How the World Is Lately

Thought you all might get a kick out of this tidbit -- hey, don't shoot the messenger! Also, it looks like today's weather is gonna make it possible to spend some quality time outside and this ole gal plans to put in some serious snowshoeing, care to join me?

If a man cuts his finger off while Slicing salami at work,He blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day r 40 years and die of lung cancer, Your family blames the Tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes Into a tree while driving home drunk,He blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are Brats without manners, You blame television.

If your friend is shot by a Deranged madman,You blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks Into the cockpit and Tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, And the passengers Kill him instead, The mother of the crazed deceased Blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to Understand the world.

As it is anymore.

So, if I die while my Old wrinkled ass is parked

In front of this computer,

I want all of you to Blame Bill Gates.

Hey to all of you making New Year's resolutions tonight, lots of luck with that -- personally, I never found them doable so I don't make them. I wait a few days, let the New Year settle in and then, well, then I consider doing this, stopping that and so on...now that works..but this instant crap, forget it.

Wishing each and everyone of you a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR..2010 IS GONNA BE AWESOME!

Monday -Again ♥

Now that "light" has begun to show itself, and I managed to actually read the underground weather news, here is what it says? Ready?

...BLACK ICE POSSIBLE ON AREA ROADWAYS THIS MORNING...BLACK ICE HAS DEVELOPED ON SOME ROADWAYS AND SIDEWALKS ACROSS THE NORTH COUNTRY OVERNIGHT. AFTER A PERIOD OF MILD AND WET WEATHER THIS WEEKEND...TEMPERATURES HAVE COOLED TO BELOW FREEZING ACROSS MOST SECTIONS EARLY THIS MORNING. WITH SATURATED CONDITIONS...

BLACK ICE HAS FORMED IN SOME LOCATIONS.MOTORISTS AND PEDESTRIANS SHOULD BE ADVISED THAT SLICK SPOTS EXIST AND MAY BE DIFFICULT TO SEE. USE EXTRA CAUTION THIS MORNING.


Snow is fine, I mean one can deal with snow but ICE -- not so much. Ice does not care what you drive, you do not stop easily on ice and any of you fools, with your fancy cars, will most likely learn this the hard way (you always do).

So, I reckon I shall stay home, take down decorations (oh stop, you want to leave yours up thru New Year's be my guest), do some laundry, might even vacuum and then of course, fire up the Wii and play a few games.



OR I could be brave and go outside, slap on the snowshoes and take a hike -- now that I could probably handle and it might be fun..only driving involved is my own drive...gee, what a concept.



Went and saw the Sherlock Holmes movie last night. Now I gotta tell ya, we lived in England for a while so adapting to the British accent is not that big a deal but this movie was a bit hard to follow..either the sound was too low or the actors were mumbling their lines. One thing tho, this version definitely allows one to appreciate Dr.Watson more -- about bloody damn time. Did I enjoy the movie? On a scale of 1 to 10, I'll give this one a 7. What I hope to watch, soon, is Blind Side, Avatar and Invictus --now those sounds like damn good flicks to me.



Okay, this is it for me this morning...you all have a great day, this Fruitcake is gonna move her arse and get something done...keep smiling.

Yes, the Day AFTER

Okay, you know it's gonna be said, so chill out, here it comes: Here's hoping you had a marvelous Christmas, that Santa was good to you and that you had a good day (good is defined by you and only you). Thar, it's been said, shall we move on? Thought so!!!

I gotta tell ya, I rarely ask for anything but more photos of my grandkids, maybe a sweatshirt and some goofy gadgets. I mean, I honestly have a hard time thinking of something I want or feel is necessary to make someone else feel good because they got it for me. Now wait a second, I say this with no sense of false pride, I buy stuff throughout the year and well, when it comes to this time of year, I honestly cannot think of anything I want, need or can't live without...its that bloody simple and direct. I know this irks others because they enjoy getting things for me too, but truly, when I say I want photos, etc., that is what I want...why don't people listen?

I was somewhat shocked this year -- I got an iPhone and will spend the next few months learning how to operate it but it has proven to be quite a nice little toy and while I haven't exactly made many phone calls, I have down loaded Pandora and now have music, I have access to my Facebook account, I have enter some names and given phones a special ring tone and yes, I have even taken a few photos and managed to save them...ya, all this in just one day...holy sheet.

Then to keep my electronic brain clogged even more, I also got a mini-laptop and that had to be set up too. What is really neat about this is that it comes with a build-in webcam so no fussing with that sucker, once you get someone to be online and in the same program, you can see each other and as this is a mini-laptop, walk around and show folks various rooms, objects, etc (sorry,bathroom and bedroom are strictly off limits).

So much for all this techie stuff, my happiest gifts and I actually asked for these were books. I do love to read and I wanted the Andre Agassi book and yes, Sarah Palin's book...hey, you can say what you want, but you need to read stuff and make up your own mind, okay?

On the lighter side, two new programs for the Wii set and man, the sports one is a hoot -- love to make these critters do things I could not do in a million years, like skate, jump, twirl, spin and stay upright. Or actually ride a snowboard downhill and score stylin points! Yes, there are "workout" programs and I shall get into them but not until after the New Year actually begins, why stress myself out over the pounds I added during the holidays..I'll just work harder and drop them..so thar. Snowshoeing helps!

So that is my update and again, I honestly hope you all had a nice Christmas. Today has been rainy,cold and at moments the fear of a repeat of the 1998 Ice Storm. We ain't outta the woods but hey, in upstate Minnesota they have 15 inches of snow and its still coming down---yikes.

One More Day....:)

Yup, this is it folks, you got today to finish up that shopping and hey, lots of luck with that number.


Now some folks wait and luck out but me, hell, what I would want would be long gone if I waited until the last day. I dislike shopping so I tend to pick stuff up all year and then, my so called holiday shopping is more people watching than anything else and yup, that works for me too.


It's a lovely 21 degrees, light snow falling and this ole lady is gonna do a few warm up exercises, then she's headed outside and donning snow shoes and off we go. Now, you do understand the first trek out usually means a few falls, right? Oh wait, that was skis, I have yet to fall in snowshoes..well, I mean since i got the shorter ones. Those ole fashioned long-tailed suckers, well, folks just stepped on them and down I went.


I also have a pumpkin pie in the oven and soon, well when this one is done, I shall toss in a dutch apple pie...what the hell, that shall be called dessert!!


To the John Boy and Louise, have a merry Christmas and happy New Year -- sheet, 2010 has to be brighter than 09, right? Have fun with the kids -- you got'em all home for a few days, eh?



Let's be smart this year and not drive and drink, we really want you all around next year, okay? Keep smiling and MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!

Look what this Wrap Fairy Did

Ya, gotta love this guy or gal...LOL So, no more looking for the gift wrap fairy, s/he is drunk and this is what you get, so forget it, wrap your own damn presents!

Honey

Honey............................

An elderly gent was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing 20 terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling,Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen , the man leaned over to his host, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names'.

The old man hung his head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' he said, Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old bitch what her name is.

&&&&&&&

So how are you folks doing on this lovely Tuesday morning...there's like - what? - 3 shopping days left -- ye gads. Oh ya, I got those damn presents wrapped...6 beers and a bottle of rum they are done, now someone needs to tell me to go home and wrap my own presents!!

In the process or during this somewhat blurry moment, I learned how to make this silly heart icon, let me see if that works here -- ready? here goes: <3>

My temp reading is 1 degree -- a tad chilly. Later on I'm taking my ghost car (that would be a white car for you less informed) in for a oil change and tire rotation...seems this recommended too, every oil change, rotate your tires. Let me see, the oil change is free, the rotation will cost me -- what a concept!!!

While this is happening, my dau shall meet me and we'll head into town and have breakfast -- sounds like a yummy plan to me, only one freakin problem. When you get up around 6 am., waiting until 9 or after to eat is the bloody pits.

Whatever, you all have a great day and yes, KEEP SMILING!!

Wrapping.....:)

Now, just you hold on one second. Today is the First Day of Winter -- so you can just bite me!

Come on, its 18 degrees, slowly creeping toward 20 and if it goes much higher, why, we'll need to haul out the shorts and tank tops. Just be glad you ain't living south -- like VA, DC, etc...now they got some serious snow and let me say it for you -- ABOUT BLOODY TIME IT WAS THEM INSTEAD OF US!

Okay, I don't know who has this witch but whoever thinks its nice to keep the wrapping fairy its not NICE! Plus,because of you, I had to wrap the damn presents and I hate that job.

I bought a 12-pack of beer, drank six, still wasn't done so I hauled out a bottle of rum and now, well, now I don't give a rip and if that fairy shows up, I'm gonna whomp her ass big time!!!

Oh stop, I know, use tissue paper and a bag, right? Well, I tried that and its a no go at Christmas time...folks like to literally rip paper off gifts -- isn't that silly....come one, think of all the trees we could save if we just ceased this silly notion of wrapping presents!!!

Rum bottle is empty and I see not one present left to be wrapped, so I must be done..hurrah!!!

More later-- I feel a nap coming up....must have been that rum...!

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

“ Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

**Have **a Merry Christmas &** ** **a great holiday** **season**!!*

Pedro and Rosita

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu.

"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.
"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."MERRY CHRISTMAS!


What you thought it was gonna be something else, sad, sad, have happy thoughts, not dirty ones....!

Reindeer

REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and Female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop

Their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to
Mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth In the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's
Reindeer, they all had antlers so...........EVERY single one of them, from
Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red Velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

THIS IS A GREAT MESSAGE!!!

F R O G, we all need one I do hope this returns to ME the sender! Isn't the little green guy sort of cute?

I was told a story about a lady in the hospital who was near death when an area Chaplain came to visit her. This Chaplain was a very young female with long blond hair. She listened to the lady who was ill and left her a small gift for comfort it was a tiny ceramic frog.

The next day one of the people from the lady's church came to visit. The lady told her friend about the beautiful young Chaplain who had come to visit her and the friend was so impressed with the way the lady had improved she felt the need to talk to the young Chaplain.

In her search to find the young gal, she was repeatedly reassured that the chaplains are never very young and that there was never a gal that fit the description given. Upon returning to the lady in the hospital, a visiting nurse entered the room and noticed the ceramic frog.

The nurse made the comment 'I see you have a guardian angel with you.' As she held the little frog. We asked why she made the comment and we were informed that the frog stood for:

(F)Forever (R) Rely (O) On (G) God

To The World You Might Be One Person; But To One Person You Might Be the World.

Early Dismissal

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly, can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln." Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first. Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King." Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before. Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy." Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions. When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?

2009's First Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season Begins

Helpful Tips for the Week

Who knew? Did you know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional pain relievers?

Did you know that Colgate Toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns?

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 tablespoon horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil for instant relief for aching muscles.

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-even though the product was never advertised for this use.

Honey remedy for skin blemishes... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus: Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine Mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection...
To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear Nail Polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

Smart splinter remover: Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Hunt's Tomato Paste boil cure... Cover the boil with Hunt's Tomato Paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

Balm for broken blisters... To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine, a powerful antiseptic.

Vinegar to heal bruises.... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour[an hour, are they serious?] The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief... it's not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

And now you too can be your own doctor -- love these ole remedies and what is amazing is they work...health care? Emergency Rooms? Who needs'em!!!

The Awesome Power of Cookies

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.


He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.


With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.


There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.


Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.


"Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral.

The Human Body

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy measuring their thumbs.

And you thought this was gonna be about Tiger, didn't ya? Nope, I don't text him, I was not one of his alleged mistresses and frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!!!

Observations on Maturing.....

It's harder to tell navy from black.

Everything old is new again, but if you wore it before, you're too old to wear it the second time around.

Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them!..but your grandchildren are perfect.

Yellow becomes the big color...walls...hair...teeth.

Going out is good Coming home is better.

When people say you look "Great"...they add "for your age."

When you needed the discount you had to pay full price . . . ...Now you get discounts on everything...movies...hotels...flights.

You forget names...but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you.

The last 2 outfits you wore had spots on them.

You ask your husband or friend how your outfit looks and they tell you the truth.

The five pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

You realize you're never going to be really good at anything...especially golf.

Your husband is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.

The things you cared to do, you don't care to do, but you care that you don't care to do them anymore.

Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring then he does in bed. It's called his "pre-sleep.

"Remember when your mother said "Wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident"? Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident.

You used to say, "I hope my kids GET married. Now, "I hope they STAY married!"

The best place to have a conversation with your husband is in the bathroom...you have his full attention.

Who wants to wear 3" heels anyway?

You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch.

When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem were unheard of and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table.

You use more 4 letter words..."what?"..."when?"

Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

Your husband has a night out with the guys but he's home by 9:00 P.M...next week it will be 8:30 PM.

You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.

Notice everything they sell in stores is sleeveless.

Many of the people in People Magazine you've never heard of.

Your concealer doesn't conceal.

Your lipstick bleeds.

Your mascara clumps and your eyebrows are disappearing

You don't have hair under your arms and very little on your legs but your chin needs to be plucked daily.

What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

Everybody whispers.

Now that your husband has retired ... you'd give anything if he'd find a job..

You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet....2 of which you will never wear.

But old is good in some things:...old songs...old movies...best of all: OLD FRIENDS.

Thanks for being one of mine!

Shopping....:)

Okay, like most I too must bite the bullet and give this shopping some serious consideration...ugh.

When my kids ask what Dad wants and I tell them, then my choices get smaller and smaller..duh. And lately I have either been with my daughter or husband and I can't quite shop or buy anything when they are present. So, I have been "looking, listening, and hoping" they give me some ideas...so far its a deaf scene!

I admit I dislike shopping, it is not one of my fave things to do -- never has been but what I do like is watching holiday shoppers. Honestly this is a fun activity and the kids, oh man, the kids are excited and want everything and I do mean everything! I think stores should have a kids game/play room where the kids can hang out so the parents can shop without constantly having to said No, Come along or Stop or we're going home right now!

Then you got some folks who came to shop but stand in the damn aisle and gossip for longer than it takes to fix a turkey. I mean, at least move to the side or don't block the aisles for crying out loud. And then, when they do depart, you hear "call me," and two seconds later they are talking via a cell phone -- are you trying to drive me insane?

I like to see the senior cizitens shopping, they are not in a big hurry, but they have a mission and they patiently avoid running kids, rushing parents and yes even accidents that happen and people tend to think they created (not true). They smile and plod on slowly and carefully. They aren't looking for expensive stuff, just nice stuff and they know exactly what they want, just ain't gonna rush to get there...they are in no hurry. Unlike others, they have patience and time so they will let you go ahead of them and hell, if you insist on helping they carry stuff to their car, they'll let you as long as you stick close by -- walk to fast and that cane will whack you quicker than you can say stop! Gotta love'em!

Anyway, I had to get into the shopping mode and I'll shall start that on Tuesday as I join a friend and we head to Malone. We'll gossip in the car, shop, and then join others for lunch and have a grand ole time. How much we'll buy is something we can't predict but regardless, it will be fun. As for today, hey, are you completely void of brains...its football Sunday --my ass will be in front of the TV.

Keep smiling.

How Did Tom Know?

Sometimes stuff comes across my desk that just needs to be shared...hope you feel the same as you read the following quotes from one of our favorite Presidents:

When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe. Thomas Jefferson

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not. Thomas Jefferson

It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes. A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world. Thomas Jefferson

I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. Thomas Jefferson

My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government. Thomas Jefferson

No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. Thomas Jefferson

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. Thomas Jefferson

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. Thomas Jefferson

To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical. Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:'I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered...'

'If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.'-Mark Twain

SUMBICH!!!!

A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot Man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.' The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash.

Everyone turned around and old Leroy was in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its *ss! Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.' 'No, that's okay. I don't want it,' said Leroy.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet.How about half a million bucks then?'

No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?'

Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?'

Leroy said, 'I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!

&&&&&&

And now a word from your sponsor. Better yet, how about a photo and you tell me what or where you think you have seen this picture. A clue, it's local so don't be thinking you saw it miles from home...alot closer than you imagined. Ready?

Glass of Wine

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...
And those who don't and are always
Seen with a bottle of water in their hand.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials,
Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 litre of water each day,
At the end of the year we would have absorbed
More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria
Found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop..

However,
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process
Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of shit.

November Almost Over

I don’t know about anyone else but November seems to have flown by, at least the latter half. The first part, not so much as my sister would say.

In the fact the first half was the freakin pits as far as my family was concerned. Our son was undergoing cancer treatment, had some kind of reaction to a trial drug and wham, now he was undergoing open heart surgery to repair a leaky value…sweet Mama, what else could happen. However, he is doing great and we are very thankful for that too.

And our newest grandson is putting on weight and just keeps getting cuter by the day (well, minute if you insist) and Grandma is having a hard time staying away –want to hold him constantly. I also miss the Minnesota grandkids – at least they could and did play games with me (mind and board games).

Went for a brisk walk yesterday morning – had no idea it was that chilly until the wind kick up and then, well, then I realized I should have worn a bit more than just a sweatshirt and vest. Oh well, walk faster and you warm up quick. One thing I noticed and heard was the geese all flying, honking and looking for directions – guess it’s time to head south. What cracks me up is the flock above my head was no where near a V shape – they must have flunked that course.

Later hubby and I put up some outside decorations. Hey, it was a great day for this except for the wind, when that sucker blew you felt it and began to get the idea, colder weather is gonna hit and soon. Oh well, that is life in the North Country.

I suppose next week I shall hit the stores and begin the Christmas shopping (our daughter-in-law is already reminding us in no uncertain terms, she needs a wish list and she wants it ASAP). I have damn little idea of what to buy anyone so it’ll be one of those walk around and let something call to me…hey, this idea has worked for years and years.

Have a grand Sunday – it is football day, so get the snacks prepared, find a comfy seat and sit back and enjoy….oh ya, I doth like my football games!!

Home

Good Morning,

Yes, I am finally back home and came directly from the airport to see and hold my newest grandson. OMG the photos do not even begin to show how much hair this boy has -- its amazing.

Of course he is beautiful, handsome, adorable, snugglable and just flat out wonderful. Grandma is just gonna be spending lots of time with him now and later...he is just too cute.


However, I miss my Minnesota grandkids too -- only been a day but man, I got use to seeing their smiling faces at breakfast, doing homework and playing games with them too. Oh well, once Mom and Dad got home, I was pretty much chopped liver...naw, they love me but they missed their parents and that is only fair.

Our son is doing nicely. Had a cancer treatment on Monday, what a long, drawn out day that was and yes, I was there. That is one slow dripping IV process and then, he got the chills, so everything had to stop, he needed to warm up, get things back in sync and finally, resume the treatment. What normally takes 5 hours, took a bit longer and his butt was numb as was mine. If I understand all this crap, he has two more treatments, then he gets a break and 8 weeks after that he'll head back to Rochester aka Mayo Clinic for "tests," and then we shall hear "you are in total remission." Ya, we live for that day.

As for his open heart surgery, he is doing nicely in that department too. It's a slow process and small steps and he is learning to take things slow and easy (not an easy thing for him to accept). Most likely he'll start cardiac rehab soon too...whatever in hell that entails (walking, light weights, etc). Mostly tho he still tires easily and takes naps..so he joined (temporarily) the senior citizens happy hour each day and took a nice nap!!!

More later...have a lovely day and a fantastic Thanksgiving...we all have so much to be thankful for and we need to say thanks more often!!!

Santa Workshop

Here are my grandkids making "trains" at Santa's Workshop. Later we visited with Santa.

What was interesting was the parents were looking for us and neary put out an APB -NY Grandma missing!!! They didn't know about the workshop and had no idea I would be there -- silly parents.

Lovely weather here in Warroad. Our son is slowly getting around better but tires easily and actually looks forward to his afternoon naps (hey at my age, happy hour is a nap, so this works out nicely).

More later...have a great day and yes, by all means, keep smiling!!!

Soon

Great news!

Our son came through his heart surgery with flying colors and is now home. He cannot drive and tires easily but he is following the doctor's orders and taking things slow and easy. This involves going for short walks, 3 or 4 times a day and of course, no driving. Think he over did it a bit yesterday, long walk, got the kids ice skates sharpened, visited his office for an hour, walked about in a store and then we did lunch. Whew, even I was exhausted. Today he is definitely taking things a bit slower.

Oh yes, the kids were most happy to see their parents and I am currently chopped liver -- grandma was great while the parents were away but hey, they are home and they are glued to them like white on rice. Ya, it'll last a bit longer and then, grandma will once again be the person to hang with -- or so I think!!!

As it now stands, unless something changes, I shall head back to NY next week and then, I shall get to meet my newest grandson. Hell, stay here much longer and he'd be in pre-K!!! Yes, life is good.

Weather has been beautiful here in Warroad. Sunny, breezy and chilly but not that horrible cold one expects in this northern tundra.

Keep smiling...and again,thanks for all your prayers and support....deeply appreciated.

Some times you Just Don't Ask

Just when you think you have heard it all, out pops another idiot!!!!!!
How about this one for all of the teachers I am forwarding this to.
Have you ever heard of such ignorance?

How would you pronounce this child's name?

"Le-a"

Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.

This child attends a school in Detroit, MI. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.

It's pronounced "Ledasha" .

When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."

SO, if you should happen to see something as ridiculous as this come across your desk, please remember to pronounce the dash.

If dey axes you why, just tell dem dat de dash don't be silent.

(And then we wonder why the whole damn country is falling apart...)

&&&&&&&&

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'

The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'

The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

The preacher said, 'No shit?'

Saint Mary’s Hospital

This was taken inside, looking out...said tubes connect various building through this hospital...it is truly amazing and a fantastic medical facility.


Saint Mary’s hospital opened on Sep 30, 1889. Its history however began six years earlier when, in 1883, the Sisters of Saint Francis were called upon to care for the sick and injured after Rochester, Mn. Suffered a devastating tornado. The Sisters opened their teaching academy to house the critical patients. Dr. William Worrall Mayo directed the medical care.

Today, Saint Mary’s Hospital is one of the largest private hospitals in the world. I gotta tell ya, this sucker is HUGE. Inside the building are 5 other buildings: Mary Brigh Building, Francis Building; Joseph Building; Domitilla Building and Generose Building and each of these have various floors, rooms and patient services. It’s just amazing and a maze of long corridors but well mapped out and although you walk a lot folks are there to assist if needed.

My son began his Rochester adventure at the Mayo Clinic in a clinical trail for follicular lymphoma and he and his wife left home on Oct 25th and figured to be back Nov 2nd. Well, it was during these trials and a leaky heart value was discovered and then, it was more tests and finally the decision to have heart surgery.

That took place on Monday, November 9th and here we are Wednesday, Nov 11th and he is slowly having tubes removed, sitting up, getting nourishment and with any luck, a few steps this afternoon. He is strong but this is gonna be a long healing process and at the moment, he has all ready been informed, for awhile, he can lift nothing heavier than 5 pounds. This will be his hardest test to mind the doctor’s and follow orders – he will just need to relearn to take things slower and give his body a chance to heal completely.

Yes, Mama was with him and glad she was because he wanted his Mommy too. He loves his wife and she has been there the entire time and attentive, supporting, caring and loving but no matter how old you get, if possible you still want Mommy! Mama got pretty tired tho – sorry but a long drive to Rochester (8 hours) and then a lot of sitting and waiting, and that just wears you out. So I am using today to rest and doing damn little.

I am anxious to see the grandkids and although this is “deer week,” and limited school days, they did attend yesterday and today, but it will be a 4-day weekend from this day on. BUT next week to make up for this time off, get this crap, they will go all FIVE days and the same hours – ouch!

Sun is shining, it’s 47 degrees and if the energy level ups just a little, I think a walk would be wonderful – I’m gonna talk myself into a walk, you can see that happening, can’t ya?

Take care, keep smiling and again, thanks for all your prayers and good thoughts.

HOLY E-MAIL

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.

When he returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not. God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.' So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.' God was not pleased.

So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going..

Do you know what the e-mail said?

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.

Pastor's Ass

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won..The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.The local paper read:PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10..
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . even shorten your life.

So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a nice day!

Junk Drawers

Okay, go ahead; tell me you don’t have a junk drawer in your kitchen…liar….we all have at least one.

And what is amazing is that when we finally decide to clean it, the stuff we realize we shoved in there should have been tossed a long time ago, right?

What is even worse is once everything is out, you wash the drawer and it looks clean now, right? Then you put stuff back in the drawer and I don’t know about you, but mine looks almost as full and messy as when I started – what in hell is that all about? I don’t recall “Junk Drawer 101,” being like this, did you?

Gotta tell ya, Minnesota is starting to get some cold weather. Hey, 25 degrees is cold in my book. And yes, we have had our first snow and it tried like hell to snow yesterday but it never happened, thank goodness. Again, the wind off the thousand Lakes makes it much cooler in my book but the folks here are of hearty stock and don’t see this as all that cold yet!

My son is really having a rough time with this treatment process. The new drug is causing all sorts of side affects and they are done with that sucker - -ya think? He was retaining fluids so they gave him something to stop that and that caused dehydration so that wasn’t a good plan. Then something else was tried and he was nausea and weak, I mean this is strong young man and he could not walk three steps without needing to sit down and rest…so he was being pushed about in a wheelchair!

He was hospitalized Sunday and Monday, they checked him and said he needed to stay in the hospital because he was experiencing a minor capillary leak syndrome…holy shit, what else can he experience? This morning his heart was racing so he was taken to ICU, on oxygen as a precautionary measure and everything is being monitored. It’s scary as hell hearing about all this and unable to do much however, he will get through this and he has a very strong, supportive and loving wife right by his side encouraging and keeping him fighting. Please pray for him and all those fighting cancer…this is one badass disease.

Yes, is it time for grandma to study so she can do homework later, I do need to keep my image up for the grandkids, and at this point, I am still smarter than a 1st and 3rd grader - -not by much, but a little.

On the home front, my newest grandson is doing great, Mommy and Daddy are enjoying him and as always I am anxious to see him too.

Keep smiling folks, we’re above ground and life is good!

Monday

Whew, what a weekend and in this neck of Minnesota that's 3-days of weekend fun. Ya, no school on Friday...ye gads!

Halloween was fun...the Grandma's did a great job...what the hell, we can brag too. I was a little puzzled when we "drove" kids almost house-to-house vs. having them walk and as it was not all that cold, this was even more of a puzzle to me. I am not saying kids did not walk door-to-door, they did but driving around town was also necessary. And we took them ONLY to places we knew they knew the kids. Then of course, we had to check all the candy and before long, a sugar high was seen, felt and heard...try getting them to bed when that is going on -- holy sheet!

The next day we headed over to the Black Bear for breakfast and my grandkids ate like this was their first meal in days...ye gads. Oh I was proud of them, made "happy plates." Then as it was Sunday, it was come home, play a few games and settle in for football. You wanna piss kids off, tell'em the TV is yours for the day..ye gads. Oh give me a break, they have a TV in their room, they can watch things up there. Why is it kids insist on having you in the same room to watch shows?

It has been a rough week and weekend for my son as the treatments put him thru the ringer. Then he was retaining fluid and needed help getting them out and was also experiencing some pain. Hopefully today's treatments will go smoother, better meds will be given to deal with pain, nausea and fluid retention. They really hope to head home today -- both are anxious to see their kids...they have NEVER been away from them for this long.

And on the home front (meaning there) my grandson, Clint, is now home too. Mommy is taking him for his blood work and other check ups this morning all by herself and a tad nervous. Of course Grandpa has seen and held him and again, everyone is doing this but me...oh well, when I get home, he's all mine for a little while. I'm sure his parents will want a break by then too.

So the sun is shining, the dog and I have had a short walk -- it was chilly and that little Shih Tzu take very small steps...I had to adjust my pace to accommodate the damn dog -- how sad is that?

Have a great day, and keep smiling...

Snowing In Minnesota

Hey, snow at this time of year is even strange for this neck of the woods and you know, that first snow is always special...usually because its light and ain't gonna stick...that's special!!!

All fine here in Warroad, grand kids are good, keeping me busy and driving me nuts at times but it's all good stuff. I do lots of homework Monday thru Thursday, and then, more over the weekend...no school here on Friday's. Hey, the school voted for a 4-day school week, longer days and no school on Friday as a cost saving thingy. Not sure that is working as both parents and teachers dislike this new schedule. The folks reaping the benefits are those running day care --ya think?

Oh for those keeping track,my son is doing okay. Treatments are awkward at times, making him very tired and he sleeps alot. But he is doing great. This is the longest they have been away from their kids and I don't know who bawls more when the call, the kids or them.







On the home front, I am proud to announce my daughter has had her baby. He came early, a month early (sick of that small apartment); currently in a hospital in Syracuse but all is fine. He is a beautiful little boy, head full of black hair and man, is he loved by his parents and Grandma is anxious to see and hold him too. Like I said, he came a month early, weighed in at 5.5 and doing nicely..no lungs problems and eating up a storm. He'll be headed to his own bed and home real soon.

Yes, congrats and welcome Clint -- there's an exciting world for you to explore and see, it's gonna be a blast.

Keep smiling folks, I'll be doing Grandma duty tomorrow night as I take grandkids out to trick or treat, the other Grandma is driving the getting away car -- we got this covered big time.

The Blonde and the Cow

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Newoundland rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.'

The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blond, asks, 'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?'

'That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall,' she explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'

The blond turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, 'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'

(It's nice to see a blond winning once in awhile.)

Back in the 1500's

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor" - But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldnt even afford to buy a pot....they "didn't have a pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low


Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June... However, since they were starting to smell . .. . brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all, the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt.. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a "thresh hold".

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old".

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat".

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the "upper crust".

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake".

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus,someone could be, "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer"....

And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !

So . . . get out there and educate someone! ~~~ Share these facts with a friend like I just did

SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.

As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, 'YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'

DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS!

The Older Crowd

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. 'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medicationyou prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?' 'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,'I 'm wondering, then, just how serious is my conditionbecause this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'..'

***********************

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. 'Yes, Dad, what is it? ''Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me... your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

----------------

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

-----------------
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me!I want people to know 'why' I look this way...I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

********************
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

<><><><><><><><><>

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

<><><><><><><><><>

First you forget names,then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

---------------------------------

Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft... Today, it's called golf.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The only thing golden in
later years is the color of
your urine.

Lord, please...keep Your arm around my shoulder, and, Your hand over my mouth!

For those keeping track, my son's first day of treatment went very well, he was tired and slept alot but he is fine. Now into the 2nd day and so far, everything seems good...no major side affects. Thanks for all your prayers.

Grandma Duty

Yes, folks I am in Minnesota -- arrived last Thursday and had an interesting flight. By interesting I mean, we hit some jet stream and the plane bounced along like we were on some cheap fair ride -- almost made me want to hurl...damn, that never happened before. I love to fly and rough weather has never been an issue.

Saturday night my dau-in-law pulled off a good one, a surprised birthday for my son...he was totally clueless and loved every minute of it. Not only was this to wish him a happy 40th but also a spirit booster as he headed to Rochester on Sunday. No, Rochester, Minnesota, Mayo Clinic -- where he begins treatment today...he is gonna kick this shit out of his system. Just pray there are no major side affects, okay?

As for me, my first full day as "on duty Grandma 0r ODG"(holy smokes, mess with those letters and it could be DOG, eh) was get the kids over to arena for hockey practice. However, it was decided we probably should eat lunch first, right? Well, I had stuff in the oven, all was on target when I suddenly looked at the computer and saw the time. It was much different from this clock on the TV stand(that sucker was off by an hour or more). So, lunch was put on hold, then Gramma fixed every damn clock in the house so we are now all on the same time. I think I need to buy a wrist watch! When I retired, I also retired a watch but now, well, I think I should have one.

Thankfully Alex is here to assist Grandma and help Ella with her hockey equipment including the skates. Whatever they did their thing, got'em back home and we had a nice dinner -- chicken nuggets, stuffed cheese balls (I think) and some of Dad's birthday for dessert. Baths all done we settled in to watch TV and soon Grandma was talked into playing another board game...fun, fun and fun. Kids in bed by 8 and Grandma in bed at 9, reading a book...hey, this worked.

This morning was a hoot, we got up, everyone did the morning wash-up, had breakfast, teeth brush, beds made and dressed. Kids watching TV and me totally prepared to get them out the door by 7:30 as the bus comes at 7:45, no problem. Holy sheet, the bus was here at 7:27, talk about run, they rushed out and caught it...change that schedule.

Tonight the kids and I shall make sliders, have some fries, corn and probably more birthday cake. Oh ya, once home we'll have homework to do but no skating tonight --damn what a schedule.

Gotta tell ya, once I get the hang of all this it shall be really fun. Now I gotta get dressed and take the dog for a walk---then, who in hell knows...something will pop into my head.

More another time...all is good...keep smiling.

O x y m o r o n s

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are going dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when it's only one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?
29. Why is toilet paper tiny squares and tissues big squares?

Whew -- quite a list, eh?

FYI: This shall be my last post while home, I am headed west tomorrow and with any luck (and time) and I can keep the blog updated in-between playing with the Grandkids...so you all behave, keep smiling and sure, keep reading this blog...what else entertains you for free?