Son of a Gun, Blonde Men

A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots.

He arrests him for indecent exposure.As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'

The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff .... I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.

Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.... So I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy.. ''

And here I am.'

Son of a Gun. Blonde Men do exist

Worth Checking.....:)

Check this out.

Someone was in Lowes the other day and just for the heck of it she was looking at the hose attachments. They were all made in China . The next day she was in Ace Hardware and just for the heck of it she checked the hose attachments there. They were made in USA . Start looking.

In our current economic situation, every little thing we buy or do affects someone else - even their job. So, after reading this email, I think this lady is on the right track. Let's get behind her! My grandson likes Hershey's candy. I noticed, though, that it is marked made in Mexico now. I do not buy it any more. My favorite toothpaste Colgate is made in Mexico now. I have switched to Crest.

You have to read the labels on everything. This past weekend I was at Kroger. I needed 60 W light bulbs and Bounce dryer sheets. I was in the light bulb aisle, and right next to the GE brand I normally buy was an off brand labeled, "Everyday Value.." I picked up both types of bulbs and compared20the stats - they were the same except for the price. The GE bulbs were more money than the Everyday Value brand but the thing that surprised me the most was the fact that GE was made in MEXICO and the Everyday Value brand was made in - get ready for this - the USA in a company in Cleveland , Ohio .

So throw out the myth that you cannot find products you use every day that are made right here. So on to another aisle - Bounce Dryer Sheets....yep, you guessed it, Bounce cost more money and is made in Canada . The Everyday Value brand was less money and MADE IN THE USA! I did laundry yesterday and the dryer sheets performed just like the Bounce Free I have been using for years and at almost half the price!

My challenge to you is to start reading the labels when you shop for everyday things and see what you can find that is made in the USA - the job you save may be your own or your neighbors!

If you accept the challenge, pass this on to others in your address book so we can all start buying American, one light bulb at a time! Stop buying from overseas companies! (We should have awakened a decade ago...)

Let's get with the program... help our fellow Americans keep their jobs and create more jobs here in the U.S.A.

And when you go to check out at the grocery store… or any store for that matter… do not use the auto check out… go through the line using a live, standing there cashier.

You will be saving someone a job. We need to think of these things… you never know… the job you save may be yours, your son or daughter’s or a relative.

Weigh In

Okay, today is weigh-in day, the day I sweat over whether I lost any weight or some such shit. Actually, I sweat because I have (1) been to Curves, (2) went for a walk or (3) did either the Wii Fit or Wii Active workouts...now any of these result in me sweating...tada.

The thing that I want to see drop and I mean DROP is that freakin BMI number. I swear, whatever the magical number is for your height, one pound over and you are obese..that sucks! So as my BMI came down some points this week, I be a happy camper -- can you see this smile?

Anyway, I am joining Moonbeam for lunch and we're gonna laugh our asses off -- well, if I can laugh my ass off, that will be something, she's tall and skinny -- the gal needs to fatten up! More later, you all have a great day-- hey, the sun is shining, love it.

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

My Turn

Ever have one of those days or moments when you say, “screw it, my views, thoughts, opinions, rants and bitches are just as entertaining and news worthy as everyone else’s? Sure you do, come on, admit it – there, don’t you feel better? Thought so!

Damn we are a judgmental group of people – I mean, could any of us endure the close scrutiny and constant attention some of these celebs endure daily? Okay, they want fame and this is part of the price. First they just want to be noticed and love it, then it gets down right silly and they spend thousands of dollars seeking privacy and want to smash every camera in sight. Gee, fickle lot, aren’t they!

Okay, let’s look at some of the recent shit and whether you agree or not, really does not mater – this is MY TURN! Do I give a rip that Britney’s ex has put on some major pounds and his ex-girlfriend claims this is due to being a stay at home Daddy! Hello, stay at home – this man gets “paid” to watch his own kids – how friggin bad is that?

Then we got Jon who’s having a fling with a friend but its just a friendship and he is after all single. In the meantime, Kate is playing mother of the year and concentrating all her energy on taking care of the kids – like how many do they have – twins and six more – are we suppose to suddenly see her as the better parent? Look, I watched that show and thought she was one bossy bitch – I actually felt sorry for poor Jon. He could not do one damn thing to please her!

We’re still debating and searching for who’s the mother of Michael Jackson’s youngest child, Blanket – we also have his doctor under investigation and let’s not forget the mother of the other two, Debbie Rowe – look, will any of this bring Michael back, no. Will any of this keep his Daddy (who nicely claims he never was abusive to Michael) away from his kids – hopefully sufficient legal eagles will make this impossible.

Okay, let’s get closer to our real lives. Route 56 from Norwood toward Potsdam is under construction – now, why in hell was this road deemed in need of paving? I can suggest a couple other roads that really need paving and trust me; they really need paving, potholes are deeper than some canyons! AND this is causing some major traffic delays – so, again, leave earlier than normal to get to work on time!

Oh sheet, let’s get stupid over this weather. We have all ready been advised this wet stuff has hurt crops, hay fields and yards. Yards because folks don’t wait for this stuff to really dry before they hop on their riding mowers and head out --- and now we are leaving ruts and tracks in their yard – oh it is a pretty sight and these ass holes blame the weather– holy Agnes!!

Screw it, I could rant for days and it won’t change a damn thing. I’m gonna head out and see my brother -- we can swap stories and suffer in this heat together…hell, if lucky, he may even offer me a cold one. As for you, well, do what ya gotta do – rant if you want, this hump Wednesday is perfect for ranting….

Oh, regardless of what you do, keep smiling, okay?

Oh the photo -- that's the 4 stage of life!!!

Moonbeam if you see this and reply, Storm cloud will see you for lunch tomorrow...yaHOO!

GREAT CHUCKLES

PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR MOM, YOUR DAUGHTERS OR GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES, AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC.

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

5. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so we can tell them apart.

6. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

7. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

8. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

9. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.

10. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

Doctors

Doctors varying opinions on the Presidents Health Care Package...

Apparently the American Medical Association has weighed in on the president's new health care package....

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it,but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the
Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!' The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the
Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the
Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and
the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to all the a--holes in Washington .

Ways to Tell You’re Grown Up

Now the following outta wake ya up in good fashion and bring a smile onto your sour puss too. Enjoy, okay?

• Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
  
• Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
  
• You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
  
• 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
  
• You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
• You watch the weather channel.
• Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”
  
• You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
  
• Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
  
• You’re the one calling the police because those X&*$# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
  
• Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
  
• You don’t know what time TACO Bell closes anymore.
  
• Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
  
• You feed your dogs’ science diet instead of MacDonald’s leftovers.
  
• Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
  
• You take naps.
  
• Dinner and a move is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
  
• Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 am would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
  
• You go to the drug store for Ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
  
• A $4,000 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”
  
• You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
  
• “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
  
• 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
  
• You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
  
• When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit, what the hell happened?”
  
  
• BONUS: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass. Then you forward it to a bunch of old friends ‘cause you know they’ll enjoy it too.
  

Protective Ear Flap

You've got to love our older Veterans. This man, 73, wears a protective flap over his ear while Senator Ted Kennedy, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton address the Veterans of Foreign Wars. ?

I wish I could shake this man's hand?

I just want to know where he got it!

I use to cry at Weddings

Oh ya just gotta watch this -- at the title suggests, I use to cry at weddings, but this one, well, if you're crying its from laughter...enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

Fred

A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he was in a good mood that day he decided to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name."

"Fred" he replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred" the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it.

"Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies... "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD.

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.

Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred."

The officer let him go without even a warning.

COWS, GOLF, AND A WIFE

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally the doctor asked him, 'What happened to you?'

'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole; we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.'

We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.'

'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt.'

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'

'I don't remember much after that...'

A MUST READ

THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A SOLDIER IN IRAQ.

Okay, I need to rant.

I was just watching the news, and I caught part of a report on Michael Jackson. As we all know, Jackson died the other day. He was an entertainer who performed for decades. He made millions, he spent millions, and he did a lot of things that make him a villain too many people.

I understand that his death would affect a lot of people, and I respect those people who mourn his death, but that isn't the point of my rant.Why is it that when ONE man dies, the whole of America loses their minds with grief? When a man dies whose only contribution to the country was to ENTERTAIN people, the American people find the need to flock to a memorial in Hollywood, and even Congress sees the need to hold a "moment of silence" for his passing?

Am I missing something here? ONE man dies, and all of a sudden he's a freaking martyr because he entertained us for a few decades? What about all those SOLDIERS who have died to give us freedom? All those Soldiers who, knowing that they would be asked to fight in a war, still raised their hands and swore to defend the Constitution and the United States of America. Where is their moment of silence? Where are the people flocking to their graves or memorials and mourning over them because they made the ultimate sacrifice?

Why is it when a Soldier dies, there are more people saying "good riddance," and "thank God for Ides?" When did this country become so calloused to the sacrifice of GOOD MEN and WOMEN that they can arbitrarily blow off their deaths, and instead, throw themselves into mourning for a "Pop Icon?"

I think that if they are going to hold a moment of silence IN CONGRESS for Michael Jackson, they need to hold a moment of silence for every service member killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. They need to PUBLICLY recognize every life that has been lost so that the American people can live their callous little lives in the luxury and freedom that WE, those that are living and those that have gone on, have provided for them.

But, wait, that would take too much time, because there have been so many willing to make that sacrifice. After all, we will never make millions of dollars. We will never star in movies, or write hit songs that the world will listen too. We only shed our blood, sweat and tears so that people can enjoy what they have.Sorry if I have offended, but I needed to say it. Feel free to pass this along if you want.

Remember these five words the next time you think of someone who is serving in the military; "So that others may live..."

Only two people have ever effectively given their lives for you.

Jesus Christ and The American G.I.

One died for your sins, the other died to give you freedom

Say What

After the eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination, the doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Green, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?"

"Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud: "Bob, do we still have intercourse?"

And there was such a hush you could hear a pin drop.

Bob answered impatiently,"If I told you once, Irma, I told you a
hundred times...

What we have is Blue Cross!"

Wanna be 6 again

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

"I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again??"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

"I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

Friday

Here's another book I really should read, how about you?

Yes, another "wet" Friday, what else is new -- and for some reason, all this wet is causing a smell that leads to "some bad arse steekin happening around here.


For those interested, I did not do the Wii Active workout yesterday, even they were smart enough to know the muscles needed a break and a rest day -- hurrah!

Today after my Curves workout I came home and did the Active workout and yes, damnit, I did sweat -- now if this could just translate to weight loss I'll be skinny as a Q-tip by Sunday!!!

Ah the weekend cometh and the wet weather shall continue all weekend too...however, according the Farmer's Almanac, August is suppose to dry and warm....hey, you gonna believe a farmer or some meteorologist? At this point I'll go with the Farmer because anything that even remotely suggests dry, warm weather has my vote!!!

I may be back later but for now -- life is good, and yes, I am still above ground....

Maybe

This is really a test, I have no idea if this will work, so here goes...hang on and keep your eyes open


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPlug213Vb4


You see I just realized my camera had this movie option and now I am attempting to figure out how to share said movies...not that many give a rip about the grand dog but remember this is a TEST!

Texas Lady

A very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Texas one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin' (means 'getting ready to' in Texas ) to jump.

She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father."

He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."

She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."

He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."

She said, "Well, Remember the Alamo ."

He replied, ''What's the Alamo ?''

She replied, ''Well bless your heart, just go ahead and jump,you dumbass Yankee.''

You'll Like This

While the C-5 was turning over its engines, the female loadmaster gave the G.I.'s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan

'An old Master Sergeant, sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, 'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?'

When the loadmaster came by, he said 'Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?'

'Yes,' said the loadmaster, 'in fact, this entire crew is female.''

My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think, with only women up there in the cockpit.'

'That's another thing, Sergeant,' said the loadmaster, 'We no longer call it the cockpit.''It's the Box Office.'

Quote of the day:

'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'

Fitness vs. Weather

Yes, I know, you are sick of this wet stuff and wonder what in hell happened to those summers when we actually had sunshine, warmth and wished for rain! Well, it ain’t happening so get over it and move on, ok?

A friend suggested I try the Wii Active program. Now, remember I have the Wii Fit program and was doing that during the cold weather but – well – the warmer weather was seeing me more outside and I just did not use this program on – plus I went on trips, etc. Ya, Ya, any excuse to justify why I quit is what you're thinking and you're right! Happy?

Now Wii Active is slightly different (it’s also cheaper) and this is – sorry folks—a kick ass workout! There is no other way to say or write that – it just flat out kicks ass! The 30-day workout program focuses on particular exercises and body parts on different days, while the intensity gradually increases as you get going.

The exercises themselves are grouped into four categories - cardio, upper body, lower body and sports. Players will almost always take part in running [the “guide” makes you want to slap her down as she reminds you run faster or set a good pace – hey, Sweetheart, if I could run, I would be jogging and not walking, hello – shin splints ----) and walking drills, which call upon the leg strap and Nunchuck, while there are also a number of stretches that tend to make an appearance more often than not.

I quickly discovered some exercises required a bit more space as I did the leg lunges and some other moves – holy sheet. This is the real motivator – “if done correctly, nearly all of the exercises feel like they are fighting the flab, and even on the lower intensity levels (that would be me), you’re almost always guaranteed to work up a sweat (sweat? Hell I am practically drowning). Hey, I really dig the kick boxing, that's really cool, thighs ached like hell the next day, but I'm gonna stick with this exercise -- it really is a hoot!

At first I was having issues with the leg strap -(oh the instructions are clear enough, goes around your right thigh, tighten to keep in place -- but damnit, as I moved, my thigh shrunk and the sucker fell off) - so I had to solve that issue, really tighten that sucker and it stays on -- leg turns blue but hey, it's only for 30 minutes! Then the Nunchunk - just another controller (silly name, eh)-- this sucker supposedly can only fit in the leg strap one way -- hello, I figured out three freakin ways and none worked -- well, one finally did and now I was golden. Like I said, a few issues!

So, I have FOUR exercise programs: Curves (which I really enjoy and feel has seen me drop inches), Walking, Wii Fit and now Wii Active. In addition I have stopped being a smartass and resumed keeping track (writing down) what I eat and staying with my allotted points – aka Weight Watchers.

Yes, of course I want to lose some of these pounds (or resume smoking, no, just kidding) but I also want to retain or gain even more flexibility - hey you know me, staying above ground is always a good goal -- one everyone can relate too, right?

So weather it rains, snows, is windy or sunny and dry, I will do my exercises and no more excuses (at least for this 30-day challenge or when I take off on some trip -- I looking at trip possibilities daily).

So that's my weather vs fitness story and I'm sticking to it. Now, what in hell is your excuse? Sure, go ahead, sit on your fat arse and complain about how much weight you have gained and how you can hardly move. Look, sheet for brains, you know how to walk, right? Get up and walk!!!

If you looked this good at 60 you’d be smiling too!

After Life

Here's one of those books I never got to read, did you read it?

It's amazing what we were permitted to read and even more amazing was the folks who made that decision...where in the bloody hell did they find them?


A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.

Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact,

" Marion ...Marion "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course .. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob you must be in Heaven!"

"Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona ."

Seven Percent

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12 It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?
'27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40 If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift

"Its estimated 93% won't forward this.
If you are one of the 7% who will, forward this with the title '7%'.

So tell me are you gonna be one of the 7%?

Wedding Ring

A man went to the hospital in Cooktown, Queensland to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.

According to the nurse attending the operation, the patient's girlfriend found the ring in his pants pocket.She didn't know he was married and she was so mad she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.

I don't know what's worse:

1) Having your girl friend find out you're married.

2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.

OR...3) Finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.

Tough call. You decide.

[I'll write more about my weekend in the big ole ciTay later, gotta get to Curves and do my workout -- and then, I'm gonna set up a new fitness workout on the Wii program, thanks to Kate who suggested it -- and I'm also back on my tracking weight watchers program as of today -- so it's a busy morning...more later...have a good one!]

Congrats

I'm gonna keep this short and simple but also meaningful and sincere -- holy sheet, that's a hard act to make happen, eh?


Here goes: Congratulations to my son and his wife on their 10th anniversary which is today -- way to go!!!

To anyone else who is celebrating a birthday, birth, anniversary, or any milestone, congrats and best wishes for continued happiness and success!

Now remember, as far as anyone knows we are a normal family!

Git rid of ants -- seems some folks are having this issue and here's a cheap and easy solution...ready?

Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it "home," can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works and you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed.

That's it folks, have a great weekend -- I'm headed to the big ciTAY - Syracuse!

What starts with an F and ends with a K ?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.

'And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.' The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?' The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants..'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, and delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?' The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,

'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......

Ya Rain.....:(

This is one reason your phone should be equipped with a camera! Holy Mama, that's gotta hurt or maybe it felt good? Ya, inquiring minds don't really give a rip, do we?





Yes, another wet day in upstate New York. We just love this sheet--truly we love it. We can't sit in our yards because (1) its wet, (2 ) it's wet and (3) the grass is higher than the bloody house! We don't go swimming because the rain makes that impossible -- why is that -- we get in water but we don't like water on us -- huh? And I for one am sick of friggin naps! All this weather seems to create is this nap crap and that isn't right or is it?

Look, these cell phone camera shots just get worse..now I ask you, is this dress too short or is she too heavy to wear such an outfit? Oh ya, squat vs bend would work too....LOL.


Well, I have no freaking idea what I shall do today -- however, as I cannot seem to get outside and walk as I wish, I dusted the entire house and dusting is like weeding -- I HATE IT! But hey, things look shiny now -- is that good or bad I wonder?

Okay I admit it , today I am O.C.D: old, cranky & demented - and how is your day going -- aha, you're OCD too.

The Old Man

As I came out of the supermarket that sunny day, pushing my cart of groceries towards my car, I saw an old man with the hood of his car up and a lady sitting inside the car, with the door open.

The old man was looking at the engine. I put my groceries away in my car and continued to watch the old gentleman from about 25 feet away. I saw a young man in his early twenties with a grocery bag in his arm, walking towards the old man. The old gentleman saw him coming too, and took a few steps towards him. I saw the old gentleman point to his open hood and say something.

The young man put his grocery bag into what looked like a brand new Cadillac Escalade and then turn back to the old man and I heard him yell at the old gentleman saying, 'You shouldn't even be allowed to drive a car at your age.' And then with a wave of his hand, he got in his car and peeled rubber out of the parking lot.

I saw the old gentleman pull out his handkerchief and mop his brow as he went back to his car and again looked at the engine. He then went to his wife and spoke with her and appeared to tell her it would be okay. I had seen enough and I approached the old man. He saw me coming and stood straight and as I got near him I said, 'Looks like you're having a problem.'

He smiled sheepishly and quietly nodded his head. I looked under the hood myself and knew that whatever the problem was, it was beyond me.. Looking around I saw a gas station up the road and told the old man that I would be right back. I drove to the station and went inside and saw three attendants working on cars. I approached one of them and related the problem the old man had with his car and offered to pay them if they could follow me back down and help him.

The old man had pushed the heavy car under the shade of a tree and appeared to be comforting his wife. When he saw us, he straightened up and thanked me for my help. As the mechanics diagnosed the problem (overheated engine) I spoke with the old gentleman.

When I shook hands with him earlier, he had noticed my Marine Corps ring and had commented about it, telling me that he had been a Marine too. I nodded and asked the usual question, 'What outfit did you serve with?'

He had mentioned that he served with the first Marine Division at Tarawa, Saipan, Iwo Jima and Guadalcanal. He had hit all the big ones and retired from the Corps after the war was over. As we talked we heard the car engine come on and saw the mechanics lower the hood. They came over to us as the old man reached for his wallet, but was stopped by me and I told him I would just put the bill on my AAA card.

He still reached for the wallet and handed me a card that I assumed had his name and address on it and I stuck it in my pocket. We all shook hands all around again and I said my goodbye's to his wife. I then told the two mechanics that I would follow them back up to the station. Once at the station I told them that they had interrupted their own jobs to come along with me and help the old man. I said I wanted to pay for the help, but they refused to charge me.

One of them pulled out a card from his pocket looking exactly like the card the old man had given to me. Both of the men told me then, that they were Marine Corps Reserves. Once again we shook hands all around and as I was leaving, one of them told me I should look at the card the old man had given to me. I said I would and drove off.

For some reason I had gone about two blocks when I pulled over and took the card out of my pocket and looked at it for a long, long time. The name of the old gentleman was on the card in golden leaf and under his name....... 'Congressional Medal of Honor Society.'

I sat there motionless looking at the card and reading it over and over.
I looked up from the card and smiled to no one but myself and marveled that on this day, four Marines had all come together, because one of us needed help. He was an old man all right, but it felt good to have stood next to greatness and courage and an honor to have been in his presence.

Remember, OLD men like him gave you FREEDOM for America.

Thanks to those who served & those who supported them.

America is not at war.

The U.S. Military is at war.

America is at the Mall.

If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't "Free" --

thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today!

DRYER VS DRIER

Oh give it a minute, this will makes sense (or not). Unlike some I do not have a fancy dryer that folds clothes but as of yesterday I did have a dryer that did dry clothes! Following me so far? Good.

My dryer decided air drying was much more efficient and what the hell run the dryer longer, increase the electrical use and eventually clothes would get dried! Thankfully this was just king size sheets, and not towels or the sucker would still be spinning! It became very clear, even to foghead me that the heating element was kaput and I would need another one…duh! Oh sure, hang clothes outside, save money, go green and all that good shit. Forget it – I don’t have a clothesline and while I like the fresh outdoor smell, I am not overly inclined to non-fluffy towels!

So the hunt is on for repair service – you all know what this entails, right? Sears, where we bought the washer and dryer, can’t even get to us until – ready for this – July 29th – are they freakin cute or what! Now that ain’t gonna work. Oh the washer is just fine, thanks, just the dryer that needs some TLC (tender loving care). Okay, you use a rock to wash your clothes (at some creek) and toss the beaten rags into bushes, you hang in there Sunshine, some day you will also wear big girl panties too! And again, the washer is fine; it’s the damn dryer that is kaput!

At the moment I am patiently waiting for a repair person from Massena to stop by and check out the dryer. I am also hoping it is just a heating element, he has one and I’ll be up and running again real soon. If not, this house is gonna like a Chinese Laundromat as I hang clothes everywhere; back of chairs, bathroom, closet doors, deck rails, (bird shit is always attractive),and so on.

Oh yes, I am having a lovely day – can’t seem to get my walk in because of the damn rain, so what the hell, wait around for the repairman and play computer games. Now I could and should hook up the Wii Fit program and do that workout – that is a workout but let me think, I’ve had it off for two months, I think it would need to charge, don’t you? So that idea shits the bed – can’t do that – how sad! Actually I do like that program but when the weather got nice and I could get outside more, I tended to ignore that program – something I should not do – because it does work and it is helpful.

I’ll let you know the results of this dryer business[repair man showed up, Ray. Needed a new heating element - hey, got that one correct but he did suggest we change the dryer hose outlet so it would not kink up which makes the air flow difficult - I won't tell you the cost for this repair - suffice to say it was worth every penny and not that bad!] and in the meantime, I shall attempt to stay dry myself. Drier is better than wet for damn sure, especially when the temp is 57 and dropping! Did someone forget to tell Mother Nature this is July?

Let me leave you with this thought:

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire!

Potatoes...

Well, a Girl Potato and a Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry; no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland.

And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.

And when she went out west in the USA, they told her to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Gold’s, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so when she graduated she'd really be in the chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!!!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just...well he's just a...

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?
*

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OK! Here it is!
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A COMMONTATER !!!

Bartenders vs Shrinks...:)

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT.

SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM--''I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.''

''Just put yourself in my hands for one year,'' said the shrink. ''Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears...''

''How much do you charge?''

''Eighty dollars per visit,'' replied the doctor.

''I'll sleep on it,'' I said. Six months later the doctor met me on the street.

''Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?'' he asked.

''Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!''

''Is that so!'' With a bit of an attitude he said, ''and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?''

''He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!''

SCREW THOSE SHRINKS.. GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER!

Camping

Dave was attending his biker club's monthly meeting and had just told them he couldn't make the camping trip scheduled for the next day because his wife wouldn't let him go.

After listening to the jeers and other derisive remarks from his fellow biker buddies Dave left to go back home to his wife.

When Dave's friends started arriving to set up camp the next day, who should be there but Dave sitting in front of his bike, tent up, beer in hand, camp oven roast stewing away in a hot bed of coals.

"How did ya talk your wife into letting you go Dave?"

"I didn't have to" was Dave's reply. "When I left the meeting I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then my wife Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'!"

When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful see-through negligee and she said, "Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want."

So here I am!

About Drinking Water

ABOUT DRINKING WATER

The following will probably amaze and startle you.

One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University study.

Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.

Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?

(No kidding, all of the above is true...)

Of course, too much water may have strange side effects.

The choice is entirely up to you -- can you imagine what size bra this is???

Read and Learn.....:)

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.


MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Joe and his wife Ann listened to the instructor, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.' He addressed the man, 'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'its Pillsbury isn't it?


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own. So does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)


WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'


WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. 'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !


WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'


The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

Stayin Positive

Yes, I am trying to remain positive and just ignore this constant rain but it is getting bloody damn hard to do this and I am really fed up with this damp weather!

I’ve been up since 6:30 and waiting to go for my walk and the weather just will not cooperate. A light mist I can handle, I ain’t gonna melt but a downpour is not my idea of walking fun and I refuse to walk carrying an umbrella – give me some credit! How the hell can I swing my arms, when one is holding this thing over my head!

OMG it’s almost 9:30 and –wait for it – the sun is out! Sweet Agnes, I’m gonna grab my tennis shoes (well, put them on) and I’m gonna get my walk done – oh man, this is great – the mood enhancement of sunshine is one powerful drug – holy sheet!

Whew! That was great – the temp rose a bit making the walk a very comfy one weather-wise. And yes, the sunshine felt good too. In fact, many other walkers were out and about too – all of us thinking the same thing “much nicer than walking through rain drops!”

Okay, did the walk, had a shower, had lunch and got one more paper to read and then, I'm headed outside and with any luck I can sit on the deck and enjoy the fresh air -- amazing.

Later today, my daughter will ascertain the sex of the baby, if the baby cooperates and I will know if I'm gonna be a GrandMA or a GrandPA. Either way, I'm gonna be a grandparent....yaHOO!!!

Oh hell, put on your BIG GIRL PANTIES and deal with it!

Maxine

Yes, it has been awhile and yet we all wait and love to hear from Maxine, right? Oh be quiet, you know you read this crap and laugh just like the rest of us, get over yourself all ready!

Sadly I would have added Maxine cartoons/drawnings but what the hell, her pearls of wisdom are more entertaining than the same-ole cartoons, right? Well Ex--CUSE me, I don't have them, so move on..whiner!

• When I “snap” ---you’ll be the first to go!!
  
• Butt jiggle is just my little way of ---Waving goodbye!
  
• Maybe I’ll wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow …and maybe I won’t!
• I tried paying my taxes with a smile – They wanted money!
  
• Don’t like my attitude? Send me an email at: www.like_I_care.com.
• It’s….one nation UNDER GOD…” or bite my skinny old ass and leave!
• If you MUST burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first!
  
• Real women don’t have hot flashes they have POWER SURGES!
• Men are always whining about how we’re suffocating them. Personally, I think if you can hear them whining, you’re not pressing hard enough on the pillow!
• When the neighbors play music too loud, I dance naked. Shuts’ down pretty quick.
• Getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat- buffet. What should be hot is cold, what should be firm is limp, and the buns are bigger than anything else on the menu.
  
• As far as I’m concerned, the perfect bra is a sweatshirt.
  
• Actually, you can have a healthy sex life well into your later years. Assuming you can stand the sight.

So thar ya go, had a few laughs, didn't ya? Well, you keep smiling, water bugs and life shall keep entertaining you!!!

Health Care Changes.....:)

TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO A CHEAPER HEALTH CARE PLAN:

(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.

(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

(6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is "an apple a day..."

(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges,"is not a typographical error.

(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."

(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED A VERY CHEAP HEALTH CARE PLAN:

(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and Duct tape

Men

A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, and again the camera flashed. He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area for the third time, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result.

The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt. Men . . . .

AFTER 4TH – HUH?

Certainly hope you all had a great 4th of July and for the most part the rains did hold off – a few droplets or sprinkles but no mean ole downpours, right? Yes, it was damp and chilly – the wind didn’t make things warm by any stretch of the imagination but hey, overall it wasn’t that bad a day, right?

Yes, I did attend the parade in Norwood yesterday and it was fantastic – lots of great floats, marching bands, youth and civic organizations and what have you. I was even impressed with folks who paid the proper respect to the US Flag as it passed by – thank you for that! Sadly I did not go over to the Firemen’s field – I fully intended to do that but well, I got busy with other stuff and never walked over there. Yes, walked is the key word – parking is always an issue and traffic is horrendous so walking is good and come on, it’s not that bloody far – I walk further than that on my morning walks!

Now we have Sunday and holy sheet, the sun is shining – that yellow thing in the sky and that yellow look that is sunshine – just in case you weren’t sure! Of course, if it stays out and warms up, many folks will be mowing lawns today – heaven forbid we let them grow too high – that would be a huge mistake!

Well today is the men’s Wimbledon final – Roger Federer vs. Andy Roddick. Andy has never beat Roger and Roger is chasing after a record 15 grand slam titles. Now this should be a great match because Andy has gotten much better and is no longer a one-dimensional player. He has an amazing serve but he’s also learned some patience and is willing to come to the net.

So, who knows, he may deny Roger his quest of another Wimbledon championship and end his long draught of no grand slam titles. He is way over due and although I like both players, I am rooting for Andy – go American, okay!

Whatever, I will get outside today too – I want that sun to soak into my body too…not horribly hot, long rays but a little bit of sunshine would be damn nice.

So, enjoy your Sunday and keep smiling!

Happy 4th of July

I was hoping to add photos and/or graphics but this program is having a meltdown or something -- in essence, it does not wish to cooperate and that is that. Lately this has been happening a lot and I notice Bob said, "enuff of this crap," and moved to another blog site. I may be following him soon!!!

Try this site and then tell me you aren't happy to live in this great country:

http://sagebrushpatriot.com/America.htm

Yes, it has been raining but it looks to be clearing and perhaps we'll have a nice, dry day after all. A tad chilly but hey, chilly vs wet -- what do you prefer?

Looking for something to do, come watch the Norwood Parade at 1 and then, head over to the Firemen's Field to enjoy the fun there too. Meet up with ole friends, swap some lies and laugh until you cry but most of all please be thankful and celebrate our Independence with a sense of thanks to all the men and women who served and currently serve to keep our freedoms free!

Aggressive Birds

Ya, I know, why in hell do we buy bird seed this time of year? Well, we like to spoil our feathered friends and we also want to keep them coming to your back yard, so we feed them. See, that was simple!

Having said that let me quickly add I do NOT feed that as much or as often as I do when the cold weather is here and finding food (any food) is difficult. BUT, you just knew there was gonna be a “but” didn’t you?

It seems some of these bloody birds are just not greedy but damn aggressive too. In this case those damn Grackles and why I capitalized the first letter is beyond me because I do not find these creatures all that appealing and in fact, annoying and bloody damn hogs! Plus in their quest to insure they get more than their fair share of the food in the feeders, they pounce on them and it’s like the “how many can be fit into the telephone booth” number and eventually, the poor feeder just flat out collapses and breaks!

Okay, some breakage can be “possible” wind damage as we have had some pretty high winds but come on; these grackles are almost like crows who resemble small turkeys so there is a weight issue here! And as they are possessive, greedy, aggressive and mean, the poor little golden finches (whom I call peeks) can hardly get any food. This is one good reason to hang those sock-like feeders for them. Even the grackles can’t get into these because it does mean hanging on and they can’t – stupid grackles!!!

Yes, it’s Friday, almost every business or office is closed today and most folks are enjoying a 3-day weekend – hurrah! Every village is offering something and I happen to think Norwood is stopping all that chatter about “when I was a kid, we did this and had that,” etc. They have spent countless hours developing a very good 4th of July celebration, starting tonight on the Village Green with the annual Block Dance. Tomorrow a huge parade, over 15 floats, various marching bands, fire departments, youth and church groups and so on. Then over to the firemen’s field for more fun, games, oxen-driven carts for kid rides, etc. So, come to Norwood and have some fun and hey, behave responsibly. One request, pick up after yourself – don’t ask volunteers to “police” the area because you are too damn lazy to put your trash in a trash can, or put your cans in a recycle bin…let’s be a bit grown up here, okay? Thank you!

Well, it hasn’t started to rain too much yet and today I have decided to grill with the charcoal grill, food just seems to taste better. So I am heading outside to fire that sucker up and in the process, grabbing a beer to sip as I wait for the proper temp. Hey, you all have a great day and let’s truly celebrate our Independence tomorrow…oh, you might want to stop and give a silent pray of thanks to those men and women who allow us to maintain and enjoy this independence and freedoms today too…what a novel concept!!!

P.S.: I’m thinking paint gun to keep these Grackles in line, whatcha think???

Aggressive Birds

Ya, I know, why in hell do we buy bird seed this time of year? Well, we like to spoil our feathered friends and we also want to keep them coming to your back yard, so we feed them. See, that was simple!

Having said that let me quickly add I do NOT feed that as much or as often as I do when the cold weather is here and finding food (any food) is difficult. BUT, you just knew there was gonna be a “but” didn’t you?

It seems some of these bloody birds are just not greedy but damn aggressive too. In this case those damn Grackles and why I capitalized the first letter is beyond me because I do not find these creatures all that appealing and in fact, annoying and bloody damn hogs! Plus in their quest to insure they get more than their fair share of the food in the feeders, they pounce on them and it’s like the “how many can be fit into the telephone booth” number and eventually, the poor feeder just flat out collapses and breaks!

Okay, some breakage can be “possible” wind damage as we have had some pretty high winds but come on; these grackles are almost like crows who resemble small turkeys so there is a weight issue here! And as they are possessive, greedy, aggressive and mean, the poor little golden finches (whom I call peeps) can hardly get any food. This is one good reason to hang those sock-like feeders for them. Even the grackles can’t get into these because it does mean hanging on and they can’t – stupid grackles!!!

Yes, it’s Friday, almost every business or office is closed today and most folks are enjoying a 3-day weekend – hurrah! Every village is offering something and I happen to think Norwood is stopping all that chatter about “when I was a kid, we did this and had that,” etc. They have spent countless hours developing a very good 4th of July celebration, starting tonight on the Village Green with the annual Block Dance. Tomorrow a huge parade, over 15 floats, various marching bands, fire departments, youth and church groups and so on. Then over to the firemen’s field for more fun, games, oxen-driven carts for kid rides, etc. So, come to Norwood and have some fun and hey, behave responsibly. One request, pick up after yourself – don’t ask volunteers to “police” the area because you are too damn lazy to put your trash in a trash can, or put your cans in a recycle bin…let’s be a bit grown up here, okay? Thank you!

Well, it hasn’t started to rain too much yet and today I have decided to grill with the charcoal grill, food just seems to taste better. So I am heading outside to fire that sucker up and in the process, grabbing a beer to sip as I wait for the proper temp. Hey, you all have a great day and let’s truly celebrate our Independence tomorrow…oh, you might want to stop and give a silent pray of thanks to those men and women who allow us to maintain and enjoy this independence and freedoms today too…what a novel concept!!!

P.S.: I’m thinking paint gun to keep these Grackles in line, whatcha think???

A Book

A child was told to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought many chuckles and at least one good laugh. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching??? I thought this one was too good not to pass on..

Through the eyes of a child "Children's Bible in a Nutshell"

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.

Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed upon the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, and then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Have a fun and relaxing weekend!