One Question IQ Test

Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day......

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush.By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now, if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses,how should he express himself?

Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...

He opens his mouth and says. 'I would like to buy a pair of Sunglasses.'

If you got this wrong, please turn off your computer and call it a day.I've got mine shutting down right now.

(You know you missed it too, so shut down your computer).

~~~~~~

"BLACK TESTICLES"

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse,' he mumbles from behind the mask, 'are my testicles black?' Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet. He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.'

The man slowly pulls Off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, ' Thank you very much.

That was wonderful, but listen very very closely, 'Are - my - test - results - back?

LEAVING DODGE

Well, not really Dodge, but getting away from St. Lawrence County for a few days. Or as brother so aptly puts it “gonna get my Syracuse fix.” Sometimes us country bumpkins just like to prove we can be citified and know which fork to use. And before you get silly, the city folk like to visit the country too – they like that fresh country air, especially during spread the manure season! Now that is some pungent air!!

I’m sure the temps are about the same but they are usually a tad warmer and baby, I am looking for warmer weather. I have had it with these cold-bone-penetrating temps – enuff all ready! Hey, I admit, I do like winter and snow activities but when the rains came and those flippin damp wind-chills, I was done --- once that cold gets into the bones, forget it – winter is no longer fun!

Off to the city and most likely see flowers in bloom, trees with green leaves and black squirrels running about. With any luck my sister and I might even get in another round of gadget shopping. I found something a few weeks ago and when I put it on the counter the clerk asked me what it was and I said, “I have no idea, it’s for my sister.” So I think I have started a guessing gadget phase? Of course she will win but it’ll be fun to find something that could stump her!!!

How about this sign. Seems a young man was kicked off the school bus for -- flatulent issues. Are you kidding me?

Lemme think here, one could and can shit their pants on a school bus, farting is a huge NO-NO! Well I guess there is a different smell involved here! What is that ole saying; "burp it and taste it, fart it and waste it?"

So enjoy the wet stuff and keep smiling, see ya in a few days...ya,I'll miss you too!!!

KIDS, SENIORS & BIRDS

I just wonder, am I the only one (I know I am not but I’m gonna ask it anyway) that thinks we have a really strong “crow” population? I mean, I can’t recall this many damn crows as a kid nor do I recall them being almost as big as turkeys! Plus they are noisy, I mean, flat out rude noisy.


Even more amazing, and I just learned this – see how ignorant I was – that these birds are protected By the Migratory Bird Treaty of 1918. The statute makes it unlawful to pursue, hunt, take, capture, kill or sell birds listed therein (“migratory birds). And it does not discriminate between live or dead birds and also grants full protection to any bird parts, including feathers, eggs, and nests. There are over 800 birds on this list. Now the number of individual American Crows is estimated by Birdlife International to be around 31,000,000.

Well, as a farm kid, we never heard of this statute and crows were good target practice critters for our BB guns and 22’s. Also, this kept the crow population down around our farm, thank you very much! Local sportsman’s clubs held annual “crow shoot offs” just to help hone that shooting skill and keep the crow population in-check (obviously it was not eliminlated!).

From the diary of a Pre-School Teacher


My five-year old students are learning to read. Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, "Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!"

I took a deep breath, and then asked..."What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"

And so it does...

“A f r i c a n Elephant”

Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?

~~~~~

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."

Seniors - don't mess with them!

OLD PECAN TREE

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,’ said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'He just knew what it was.

He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.'

The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'

The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been telling' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord.'Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done.'

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.


So it is Sunday, rainy and dreary but the temp aint too bad -- around 39 degrees (give or take). So, do what you wish today -- like you'd do anything different. Oh ya, keep smiling!!!

Just In Case

Before I get to the "real" blog, I wanna talk about the header photo. I say this and then, when someone visits the site days later, I have changed the header. In this case, its a so called camp fire. I don't know about you, but leaving a site like this is just flat ass rude and unnecessary. Clean up after yourself and stop leaving a mess like this -- ye gads! This is a public area and others do come here and we don't need to see messes like this. And you wonder why so much land is now posted -- this might be a good reason!!!


It does not matter how old you are or how old you get, you will always get advice from people. It’s just the nature of the beast and you might as well accept it because it ain’t going away. Here the best Living Will I’ve seen:

“I __________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn’t pass ninth grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

Glass of wine
Chocolate
Margarita
Sex
Cold beer
Mexican food
Chocolate
Prime Rib
Ice Cream
Chocolate

It should be presumed that I won’t ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, let the “fat lady” sing, and call it a day!

Then have a drink – IT’S 5 0’CLOCK SOMEWHERE”

Look what I found in my flower garden this morning -- is it Spring or is it Spring!!!

Memory Test

Yesterday we did a little trek down memory lane and today, well, today we shall see just how much we remembered.

I gotta admit, some of this stuff is before my time and you thought I was older than dirt --not true!!

Remember these?

Head light dimmer switches on the floor board
Heaters mounted inside a firewall
Real Ice boxes
Ignition switches on the dashboard
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz :

Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom.

1 Blackjack chewing gum

2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water

3. Candy cigarettes

4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles

5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes

6 Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers

7. Party lines on the telephone

8. Newsreels before the movie

9. P.F. Flyers

10. Butch wax

11. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels [if you were fortunate])

12. Peashooters

13. Howdy Doody

14. 45 RPM records

15. S& H greenstamps

16 Hi-fi's

17. Metal ice trays with lever

18. Mimeograph paper

19 Blue flashbulb

20. Packards

21. Roller skate keys

22. Cork popguns

23. Drive-ins [these were the best, miss'em!]

24. Studebakers

25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young

If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older

If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,

If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.

OLDER THAN DIRT

Someone asked the other day, “What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?”

We didn’t have fast food when I was growing up, I informed him. All the food was slow.

“C’mon, seriously, where did you eat,” he asked?

It was a place called “at home,” I explained. Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table and if I didn’t like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.

By this time the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was gonna suffer some serious internal damage, so I didn’t tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:

• Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

• My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighted probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).

• We didn’t have a television in our house until I was 5. It was of course black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it cam back on the air about 6am. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.

• I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza; it was called “pizza pie.” When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slide off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that too. It’s still the best pizza I ever had.

• We didn’t have a car until I was 4. It was an old black Dodge.

• I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn’t know weren’t already using the line.

• Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was!

• All newspapers were delivered by boys, and all boys delivered newspapers – my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6am every morning. On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

• Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were not movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don’t blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Next installment will be “how many remember…...” See, you got something to look forward too now…great!!!

OFF DUTY TODAY!

Yes, I am still retired and I have been caring for the “grand dog.” What does this mean? Hang on, I’m gonna tell ya – you were afraid of that, right?

Some months ago it seemed he was having trouble catching things, like a ball, Frisbee, etc. So a trip to the Vet determined he was having some kind of muscle issue (hell, I don’t know all the lovely vet terms so give me a break). Anyway, he was put on these meds, which he will take for six months. One of the side affects of this pill is the dog has to pee more often. So, that means he needs to go outside and while both parents are working, Grandma volunteered to water the dog each day (until such time as Grandma is no longer in town, then the parents will be forced to use their lunch hour to pee the dog).

This no big deal, Moose is a good dog, minds well and hell, I’ve even been known to bring him to my house where we can play and he’s got company vs staying home alone. However this morning, he went for a walk with Dad and a certain skunk decided to let Moose know get close to me and you’ll pay the price. So, he is currently in the garage, smelling like skunk and Grandma ain’t going any where near him…off duty to day!

Hey, I walked a lovely 3.186 miles today – I would have gone further but the damn blister on my left foot just does not want to heal quickly and yes, I am wearing blister pads. I also think I have on the wrong socks. I bought some new socks and think they are too thin for me, so lucky Sis gets new socks! [she can wear them golfing]

I really like Spring, I like watching the ice melt and rivers rush with blocks of ice refusing to melt quickly, fields with water in them and ponds over flowing. I also like to see the first buds of spring on trees and flowers. Hell, my tulips are doing great which is very shocking but I ain’t gonna brag to much, the deer haven’t been that hungry yet! I’m hoping that soon different birds will show up too. I really am getting a tad weary of sparrows and starlings. And of course the damn squirrel – make that plural as it appears we now have two who like bird seeds! Ya, buy better feeders and the squirrel can’t get eat – ya, ya, live and learn!!!

How about some mood enhancers? Ya, it’s a dreary day, gonna rain at some point, so we need mood adjustments:

• How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.
• How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way.
• How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ? They Take The Psycho Path
• What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick
• What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.
• What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk.
• What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite.
• What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.
• What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef.

Okay, that is enough for today –maybe I’ll write more later – have a good one and for crying out loud, keep smiling!!!

P.S.: The header photo -- I have no idea what's in that tree, looks like boogers to me!!!

Geese

Sometimes it is just easier to make photos into a slide show -- I know, some are in another blog but live with it...what the hell, this is not brain surgery!!!

Geese and Geese

If my beloved Father was still living he would be 96 years old today. Happy Birthday Dad, I love you and miss you!

I love this photo of Dad, taken at some camp and he was really having a good time. Most likely the sideway hat was driving my mother bonkers!!!

After I finished my Curves workout, I decided to drive around a bit and see if I couldn't capture a few cute shots. Yes, with a fully charged camera battery.

The scene today was geese and I mean, lots of geese. Field covered with them and serenading like there was no end in sight. I swear this has to be the mating season as some are really aggressive and huge show offs!

What I found funny was watching them land on icy patches and skid along -- it sure as hell look like great fun. And if this was done to impress the ladies,they were not overly impressed. Plus, seeing this as a fun landing, joined in on the act -- I needed a movie camera to capture all this nonsense!

This guy was definitely trying to tell me to get to hell outta there. He'd been courting this gal for days and she finally was coming around and then, I showed up and scared her. Damn he was pissed!

I was only trying to let him know that while he thought he had her attention, hey, dummy look, there's another guy in town...threes company, right?

I like this photo in particular the beer can that was nicely left on the post -- how rude, at least it could have been full, not empty!

Well, if I could learn how to post these photos and add captions without losing half of them, I would do just that.

Hey, its a nice day, get your lazy butts outside...

Here's a couple mood enhancers:

How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?

They Take The Psycho Path.

How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!

What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroid's

Bank Joke

I guess we all need a few laughs in this time of financial turmoil. I was at my bank today; there was a short line. Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. . .

She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?

'The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'

The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!'

Photos

Every now and then, it is fun to just put photos on this blog and let you see what I have seen on my walk. Now this photo is kind of a take from Wiseacre and another blogger who took many photos of woodpecker-trees. I thought I would show you the one where I managed to capture two pileated woodpeckers....tiny little holes but sufficient damage to this mighty tree! [it is my understanding that woodpeckers only go for dead trees as this is where the bugs are so they are not really damaging anything but an all ready dead tree]

Behind the ole Norwood School, there is another part of the Racquette River or Norwood Lake. As a kid many of us, at recess, kind of wandered down here to fish, swim or just hang out and odd, we didn't seem to head back to the school until it was time to catch the bus. Yes, we were playing hooky and it was worth it, some classes were boring as hell or maybe we were too stupid to realize we needed to learn this stuff?

Anyway, we did this and we could "tell time by the sun" and managed to get back in time to catch the bus home! It amazed me that teachers didn't seem to notice we weren't in class (where in hell did they think we were I wondered?). [I just realized, those teachers didn't give a rip -- fine role models, eh?]

I had been telling myself for weeks I should hike down there and this morning I did just that and let my childhood memories guide me. Hell no, I wasn't gonna swim in that cold ass water, nor fish or do anything close to childhood nonsense, but I was gonna enjoy the scene.

In the process I was serenaded by the Canadian geese, -- and man, I do mean serenaded. I can't be sure if they were doing the mating call, just showing off for each other or just letting every other critter know this was a restful place and stop here, rest, swim, enjoy! All I can say is they were one loud, quacking group of busy geese! Can't say who was louder, male or female but suffice to say, they were yakking big time!

So as more and more arrived. I decided to find me a better photo op place and moved down the river just a bit and of course, the entire time the noise is happening and if anything, getting louder. I am set, found the perfect spot and watched a few more water landings and see even more are approaching, this is absolutely the best spot to capture this on film.

Holy Cow Dung, the friggin battery lets me know it is "exhausted." EXHAUSTED! Are you kidding me? I was so mad at myself for not checking the damn battery and missing these shots, I gotta tell ya, if you had seen me stomping back through that field, you would not have even dared to say hello!

At the moment every camera battery is on the charger and I'm done kicking my own ass for forgetting to do this earlier.

And now, how is your Tuesday going?

So while the geese managed to escape my film the beginnings of my tulip garden got captured big time. Hey, it's thriving and so far no critter has chosen it for a snack.

No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

PLANNING

Man I hope this is not us when my sisters and I undertake our canoe trip in Florida -- this looks like idiots pushing thru a wet hay field?

There is or can be a tendency, in some people, to over plan! Now, I think one should have a plan or how else do you know when you have reached wherever you are going? However, I think over planning is a real pain in the ass and spoils the fun of just going with the flow! The flow meaning, no hurries, no clocks and just do things at a pace you want and can truly enjoy! In fact, some times, doing the unexpected, taking that less travel path is where you have the best memories and most fun. I am not a big fan of organized tours -- that flat out bores me to tears!

My sisters and I are planning to get together in Florida…now one sister lives there so we’ll stay with her, so that accommodation thing is solved. I also hope to see my Nam roommate again and continue swapping stories and catching up on 40 years later news. Plus all three of us sisters want to do certain things but low keyed – we don’t want this heavy activity crap – we rather enjoy just sitting in a yard, sipping cold drinks and soaking in the warmth!

Yet, we also wish to plop our bodies on the beach, splash in the Gulf and even snorkel if that is possible. It’s been a few years since I snorkeled and I loved it and want to do it again. I did learn, the hard way, to pop up every now and then and see where I was. Years ago I was in Greece, snorkeling and having a wonderful time, fully transfixed on the ocean scene, when I popped up and look around and saw nothing but ocean. I had travel so far I had no clue where in hell land was and yes, damnit I did panic – I had to make a decision and thankfully I chose the right direction. Since then I tend to pop up a bit more regularly so as not to get so far out and lost!

There is some talk of going on a gambling cruise – I don’t gamble but I can watch and none of us plan to plunk down hundreds of dollars, at the most we might blow $40! Ya, we are big spenders – we’re more into the fun of this cruise and the booze! And of course “they” wish to play golf – again, I don’t golf so this would be wonderful time for me to spend with my Nam roommate!

The one idea that just was mentioned was canoeing. Yes, the three of us get in a canoe, paddle down some river, lake, and stream and end up at the Gulf where a bus will haul us back to our car. Now, I like canoeing but again, it’s been a few years. However Florida-canoes-alligators? What’s wrong with this picture? Ya, stay in the canoe and do not stand up! Actually all three of us think this would be hoot and we are ready to give it our best shot. Damn, you can’t wait for me to go and come back and write about this, can you?

Ya don’t this sound like a wonderful adventure as we sit here with 20 degree temps and a minus 4 wind chill this morning! Yup, I hear ya; we are sick of this cold stuff and want the warmer weather NOW!! Look, you don’t have to “plan” a long distance get away, you can do day trips and they are fun and come on, folks, there is a lot to see and do right here in St Lawrence County.

Oh I just read, first with the economy more men are getting vasectomies and now more women are applying for jobs in strip clubs. I gotta tell ya, ole ladies should not apply! And while you men laugh and say, “Right on sister,” you might look in the mirror fella, you’re Adonis days are long over too!

Keep smiling, more later, if the mood strikes – hey, it’s Monday, what in hell did you expect – bells and whistles? This ain’t a train stop!!!

SNOW?

Hey, don’t put those snow boots and coats away yet!

Yup, woke up this morning and we now have yet another white blanket on our lawn. Well, that’s what we get for feeling so frisky and thinking spring meant something like GREEN!

Now yesterday was nice, sun was shining and all that good stuff but I gotta tell ya, that wind was chilly and that should have been sufficient warning that colder stuff was headed our way – it’s now 32 degrees and I don’t see it rising any time soon…ye gads!!

Oh I loved this headline – “with the economy down, vasectomies are up!” Now the experts say the following is the reason - Their best guess is that the trend is due both to a decreased desire to have children because of the expense involved, and an increased desire to get such medical procedures done before their jobs -- and health insurance -- disappear. Well, I gotta say for once the male has stepped up to the plate. Usually it’s the men who want the woman to have her tubes tied, stay on the pill forever, or some other process that will reduce chances of a pregnancy.

On the nutrition front – eggs are back on the good list – sheet, I never took them off my list, did you? For starters, eggs are a great source of protein. They also provide vitamins A, E, B6 and B12, and the yolks contain carotenoids, which promote good eyesight, and choline, an essential nutrient linked with cell functioning and a healthy liver. Well, damn, ain’t it nice to know we were not stupid after all!!!

LONDON (AP) -- The publicist for British reality TV star Jade Goody says she has died at home after a long and public battle with cervical cancer. Rest in peace Jade.

Tennis: Holy sheet, the tennis front is becoming quite interesting. Indian Wells has seen some major upsets this week. Get this Roger Federer, Number two in the tennis world, was beaten by Andy Murray who is ranked number 4. Then, Andy Roddick whose rank I do not recall at the moment but has recently shown a very improved game was beaten by Rafa Nadal who is ranked number one. So, what does this mean, it means the championship match will be Rafa vs Andy Murray. Care to place a bet? My money is on Rafa – the man is on a win-win role that doesn’t seem to show any signs of changing soon.

Have you ever watched those “Travel” shows especially with the so called successful chefs or supposed experts on taste buds? Well, I gotta tell ya, I watch these shows only because TV sucks and this at least is entertaining. Andrew Zimmerman is a total nut case. This man will eat anything – let me give ya a few examples: cow’s urine tonic,
Fresh goat’s blood, giant flying ants, penis soup and donkey skin, etc. And they get paid to do this stuff, plus travel to all this crazy places. Where in hell was I during my college years that I missed these classes or opportunities? In fact I don’t recall any classes or counselor suggesting a culinary career for me – ummm, why was that?

Well, I think I have bored you long enough for a Sunday morning. Yes, it is still snowing and I am sure the maple syrup folks are thriving big time…still haven’t made it to a sugar house but maybe today – where in hell did I leave that dog sled?

Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

Spring What?

Okay, this is not brain surgery, you do know this is a squirrel and he does NOT belong in this bird feeder, right? Ya try telling him that!

Now here's your intelligence test -- what kind of squirrel is this? Give ya a hint, starts with a "C" has an "A" in the middle and ends with a "T?" And, another hint, not really interested in the bird food but most likely in the birds -- now, you should be able to guess this without too much effort.

~~~~~~~~~

Okay, you survived the first day of spring, even the change in temps (nice during the day but chilly at night) and most likely you’ve had every clown in the world advising you what you should be doing, even some nitwits suggest you start planting that garden now, right?

Isn’t it amazing that as soon as the snow leaves people become brilliant and know everything! All winter long they hibernated and said damn little, except how cold they were but no pearls of wisdom from them, not a single drop. Yet, once the snow left, temps warmed up, they are suddenly a wealth of knowledge that must be heard and in some cases heeded too.

You know I enjoy folks who share tid bits with me or suggest things I might try that will help with some project. Hell I even seek out advice and ideas from folks, I'm willing to learn and try things too (not everything but some things, be careful what you're thinking!) For example, I am trying to see how many tulips I can actually get to bloom each year. The bulbs were donated and I planted nearly 70 of the suckers. When they first popped up last year I was in Florida but that didn’t stop the deer or whatever critter from having a lovely snack. So, folks began offering me ideas.

· Put a fence around them
· Spread red hot pepper flakes around them
· Spread soap shavings around them
· Use bounce strips around them
· Sit up all night, with a gun, and guard them

Hey, all of these were good suggestions, the gun business was a no-no however, me stay awake all night? Plus who says the deer only eat at night, hell, they could eat any time of day, I ain’t watching the flower bed every second!

So last year as the winter was soon approaching, I decided to put a flower garden in the front yard. I got some logs (flat on one side) and made this “bed” looking thing. I bought quite a bit of potty soil or top soil and this time, some bulbs were donated and some I bought and I loaded this area with seeds, bulbs and even a few mum plants. I didn’t realize just how big I had made this sucker, so I needed lots of stuff to hopefully pop up. The rule everyone advised was not to plant in rows or attempt this ideal spacing between plants – hell, clump’em together it will make things prettier. I have a tendency to plant uniformly and in perfectly aligned rows, so this was a challenge! Ya,just went against the grain but I kind of scattered or lump seeds all in one spot! It will truly be a surprise to see what pops up!

Now I got a few “things” pushing up in this flower garden but don’t ask me what, I never kept track of what I planted, so the surprise will be just as delightful to me as any viewer! Unlike the front, the back flower garden has already had critters taking the little shoots that popped up a few weeks ago and will never bloom. So, I have put bounce dryer sheets out there to see if this will detract these greedy critters. It’s like a battle zone out there – me against the critters!

Ya, whatever happens, will happen --- it’s a challenge and many have given up on tulips because the deer win. I'm not ready to concede to a deer at this point....bring in on Bambi, I can handle it!

Now this weekend many sugar houses are encouraging folks to stop by and see the process. You might not get to truck through snow but you can get a tour and definitely watch sap being boiled to make syrup and of course, you can buy this year’s crop too. I just hope the maple syrup folks are not greedy and haven’t upped the price to much?

Anyway, the sun is shining, it’s a tad chilly this morning but hey, get out there and enjoy the outside – you’ve been cooped up all winter, time to “air” you out too!!!

SPRING WHAT?

Just when you thought looking forward to spring was gonna be so much fun and enjoyable, some nitwit comes along and reminds us that spring also means “spring cleaning!”

Now who in the hell came up with that freakin notion? Don’t we clean all the time and do we actually have to have an actual “season” to clean? I mean, have you ever heard of “winter cleaning,” or “summer cleaning,” or “fall cleaning?” Naw, neither have I so this spring cleaning had to be created by some cleaning hag that had no life but a dust rag and mop bucket!

However, if you search the Internet or even talk with some cleaning nuts, they have all kinds of tips and helpful hints to offer. In my book it’s real simple. Know those clothes you removed from the closet so you'd have room for the winter stuff? Get’em out and take that heavy stuff and put them wherever in hell you stored the lightweight stuff. That’s the first tip.

Now look at those tops, any stains on them? You know when food, drink or dip just refused to stay on the crackers, spoon, and fork and just had to land on your top? Ya, those stains, well, toss them in the rag bag. Hell’s bells, you got stimulus money, buy some new tops – might as well stain new stuff, right?

Hey, anything that doesn’t fit now, toss it – you ain’t gonna fit into it any time soon and by the time you get back to that size, you’ll buy new stuff as a reward for losing weight, so give it up sister, toss’em in the rag bag or yard sale box.

Are you exhausted yet? Okay, know those blinds? Ya those suckers that are a witch to clean. Take’em down and buy new ones – come on, they are not that expensive and it sure as hell beats cleaning'em. If you insist, take’em down, put’em in the bathtub, fill tub with soap and water, let’em soak, now hauled outside to dry…clothes line, deck rail, hell any place you can dry’em. Then, when completely dry, put’em back up. See, buying new was much easier…duh!

Look you wanna fool everyone, just dust, vacuum and move a few piece of furniture around and they’ll think you busted ass all damn day cleaning. After they bitch about how they hate this new arrangement, wait two days and put it back the way it was – you liked it that way too and again, they think you busted butt cleaning like a mad woman.

Okay, enough with the cleaning – go get some booze, find those lawn chairs, drag out that grill and let’s really enjoy spring-weather! Ya, I hear ya, you like this spring-cleaning program, I can tell!!! Whatever you do, don't over do this cleaning crap -- you can injure yourself and do all sorts of internal harm...so go slow and easy...good girl!!

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly - wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: 'Wow, I remember these!

Thanks Sis, this certainly cured any notion I had of possible early dementia!!!

SMILE

The Gynecologist

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance, HMO paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. "You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire life.

COOL ANSWER

Barbara Walters, of television's 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. From Ms. Walters' vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even farther back behind their husbands, and are happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, 'Land Mines.'

GOLF

Four married guys go golfing...At the 4th hole the following conversation took place:

First Guy: 'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to comeout golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I'll paint every room in the house next weekend.'

Second Guy: 'That's nothing,…… I had to promise my wife that I'll build her a new deck for the pool.'

Third Guy: 'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I'll remodel the kitchen for her.'

They continue to play th e hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word.

So they ask him,'You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend.What's the deal?'

Fourth guy:'I just set my alarm for 5:30 am.. When it went off, I gave the wife a slap on the ass and said: 'Golf course or interc0urse?'

She said: 'Wear sun-block.'

HARRY THE EAGLE

Did you know that Eagles mate for life?Well one day, Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years.After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot dead!

Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate, but since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather barrier.So he flew off to find a new mate.

He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest.The sex was good but all the dove would say is....'I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!'

Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.He soon found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest.

Again the sex was good but all the loon would say is........'I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!'

So out with the loon.Once more he flew off to find a mate.This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest.. This time the sex was great, but all the duck would say was.....

(scroll down)

NO, The duck didn't say THAT...... Don't be SO disgusting!

The duck said.....'I am a DRAKE,You made a MISTAKE !!!!!!!!!'

So are you smiling? Did you laugh? Well, its a rainy day and I'm over due for my nap.....

Irish Humor

On this day, we all could use some Irish humor and thank ye one and all who sent me so many cute stories. The little people are definitely smiling big time and as for that flippin pot of gold, we ain't telling where it is, so forget it!!!


An Irish priest was transferred to Texas. Father O'Malley rose fromhis bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.

He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:

''Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?''

''And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?''

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, ''Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!''

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment....................

Father O'Malley then replied:''Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.''

Happy Paddy’s Day

Oh sure you got green on and you’ll hunt about for a place to pig out on corned beef and cabbage and if you are truly lucky, a wee drab of green beer shall gently pass over your lips – ya, this a lovely day and if you should see the little people, you’ll have Irish luck all flippin year!

Now allow me to tell ya little bit about St. Patrick – oh what the hell, you got that much to do you can’t read a little? That’s what I thought, so read and learn…or, if nothing else, smile at least.

Patrick was born at Banna Venta Berniae. Calpornius, his father was a deacon, his grandfather Potitus a priest. When he was about sixteen, he was captured and carried off as a slave to Ireland. Patrick worked as a herdsman, remaining a captive for six years. He writes that his faith grew in captivity, and that he prayed daily. After six years he heard a voice telling him that he would soon go home, and then that his ship was ready. Fleeing his master, he travelled to a port, two hundred miles away he says, where he found a ship and, after various adventures, returned home to his family, now in his early twenties.

It was after this that he became a priest and eventually returned to Ireland and the rest, as they say is history. He was quite a character and through the decades he has become not only a saint but the patron of good humor. Have you ever heard of bad humor? Of course you have and probably at some point in your life you even dispensed a bit of bad humor on some poor unsuspecting person. Whatever, Paddy was a jolly good fella and he loved to laugh and had a great roar in his laughter which was infectious and enjoy by all. Damn, sounds like some of our current comedians doesn’t it?

So one day a year many folks will claim to be Irish and don green and just have a good time today. Hey, tell me another heritage where folks strive to claim this as part of their make-up? In truth we all have parts of so many heritages its unreal but somewhere along the time, we claim one stronger and that is the one we claim as our lineage. I am German, Italian, Greek, and so on. Some even wrap a few together to make them sound worldlier “I am German-Greek.” Ya, that works for me too.

Have you ever used maple syrup on our oatmeal? I did this morning and I gotta tell ya, I love maple syrup but on oatmeal, give me my brown sugar! Leave the syrup for pancakes and baking but not on my cereal, holy sheet! After this all settles (or leaves) I shall don my tennis shoes (did you read that correctly, tennis shoe, hooo-rah) and head out for my walk. I’m thinking today I may want to tackle the thigh-burner aka Norwood Hill. I dislike walking on Route 56 but hey, keep alert and stay way over on the side and I should be fine. Even I am guilty of passing on the right as someone waits to make a left turn and that is dangerous for pedestrians.

It’s a mere 26 degrees so a warm coat is still need and for a little while, gloves will be necessary too. My problem is I shall wear a hat and then wish to hell I had grabbed my baseball cap instead. Oh well, soon baseball caps will be the norm and a welcomed relief from those winter caps!

So enjoy the day, go have some corned beef and cabbage, wear green to save yourself getting pinched and for just one day, be Irish and be happy!

FYI: Regardless of what you have heard or think, blood pudding is damn good, so thar!

IDES OF MARCH

Here we go again and again, we remind folks that “ides” is merely another word for 15 and this 15 happens in every month, not just March – got it? Good!

Also, there are those who view the Ides of March as doom but in Roman times this was a festive day dedicated to the god of Mars and usually a military parade was held. In modern times, the term Ides of March is best known as the date that Julius Caesar was assassinated.

It’s too bad we can’t just celebrate and remain festive instead of rehashing this assassination. Oh well, we need to remember our past to insure a future or some such nonsense.

More and more folks are sharing with me that crocus are popping up, they are seeing more birds, even robins and with the snow nearly gone and ice melting and rivers rushing, they are wildly excited and proclaiming spring is close at hand. Hey, some are so damn sick of being cooped up, they have already grabbed rakes and began raking the yards and definitely picking up the twigs and branches that have snapped or been blown into their yards. As for me, I got a pile of grass and dirt that the village plows have created in my front yard and I wonder, “will they come back and fix this or is this my job?”

I don’t usually do workout stuff on Sunday; a day of rest is good and needed for the body, soul and mind, right? However I was damn lazy yesterday and figure a nice walk today is needed – gotta keep those juices flowing or some such crap!

Did my walk, felt good but I gotta tell ya, I am feeling some blisters and that amazes me. I have been walking, snowshoeing and even cross country skiing, and I have been wearing boots and crampons, it’s not like this is my first day of “real” walking. So I am amazed that blisters are forming, what in hell is up with this sheet?

So you all have a lovely Sunday and if possible, get outside, it’s gonna be a fantastic day. Ya, any day we’re above ground is fantastic, right? Sorry, you submariners, I didn’t mean to slight ya, let’s just say any day we’re still breathing is a great day, okay?

~~~~~~~

Two nuns are riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome .

One leans over to the other and says, "I've never come this way before."

The other Nun whispers, "It's the cobblestones."

Hullo Frosty

Yup, another frosty morning and a lovely 11 degree temp. Ole Man Winter is just not done with us and that is a fact, Jack!

But listen this kind of weather is good for the maple syrup group. They need decent temps during the day to keep the sap running and colder temps at night. I was amazed to learn that, depending on the sugar content, it takes approximately 43 gallons of sap to make one gallon of maple syrup. Now that, my yokels is a lot of sap! Not to mention a lot of bloody work too. No wonder the cost goes up each year but nothing is better than real maple syrup. Mrs. Butterworth, you just do those silly arse commercials, that’s a good girl.

As I reflect on my childhood days and taking part in this wonderful activity I am still debating what I enjoyed more: gathering the sap or stoking the fire. Each was hard work and yet, we laughed and had a good time. The one thing I do recall, with a huge smile, is how we’d toss really hot sap (almost syrup at this point) on clean white snow and have this taffy like candy to eat. Man that was the best – I never did get the hang of eating the maple sugar candy – that was like pouring sugar directly down my throat – yuck!

I know you folks aren’t real keen on Tennis stuff but it was announced yesterday that Roger Federer and his girlfriend are expecting their first child this spring. Hey, Roger and Mirka have been together for something like 9 years, she is a former WTA player and fatherhood will not stop this man from striving to regain his number One ranking. Of course Rafa Nadal has no plans to give up that spot so it makes for an interesting game.

Now it seems we got Oprah wanting to do a show about violence in relationships and she’s already trying to tell Rihanna, heal yourself girl, take some time for you and remember love should not hurt. If a man hits you once, he will hit you again. I just hope she doesn’t turn this into a “series” of shows because frankly Oprah, you need to get back to your “roots,” what made you popular and fun to watch and stop with this holier than thou crap!

It seems that whenever Friday the 13th creeps onto our calendars, people can't help but blame the date for everything that goes wrong on that day -- and not without reason. The number 13 is commonly associated with bad luck, and there is even a name for the fear of the number 13: triskaidekaphobia. The belief that 13 is unlucky can be linked to the Last Supper, attended by 13, including Judas.

Well, that’s it for now folks, maybe later I shall return with more pearls of something – wisdom? Don’t get stupid – this is me, remember?

Oh Just Read

Vacation in Rome & Ireland

On vacation in Rome, I noticed a marble column in St. Peter's with a golden telephone on it. As a young priest passed by, I asked who the telephone was for. The priest told me it was a direct line to Heaven, and if I'd like to call, it would be a thousand dollars. I was amazed, but declined the offer.

Throughout Italy, I kept seeing the same golden telephone on a marble column. At each, I asked about it and the answer was always the same, a direct line to Heaven and I could call for a thousand dollars.

I finished my tour in Ireland. I decided to attend Mass at a local village church. When I walked in the door I noticed the now familiar golden telephone. Underneath it there was a sign stating: "DIRECT LINE TO HEAVEN - 25 cents."

"Father," I said, "I have been all over Italy and in all the cathedrals I visited, I've seen telephones exactly like this one. But the price is always a thousand dollars. Why is it that this one is only 25 cents?"

The priest smiled and said, "Darlin', you're in Ireland now. It's a local call."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Washing Clothes Recipe

'Washing Clothes Recipe' -- imagine having a recipe for this! Years ago an Alabama grandmother gave the new bride the following recipe: This is an exact copy as written and found in an old scrapbook - with spelling errors and all..

WASHING CLOTHES Build fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water.

Set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert. Shave one hole cake of lie soap in boilin' water.

Sort things, make 3 piles:

1 pile white

1 pile colored

1 pile work britches and rags.

To make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, then thin down with boiling water.

Take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, and boil, then rub colored don't boil just wrench and starch. (For you non-southerners -"wrench" means "rinse").

Take things out of kettle with broom stick handle, then wrench, and starch.

Hang old rags on fence.

Spread tea towels on grass.

Pore wrench water in! flower bed.

Scrub porch with hot soapy water.

Turn tubs upside down.

Go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs. Brew cup of tea, sit and rock a spell and count your blessings.

Paste this over your washer and dryer. Next time when you think things are bleak, read it again, kiss that washing machine and dryer, and give thanks.

First thing each morning you should run and hug your washer and dryer, also your toilet---those two-holers used to get mighty cold!

And we think we have it rough!

What’s S.T.R.?

STROKE: Remember the 1st Three Letters....S.T.R.

My nurse friend sent this and encouraged me to post it and spread the word. I agree.If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks.

Seriously... Please read:STROKE IDENTIFICATION:

During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm Ingrid passed away.)

She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.It only takes a minute to read this...A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE

Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR . Read and Learn!Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S ----Ask the individual to SMILE.

T-----Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e. It is sunny out today)

R ----Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue

NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other, that is also an indication of a stroke.

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.

I have done my part. Have you?

Just Smile

It's 15 degrees, I am delaying my morning walk on hopes it will warm up but that's a useless exercise. The sun is trying to shine but again, its not that bloody warm. However, I doth believe I can walk about without crampons on, which is good but I shall still wear boots -- I dislike cold feet and I mean I really hate my feet getting cold!

Let’s Offend Everyone

Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either

Q. What do you call a Afghanistan farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp

Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What's the difference between a American zoo and a African zoo?
A. The African zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell 'BINGO!'

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale???
A. A northern fairytale begins, 'Once upon a time...' A southern fairytale begins, 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States!

WOMEN DRIVERS

I know everyone reading this will enjoy it - no matter which sex you are.
This morning on the way to work, I looked over to my left and there was aWoman In a brand new Cadillac Doing 75 mph with her Face, up next to her rear view mirror Putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple seconds! And when I looked back she was half way over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I droppedmy electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear, which fell, into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jimbo and the Twins, ruined the phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.

Damn women drivers!

WHAT THE HEEL?

Colonel Sanders pulled from river after 24 years

TOKYO - He was covered in mud when pulled from the river, and had lost both legs and hands, not to mention his glasses. But Colonel Sanders still had his trademark smile, 24 years later. [It’s a statute, did we really think someone wipe that smile off?]
A statue of the KFC mascot has been found in a river in Osaka, a city official said Wednesday, nearly a quarter century after being tossed in by crazed baseball fans who felt the image of restaurant founder Harland Sanders resembled a key team member.
"He was apparently found standing upright, which is fitting, because although he was a nice man he could also be very strict and demanding," said Sumeo Yokakawa, a spokeswoman at the chain's Tokyo headquarters.

Ernie Davis statue is back — without Nike cleats

SYRACUSE, N.Y. - Five months after it was removed to correct historic inaccuracies, a statue of former Syracuse University running back Ernie Davis is back on campus.
The permanent memorial to the first black Heisman Trophy recipient, created by sculptor Bruno Luchessi, was re-installed Tuesday morning.
The life-size statue depicts Davis, known as “The Elmira Express,” standing in his Syracuse uniform holding a helmet under his left arm and a football in his right hand. [now everyone can sleep better, aren’t you glad to learn this, thought so – watch that mouth!]

Amid salmonella fears, peanut butter sales drop
[Oh this one is brilliant, absolutely brilliant]

MILWAUKEE - The nation's consumers, worried about the widespread salmonella outbreak, continued to shy away from peanut butter in a recent four-week period, according to new sales numbers.
Americans bought 41.8 million pounds of jarred peanut butter in the four-week period ending Feb. 21 — 13.3 percent less than in the same period the previous year, research firm Nielsen reported Tuesday.
The period's sales were the lowest of any in the three years Nielsen has tracked the U.S. food, drug, and mass merchandisers segment, which includes Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the nation's largest retailer.

What they thought we were stupid? Give me a break – salmonella and you think we’d still not only buy peanut but consume it too? Damn, no wonder we got such issues…who in hell is looking at this stuff anyway – someone who has gotten rich and could careless what the product has or doesn’t have these days?

Chris Brown and Rihanna

Sweet Martha we got everyone advising these two clowns. But the most important thing they are saying is, “once a man hits you,he WILL hit you again.” The next thing is to remind her to take care of herself first and don’t sweat a damn thing about this woman beater. Personally I am sick of reading about this crap – if you want to send a message, send his ass to jail! I don’t care who you are, beat up a woman, get caught, do the time…what’s to discuss?


WEATHER TRICKS?

I know, we got this nasty little habit of saying "don't like the current weather, wait five minute and it will change," duh! But this recent up and down weather scene is truly amazing.

First I woke up to a downpour and it was bloody ass dark outside. Ya, I know we pushed the clocks forward and 7 it actually 6, but damn 7:30 was pretty damn dark too.

Then we hear that "sun may show this afternoon. However, we are in a flood watch and high wind advisory too. In addition, temps will fall and by tonight we may be in the teens." What the heel is going on around here! Don't ask -- it's just March.

I gotta tell ya, that wind is really whipping out there and I have all ready seen a few branches snap and fear the older trees may tip or fall too. Majestic oaks just can't withstand this much wind and cold weather -- and with all the damage done by weather and insects, these trees are major targets for a wood pile!

Sadly the school shooting has seen its latest scene in Germany. What in hell is going on with these kids? Each generation has its issues, its sense that adults are out of touch with today's world but damnit, we did not kill each other, blow up a school or harm innocent people. I just don't get it but then, neither does anyone else. You just don't know when sheet like this will happen and it happens from all sorts of economic backgrounds, not just the poor or down-trodden. Hells bells we got rich kids going bonkers too.

Okay your motivational tip of the day:

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.