we found was $3.59 and the highest $4.14, mostly we were able to pump in the 3 dollar range...which ain't too shabby!!!

It amazes me that no matter where you travel, there is a repeat of names for streets, counties, roads, etc.  I mean, come on, we half expect each town to have a Main street, right?  But when the same names show up in different states, it makes you wonder "what, they couldn't find their own damn name?"  However, we only saw one Cobbledick Road -- interesting!!!

It was in either Michigan or shortly after we crossed into Wisconsin, that a Moose was literally running along side our car.  Oh honey,you know we let it run wherever it wanted -- ever see what a Moose can do to a car -- total wipe out!!!  It was just after we got in Minnesota that we began seeing rest stops that had outdoor toilets.  One really got our attention as it had a huge pipe sticking out the top to which my darling husband said, "now that is some exhaust system!"  We suspect its a heater as it does get cold Minnesota and even shitters need some heat!!!

Speaking of weather -- once we left NY it got nice here and we drove in rain and chilly stuff until we got to our son's place and then, we brought them one day of sunshine.  Most of the time it was rainy and chilly.  As we needed sweatshirts and/or coats, the locals were quick to assure us it was not that cold (bull -- 45 is cold in my book).

The real purpose of our visit was to witness and help celebrate our oldest grandson's graduation from High School.



Here is a photo board his Mother made and we all got to enjoy at his graduation party as well as a DVD with songs and photos of him from day ONE.

The party was wonderful,his parents did a bang up job and whilst it was chilly, they had plenty of food and even a portable heater under the tent for us clowns who found the weather cold.  As for Kyle, he was gracious, attentive and very appreciative of everything. Greeting his guest, spending time at each table, willing to endure the numerous photo requests and just beaming with a huge smile.  Perhaps the most exciting thing is his excitement about attending college in the Fall.

Okay, not to bore you too much I shall end here with the fact that we are back from our trip, thanks kids for a wonderful time, to Jim and Luella thanks for the great dinner on Monday and to make the end of trip complete. Came home to discover  our hot water heater has bit the dust and needs to be replaced - hello vacation world!  The next blog will contain more pictures of the "night crawler Seller and hockey tournament in Fargo.  For now, here's a photo of the youngest grandchild, happy to see his grandma.

I miss you Grandma!

Having seen photos of me and having lost weight, it is clear I need new clothes.  My tops are literally hanging off me and I look like a slob...or someone with no attire sense at all.  So along with getting potty soil and plants (for my flower pots) I seriously need to buy clothes that fit....ya think!!!



Minnesota and Cold

Ya, its now the first of June but northern Minnesota did not get the memo and the damn rain and chilly weather continues.  It is 46 degrees--holy crap.


However we were here to witness our oldest grandson's graduation from HS and it was wonderful.  The party, that his parents planned, was awesome and he was most gracious about greeting people and thanking them for coming to his party...he was truly sweet about this and it was duly noted.

The grad and his Mom...both were happy and proud.




The photo on the right is Alex and Nick, while everyone else was celebrating the accomplishments of the graduate, these two were getting night-crawlers. Which Alex would sell the next day and then, he was about to start his own summer business.  He would collect night-crawlers and sell them to the local bait shop.  Monday night he (with help of his Grandpa Cass and Daddy) managed to collect 19 dozen.


With all this rain, the foolish worms come up and you merely grab'em and he's damn fast and the worms don't stand much chance of ducking back into the ground.


Now Miss Ella and I, were are content to play pictureka and go to the local stores looking for "girlie"stuff.  When we head to Fargo I have been advised she loves some store, Claire's, and this supposedly really brings out the girl in the girl.  Lemme tell ya, she is a doll and so much fun.

Ella & Kyle

More updates as they occur.  Yes, good trip and fun hanging with my son and daughter-in-law.  Keep smiling folks.

Dirt n Water

Grandkids can be so much fun.  But when they get hold of a water hose, watch out!


http://youtu.be/JVtnOAHVC6c    (ya click on this for viewing, thanks)

We love dirt and Water!!! 

Yes, we had a good time....afterwards it was definitely tubby time.  He really like the BIG tub. What a kid.

Stay off your Bicycle

My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover.
At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."

Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist said, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."
 
Ya, go ahead and tell me you did not laugh, you're laughing your ass off right now, admit it?  And if you need to ask what's a Schnauzer, forget it and get a life!!!
 
Well, the rain went away this afternoon, hells bells the sun even came out and the temp went up -- 75 degrees -- is that insane?  So, I planted some Daisy flowers someone had planted in a pot and we'll see how they do in my so called flower garden (the space around my deck!).
 
Whatever else is happening, I am so tickled that the hummingbird is back -- he shows up a couple times a day and so far so good.  Wish he would bring his friends but hey, little steps (or wings) at a time, eh?
 
Getting lists made and starting to "think" of the items I need to pack and wish to take to Minnesota.  Ya, gonna head out soon and witness my oldest grandson's High School graduation -- its gonna be a blast.
 
Have a good one!!!

Investment Strategy

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today!

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for the recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

It is called the 401-Keg.
And as a bonus...
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you damned proud to be an American!
 

&&&&&&&

 

Yes, of course the damp weather continues -- now listen, when we do get dry weather and warmer temps, the first one to bitch is gonna get beaten badly, so keep your mouth shut!!!

However, with all this rain, the birds continue to sing and yesterday, in honor of my grandson spending the day with me (well, it just worked out this way) the hummingbirds returned and I was able to get some really cool photos.  Today, they are back and I am hoping to get some videos...ya, wish me luck.

http://youtu.be/4vV2OoT8sYg

Ya, try this link for the video -- who knows, it might actually work.

Married 4 Times

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again  at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

&&&&&&&

Ya, its Sunday and it has rained all night and most of Saturday, so yes, its been damp, dreary and yet the birds keep on singing!  Supposedly we are in for a few more of these wet, dreary days -- how lovely.

In the meantime, we can sit back and read about all the failed marriages and how this one cheated on that one and how they think they have found someone to replace Charlie on Two and A Half Men.

Have a lovely day!

Who Should I Marry

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (written by kids)


You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. (Love this one, how true it is)
-- Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is .......

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

Policemen say the darnest Things

These Are Actual Comments Made By South Carolina Troopers That Were Taken Off Their Car Videos:




1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."



2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."



3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)



4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."



5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)



6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"



7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"



8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."



9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"



10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."



11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."



12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)



13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"



14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."



15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS…



16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Pet Fish

Pet Fish

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish was approached recently by a game warden in Central Mississippi as he started to drive his boat away from a lake.

The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"

"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers.
These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish??"

"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."

"What a line of bull....you're under arrest."

The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment Man. I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"

"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"

The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"

"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.

The warden asked, "When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH," replied the warden!

"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.

You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.

Wisdom

A guy is 76 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat one day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'

He looked around and couldn't see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.'

Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

With age comes wisdom.

When I Die Sell My Stuff

The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is...


Dianne and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.

"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff.."
Dianne looked at me and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

%%%%%%%%

Love my talented daughter's Bunny cakes!  I was suppose to help her but after shopping (grocery) and playing with my grandson, I was pooped and went home.  However as you can see, she did not need my help!

Yes, we had a lovely meal and great fun.  Now I can get serious about dropping ten more pounds.  Hide the damn jelly beans and keep those candies outta sight. 

Plus, Monday looks like the sun will bless us and the temp, currently is 40 degrees, so I can definitely get in my morning walk -- hurrah!  Like I said, I gotta get serious about this weight business and its not just weight, fitness is also important now that I am able to walk a bit further and my energy level has increased a bit. Still am unable to lift anything over 5 pounds but that will happen in due course as well.

Have a lovely day.  Oh hell, just smile and pretend its a lovely day!!

God's Wife

Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott. Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen..

On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school.
Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement..

'Guess what, Mom,' he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to
me.....'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.'

***********************

An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering With cold. A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'

'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,'was the boy's reply.

The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel.. He quickly brought them to her.

She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.

By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks..

Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes..
She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him..
She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now.'

As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her....


'Are you God's wife?'

Environment 1955 vs 2011

In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized to her and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."


That's right, they didn't have the green thing in her day. Back then, they returned their milk bottles, Coke bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, using the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But they didn't have the green thing back her day.

In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time they had to go two blocks. But she's right. They didn't have the green thing in her day.

Back then, they washed the baby's diapers because they didn't have the throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts.... "wind and solar power" really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right, they didn't have the green thing back in her day.

Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a pizza dish, not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand because they didn't have electric machines to do everything for you. When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used wadded up newspaper to cushion it, not styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, they didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power. They exercised by working so they didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right, they didn't have the green thing back then.

They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty, instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They refilled pens with ink, instead of buying a new pen, and they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But they didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar and kids rode their bikes to school or rode the school bus, instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint. But that old lady is right. They didn't have the green thing back in her day.

Pass this on if you remember those recycling days!

HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN FROM IRELAND

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big
garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would
that get me into heaven ?"

"NO !" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the grass,and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

Again, the answer was "NO !"

By now I was starting to smile. "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get into heaven ?"

Again, they all answered "NO !"

I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, Then how can I get into heaven ?"

A six year-old boy shouted out: "YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD..."

It's a curious race, the Irish. Have a great day.

New High School Exit Exam

Ok, Let's try this.........

New High School Exit Exam, you only need 4 correct out of 10 questions to
pass.
(Passing requires only 4 correct answers) 40% !

______________________________________



1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?


3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?



Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.



Check your answers below ....
___________________________

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs (canis)

7) Albert

8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson ( or red or pink)

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)

_________________________________

What do you mean, you failed?

Join the crowd..........

Senior Health Care -- the Solution

Senior Health Care Solution




So you're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you, what do you do?



Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot two Congressmen and two illegal immigrants or a combination thereof!



Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They’re all covered. And, as an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now.



And who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.



Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.



Is this a great country or what?

$2.99 Special

If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal with seniors this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior yet........God willing, someday you will be......

The $2.99 Special

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you three dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.

'YES!!' stated the waitress.

'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.

'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.

'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!

WE'VE been around the block more than once!

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Looky what I found along side my deck the other day? Does this mean spring has finally arrived or this flower is being brave?

Ya, the rain is coming down here too, no wind tho but lemme ask ya, with all the damn flooding, did we really need this rain?  Need or not we got it, right?

I usually take morning walks, now that my energy and strength has returned, okay short walks but walks nonetheless.  Well, I don't mind a light mist ( I ain't gonna melt) but these damn downpours just don't make walking all that pleasant. And my mission is to find blooming pussy willows and I haven't found them yet either..damn!!!

Our son's latest Mayo Clinic report is great -- he remains in remission, praise the Lord. 

Not sure what is on my agenda today---walking is not on it but I'm thinking a trip to Wally world isn't completely out of the questions...surely I can find something to buy or hell, just walk the football field layout and consider that my walk for the day, eh?

Have a good one folks...life is damn good.



Jumping On The Bed

Gotta love women~

I was at home happily jumping on my bed and squealing with delight.

Roger watches me for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?, What's the matter with you?"

I continue to bounce on the bed and say, "I don't care, I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says

I have the breasts of a 25 year-old".

Roger said, "What did he say about your 62 year old ass?"

"Your name never came up," I replied.

(Men . . . They just never know when to shut up, do they?)....I love it.

^^%***&^*&&&&

Hello April, you finally arrived and with a 35 degree temp and what appears to be rain...light mist but rain nonetheless. And we are supposedly under a winter Advisory until sometime Saturday.  So April, the real question is are you gonna bring some warmer temps and can we honestly expect to see flowers too?  I know, I know, tulips are pushing up and trying damn hard to make their presence known but are you gonna cooperate? We have had enough cold weather, so please April, a little warmth would be so welcomed!!!

Good luck to Alex today and tomorrow as he plays in yet another Hockey tournament.  This kid is so popular and so good, he keeps getting selected for these teams and altho it may mean driving long distances, his parents see no problem with this.  Also, this go around they'll get to visit Tammy and on Monday Dean shall head down to the Mayo Clinic for his check-up -- pray for continued remission.