The Charles Schulz Philosophy

Words to live by:

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip. You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just read straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant..
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.

These are no second-rate achievers.

They are the best in their fields.

But the applause dies...

Awards tarnish.

Achievements are forgotten.

Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson:

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials...the most money...or the most awards.

They simply are the ones who care the most.

Pass this on to those people who have made a difference in your life .

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia !'

Be yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!

Now don't you feel flippin special -- hey, its Saturday, its sunny but chilly, give me a break. I even took away a squirrels meal ticket by moving a bird feeder than he liked, now let's see if the clever sheet can still figure out a way to get into it -- if he does, then he should be allowed to eat!

IN THE NEWS

First things first, right? Once again Mother Nature has us scratching our heads and thinking, “you fickle ole lady, what in hell is up with you?”

Come on, we go from 59 degrees to 26 degrees within an hours time span and then, just to insure we are watching, she spits out snow too! By morning the temp was a lovely 1.6 degrees but she pleases us with sunshine! Now this is how we shall end February and that is that!

You know there’s a saying I used when teaching, “Stupid Is Forever, Ignorance I can Fix,” and baby, we got a lot of stupid around! Here let me give ya a few looks at stupidity:

• You may not know this young woman, but she is very attractive, has a great voice and overall just a sweetheart – ya I’m talking about Rihanna. Now her boyfriend beat the living crap out of her and the whole world was shocked and immediately was thinking, “Chris baby you are done, no more of your beating on our girl, get lost sucker.” But wait, he assaulted her on Feb 8th and now they are back together? I told ya; stupid is forever, ignorance we can fix. Ya fool, keep hanging with this woman-beater, sounds like a fun relationship if you like being hurt!

• Now this one really is stupid. Dublin, Ireland is suggesting that when nature calls at 30,000 feet, you’ll need $1.40 to pee and get this; you need this exact amount, no change available! Now get this, installing pay toilets would lower ticket costs and make flying, somehow, easier for all. Yes, I told ya, stupid is on the rise! Can you imagine the indignation and potty humor this suggested when announced? Damn it had to be a slow news day, right?

• Let’s get a tad closer to home. It seems the village of Potsdam is once again going after our “toilet-artist” and plans to haul his ass into court if he fails to clean up his yard. Now the last time this was thrown out because of an error in filing or some such crap, so is “stupid” correcting this error this go around? In the meantime Robar just keeps smiling and doesn’t seem the least bit concerned….gotta love his attitude!

• In honor of Nadya Suleman, the mother of the octuplets, Denny's is offering a new breakfast meal: You get fourteen eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you has to pay the bill!

Yes, life is good and hey, this is the last day of February. Can you dig it, tomorrow we begin another month – mighty March.

Here’s your brain exercise for today:

Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

[remember those damn algebra classes? Or how about diagramming sentences, those were my absolutely faves!]

Rednecks At It Again

This has to be the village idiot or the intellect who has discovered a way to insure childhood obesity?

Thankfully "they" do not live around here -- if they did, we'd want to try this too.



You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.......!'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was e ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

***********

Now imagine (yes, you gotta use your mind here) that the following are road signs, okay?

• Where The Hell is Easy Street?
• If Money is the Root of All Evil, Why Do Churches Beg For It?
• Keep Honking -- I'm reloading.
• Work Harder -- Millons on Welfare Depend on YOU.
• Breast Inspection 20 Feet Ahead (Please Have'em Out)
• I am Not An Alcoholic - I'M A DRUNK (alcoholics go to meetings)
• Take Your Ex Out Tonight (One bullet Oughtta Do it)

Thar, don't you feel better because you smiled, laughed or have a few moments of total nonsense? Thought so, have a good one!!

Oh Ya, watch out we're in a wind advisory -- holy sheet, more trees and branches coming down....hells bells!

Was this day REAL?

Man, today was just amazing. A tad confusing too. I mean at 6:30 the temp was 8 degrees, then around 9 it was 23 degrees and as the day moved along, the temp kept rising -- at one point hitting 42 degrees! Plus we had sun shine too. I know for a little bit, the sun went to Syracuse but it did come back and my sister said it was cold down there and they needed some sunshine too. Ya, we can share as long as nobody becomes a hog!


So, while I'm enjoying this weather, I took photos -- of course, I did...so now you get to enjoy them too...lovely, eh? Look I will purchase a bird book soon so I can identify these creatures but for now, just look and enjoy, okay?

Just a reminder, to see a bigger picture, click on it and another screen will pop up. Then use the back arrow to get back to this blog site...easy as pie (who in hell said pie was easy?)

Okay,as far as I know,these are crows and man, there are way too many count and in some cases, they are as big as turkeys.

Today they must have called a meeting because they sure as hell were making a lot of noise.



Now I believe this is a Morning Dove -- it emits a rather sweet tune but that tune can become annoying after awhile.

Now these birds never miss a chance to eat and constantly remain around the feeders. After my son-in-law shared what seed he buys, I followed suit and now I too have the same type of birds at my feeder. Cute,eh?



This is just an interesting snowmobile trail over the Norwood Lake -- yes, the boat launch area. Kind of cool, eh?



Well, that's it for today -- tomorrow is suppose to be just as nice with temps near the 40's again. So, get outside and soak up that natural Vitamin D.

THINGS YOU DON'T HEAR ANYMORE

This should give you pause to reflect and even smile a bit...sure was fun going down this ole road. Hope you enjoy it too.

Be sure to refill the ice trays, we're going to have company.

Watch for the postman, I want to get this letter to Willie in the mail today.

Quit slamming the screen door when you go out!

Be sure and pull the windows down when you leave, it looks like a shower is coming up.

Don't forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.

Wash your feet before you go to bed, you've been playing outside all day barefooted. [I would guess this was said during the summer months or we got some really dumb kids]

Why can't you remember to roll up your britches legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up.

You have torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there is nothing left to put a patch on.

Don't you go outside with your school clothes on! [you just knew I would ask this, what go out naked instead?]

Go comb your hair; it looks like the rats have nested in it all night.

Be sure and pour the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle.

Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won't have to pay a deposit on another one.

Put a dish towel over the cake so the flies won't get on it.

Quit jumping on the floor! I have a cake in the oven and you are going to make it fall if you don't quit!

Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes by, I need to get a few things from him. [are these guys still around - ye gads]

You boys stay close by, the car may not start and I will need you to help push it off.


There's a dollar in my purse, get 5 gallons of gas when you go to town. [definitely said many,many years ago]

Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here, it is getting hot.

You can walk to the store; it won't hurt you to get some exercise.

Don't sit too close to the TV. It is hard on your eyes.

If you pull that stunt again, I am going to wear you out!

Don't lose that button; I'll sew it back on after awhile.

Wash under your neck before you come to the table, you have beads of dirt and sweat all under there.

Get out from under the sewing machine; pumping it messes up the thread!

Be sure and fill the lamps this morning so we don't have to do that tonight in the dark.

Here, take this old magazine to the toilet with you when you go, we are almost out of paper out there.

Go out to the well and draw a bucket of water so I can wash dishes.

Don't turn the radio on now; I want the battery to be up when the Grand Ole Opry comes on.

No! I don't have 10 cents for you to go to the show. Do you think money grows on trees?

Eat those turnips; they'll make you big and strong like your daddy.

That dog is NOT coming in this house! I don't care how cold it is out there, dogs don't stay in the house.

Sit still! I'm trying to get your hair cut straight and you keep moving and it is all messed up. [this explains why my early school pictures showed me with such lovely hair cuts]

Hush your mouth! I don't want to hear words like that! I'll wash your mouth out with soap!

It is time for your system to be cleaned out. I am going to give you a dose of castor oil tonight.

If you get a spanking in school and I find out about it, you'll get another one when you get home.

Quit crossing your eyes! They will get stuck that way!

Soak your foot in this pan of kerosene so that bad cut won't get infected. [holy sheet, they actually said and did this?]

When you take your driving test, don't forget to signal each turn. Left arm straight out the window for a left turn; left arm bent up at the elbow for a right turn; and straight down to the side of the door when you are going to stop.

It's: 'Yes Ma'am!' and 'No Ma'am!' to me, young man, and don't you forget it!

Y'all come back now, ya hear!!

Bring back any memories??? Sure did for me!!!

&&&&&&&&

Now for your brain exercise tip:

Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

Photos

Sometimes a simple, little stream captures your attention and before you know it, the ole camera is snapping a photo to preserve this breathe of winter on film.

Today it's a lovely 7 degrees, wind is blowing and it's colder than hell outside. Yet, I want to get outside and snow shoe, so as I wait for a hopeful warm up, I shall bore you with some recent photos

Hey, you won't get out there, I shall and share it with you....smile, it happens all the time!

Look at this black bird I doth believe it is a crow and it has found my feeder but hey, everything has to eat, right?

Oh look, she brought the kids with her too.

I never notice how long a beak these birds had -- holy sheet!

And then we have the granddog who picks one of the coldest days to want to play Frisbee.

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.....brought laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???

Through the eyes of a child:

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas.

The Bible says, The Lord thy God is one but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, Give me a light and someone did.Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, Close the door! Were you born in a barn? It would be nice to say, “As a matter of fact, I was.”

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums.The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum.

His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

~~~~~~

Isn't this amazing -- gotta love kids! Now for your daily brain exercise tip:

Try to make at least three people smile each day.

IT’S OVER (now reruns)

I admit in my opinion TV has sucked big time lately and although we keep hearing and seeing previews of upcoming shows (some of which look pretty decent) they have yet to appear. So we are stuck with the ole shows – which we have seen so many times, we actually begin to think we wrote the script and dialog.

Last night we endured the Academy Awards – first we had something like two-freakin-hours of the Red Carpet nonsense. Do we really give a rip about who is wearing who? Hell, we can’t afford one of the shoes these actors wear much less the whole ensemble – and again, this is my opinion, some of those dresses just looked ugly. I for one would hate to walk around in those damn things and even many a woman admitted the hardest part was walking in this dress. Then why in hell do you wear it? Have they never heard of comfort – they got hours invested in this damn event and they wear something that is uncomfortable – hello, brain farts, take a beano pill!

I didn’t watch the entire show – I just could not force myself to sit through it all, I had a book calling to me and the book won! I did see the opening and enjoyed that very much. I think this was more entertaining than the usual comedic nonsense we are so use to watching. I can readily understand why Huge Jackman was voted Sexiest Man Alive – he is HOT!

Now like everyone else, I begin the week and see (rather hear) we got more miserable weather to look forward too. Did I say miserable? Sorry, I meant to say “lovely,” I mean, come on Mama Nature is all ready ticked; don’t need to add insult to injury. More snow, temps will drop and so on and hey, repeat, repeat and furthermore, repeat! However, this is the last week of February and then, we’ll see how March behaves. Is this the roar like a Lion month? I know it’s gonna see the Ides of March but surely we got something else:

• Daylight Savings Time Begins March 8th, did you know that according to stats, more folks have heart attacks during this clock number – something about losing that one hour makes the ole heart just flutter or something. So, go to bed earlier!
• St. Patrick’s Day on March 17th – now all you Irish gals and guys, get the green beer and toast the Irish till the heather and bracken fall down some peat hole.
• First Day Of Spring on March 20th – now that’s gotta give ya a bit of smile – whether it’ll be a spring day or continuation of winter, only time shall show us – whatever, it will be the first of Spring.

So in all fairness, March isn’t such a bad month to look forward too, eh? Well, you have a nice day – if possible get outside, I know it’s cold but damnit, fresh air is good for you!

Now for your tip of the day -- ready? Oh hell, live with it, a girl's gotta have a hobby...exercise that brain, you sure as hell comment on other exercise ideas -- this you can do without too much strain.

Dream more while you are awake.

Sorry, thought I was done with today's blog but was having this out of body experience -- I mean, I was vacuuming, dusting, mopping and suddenly I walked by a mirror and said, "who the hell is this woman?" I don't mind this experience but how about when I am done, I end up with a completely different body -- one that is slim, tall, everything firm and ship shape -- holy sheet -- its a freakin nightmare not an out of body experience --go figure!!!

How to Stay Happy Always

1. Throw out nonessential numbers.This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them; this is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends... the grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, art, history, gardening, whatever! Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with him or her!

6. The tears happen.Endure, grieve. Then go on. The only person who is with us our entire life is our self. LIVE while you are alive. Those who loved you but are gone will understand and applaud!

7. Surround yourself with what you love.Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies or whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health.If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips.Take a trip to the mall, even to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

&&&&&&&&

Well, here we are, Sunday and its snowing and who knows when it shall cease. I am convinced Mother Nature is determined to make our lives interesting. She'll thaw things down a bit, letting us see green grass, then she'll change her mind and want everything white again...and she likes repeating this pattern. Why? Well, she and ole Man Winter are having some kind of contest and I'm not sure who in hell is winning, do you?

So whatever the weather, get out there and enjoy it -- what the hell, when it's hot you'll wish it was cold! Hey, grab a camera and take a few pictures too...winter is fantastic!

Now ain't this peaceful?

Italian Firefighters

One dark night in the small town of Garfield, NJ, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames.

The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.

Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi, NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.To everyone’s amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed the fire engines parked outside the plant and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.

A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Wella," said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old fire chief, "de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa de brakes on dat fockinna truck!!"

PRE-SCHOOL TEST

I already knew I was dumber than the fifth graders, now it's the preschoolers turn!!??

Which way is the bus below traveling?


To the left or to the right?

Can't make up your mind?

Look carefully at the picture again.

Still don't know?

Pre-schoolers all over the United States were shown this picture asked the same question. 90% of the pre-schooler's gave this answer.

"The bus is traveling to the left.'

When asked, 'Why do you think the bus is traveling to the left?'

They answered: 'Because you can't see the door to get on the bus.'

How do you feel now???

I know me too.

That's enough testing for a Friday -- on the weather front, we can expect a light dusting today (she wants dust, come to my house, I'm sure I can find places where dust hides) but the wind chill is currently a lovely minus 7 degrees -yikes!

Look who came back for more goodies, this bugger is starting to annoy me and he's going DOWN!

Ya, he looks worried, just munches away and could care less -- well,soon he's gonna discover his carefree days are OVER!

Your Yearly Dementia Test

It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast,' give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said 'bread', go to Question 2.

2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said 'green bricks,' why the hell are you still reading these??? If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.

4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash-landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of 'no man's land' between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land'?

Answer: You don't bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, 'You don't bury survivors', proceed to the next question.

5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you.

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

CAUTION – THEY WALK AMONGST US

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal.
It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.' The next day someone stole it!

***They walk amongst us***

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted....'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

***They walk among us***

While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff'

***They Walk Among Us***

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

***They Walk Among Us***

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the trunk.

***They Walk Among Us!***

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...

***They Walk Among Us***

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'... (I work with professionals like this.)

***They Walk Among Us***

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

***Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!Sadly, not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!

AND MY FRIENDS, THIS IS THE SCARY PART! THEY VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~

So on this lovely Thursday, how do you like the notion that Mother Nature will NOT allow any green to show during the month of February! She has her traditions and ways and honey, nothin nor nobody is gonna change her -- deal with it. I do understand that along with the white stuff, we got some rain and sleet which mean SLIPPY spots, so be careful out there or slide and have fun -- your choice!

The Aisle Seat

Two radical Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of London One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a Coke.'

'Don't get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you.'

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the Coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good, I'd really like one, too.'

Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone, the other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors...

'Why does it have to be this way? How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?'

THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES

Best short joke of the year

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mum', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'

'Not yet,' she replied.

GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH!

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.

Any questions? No? Didn't think so.....

ANOTHER THIS & THAT

Now Maxine really has the answer.

So, even if you believe that the American auto industry, credit/banking/mortgage businesses, airlines, etc. are too important to allow to fail, good old Maxine will make you stop and think twice about going ahead with some of the bail out schemes......

BAIL EM OUT!

Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed. Now we are trusting the economy of our country and our banking system to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling whiskey.

~~~~~~~~~

On my walk this morning, as usual I let my mind (stop laughing, I do have one) wander and contemplate all sorts of things. When a 13-year old girl gets pregnant and has a baby, nobody really pays much attention…I mean, some social worker may get involved but it’s pretty low key news. However, when a 13-year-old allegedly fathers a baby, he’s gonna undergo DNA testing! Slap me with a wet noodle ---we finally realize both sexes are sexual active -- what a novel concept and it took us how long to figure this out? Sweet Mama!

Look, I don’t always get all the news stuff, I mean some of this sheet is damn confusing and missing points as far as I’m concerned. For the last few years (yes few years) Potsdam Hospital has been buying homes that nobody else wanted, nobody else would repair, rebuild or even occupy and nobody gave squat about. These are not homes located on Grove Street or the street by the high school, these are homes located behind the ole Nursing Home!

Certain well meaning citizens have decided this is wrong, these home need to be save ( huh) or something has to be done to stop the hospital from expanding and offering even more medical care (huh). It's not really about saving these houses (my opinion only here) but stopping the hospital from expanding. I'm just having a hard time following this thinking.

Here’s a novel concept, let them expand (like we’re gonna stop them) but let’s make a big roar and demand that they MUST increase the hospital parking lot! Come on, this is what we really want along with expanded service, right? Do you really give a rip about those ole houses? You didn’t want them, never even gave them a second look but now, now we got this crap happening and let’s use it to our advantage. Imagine adequate parking – hey, I don’t know about you but circling the current parking lot for 30 minutes to get a parking space is not my idea of efficient gas use!

On the weather front it would appear that Wednesday may see us with some slippy [gotta love that word--slippy!] weather – snow, rain, sleet and well, slippy stuff, duh? Well, for those of you who thought we were headed for an early thaw, go back into your dens, it ain’t gonna happen. According to those caterpillars we got at least one more big storm before this winter madness ends.

Oh for those keeping track, I bought yet another bird feeder and different bag a bird seed – I’m telling ya, these birds have got a major spread to choose from and they need only to get their little beaks over here. I do have two who show up pretty regular but I think they are dating and not telling their friends about this dining facility. Ya, patience will be –what – more birds?

Have a grand day - the sun is shining, so you might want to get outside and get some very needed vitamin D!!!

CAUTION TO GROANERS

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.

He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful, wonderful time.The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!'

You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. . .

Wait for it. .

It's coming. .

The suspense is killing you, isn't it?

She says:

'You just happened to catch my eye.'

(Oh shut up, you’re laughing aren’t you?)

THANKS BRO

“Hey Sis,” he yelled, “Let’s build a tree house?” It was that simple, that direct and he had my attention and my partnership. And in due course, we would haul whatever wood we could find down through the pasture, to the woods and to the pine tree he had chosen for our tree house.

This was not an easy task and required many trips, lots of laughter, yelling, swearing and demands that we didn’t bring nearly enough food for this work! So we’d get another sibling to join us and now we were three and the work went a bit faster and the load a bit lighter.

Oh that was some tree house and although it never got any sides or a top, it did have a lovely platform and we sat on that for hours and made up all sorts of stories. One day we might be pirates sailing the world’s oceans and becoming rich as we found treasure, after treasure. The next day we were outlaws, robbing and plundering town after town and gaining more land than anyone could possibly control. Why some days we were pilots flying this huge aircraft and we could handle anything the weather gave us but storms were the most fun as we rocked back and forth, giggled and imagined the turbulence we would encounter.


This was the brother who made childhood so damn much fun. He was, as our mother said, “Part horse,” because he could ride any horse he was given and man, was he ever a beautiful rider. He and the horse were one and he was just amazing. He even trained to be a jockey but before his debut Uncle Sam tapped him and said, “Time to serve your country,” and he did but that ended his jockey dream.



There are many memories I have of this brother and as long as I have them, he will live forever. Lawrence (Tuffy) Dean, Jr., passed away on February 12th, 2009 ---he now rides all the horses he wants, and has the biggest tree house in the world – rest in peace my brother, I love and miss you!

FACT OR FICTION

Every now and then, you just have to address these age ole musings. Is this fact or is this fiction?

It's an amazing process -- hope you enjoy the journey!

Five portions of fruit and veg isn’t enough, we actually need 20.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Five-a-day is based on research that shows about 1lb or 400g of fruit and veg a day lowers the risk of heart disease, cancer and other diseases. Eating more can only help.

Chocolate gives you spots.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Acne is caused by hormones and their effect on sebaceous glands, not diet. An unbalanced diet may make the condition worse, but there is nothing to link chocolate with spots.

Cracking knuckles gives you arthritis.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
A study of knuckle crackers shows no increased risk, but swelling and grip issues may result.

Eggs give you heart attacks.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
A paper written for the British Nutrition Foundation this week shows no link between egg consumption and an increased risk of heart disease. Eggs are highly nutritious and you don’t need to restrict your daily intake.

Shaving causes hair to grow back thicker.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Stubble hasn’t the tapered end of unshaven hair, so it just looks thicker.

We only use 10 per cent of our brains.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
We use about 60% of our brain even when we are asleep.

You lose most heat through your head.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
If it were true, people would be colder going hatless than trouser less, which is patently not the case.

Sugar makes kids hyperactive.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Trials into children with different sugar levels have not shown behavioral difference between kids who had sugar and those who did not.

Sugar causes diabetes.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
This isn’t true either. Adult onset diabetes is much more likely to be caused by eating too much and not exercising enough.

Carrots may help you see in the dark.
Fact or fiction? FACT
There is some truth in this one in that carrots are high in vitamin A. This vitamin supports the light sensitive cells called rods that help us to see in the dark.

Reading in the dark damages your eye sight
Fact or fiction? Fiction
While dim lighting can cause eye strain, the effects are not permanent, according to experts.

Sit-ups won’t get rid of a fat tum.
Fact or fiction? FACT
You'll only get a six-pack if you get rid of the overlying fat first. You’ll then be able to see the perfect abs emerging as you do your sit-ups.

An apple between meals cleans your teeth.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Far from cleaning and protecting teeth, apples may encourage decay because of their acid and sugar content. Watch sweet varieties like Pink Lady and Braeburn.

Cutting salt can reduce your blood pressure
Fact or fiction? FACT
Less salt can lower blood pressure and reduce the risk of heart disease and stroke, says the Food Standards Agency. Losing weight, exercise and cutting back on alcohol can also help.

Vitamin C will stop you getting a cold.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
The vitamin is needed for healthy functioning of white blood cells, but it can’t stop you getting a cold. A supplement might reduce the duration of symptoms, but it’s not a cure.

Your heart stops when you sneeze.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Pressure in your chest rises as you inhale and drops when you exhale, so your heart rate is affected, but it does not stop beating.

Eating late makes you fat.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Subjects monitored in a metabolic unit show no more tendency to put on weight if they eat their evening meal at 8pm than if they eat it at midday.

Going out with wet hair gives you a cold.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
You can only catch a cold if you come into contact with the cold virus.

Fat people have a slow metabolic rate.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
The bigger you are, the more calories you burn, because you use more energy in carrying your weight around.

Pull out a grey hair and 10 will grow in its place.
Fact or fiction? Fiction
Plucking a grey hair will simply get you one new one in its place, not 10. Only one hair can grow per follicle.

Vitamins can’t give you energy.
Fact or fiction? Fact
Vitamins don’t contain calories, so unless you have a severe vitamin deficiency, whereby you can’t efficiently process food into energy, your energy level will not be affected.

Fish is good for an unborn baby's brain.
Fact or fiction? Fact
Why? Fish contains omega-3 fats, in particular DHA, which are vital to fetal brain development. However, eating fish later in life will not increase intelligence.

~~~~~~~

And that my friends is how the Brits address the Fact and Fiction questions and myths. Now you can sleep better knowing these have been addressed!

Please read "comments" to ascertain what these are -- I had no idea either.

AN OBITUARY PRINTED IN THE LONDON TIMES

Interesting and sadly true. 'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, 'Common Sense', who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouth wash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement ...

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust. His wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility, his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights; I Want It Now; Someone Else Is To Blame; I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

RANT DAY

Okay you animal lovers and dog walkers, why do you think that during the winter months or white stuff means you don’t need to “clean up” after you dog dumps his dinner on the village sidewalks? Where in hell did you get the idea this is only necessary during Spring, Summer and Fall but Winter its not necessary? HEY STUPID, shit is shit, no matter what the season, clean it up!

It was so nice to actually put on tennis shoes and go for a walk this morning. I mean, the sidewalks were bare, no ice, no snow and yes, some flowing water from yard run-offs, but for the most part, clear and easy to walk upon. Hell, one could actually get a good pace going without fear of slipping on the ice. Then, wham, dog shit, and now you are literally forced to side-step, step-over and in some cases, go around these piles of poop! These are not last weeks turds, oh no, this was today's contribution and what? --- the owner didn’t think we’d notice – WRONG!

It’s the same with you idiots who think tossing stuff out the car window in the winter is okay too. Damn, it doesn’t take long before our streets look like trash lanes for every insect, disease and sickness mankind can create – we are such an innovative species! Come on, people, let’s stop being slobs and take some responsibility here.

Norwood is a nice village and we all need to help keep it clean and attractive. Let’s wake up and be responsible citizens and keep our town clean. Ya, like this is gonna work but hey, it’s worth a try and when you bitch about the trash, dog poop, and tossed bottles and cans, think about what you did with that trash in your car!

Thar, I feel better, had my rant and now, on with the rest of the day. And NO I am not going to clean up after YOUR dog -- forget it! I would like to say I'd get even if I caught you but that ain't gonna happen either. All I can do is appeal to your better nature and I know you got one. Better yet, would you want your kids, wife, husband, grandkids, guests or anyone entering your home with a shoe full of dog shit? Now, I got your attention -- CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR DOG!

FUNNIEST JOKE EVER

Absolutely the Funniest Joke Ever! ON US

Does anybody out there have any memory of the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY during the Carter Administration?

Anybody? Anything? No?

Didn't think so. Excuse me... I'm old... it was the high gas prices.
Bottom line -- we've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember. Ready? It was very simple, and at the time everybody thought it very appropriate.

The Department of Energy was instituted 8-04-1977 TO "LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL." Hey, pretty efficient, .......HUH?

AND NOW IT'S 2008, 31 YEARS LATER, AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS NECESSARY DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR, THEY HAVE 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES, AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES AND LOOK AT THE JOB THEY HAVE DONE!

THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY: 'WHAT WAS I THINKING?'

Ah yes, good ole bureaucracy. And now we are going to turn the Banking system over to them?

iT'S 45 degrees and I'm gonna go for a nice long walk and guess what -- no boots or crampons (yaktracks) nope, just good ole tennis shoes. Why? Well, it rained all night and I can see green grass and bare sidewalks --more later---oh ya, two birds showed up to feast late yesterday afternoon. Hubby claimed they were more interested in the tree branch than the food, as water was dripping off it and hola, drink fountain readily available. Who'd of thunk!

MORE NEWS NONSENSE

Okay, so this is what happened to the ONE bird that stopped by my feeders on Monday.Got so damn fat and over-stuffed that the flock insisted he do some heavy workouts to get back in shape.

And also, they hope he’ll tell where he ate but so far, he is keeping his beak shut extremely tight! Silly bugger!!

HARRY’S IN TROUBLE AGAIN

Poor Prince Harry, he can’t seem to say or do anything right these days and at his Dad’s 60 birthday celebration a talented and highly respected black comedian entertained Prince Charles. Afterwards while saying how much they enjoyed the performance, Harry stuck his foot in his mouth with his remark; “you don’t sound like a Black man.” Oh Harry, me boy, you gotta learn “head down, mouth shut,” and soon!

THIS TIME I MEAN IT

Favre has informed the Jets he is retiring after 18 seasons in the NFL, FOXSports.com has confirmed, ending a record-setting career in which he was one of the NFL's premier quarterbacks. Okay, time to raise your hands, how many believe him? Will the Packers take him back and keep him from retiring – damn, sports can be fun!

WAKE UP OLE WOMAN

Vitamins Do Older Women Little Good. Study finds they don't reduce risk of cardiovascular disease, cancer. Hey, I think I said this way back when----- that taking vitamins was a waste of money, in one hole and out another – hello, why didn’t you listen! Now you can save money and stop with the vitamins. If you EAT healthy foods you get all the vitamins you need – is that hard to comprehend?

AND FOR HER BIRTHDAY -- DRUM ROLL......

Now this one takes the top billing in my book. Your girlfriend, wife or significant other is about to celebrate her 40th birthday and you need to find her a present, right? Well, sheet; just pen her song and you’re golden. Who said John Mayer was a tightwad and that Jennifer Aniston should dump his sorry ass? I got one for ya Jenn: Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Dump John now he’s a total DO-DO! (dog poop).

YOU CAN DO IT -- I DID( I think)

Listen, you need a new hobby, right? Okay, here’s the story, 500 dolphins are stranded off Bataan, that’s in the Philippines and its warmer there, and they could use your help, so get off your lazy ass and get over there and help! Oh come on, their stranded at a shallow portion off the coast of Bataan, not out in the flippin ocean. You can do this – think of the fun you’ll have and the stories you’ll tell everyone when you get back! Look at that mountain goat, he didn't think he could do it but he did, so can you!

With just a little planning, you too can jump HIGH!

Look who stopped by in the rain and fog? And s/he brought a friend. That makes two that find my feeders enjoyable---but they only show up in the late afternoon -- shy little buggers!

SHAKE YOUR HEAD

Doesn't this just look peaceful and COLD? Well, it is and yes, its bloody cold too. However, there's something about a Feb thaw that just brings a giggle to the throat or a choke, your choice.

HERE GOES - GET READY TO SHAKE

Wow, this stuff just gets scary by the minute. Now we are learning the company “knew” the peanuts were contaminated and still sent the product!

Look, you can search the Internet and get all the latest recall listings but let’s make this easy on everyone – anything that has any peanuts or peanut butter – TOSS IT OUT! Look I hate to waste food and some of this stuff I actually like eating but you know what, I don’t care to take any chances with this stuff. So, out goes the trail mix, snack bars, peanut butter jars and anything else that contains peanuts in any shape or form.

You want to deal with salmonella poisoning, you just keep that stuff and hope like hell the batch you got is good, as for me, it’s not worth it. Hey, jelly without peanut butter works too!!!

How about this CEO SALARIES TO BE CAPPED

I wanna be a CEO and have my salary capped at $500,000. Afterall, it was partly my fault (ok, all my fault) that the bank or this big corporation failed but damnit, I gotta live, right? And if you do, well, it makes it possible for me to return the favor in say 10 or 12 years and I can again, screw up a business and go for another bail out. Oh ya, America is the place for me! Hey, why don’t we give these clowns all the recalled Peanuts?

TEMPERATURE

My eye sight is really going bad this morning, my temp READS 41 degrees! Is that freakin possible in February? Well, I guess so because it’s happening and of course, the weather brainsicks are saying we shall have rain today too – duh!

Plus, no birds showed up at my feeders yesterday, damn, and I was so excited that ONE bird did actually stop by and feasted on Monday. However there are a couple crows cawing away out there and who in hell knows what they are saying – one thing I do NOT want is crows in the feeders.

Well, I’m off to Curves and if the weather holds, I shall come back and take a nice walk too. Hey, if the sidewalks clear up, no crampons needed and I can get a good pace going without freak of falling on my arse. More later.

Lemme ask ya, does the term "crampon" make you shake your head or wonder "what the hell is wrong with women now, a crampon?" In case your brain ain't working, its those thingys you strap on your boots that grab into the ice and help prevent you from falling. Some folks call they yaktracks. I personally think grab-ons makes more sense than crampons but hey, I wasn't asked -- imagine!