Dementia Test

Our Yearly Dementia Test



It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test.


Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulity. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.




1. What do you put in a toaster?






Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast' give up now and do something else..


Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.


2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?






Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.




3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?




Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.


If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these???


If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.




4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany ).


Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of 'no man's land' between East Germany and West Germany ... Where would you bury the survivors?


East Germany, West Germany, Or no man's land'?




Answer: You don't bury survivors.


If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, 'You don't bury survivors', proceed to the next question.




Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales.


In London, 17 people get on the bus.


In Reading, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.


In Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on.


In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.


In Swansea, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.


In Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 get on.


You then arrive at Milford Haven


Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?


Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own age?
It was YOU driving the bus!!






PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

Inner Peace

If you can start the day without caffeine,



If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,


If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,


If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,


If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,


If you can conquer tension without medical help,


If you can relax without liquor,


If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,


....Then You Are Probably ..........

The Family Dog!

Hey, you didn't think I was gonna get all philosphical, did ya?

Greeting from a Wise Woman

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and

wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out

to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured,

educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think,

“ Good grief, look how smart I am! “

Must be where the phrase “Smart Ass” came from

Secret to the Good Life

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady above, sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"

"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get a little lovin', and don't exercise at all."


"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"




"Thirty-four," she replied!

Countdown Begins

Yup, this is my last week before I join my sisters for sun, beach and laughs in Florida.  I gotta tell ya, sister get-togethers are wonderful and we do have a good time.  Oh sure we drink too much, stay up to late and when on the beach folks look at us like we are wackos, but we just smile and tell them "they gave us a day pass."


It's amazing how much crap you need to remember to haul with you and this year, we are driving down, so that means (1) we got room for more sheet and (2) we can forget more stuff too!!!

This road trip is gonna be a hoot.  Yes, we got a trip tick but we'll try out our iphone's GPS map too and that looks damn cool...I mean, we have done trail runs just to see how this works, so it's gonna be nice. The Trip tic(map) will be to help us find points of interests -- bars, bars and more bars, just kidding, we like to check out gardens, rivers, lakes, museums, boats, you name it.

Okay, so I am off to gather up supplies -- got a list going so who in hell knows.  You all have a lovely Saturday -- hey, its the last one for this month, deal with it.

Memories

Lawrence O. Dean, 1913-2000

Today I wish my Dad happy birthday – and as I do this I wonder, why in hell do we do this when someone is dead? And my answer, it helps to keep their memory alive!

Dad was born in 1913 and was on this earth until age 87, and he witnessed many changes, challenges and wonders during those years. He also witnessed seven children bringing all sorts of activities into his life, some good and some, well, let’s just say, sufficient to find him shaking his head more than once, okay?


Now, Dad was a very pragmatic type person and he firmly believed in getting your “hands” into projects. He could grow anything and we had HUGE gardens (much to my chagrin as we had to weed those suckers) but with that many mouths to feed, a good amount of food was needed. However, Dad was also a dairy farmer and he loved to walk “behind” the plow and feel the blade rip thru the soil--instead of having the plow attached to the tractor (this caused many issues, arguments and dislikes over the years because Dad also insisted on straight furrows and we were not overly inclined to drive that straight, so he yelled a lot. Plus, as this was boring, we’d be daydreaming while some rock had yanked the plow from Dad’s hand and tossed him aside as we continued on…him yelling and us not hearing – getting the picture?).


Yet Dad was my hero – he taught me how to swim, hunt, identify plants, trees, animals, etc. He loved the outdoors and a fishing trip was never just about fishing, hell no, it would also include hikes back into woods for some of the best berries known to mankind. He was “steward” of the land all his life and did all he could to insure nature’s beauty and bounty would be here for generations. He hated trash(all trash) being tossed into ditches, lakes, rivers and fields, and would literally stop whatever vehicle he was driving to pick it up and dispose of it properly. Trust me as a kid; you did not like trash in the car with you!


Oh he was not perfect, none of us are, but Dad believed in hard work and in his mind, 12-16 hours of hard labor was considered a good day’s work. Not all of us could keep up that pace but he didn’t seem to mind. He worked at the Alcoa Plant and also ran a dairy farm; he slept when he could and somehow managed to find time for his family too.

Best of all Dad was a devoted, caring, loving and thoughtful husband. He went home in 2000 and I still miss him, so Dad Happy Birthday!

You Tell Me

This teacher is truly a genius!


As the late Adrian Rogers said, "you cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."


An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class.


That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.


The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan".


All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.


After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B.


The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.


As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.


The second test average was a D!


No one was happy.


When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.


The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.


All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

Couldn't be any simpler than that.



Remember, there is a mid-term election in 2010!

Did U Know

Every now and then, some helpful hints are offered -- hey, some I have actually tried and they worked, others, well, I haven't tried so I can offer no confirmation....duh!

Peel a banana from the bottom and you won't have to pick the little "stringy things" off of it. That's how the primates do it. Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.



Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!


Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef. It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking. To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up

Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic. [I did not know this, did you?]

Reheat Pizza Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works.

Easy Deviled Eggs Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep ashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.


Expanding Frosting When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.


Reheating refrigerated bread to warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.

Broken Glass Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.

No More Mosquitoes Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.

Squirrel Away! To keep squirrels from eating your plants, sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.

Flexible vacuum To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in nar- row openings.


Reducing Static Cling Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and ... ta da! ... static is gone.


Measuring Cups Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.

Foggy Windshield? Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car . When the window's fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!


Conditioner Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair.

Goodbye Fruit Flies To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2" with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!


Get Rid of Ants = Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants They eat it, take it "home," can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works and you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!

Well, it rained all blasted night and continues to rain this morning...so I guess one could easily say, "Tuesday is gonna be wet, damp and sleepy!"  Is this a sign of April Showers?

Oh you'll love this one -- some clown has reported "vacumming for 30 minutes burns 120-calories.  I assume this means more than just turning the vacuum on, don't you?

Ritirement Baby Sitting -- How Fun

Okay, this video is just cute and my sister and I really caused my grandson some concern, as we look alot alike and he was like "Wait, two grandma's?  How did that happen.  Enjoy

Rearrange the Letters

Are ye ready for this one? Sure ye are, aren't we all -- enjoy:

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM


PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER


ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER


DESPERATION:When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE


GAUTENG: When you rearrange the letters: GET A GUN


THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS


SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME


ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY


ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT


SNOOZE ALARMS:When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE


THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE


ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:


MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

&&&&&&

So how did your Monday go?  That good!  Look, someone suggested, seeing as how jobs are limited,unemployment high, that we should focus not on health care but a two day work week and a 5 day weekend!  What the hell, our representatives aren't listenting to us anyway, so what difference does it make?  My only big concern with this health care (and I admit I don't understand nor have I read all of it) is why in hell don't our congressmen and women have to pay just like just mere mortals?

How True It Is

Another year has passed

And we're all a little older.

Last summer felt hotter

And winter seems much colder.

I rack my brain for happy thoughts,

To put down on my pad,

But lots of things, That come to mind

Just make me kind of sad.

There was a time not long ago

When life was quite a blast.

Now I fully understand

About 'Living in the Past'.

We used to go to friends homes,

Baseball games and lunches.

Now we go to therapy, to hospitals,

And after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers,

From parties that were gay.

Now we suffer body aches

And sleep the night away.

We used to go out dining,

And couldn't get our fill.

Now we ask for doggie bags,

Come home and take a pill.

We used to travel often

To places near and far.

Now we get backaches

From riding in the car.

We used to go out shopping

For new clothing at the Mall

But, now we never bother...

All the sizes are too small.

That, my friend is how life is,

And now my tale is told.

So, enjoy each day and live it up...

Before you're too darn old!!

Happy Endings

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of  spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house The maid quit.Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move out. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the  bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.


He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to  reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

TGIF

Yup, it is Friday -- hurrah!

Sad news, Fess Parker aka Davy Crockett has died -- I am sad...he was 85 years old. Damn, I thought he was much older! Whatever, he was a beautiful man and I loved his movies! Rest in Peace Fess.

Health Care Bill -- is your phone ringing off the hook? Do we say yes, pass the sucker, or do we say No, leave it to hell alone? What about Congress-- shouldn't that have to pay too?

I know I am messing with the template and header in this blog..for some strange reason the photos ain't sitting right and that irks me beyond words. I have the little "shrink to fit" box checked thinking, shit nothing is working, maybe I should unclick that box?

Looks like its gonna be another beautiful day and my grandson is really starting to get into these stroller rides. However, he has definitely decided the sunglasses are for the birds, yanks them off almost as fast as I get them strapped around his head. I think we need a different pair of glasses, as these just ain't working. The bright sun does cause him issues (hey, me too) and the wind, but he loves the ride -- who wouldn't, eh? Yesterday's walk was short, that breeze was just a tad too much for the little guy and while that was almost taking his breath away, Gramma was dressed way to warm -- fleece jacket was a bad choice!!!

And on the Minnesota front, hockey tournaments continue and my grandson team is doing awesome this year. I think they have lost only one game -- kicking some butt these Mighty Mites. Last weekend it was games in Grand Forks, this weekend I think its Thief River and soon, or please soon, the season shall end. Hockey is a long season for Minnesota and my grandson loves it...he is a good player and even loves hockey practice. Plus, he keeps it all balance (with a bit of help from his parents) -- meaning, he plays hockey but he still has to keep his school work up and he has time to enjoy family activities too.

So a few more weeks and I shall head to Florida --sun, beaches, booze, sisters and laughs...what's not to like?

Last I heard my nephew is doing great -- recovery takes time but most of the tumor was removed, had some swelling in his neck but he is up and walking about..good news...hey, he comes from good stock, nothing keeps us down for long. But it was a wake up call. If you start experiencing headaches and they just won't go away, no matter what you take, you might want to get checked!

Hey, have a great weekend -- any above ground is great in my book.

Washing the Farm

You know, kids really do say the darnest things and sometimes you just can't do anything but laugh and pass them on...this is an actual conversation with my soon to be 10 year old grandson and his father:

On the way home from the arena Alex and Dad had this conversation

Dad: You need to shower when we get home you kind of smell.

Alex: Can it be a fast one?

Dad: Sure just wash your hair and balls and get out so we can watch the game.

Alex: That gross….you could’ve said wash your hair and the FARM

Dad: what?

Alex: You know the farm…….they say when your fly is down the barn door is open so it must be a farm.

Go ahead, try not to laugh -- you cannot fault his logic, can ya?

No Toilet Paper

A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom.

She said yes.

When he went to wipe his fanny there was no toilet paper so, he usedhis hand.When he got back to class, his teacher asked, "What do you have inyour hand?"

The boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."

He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"

The little boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."

The principal got mad and yelled, "Open your hands NOW!"

He did and the little boy said, "Oh great , now look what you did,you scared the shit out of him!"

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

Traffic Camera

I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though I knew that I was not speeding.

Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed.

I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

You can't fix stupid.

Smile......It makes everyone wonder what you are up to!!

&&&&&&

So how was your weekend? Mine? Just dandy. We had a bit of a scare toward the end of the week as my nephew learned he had a tumor on his brain and surgery was gonna happened immediately. Surgery took place Friday morning and no cancer, thank God and they got most of the tumor (this tumor is something usually seen in small children) -- guess Chuck is just a kid at heart. He is now recovering and dealing with some swelling and soreness. Prayers continue to be said for him and his family...keep smiling,we're all in your corner!!

Just had to replace the suet in my bird feeder, well, replace is not really the word, more like, put new suet out as the other was gone, how's that? No robins yet or cardinals but saw geese over head, so spring is definitely in the air. However the weekend has been wet -- rain and windy, which makes this both damp and chilly. March is not done with winter weather and we probably have at least one good storm left before we can say good bye to Ole Man Winter.

Oh ya, we moved the clocks forward -- doesn't seem to mean much on a weekend but come Monday morning it'll be like "what the hell?"

That's it from me...hope something decent is on TV tonight and I keep thinking the new war series "The Pacific," starts tonight but what time, what channel, etc? Hate when they don't tell us flat up front and we gotta surf the damn channels to find shit.

Anniversary

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Boston , they have weekly husband's marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!

The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?'

Giuseppe proudly replied, "I'ma gonna go pick her up."

Girls,Girls, Girls, Girls

THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A NEW YORK STATE GIRL

The first man married a woman from North Carolina. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from South Carolina. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from NEW YORK STATE. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the s*w*elling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

Maxine's View On Health Care

Let me get this straight......

we're trying to pass a health care plan written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it, to be signed by a president that also hasn't read it and who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's broke.

What the hell could possibly go wrong????

Healthy Insanity

To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. Sit in Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer at Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
   
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!
   
3. Every Time Someone Asks You to Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
   
4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once everyone has gotten over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
   
5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana'
   
6. With a serious face Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat.
   
7. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is ‘To Go’.
   
8. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
   
9. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, yelling 'Run for Your Lives! They're Loose!'
   
10. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.
    
11. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity Send This text To Someone else who you think is crazy

%$#(*&^%

So, did you watch the Oscars last night and were you surprised? I haven't seen "hurt locker"but I think that is one movie I wish to see. Did I tell ya, hubby and I went to watch "Cop Out," and we lasted twenty minutes and then, we "copped out." That was way too many f-bombs for us and a script that was way to easy to figure out. But as usual the snack bar provided us with decent snacks!!!

OMG my tulips are popping up! No kidding they are breaking thru and now, now I can watch for deer or some other critters to eat them. Oh well, I plant many so some will survive. And yes, the birds are back too....purple finch (those red headed birds are actually purple finches), chicadees, yellow finches, and even a blue jay. No cardinal yet but give it time! But three wood peckers -- they love the suet!

Well, have a nice week -- Monday is starting off nice -- 45 degrees but I gotta tell ya that breeze is a tad chilly still...damnit!

MAMA'S BIBLE

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers, and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."

The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes.

She wrote: “Milton, the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

Dearest Bob, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift... The chicken was delicious.. Thank you."

Luv Ya, Mama

Another Blonde Joke

A Blonde calling her mom..........

"Hi Mom, How are you?"

"Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at the Ace Hardware"!

"Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call"!

"What happened?"

"Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head."

"What on earth ~ why did you do that?????"

"Well it wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker."

Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.The waitress asks them for their orders.The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That willbe $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke.." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same.." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?"asks the waitress."No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato anda salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me,sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact changein your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic andfound an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress.. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man..

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."

Passwords

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

&&&&&&

So how is your day going so far? Oh come on, its sunny and nice outside...what in hell are you doing inside bitching? Get out there and suck in some fresh air.

Love it

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.

An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved 'I love you, Sally.'

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars.

Andy said, 'We've got to give it back.'

Sally said, 'Finders keepers.' She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door. 'Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?'

Sally said, 'No.'

Andy said, 'She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.'

Sally said, 'Don't believe him, he's getting senile.'

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: 'Tell us the story from the beginning'

Andy said, 'Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . '

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, 'We're outta here.'

The Music Stopped

IN GOD WE TRUST

The Music Stopped (For those who are unaware: At all military base theaters, the National Anthem is played before the movie begins.)

This is written from a Chaplain in Iraq : I recently attended a showing of 'Superman 3' here at LSA Anaconda. We have a large auditorium we use for movies, as well as memorial services and other large gatherings. As is the custom at all military bases, we stood to attention when the National Anthem began before the main feature. All was going well until three-quarters of the way through The National Anthem, the music stopped.

Now, what would happen if this occurred with 1,000 18-22 year-olds back in the States? I imagine there would be hoots, catcalls, laughter, a few rude comments, and everyone would sit down and yell for the movie to begin. Of course, that is, if they had stood for the National Anthem in the first place.

Here in Iraq , 1,000 Soldiers continued to stand at attention, eyes fixed forward. The music started again and the Soldiers continued to quietly stand at attention. But again, at the same point, the music stopped. What would you expect 1000 Soldiers standing at attention to do ?? Frankly, I expected some laughter, and everyone would eventually sit down and wait for the movie to start.

But No!!... You could have heard a pin drop, while every Soldier continued to stand at attention. Suddenly, there was a lone voice from the front of the auditorium, then a dozen voices, and soon the room was filled with the voices of a thousand soldiers, finishing where the recording left off: "And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there. Oh, say does that Star Spangled Banner yet wave, o'er the land of the free, and the home of the brave."

It was the most inspiring moment I have had in Iraq, and I wanted you to know what kind of Soldiers are serving you. Remember them as they fight for us! P

ass this along as a reminder to others to be ever in prayer for all our soldiers serving us here at home and abroad. Many have already paid the ultimate price.

Written by Chaplain Jim Higgins LSA Anaconda is at the Ballad Airport in Iraq , north of Baghdad