GONNA BE GONE

I know some of you get nervous if I don’t blog every day or every other day so I thought I’d warned ya – I’m gonna be gone this coming week, so I shan’t be blogging, okay?

It’s been many, many years since I visited Connecticut and even back then, I am sure I missed many wonderful sights and was busy doing other stuff, like work or some such crap. This time I shall visit as a real tourist and enjoy every minute of it – ya, it’s a fun outing and one I have looked forward to all month!

Hey did you know the name “Connecticut” originates from the Mohegan word quinnitukgut, meaning “place of long tidal river.” Ya, doesn’t that just make ya feel smart? Oh come on, a simple history lesson and you get lippy -- how rude!

How about Nathan Hale, do you remember this guy from the infamous American History classes, right? No, wait, let me give you a hint “I regret that I have but one life to give to my country,” ah, now you remember! It is widely believed that Nathan was considered American’s first spy and long considered an American hero and in 1958 he was officially designed the state hero of Connecticut. Now, don’t you just feel so much better knowing all this?


Okay, enuff with the history lessons…..rates almost as bad as my yoga exercises (which by the way are coming along nicely and no, these are not those stupid movements which means wrapping your leg behind your head). In all fairness between walking, yoga and that exercise ball I gotta say my body is getting a bit more flexible. Got more to do before I can declare it totally limber and able to flex like a six year old but hey, even if I can get to teenage flexibility I shall be happy (make that early 30’s okay?).

In the meantime, I’ve been enjoying as much spaghetti squash as I can get and man, I just love this stuff. A new recipe allows me to add mushrooms and that just enhances the taste even more. And guess what, all of this is no points under weight watchers, so I can pig out and not feel the least bit guilty. [can you say oink?]

So you all have a great week, stay out of trouble and while you can, get outside and take a little stroll yourselves. Pretty soon the weather will become nasty and the ground slick making walking a tad tricky and you’ll be forced, like me, to inside fitness programs. However I also have winter outdoor activities, such as snow shoeing and damnit, I will learn to cross country ski this year too.

A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind!

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be.

Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, and my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garden on my patio.

I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.

So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think.

I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become.

I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)

MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!

This Should End All 3 Bears Stories......

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, He looks into his small bowl. It's empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!" he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it's also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?!!" He roars.

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen And yells, "How many times do we have to go through this with you idiots?

It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone.

In the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear Who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away.

It Was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the damn table, it was Momma Bear who put the friggin cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs, and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence,

listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time :

"I HAVEN'T MADE THE F@*{!#% PORRIDGE YET !!

Things aren’t what they appear to be!

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.The next morning, while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees the neighbor hang up the wash outside.

'That laundry is not very clean, she said, she doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs a different laundry soap.'

The husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang out the wash, the young woman would make the same comment. About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband, 'Look! She has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?'

Her husband said, 'I got up early this morning and washed the windows.'

And so it is with life: What we see while watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.

SHOULD SHE PAY?

Hey, you look good this morning, deer me, was that a sexist remark?

This story just blows your mind or at least, it blew my simple mind. Seems a woman went to the ER in Dallas and waited 19 hours to see a doctor, she never did see one but a nurse did take her vitals. Then she got a bill for $162. Now this same hospital, two days earlier had a 58-year-old man come in with stomach pains and he too waited 19 hours and guess what – he suffered cardiac arrest and died. No word on whether his family was billed?

Now the question is should she pay? According the VP in the billing department she is not being charged for waiting but for assessment – that would be the nurse who got sufficient information so as to insure a billing process, right? Sorry, I am sure the nurse did other vitals as well but somewhere in the madness someone had to register this woman, right? And what about the man’s family, are they gonna be billed and expected to pay too?

I honestly cannot say a bad word about the ER departments in Potsdam or Massena Hospitals. I have never heard of anyone waiting long hours like the cases above and while you do have a wait, it’s a reasonable one, especially if you are prone to coming to the ER with hang nails! Personally I think our ER doctors and nurses are top drawer and how they manage to keep a smile and pleasant attitude is beyond me – they also pull some long hours!

Okay in other world shaking news, Britney Spears license fiascos is over – case dismissed. Jury could not reach a unanimous conclusion, deadlock and case over – score one for Britney! I still think she needs to attend driver’s ED classes and pay a fine. Come on, she was driving without a license, hit a parked car and fled the scene and I could care less that this was during her melt down – she does not deserve a free ride here! I think celebrities get take advantage of and sometime our legal system is unfair toward them but this is not the case. Even a slap on the wrist would seem warranted and a reminder that regardless of who you are, you will obey the law!

Gee and to think we just wonder what each day’s news will bring us – how sad is that? Well, it’s better than being in the news, right? Looks like we can get outside today – tad chilly but it is not raining and that is a plus. Leaves are pretty much off the trees and now you can really see far into the wooden areas – oh my, look at all that trash!

Have a good one – not sure what my day shall consist of but most likely a little road running for sure –but whatever it is, it’ll be fun!

Confucius say: Man who eat many prunes get good run for money!

BEGINNERS WORKOUT

Holy sheet, I just remembered all the flack that poor woman got for wanting to introduce yoga to school kids and how that became an issue between school and church or some such nonsense. Well, I’m not going thar folks, no way!

Like I said yesterday, I purchased the “10-Minute Solution – Yoga for beginners” DVD and decided last night to watch it. I didn’t get all the way through the DVD but found it interesting (hey, football game came on and that was more to my liking, okay).

This morning as its raining and miserable outside I decided to do the Yoga bit – hey, workout is workout, right? Sweet Mama, this is gonna take some time to see me even coming close to doing what the instructor is doing. Hey, she is good and I get the “keep breathing” bit but I gotta tell ya, her bones are rubber and stretch pretty easily while mine, well; they ain’t rubber by any stretch of the imagination!

What is nice is that you can actually program the workout you want to do, which is damn nice because a couple of them are so far off in left field that until my body becomes a rubber band, this ain’t ever gonna work for me! It’s gonna be an on-going process and we’ll see how long I last – stretching muscles and strengthening my core is a work in progress – ya, I’ll keep you posted!!!

Now did you all see that we might see some “white stuff” tonight? Is that unreal or what? Also according some Acueweather dude, he is saying we’ll have the coldest November in history and in fact, we’re gonna have a real cold start to winter and one last cold blast at the end – gee, he’s a clever guy, ain’t he?

Have you noticed (like this is news) gas prices are going down and we’re all filling up everything we can while the price is lower? Well, think about this – gas prices will go lower until AFTER the election and then, who in hell knows? Each party will claim they caused this and that is supposed to make us vote for them – duh! By the way, while everyone is busy with the Presidential candidates, has anyone noticed who is running for Congress? No senatorial elections this year but plenty of congressional seats – hum, why aren’t we hearing about them? It might be wise to remind ourselves that a President is not a dictator and things must be approved and passed by the Congress and Senate and they are the ones with the real power, so we might want to make sure we got competent folks in those chairs!

Okay, got myself a hair appointment, I don’t understand it but as the weather got cooler my hair grows faster – damnit!

I’ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap!

YOGA

Yup, we’re all saying it now and many of us die hearts have given in and turned on our heat, right? Hey, when the temp gets down in the low 30s or even dipping in the 20s it is time to get the chill outta the house!

My trip to Syracuse was lovely – the foliage is over but there was still some sunny scenes and watching leaves fall is fun too, especially when they are falling in someone else’s yard! Managed to get a little shopping done but we didn’t do much kitchen gadget searching this weekend. Sis didn’t feel too good and it was chilly and besides, we don’t mind just hanging at home and swapping stories. Trying to convince each other this or that happened during our childhood has become a fun game which usually results in; “you wouldn’t remember this, because this is when you were sent to live in that Foster home” [no that never happened].

I needed new tennis shoes and read that even if you no longer jog but walk for exercise, you should buy a jogging shoe. It has more arch support and cushion. Makes sense, right? I also informed the clerk that I wanted a tennis shoe that fit and I wasn’t interested in breaking the sucker in—the shoe needed to feel like it was made for my foot and only my foot! Damn if that wasn’t the case – I was in foot heaven and decided to wear them outta the store – they were that comfy! And yes, I wore them on my walk this morning too. Gosh, amazingly my knees didn’t ache as much nor my back, could it mean I have on decent tennis shoes? You bet your sweet butt it does!!!

I had errands to run to day and purchased – ready for this – Yoga for beginner’s DVD and strap. I have no idea what the strap is for but I’m sure when I pop in the DVD this will be explained. As mention this is for “BEGINNERS,” and supposedly is a 10 minute solution. Huh? Oh, 10-minute workouts to shape up my body – oh man, it’s gonna take more than ten minutes! Here’s what happens in this workout:

· Yoga for balance and flexibility
· Yoga for strength and toning
· Energizing flow Yoga
· Core strength
· Stress relief Yoga

Gosh I can hardly wait to get started but first, I shall work up a sweat getting the damn plastic off the DVD so I can watch the show. I prefer to watch it a few times, visualizing me doing this stuff and eventually I’ll try it too. You see I’m slowly working my way toward an inside exercise program – I will continue to go outside and love snow shoeing and still learning how to cross country ski, but I know some days an inside routine will be helpful too. Oh come on, I am not some exercise nut – I just know I would like a bit more flexibility and shifting some of this weight about is nice too (losing it is better and one does lose but first, shifting seems to be happening.).

Oh I did buy some mums in Syracuse and have them planted in – I really need more Mums – mine look kind of lonely in this huge flower bed with no other flowers? Oh well, if I can find more I shall buy more. What? A tad late to start this mum business? Who said so? One has to try, experiement and being different is fun too! So my mums are being planted now, mum's the word!

Have a nice week and yes, I shall write more as the week moves along unless I’m tied in some Yoga position and unable to move!

DANGER, DANGER MISTER ROBERTSON

Doesn't this look peaceful and safe?


Wasn’t this what that robot said on the TV show “Lost in Space?” You know the one with that annoying Mr. Smith – the wimp from hell? The show itself was pretty cheesy but many of us watched it each week and found something worthwhile to keep us coming back. Something about those TV shows that just had considerable staying power.

Today we find a show we like, we program ourselves to be home and ready for it and for a week or two we really enjoy ourselves and then, for reasons we never do understand, the sucker is cancelled and the reason was poor ratings! Who in hell rates these shows – they sure as hell didn’t ask us, now did they?

Anyway this didn’t start out to be about TV shows – no, it’s about how dangerous it is to walk on our sidewalks or cross our streets. We got a guy in Canton who was hit IN the crosswalk – then sometime yesterday a young gal was again in the crosswalk, riding her bike and she too was hit by a car!

Okay, the crosswalks in Canton need some attention, you can’t have this electronic walk – don’t walk sign that only applies to one side of the street – I mean, when the sign says; “walk” that means all traffic should stop, right? I mean, come on, this happens in Potsdam all the time and drives us nuts but we ain’t running folks down! As for the Norwood accident the driver said he didn’t see the person and you know what, that is entirely possible.

We seem to be wearing the darkest clothing possible when we are out and about and I’m as guilty as everyone else. Until recently my walking outfit was basically BLACK. Now I have a blue jacket which definitely makes seeing me easier but then, I’m on the sidewalk and I’m extremely careful when it becomes necessary to cross over to the other side of the street and I mean extremely careful. I don’t think anyone goes the speed limit anymore – everyone is in a hurry and we all know Norwood cops don’t come on duty until 4 p.m.!

Whatever happened to bright clothes so drivers could see us? Did they stop making them or did we just say; “no way am I gonna wear something that bright and besides, it makes me look forty pounds heavier than I truly am, ye gads!” Ya, that is probably the reason, the way we look – to hell with how we’ll look as we get hit, fly thru the air and smash in to the ground – that doesn’t count!

Let me make myself very clear, I am not always sure it’s the driver fault but I also think drivers need to return to defensive driving habits. We have all gotten pretty damn casual about our so called driving skills. We speed, we fiddle with radio knobs, we violate the law by using our cell phone and many times we tailgate like total fools. So we aren’t totally blameless with accidents happen.

However pedestrians are not totally innocent either. Somewhere in the back of our heads we were told “pedestrians always have the right of way,” and we challenge that passage and learn that while this might be true, it can and is damn dangerous. Why in hell would you deliberately step into a crosswalk and slowly crawl across a street when you see lots of cars traversing this road? Or better yet, waiting until the car is almost to you before you step out and want them to stop so you can cross!

A little common courtesy and thinking on both sides would prevent some of these accidents and sad as it is that they happen, it is a fact of life that we are not paying attention and we need to get back to the basics.

Thar, I have said my peace and now I am headed to Syracuse this weekend and will challenge my basics on those city streets! Lemme tell ya, I ain’t stepping out on any of those streets unless all traffic stops and walking is absolutely safe – I may be dumb but I ain’t totally stupid!

You all have a great weekend, behave yourselves and oh hell, just have fun, okay?

DAMN CRITTERS!

Maybe I need something like this to scare critters away?


Yes, I did my bulb planting and thought I was being so attentive and doing everything right – and I did. However along the deck, out back I put in a few daffodil and tulip bulbs – had some there from last year and decided a few more would like nice.

In the front it was mixture of both and a long section of unplanted area, recently titled soil, new top soil mixed in and all that good stuff. Hell I even laid down landscaping timber and worked hard to make this look like a pleasing raised flower bed. I got the aching back to prove this was entertaining work – did I say entertaining? How about challenging?

This was all accomplished over the 3-day weekend and again, I was pretty pleased with my efforts. Then yesterday, I stepped outside to take a look at my work and damnit, the critters had all ready been out back and dug up bulb after bulb. It did not matter if it was a tulip or daffodil, they were having a bloody feast! I was irked beyond words – damn critters!

So I replanted the bulbs I could find (don’t know if that is doable but I did it), put some top soil on them and then, grabbed red hot pepper flakes and chili powder and spread it on thick and heavy. If you critters plan to return and feast again, it’s gonna be a hot number! I also put the same hot stuff on the front recently planted bulbs too but nothing is bothering them – thank goodness.

Oh ya, its raining and it started somewhere in the night and while it makes for good sleeping weather, it still is a dreary day. Most folks are thinking “I’ll just stay home, watch TV, read book, maybe do a little house cleaning or take naps.” Hey, I can’t say that any of that is bad idea, unfortunately I have errands to run and must get out in this lovely downpour –well, I’ll attempt to time my trips when it’s light rain, not a full blast shower!

So to all you who are planting tulips and have learned the secret of keeping animals away, please share! In the meantime, have a great Thursday – hey, any day we are breathing is great!!!

HOW TRUE IT IS

I know you folks aren't real keen on poetry, at least not the long haired stuff, but perhaps you'll find the following entertaining or at the very least, bringing a smile to your face:

Another year has passed
And we're all a little older.

Last summer felt hotter
And winter seems much colder.

I rack my brain for happy thoughts,
To put down on my pad,

But lots of things, That come to mind
Just make me kind of sad.

There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.

Now I fully understand
About 'Living in the Past'.

We used to go to friends homes,
Baseball games and lunches.

Now we go to therapy, to hospitals,
And after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers,
From parties that were gay.

Now we suffer body aches
And sleep the night away.

We used to go out dining,
And couldn't get our fill.

Now we ask for doggie bags,
Come home and take a pill.

We used to travel often
To places near and far.

Now we get backaches
From riding in the car.

We used to go out shopping
For new clothing at the Mall

But, now we never bother...
All the sizes are too small.

That, my friend is how life is,
And now my tale is told.

So, enjoy each day and live it up...
Before you're too damn old!!

Your Project + Men = His Project

Ever start some project and some where along the line you either ask or seek some assistance from a man and before you know it, it has become his project?

Bloody ass amazing, ain’t it? They want nothing to do with this idea until it actually gets underway and they now begin to see exactly what this project could end up looking like and by golly, they have some great ideas to make it easier, better and last longer. In some cases, there help is greatly appreciated and even needed but if and when they take over, then the project is no longer fun. Why--because suddenly you become the errand person. You have to go get things that he supposedly knows exactly where he put it and if not there, then you moved it, so find it or listen to him rant and rave and how this is why he doesn’t like you using his tools.

Oh ya, I see ya smiling, you know exactly what I am talking about. Now in my case, my husband will do the minimum required and walk away which is not to say if someone comments on how nice this project looks, he’s gonna quickly explain it was my idea and work. Hell no, let’s not get too carried away, after all, he did buy the landscaping timber, top soil and in some cases the flower bulbs, so in essence he did “do” this work too!

My raised flower bed is nearly done but I have 3 bags of top soil left and I really think I should dump them and spread them over this area just to make it look neat. Those bags are not light but if I go slow and use a cart, I should be able to do this without too much back strain. As I was working there the other day a woman stopped and mentioned my raised flower bed looked nice and I explained what I had planted and she said; “forget it, the damn deer will eat the tulips before they ever bloom. I got so sick of them feasting on tulips, I dug’em all up and refuse to plant them now.” She is probably right but I’m gonna try this daffodil and tulip mix and then, when the tulips begin to pop up, spread red hot pepper flakes about and see if the deer still find them tasty.

I was slightly ticked after my walk this morning. Same damn route and for reasons I don’t understand it was shorter miles and less calories burned, how the hell does that happen? Was I wearing the pedometer wrong or what? I mean, come on, how can you walk this route one day and it shows 2+ miles and walk the same route the next day and it reads 1.3+ miles? That just does not make sense! Any ideas on why this happens, please share them in the comment section, okay?

The leaves are falling off the trees at a fast rate these days. This is due in part to the recent wind storms, change in temps and hey, just flat out time to fall of the branches and cover the ground. Lucky for me I have one tree that does this leaf covering business and it’s on the other side of the garage and I can’t see it, therefore I don’t worry about the leaves! Besides a good wind whipping through and the leaves head across the street anyway – it’s an empty field so no problem.

Yup the 3-day weekend is over and many have return to school and work – well, so be it. Just remember, this will be a four day work week not a 5-day – that’s gotta make ya smile!

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”

SURVIVAL

Before I get into this let me tell ya years ago, for reasons I never fully understood, I completed and passed the Southeast Asia Training/Survival Course all in preparation for my departure to Vietnam. I doubt very much that I would ever be sloshing around in the jungles or needing this so called training but hey, powers with more authority than me so ordered and back then me so-obeyed!

Lately I have found the survival shows quite challenging to my simple mind. I mean, we got this crazy Brit, Bears Grylls who will jump in a frozen lake, get out and dance around naked to get warm! Plus he shows various ways to avoid hypothermia (in my book that’s easy (a) dress warmly and (b) stay out of the cold!). And he strands himself in popular tourist spots – popular – hell, I have never heard of some of these places and finding them on a map is really a challenge too, so if this is a popular tourist place, it must be a well kept secret and for a damn good reason. He is quite a character, is extremely physically fit and he’s not bad on the eyes either. Not sure I would eat some of the things he does to show you can and they contain needed vitamins your body needs.

Then we have the wacky Canadian Les Stroud, who also shows how to survive in so called popular tourist attractions. The main difference here is that Les films his own show and is totally alone for seven days. Well, not totally, he does have a fancy phone in case of an emergency – I mean, come on, it’s a TV show not totally reality. He ain’t gonna die to show us what not to do! One thing about Les is that he shows you his mistakes – I mean one time he nearly burnt down his shelter because he has the fire to close – ya gotta love the guy, he sounds like one of us!

Okay, these are great shows and give anyone some keen survival tips. I especially like all the fire starting techniques – they are something else. I mean, they don’t kid you, rubbing two sticks together isn’t going to produce a fire quickly and this does require patience and time. And I suspect the right kind of sticks too! And some of the plants they pull up, brush off and nibble on look pretty nasty (especially those found in some Georgia swamp where you can almost smell the rotting trees and stagnant water).

Of course eating some raw animal killed within the last few hours [that other animals had been feasting on prior to your arrival) or some fish left on a rock is just so appétit-zing I want to try it NOW. During my Nam training course, we did dine on freshly caught and cleaned snakes, cooked over a fire someone had built –and I gotta tell ya, snake ain’t half bad. We also eat berries, not exactly versed in all the different kinds, some caused a major case of diarrhea and then, we avoided them big time. Mushrooms we never ate or touch, none in my group felt comfortable claiming them safe and I love mushrooms!

As for water, we had lovely tablets to toss into our canteen and no matter what water we’d put in the can, this purified it and it was safe to drink. And yes, we hiked, climbed and scaled river banks, cliffs, jungle undergrowth and some damn prickly bushes. And we made our shelters from trees, branches, leaves or in caves. However, I don’t recall any of us stripping and jumping into some river to get clean or refreshed….way too many snakes, bugs and who knows what in those waters!

Not sure where this blog is going only to say, survival shows are fun to watch but repeats of the same show do get boring in quick order. I guess I am slowly reaching the idea that perhaps we all need to step back, turn off the TV and see what is around us and that would be family in most cases. As a kid we didn’t watch much TV, we played games, read books and/or bugged Mom and Dad. Maybe we all need to step back and survive by getting to know each other again and actually spend some time together – on the other hand, if that makes you want to puke, keep watching TV!!!

If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes!

The Vet

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.

We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.' The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, 'OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks.' He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.

He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, 'Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!'Then he closed the door.

Now THAT, my friends, is getting even.

PLANT NOW

Okay who’s been shooting off their big mouth? Yesterday's “insert” in the local paper was full of this “plant now” business, like it was an edict from above! October is here; get those damn bulbs in the ground!

The article even goes on to explain how all this is accomplished, including the idea that you should “clump” bulbs together and this will make for a much nicer display next spring. Hell, mix daffodils with tulips bulbs and this will really look marvelous. The idea of rows or just one type of flower is considered boring and mundane. Oh, and in case you can’t remember which way to plant the bulb, put it in sideways, bulbs are amazing, they’ll find their way upward!

Instead of putting patio furniture away for the winter, I spent most of the afternoon working out with what I call a mini-rotor-tiller (I think they call this a cultivator?). One thing I can tell you, flat out, this is a workout – your arms, legs and thighs feel the pull of this baby as you push it and force it to break up the soil. Hell my muscles were literally shaking as I continued to push this tiller along – work and I ain’t stopping until this ground is tilled up properly!). Then I dumped 3 bags of good top soil on this tilled soil and tilled again – so I definitely knew my back would ache (bad back + rotor-tiller = stupidity).

So today, it’s put the patio furniture inside, get the awning down and then get the bulbs planted. Now the idea of using a bulb planter (which does work) is fine but that is one slow process, especially when you have many bulbs to plant (got about 60 tulip and 45 daffodils). Have you see this gadget Billy Mays shows on TV – this thing that attaches to your drill and makes this lovely hole? I’m thinking for $20 this would be wonderful or I could just borrow my brother's! Or I could really be smart and just dig trenches, plop in the blubs, cover and be done with this madness! Regardless, I intend to get this planting done today and then bore you all on the spring pop ups!

Then when the lumber yard opens again, I’m gonna purchase those landscape fences/poles and place them around and end up with a raised flower bed – or that is my plan. Ya, this means doing some measuring but perhaps I can con hubby into helping me; “come on Dreamboat, time to bond again!” I gotta tell ya, he’s not always that eager to assist with this flower planting business, but he’s the first to cheer the plants on and marvel at their bloom, color and attractiveness. Hell I wouldn’t be surprised to learn if he allowed others to “assume” he had a major role in this accomplishment! Not that I care – hell, he does help so let folks assume what they will.

It’s just one of my retirement projects and hey, it works and its fun. Now that folks are telling me if I plant daffodils and tulips together the critters will stay away. Seems they don’t like daffodils so they won’t dig blubs up to discover that nasty taste and I guess they spread the word so other critters don’t waste their time either!

That is my game plan for today – oh, one other plan, I’m fixing dinner for my daughter and son-in-law too. As he’s fixing up various hunting areas, that means dinner needs to be later than usual so he can spend as much time as possible in the woods. All in all, a busy day and yes, I shall get in plenty of football time too. Hey, Sunday without football is a sin, right?

Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

CHURCH

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said 'Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind'

The pastor shouted out 'CROSS.'

Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, 'THE OLD RUGGED CROSS.'

The pastor hollered out 'GRACE.'

The congregation began to sing 'AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound.'

The pastor said 'POWER.'

The congregation sang 'THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD.'

The Pastor said 'SEX'

The congregation fell into total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all ne rvously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, A little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing 'MEMORIES.'

School Assignments

Sometimes you wonder if teachers never learn. They always ask for something and when kids respond they are shocked beyond words or laughing so hard you can't help but realize the power of youth. Here's another example of just that:

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie was left. 'Ernie, do you have a story to share?'

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.'

'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?'

'Stay the #$%^ away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking' said Ernie.

Is it Just Me?

You know I sometimes think our so called celebrities do take a lot of crap from the public and any infraction, regardless of how small is blown way out of proportion. It’s just good news and sells lots of papers and magazines. It’s not fair or right but hey, whoever said life was fair!

The latest Britney Spears business has me a bit nauseous to the say the least. She had no driver’s license, hit another car and left the scene. Now this was last year (maybe two years ago who in hell remembers). The first legal offer was she would pay a $100 fine and have her license suspended for one year (what license? She didn’t have one! Oh, she can’t have one for one year, gotta it!). But NO her lawyer turned that down and countered with a $10 fine and no marks on her record. Are you kidding me? If anyone of us did this we’d most likely lose our right to drive for a year, have to attend some driving class and our fine would be higher than $100 for damn sure! Hey, I’m sorry the gal was so messed up she failed to renew her license but to think she can ram into another car and not stick around – well, that’s carrying things a bit far. And just when I was beginning to think she finally is getting her life back on track. However, this is not her doing, it’s her lawyer and for whatever its worth, she has picked some damn strange lawyers!

Then on a more personal side, I decided to walk that thigh burner this morning aka Norwood Hill. Here’s the route: up and over Norwood hill, walking Route 56 toward Potsdam but turning and up and over the Dry Bridge and back around into town. Now I usually average about 2.5 miles every day and this is a longer route so I figured I would probably double my miles and calorie burning. Holy Sheet it was a mere 3.116miles and yes, I did burn more calories but for all that thigh burning it should have been a good four miles – damnit! Hells bells I’m sticking to my normal route and letting my thighs off the hook – ye gads!!! Ya, I know the thighs need the workout but Mama that is some strain (and you do feel the pain too).

I don’t know what the weather is like in your neck of the woods but here in mine, it’s a beautiful Fall morning; sunny, cool and the temp is a lovely 55 degree with damn little wind. I guess I really have no excuse for not getting outside and at least getting the soil ready for the flower bulbs. According to friend, if I plant daffodils and tulips together the critters will stay away as they detest daffodils. Well, this should prove interesting and what the hell, if they all come up next spring, I’ll have quite a flower show, right? I was impressed with the tulips this year – the ones that survived – damn deer tended to eat them as soon as they popped up but hey, some red hot pepper flakes killed their appetites real fast.

Well, enough talk, time to get going. Hey, it’s the start of a 3-day weekend, so enjoy yourselves – or like many, see ya outside as we all haul summer furniture back inside and winterize our yards and homes.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

YOU TELL ME

Well, this is one strange day and it’s not even half over and I feel this way – what’s up with that?

I believe it began raining around 9 last night and has rained off and on since. When I looked out to see whether I could take my morning walk and saw a down pour I realized walking was on hold and might not happen. However, I can do inside exercises – remember that exercise ball? Ya, work out on that sucker and see just how poorly your balance is – that’s a real motivator – NOT!

Hey, I got the sit on and bounce number and I can do the front hip extensions, however this butt or pelvic tilt/lift is something else. You lie with your back and waist on the ball. Place your hands on your thighs and raise your pelvis raising your hips a few inches, then lower back to the start. Oh ya, use your abdominal to lift your hips! Oh sure sounds simple, right – but nobody told the damn ball to not roll!

So with the lousy outside weather, I reckon I can tackle some inside projects. I mean, yes I clean but certain things could use a thorough top to bottom cleaning, know what I mean? Oh come on, you’re gonna sit there and tell me you wipe the top of the door frames each week, right? Or that you wipe off all the photos throughout the house too? Or how about getting down on all four and getting behind the toilet bowl – that part no mop can reach? Ya, I thought so, don’t think you’re so damn cute or smug because you don’t do this that often either, so thar! When was the last time you pulled out the refrigerator and cleaned behind it? Or the washer or dryer – man, that’s one that seems to collect lint more than the damn lint trap, what’s up with that?

Damn I made myself tired just thinking about these possibilities. On the other hand, I could go into town and buy one of those plastic file cabinets to stick stuff in so my computer area doesn’t look quite so messy? The trick is if I do elect to go into town or shop is not to buy anything to eat. It’s so easy to say; “oh one chocolate covered donut ain’t gonna hurt ya!” Bull-sheet, who in hell ever had just one chocolate donut – there small and two always seems appropriate! And if it’s not food some kitchen gadget that I don’t need, doesn’t work properly or I have three more just like it at home.

Nope I need to condition myself to stick with just this file box purchase and merely “look” at other stuff. At some point I shall head to Syracuse, spend a few days with my sister and we’ll do our missionary gadget shopping together. Now that is much more entertaining than this solo number!

So now I have decisions to make – damn weather makes this happen, ain’t that the pits? Oh I did get the lawn mowed yesterday and unlike my son and husband I do not use the lawn sweeper and pick up all the cut grass and leaves – screw that – let’em mulch into the ground or blow away – not my problem. In all truth the yard looks nice and now I can say, firmly and positively, this is the last mowing for this year!

OMG alert the village -- the sun is out --well, out for a few minutes then ducking behind the clouds. Hey, if this continues I could get my walk in, right? Yes, I admit it, I am a freak about my morning walks, I do so enjoy them and get irritated as hell when that is not possible. Oh, walk in the late afternoon or early evening you are saying? Nope, that would wind me up too much and I'd never get to sleep at night and regardless of what some may think, sleep is needed for a healthy body too.

Enjoy your day and remember, this will be a 3-day weekend coming up and thank Columbus for that, okay?

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE POLLOCK WHO:
· Was so lazy that he married a pregnant woman?
· Studied for five days for a urine test?
· Looked in a lumber yard for the draft board?

Sears Catalog

Two rednecks were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.

One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?'

The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one.'

The second one smiles and pats him on the back. 'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.

'Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks his friend, 'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?'

The second redneck replies, 'No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!'

OKAY WHO’S COLD?

This not snow or ice, it is foam but as the temps drop, this will become thicker and stick around longer...interesting to say the least. Ya, the least said the better--- I hear ya?

I gotta tell ya, we kind of have this “rule” or agreement that we won’t turn the heat on until November. Well, when the temp hits 33 degrees and it’s been wet and damp for weeks, that rule/agreement shits the bed big time. So, we agreed to run the heat to “get the chill” out of the house. Hell, the heat is still on and the so call chill left days ago!

Wow what a weekend – truly it was fantastic. You see my brother and his bride celebrated 50 years of marriage and all five of their children were here to help ring in 50 more years. Well, I doubt that is possible but you get my meaning, right? It was so much fun seeing nephews and nieces and catching up on what they had been doing and of course, listening to the new jokes (damn we always need new jokes).

The bride’s daughter managed to keep it a secret and the bride was totally surprised when her Canadian Aunt and cousin made their presences known. I think that was the best kept secret of this entire celebration and it was our pleasure to have them stay in our home, where we enjoyed their company too.

Hey, it was a grand party and if you went away hungry that was no one’s fault but your own. The Norfolk Legion (auxiliary I am sure) fix some marvelous dinners and this one was top drawer – really top drawer! Oh ya, dancing was also encouraged and after a certain number of drinks, even yours truly was on the dance floor. As I recall I was really into Cotton-eyed Joe—just stomp your feet and look silly and you’re dancing!

This morning I get up, frost on the ground and I’m headed out for my morning walk. Now I am seeing some folks waiting for cars to warm up and windshields clear before driving off and the idiots who think they’ll just hang their heads out to see where to drive. I bet they are the same ones in winter that scrape a small hole to see too. What in hell does it take, a few minutes to scrape and clean a windshield but no, some folks find this just too damn bothersome. Ya, they’ll be the ones wrapped around a tree or in some snow bank blaming the road crews for not plowing! Ya, too early to start bitching about them but maybe if we say something now, they’ll give themselves a few extra minutes and save some lives?

Well I still need to plant my tulip bulbs and as I also got some daffodils that supposedly “critters” don’t like, I need to plant them too. I plan to mix both in the same area, so this will be a truly interesting spring surprise. And I really gotta get the patio furniture cleaned and put away too. Time to winterize, damnit. Hey, you all have a lovely day, more stuff another day!

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference!

VICKS VAPO RUB INTERESTING

Cold season shall be upon us in short order or has all ready arrived in some households. I swear this screwed up weather causes the sniffles and colds. However, here's some helpful hints that someone sent to me. I haven't tried it yet, but supposedly it works.

During a lecture on Essential Oils, they told us how the foot soles can absorb oils. Their example: Put garlic on your feet and within 20 minutes you can 'taste' it.

Some of us have used Vicks Vapo rub for years for everything from chapped lips to sore toes and many body parts in between. But I've never heard of this, And don't laugh, it works 100% of the time, although the scientists who discovered it aren't sure why.

To stop night time coughing in a child (or adult as we found out personally), put Vicks Vapo rub generously on the bottom of the feet at bedtime, then cover with socks. Even persistent, heavy, deep coughing will stop in about 5 minutes and stay stopped for many, many hours of relief. Works 100% of the time and is more effective in children than even very strong prescription cough medicines. In addition it is extremely soothing and comforting and they will sleep soundly.

Just happened to tune in A.M. Radio and picked up this guy talking about why cough medicines in kids often do more harm than good, due to the chemical makeup of these strong drugs so, I listened. It was a surprise finding and found to be more effective than prescribed medicines for children at bedtime, in addition to have a soothing and calming effect on sick children who then went on to sleep soundly.

A girl friend tried it on herself when she had a very deep constant and persistent cough a few weeks ago and it worked 100%! She said that it felt like a warm blanket had enveloped her, coughing stopped in a few minutes and believe me, this was a deep, ( incredibly annoying!) every few seconds uncontrollable cough, and she slept cough-free for hours every night that she used it.

If you have grandchildren, pass this on. If you end up sick, try it yourself and you will be absolutely amazed at how it works.

None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad --I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you're scared -- we will high tail it out of here.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick --Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I'll pick you up, dust you off and try my best not to laugh at you.
9. This is my oath...I pledge it to the end.

'Why?' you may ask -- because you are my FRIEND!

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Jeff Foxworthy on Upstate New York

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by; you might live in Upstate New York.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights a year because Saranac Lake is the coldest spot in the nation, and Syracuse gets more snow than any other major city in the US , you might live in Upstate, NY.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from October through May, you might live in Upstate New York.

If you get 131 inches of snow in a week and you comment that 'winter's finally here', you might live near Oswego in Upstate New York.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live, bundled up, in Upstate New York.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Upstate NY.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Upstate New York.

If you have worn shorts and a parka on the same day, you might live in Upstate New York.

If you have had a lengthy phone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Upstate New York.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE UPSTATE NEW YORKER WHEN:

"Vacation" means going South past Syracuse for the weekend.

You measure distance in hours.

You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.

You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

Down South to you means Corning .

Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed.

You go out for a fish fry every Friday .

Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

You find 10 degrees "a little chilly." and 55 is shorts weather.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

Before you die cancel credit cards

Cancel your credit card before you die..........(hilarious!)

Now some people are really stupid!!!! Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to Citibank.Here is the exchange :

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Citibank : 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member : 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.

'Citibank : 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member : So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank : 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member : 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member : 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank : 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member : 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'

Citibank : 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member : 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank : (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member : 'No, I'm her great nephew.'

(Lawyer info was given) Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member : 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )

After they get the fax :Citibank : 'Our system just isn't setup for death.I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member : 'Well, if you figure it out, great!If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'

(What is wrong with these people?!?)Family Member : 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank : 'That might help...'

Family Member : ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Citibank : 'Sir, that's a cemetery !

Family Member : 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???

Yup, another case of the smart ones telling us dummies how to do things, gotta love it, right?

Learning to cuss

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom."You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing.

The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues "when we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies,"Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know", he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"

Thanks Sis this made my day --- come on, if you didn't laugh at this, you are dead!

Funny and very interesting

1. Money isn't made out of paper; it's made out of cotton, except Australian money which is made out of plastic polymer

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.

3. The dot over the letter 'I' is called a 'tittle'.

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLain are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small-sized dog.

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.

16. Upper- and lower-case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the Upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time, hence, multi-tasking was invented.

18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!

22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)

27. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples.

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it. I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS.

34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. 'Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her off to jail.'